[SUBMITTED] The Wrath of the Fish King

[Palos Heights]

I was thinking the other day about how few fishing industry issues there are and this one came to mind!

[title] The Wrath of the Fish King

[description] @@NAME@@’s wild fish populations have been plagued recently by insidious acts by a pro-fishing-industry terrorist group called “The Cult of the Dammed”. Citing a lack of support via policy from the government, they are holding @@NAME@@’s aquatic biodiversity hostage if their demands are not met.

[validity] Nations without good fishing industries and high environmental beauty.

[Option1] Communicating via telecom to your office is the spokesperson for the Cult of the Dammed, Kelly Tizad. “On behalf of our leader the Fish King, we demand a total repeal of all fishing industry regulations and for the government of @@NAME@@ to relinquish control of all waterways to the Cult of the Dammed and our approved fisheries! Anything less than this shall see the end of civilized fish life as @@NAME@@ knows it!”

[Fallout1] grain farmers are plagued with low demand as fish has become the new food staple in @@NAME@@

[Option2] Up-and-coming military officer Captain Arthur Menthol immediately disconnects the monitor. “We do not negotiate with terrorists! This group has long been supported by the fishmongers and fishing communities of our great nation and it is only a matter of time before they all openly join this Cult of the Dammed. This entire industry must be purged if we are to protect our aquatic ecosystems! @@LEADER@@, allow me to take a group of those with the will to save our waterways and do what must be done to end this threat.”

[Fallout2] seafood sales cross terrible thresholds as simply owning a fishing rod has become punishable by death

[Option 3] “Have you lost your mind Arthur?!” retorts your Minister of Lightly-Fried Fish Fillets Gunther Knight. “How can we even consider such wanton slaughter? There has to be some other way!” The elder statesman turns to you and says, “These ecoterrorists utilize food-borne pathogens to kill their targets. My scientists can synthesize a cure for their plagues but it will be incredibly costly.”

[Fallout 3] fish routinely visit doctors more than people do

[Option New Vegas] “None of this would have ever happened in the first place if you had let private industry manage your waterways!” exclaims fishing mogul Gordon Silver. “These cultists want to ruin our day by killing our fish right? So let’s deny them that victory! Let’s take all of the fish in the lakes and streams, and put them in tiny fish apartments! In fact, we can charge people admission to see our fish and make it an entire tourist experience!”

[Fallout New Vegas] fish apartments are all the rage with younger generations as aquariums report record drops in attendance

[title] The Wrath of the Fish King

[description] @@NAME@@’s wild fish populations have recently been plagued with insidious acts of terrorism by a pro-fishing-industry group called “The Cult of the Dammed”. Citing lack of support for the fishing industry from the government, they are holding @@NAME@@’s aquatic biodiversity hostage if their demands are not met.

[validity] Nations without good fishing industries and high environmental beauty.

[Option1] Communicating via telecom to your office is the spokesperson for the Cult of the Dammed, Kelly Tizad. “On behalf of our leader the Fish King, we demand a total repeal of all fishing industry regulations and for the government of @@NAME@@ to relinquish control of all waterways to the Cult of the Dammed and our approved fisheries!. Anything less than this shall see the end of civilized fish life as @@NAME@@ knows it!”

[Fallout1] grain farmers are plagued with low demand as fish has become the new food staple in @@NAME@@

[Option2] Up-and-coming military officer Captain Arthur Menthol immediately disconnects the monitor. “We do not negotiate with terrorists! This group has long been supported by the fishmongers and fishing communities of our great nation and it is only a matter of time before they all openly join this accursed Cult of the Dammed. As such, this entire industry must be purged if we are to protect our aquatic ecosystems! @@LEADER@@, allow me to take a group of those with the will to save our waterways and do what must be done to end this threat.”

[Fallout2] seafood sales cross terrible thresholds as simply owning a fishing rod has become punishable by death

[Option 3] “Have you lost your mind Arthur?!” retorts your Minister of Lightly-Fried Fish Fillets Gunther Knight. “How can we even consider such wanton slaughter? There has to be some other way!” The elder statesman turns to you and says, “These terrorists utilize food-borne pathogens to infect and kill their targets. However, my scientists can synthesize a cure for their plagues, although it will be incredibly costly.”

[Fallout 3] fish routinely visit doctors more than people do

[Option New Vegas] “None of this would have ever happened in the first place if you had let private industry manage your waterways!” exclaims fishing mogul Gordon Silver. “These cultists want to ruin our day by killing our fish right? So let us deny them that victory! Let’s take all of the fish in the lakes and streams and put them in tiny fish apartments! In fact, we can charge people an admission fee to see our fish and make it an entire tourist experience!”

[Fallout New Vegas] fish apartments are all the rage with younger generations as aquariums report record drops in attendance

DRAFT 3

[title] The Wrath of the Fish King

[description] @@NAME@@s waterways have recently been plagued with insidious acts of terrorism by a pro-fishing-industry group called "The Cult of the Dammed". Citing lack of support for the fishing industry from the government, they are threatening to eradicate @@NAME@@s wild fish populations if their demands are not met.

[validity] Nations lacking good fishing industries and who have high environmental beauty.

[Option1] Communicating via telecom to your office is the spokesperson for the Cult of the Dammed, Kelly Tizad. "On behalf of our leader the Fish King, we demand a total repeal of all fishing industry regulations and for the government of @@NAME@@ to relinquish control of all waterways to the Cult of the Dammed and our approved fisheries! Anything less than this shall see the end of aquatic biodiversity as @@NAME@@ knows it!"

[Fallout1] grain farmers are plagued with low demand as fish has become the new food staple in @@NAME@@

[Option2] Up-and-coming military officer Captain Arthur Menthol immediately disconnects the monitor. "We do not negotiate with terrorists! This group has long been supported by the fishmongers and fishing communities of our great nation and it is only a matter of time before they all openly join this accursed Cult of the Dammed. As such, this entire industry must be purged if we are to protect our aquatic ecosystems! @@LEADER@@, allow me to take a group of those with the will to save our waterways and do what must be done to end this threat."

[Fallout2] seafood sales cross terrible thresholds as simply owning a fishing rod has become punishable by death

[Option 3] "Have you lost your mind Arthur?!" retorts your Minister of Lightly-Fried Fish Fillets Gunther Knight. "How can we even consider such wanton slaughter? There has to be some other way!" The elder statesman turns to you and says, "These terrorists utilize food-borne pathogens to infect and kill their targets. My scientists can synthesize a cure for their plagues, although it will be incredibly costly."

[Fallout 3] "gone fishing" no longer qualifies as vacation for healthcare workers

[Option New Vegas] "None of this would have ever happened in the first place if you had let private industry manage your waterways!" exclaims fishing mogul Gordon Silver. "These cultists want to ruin our environment and tourism by killing our fish right? So let us deny them that victory! Let’s take all of the fish in the lakes and streams and put them in tiny fish apartments! In fact, we can charge people an admission fee to see our fish and frame it as a tourist experience!"

[Fallout New Vegas] fish apartments are all the rage with younger generations as aquariums report record drops in attendance

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Wow.

[Kenmoria]

This is an amazing first draft, but effect lines shouldn't end with full stops.

[The dark Panther]

love the title "Wrath Of The Lich King" and "The Wrath Of The Fish King" because i love world of Warcraft

all WOTLK(Wrath of the Lich King) jokes "The Cult of the Dammed" same name from WOW/world of Warcraft "Kelly Tizad" Kel'thzard(spelled wrong i think) was the lich king's right hand man, Fish King instead of Lich King, Arthur Menthol instead of Arthas Menethil the lich king, Gunther Knight instead of Gunther Arcanus

there is probably more

[Trotterdam]

a pro-fishing industry ecoterrorist group

1. "pro-fishing-industry"
2. "Ecoterrorist" usually refers to people who support environmental protection, and by extension, oppose environmentally-damaging industries like fishing.

[Palos Heights]

love the title "Wrath Of The Lich King" and "The Wrath Of The Fish King" because i love world of Warcraft

all WOTLK(Wrath of the Lich King) jokes "The Cult of the Dammed" same name from WOW/world of Warcraft "Kelly Tizad" Kel'thzard(spelled wrong i think) was the lich king's right hand man, Fish King instead of Lich King, Arthur Menthol instead of Arthas Menethil the lich king, Gunther Knight instead of Gunther Arcanus

there is probably more

Uther not Gunther Arcanus

This is an amazing first draft, but effect lines shouldn't end with full stops.

Fixed that thank you!

a pro-fishing industry ecoterrorist group

1. "pro-fishing-industry"
2. "Ecoterrorist" usually refers to people who support environmental protection, and by extension, oppose environmentally-damaging industries like fishing.

Fixed the pro-fishing-industry bit. Also I wondered if ecoterrorist might still have applied since they were targeting the environment despite the fact that you are 10000% right about ecoterrorists usually being for the environment. Changed it nonetheless!

[The dark Panther]

love the title "Wrath Of The Lich King" and "The Wrath Of The Fish King" because i love world of Warcraft

all WOTLK(Wrath of the Lich King) jokes "The Cult of the Dammed" same name from WOW/world of Warcraft "Kelly Tizad" Kel'thzard(spelled wrong i think) was the lich king's right hand man, Fish King instead of Lich King, Arthur Menthol instead of Arthas Menethil the lich king, Gunther Knight instead of Gunther Arcanus

there is probably more

Uther not Gunther Arcanus

the knight bit makes sense now! i thought it was Gunther since "Gunther" is his name but i bet a few people here play WOW(World of warcraft)

[Shwe Tu Colony]

Orange words are suggestions, orange ellipsis are removed phrases, underlined words are comments.

[title] The Wrath of the Fish King

[description] @@NAME@@’s wild fish populations have been plagued recently by ... a pro-fishing-industry terrorist group called “The Cult of the Dammed” (could include something about Davy Jones's Locker somewhere in here?). Citing a lack of support for the fishing industry from the government, they are holding @@NAME@@’s aquatic biodiversity hostage if their demands are not met.

[validity] Nations without good fishing industries and high environmental beauty.

[Option1] Communicating via telecom to your office is the spokesperson for the Cult of the Dammed, Kelly Tizad. “On behalf of Our Radiant Lord of All Water Good Sir Fish King, we demand a total repeal of all fishing industry regulations and for the government of @@NAME@@ to relinquish control of all waterways to the ownership of the Cult of the Dammed and our approved fisheries! Anything less than this shall see the end of civilized fish life as @@NAME@@ knows it!”

[Fallout1] grain farmers are plagued with low demand as fish has become the new ... staple food in @@NAME@@

[Option2] Up-and-coming military officer Captain Arthur Menthol immediately disconnects the monitor. “We do not negotiate with terrorists! This group has long been supported by the fishmongers and fishing communities of our great nation and it is only a matter of time before they all openly join this accursed Cult of the Dammed. As such, the entire fishing industry must be purged if we are to protect our aquatic ecosystems! @@LEADER@@, allow me to take a group of those with the will to save our waterways and do what must be done to end this threat.”

[Fallout2] seafood sales cross terrible thresholds as simply owning a fishing rod has become punishable by death

[Option 3] “Have you lost your mind Arthur?!” retorts your Minister of Lightly-Fried Fish Fillets Gunther Knight. “How can we even consider such wanton slaughter? There has to be some other way!” The elder statesman turns to you and says, “These ecoterrorists utilize food-borne pathogens to infect and kill their targets. However, my scientists can synthesize a cure for their plagues, although it will be incredibly costly. If there's one thing for sure, it's that it'll be cheaper than Arthur's suggestion.”

[Fallout 3] fish routinely visit doctors more than people do

[Option New Vegas] “None of this would have ever happened in the first place if you had let private industry manage your waterways!” exclaims fishing mogul Gordon Silver. “These cultists want to ruin our day by killing our fish right? So let’s deny them that victory! Let’s take all of the fish in the lakes and streams, and put them in tiny fish apartments! In fact, we can charge people an admission fee to see our fish and make it an entire tourist experience!”

[Fallout New Vegas] fish apartments are all the rage with younger generations as aquariums report record drops in attendance

[Australian rePublic]

Wait, why does the military care so much about the environment?

[Shwe Tu Colony]

Wait, why does the military care so much about the environment?

They're opposing the eco-terrorists.

[Fauxia]

A minor change, but in the description, “plagued with” is better than “plagued by,” in my opinion, because you use “by” later in the sentence.

[Palos Heights]

Orange words are suggestions, orange ellipsis are removed phrases, underlined words are comments.

[title] The Wrath of the Fish King

[description] @@NAME@@’s wild fish populations have been plagued recently by ... a pro-fishing-industry terrorist group called “The Cult of the Dammed” (could include something about Davy Jones's Locker somewhere in here?). Citing a lack of support for the fishing industry from the government, they are holding @@NAME@@’s aquatic biodiversity hostage if their demands are not met.

[validity] Nations without good fishing industries and high environmental beauty.

[Option1] Communicating via telecom to your office is the spokesperson for the Cult of the Dammed, Kelly Tizad. “On behalf of Our Radiant Lord of All Water Good Sir Fish King, we demand a total repeal of all fishing industry regulations and for the government of @@NAME@@ to relinquish control of all waterways to the ownership of the Cult of the Dammed and our approved fisheries! Anything less than this shall see the end of civilized fish life as @@NAME@@ knows it!”

[Fallout1] grain farmers are plagued with low demand as fish has become the new ... staple food in @@NAME@@

[Option2] Up-and-coming military officer Captain Arthur Menthol immediately disconnects the monitor. “We do not negotiate with terrorists! This group has long been supported by the fishmongers and fishing communities of our great nation and it is only a matter of time before they all openly join this accursed Cult of the Dammed. As such, the entire fishing industry must be purged if we are to protect our aquatic ecosystems! @@LEADER@@, allow me to take a group of those with the will to save our waterways and do what must be done to end this threat.”

[Fallout2] seafood sales cross terrible thresholds as simply owning a fishing rod has become punishable by death

[Option 3] “Have you lost your mind Arthur?!” retorts your Minister of Lightly-Fried Fish Fillets Gunther Knight. “How can we even consider such wanton slaughter? There has to be some other way!” The elder statesman turns to you and says, “These ecoterrorists utilize food-borne pathogens to infect and kill their targets. However, my scientists can synthesize a cure for their plagues, although it will be incredibly costly. If there's one thing for sure, it's that it'll be cheaper than Arthur's suggestion.”

[Fallout 3] fish routinely visit doctors more than people do

[Option New Vegas] “None of this would have ever happened in the first place if you had let private industry manage your waterways!” exclaims fishing mogul Gordon Silver. “These cultists want to ruin our day by killing our fish right? So let’s deny them that victory! Let’s take all of the fish in the lakes and streams, and put them in tiny fish apartments! In fact, we can charge people an admission fee to see our fish and make it an entire tourist experience!”

[Fallout New Vegas] fish apartments are all the rage with younger generations as aquariums report record drops in attendance

I took some of your suggestions and ran with them! The ones I did not use are because I am referencing something and to change the dialogue would diverge a bit from that reference. But thank you! Super helpful!

Wait, why does the military care so much about the environment?

Because they are threatening the government and the military is part of the government, because the military would respond to a terrorist threat, and because this is for nations with high environmental beauty, indicating importance placed on the environment.

A minor change, but in the description, “plagued with” is better than “plagued by,” in my opinion, because you use “by” later in the sentence.

Great point! I changed it in my latest draft!

[Palos Heights]

bump

[Candlewhisper Archive]

[description] @@NAME@@’s wild fish populations have recently been plagued with insidious acts of terrorism by a pro-fishing-industry group called “The Cult of the Dammed”. Citing lack of support for the fishing industry from the government, they are holding @@NAME@@’s aquatic biodiversity hostage if their demands are not met.

I'm a little confused, as I can't see fish understanding terrorism, let alone being troubled by them. What is this group actually doing, and who are they attacking?

[Palos Heights]

[description] @@NAME@@’s wild fish populations have recently been plagued with insidious acts of terrorism by a pro-fishing-industry group called “The Cult of the Dammed”. Citing lack of support for the fishing industry from the government, they are holding @@NAME@@’s aquatic biodiversity hostage if their demands are not met.

I'm a little confused, as I can't see fish understanding terrorism, let alone being troubled by them. What is this group actually doing, and who are they attacking?

The Cult of the Dammed is a terrorist organization that wants more power given to the fishing industry. Basically ISIS but they're fighting for Bumblebee Tuna and Chicken of the Sea. They are killing off wild fish populations (populations that they have no control over and that affect the environment and food web) and doing so to get the government to accept their demands.

An example would be if a splinter cell of the Cult of the Dammed went to the Columbia river during salmon spawning season and unleashed a bioagent that killed off a massive chunk of the native salmon population. It would harm local tourism, local food sources, and would have massive repercussions throughout the food web.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Guess that makes sense. Could you perhaps structure the opening to be more like the explanation you just gave me? Was a lot clearer that way round.

[Palos Heights]

Guess that makes sense. Could you perhaps structure the opening to be more like the explanation you just gave me? Was a lot clearer that way round.

Tinkered with it a little (and a few other sentences as well).

Do you think it's enough?

[Palos Heights]

Bbbbump

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Great!

Strip out those smart apostrophes and smart quotes, if you can.

[Palos Heights]

Great!

Strip out those smart apostrophes and smart quotes, if you can.

Damn you MacBook notes!

I'd write these on Word but it takes so long for that to fire up :/.

I'll edit those and fix it right up!


Anyone else have any more feedback? Last call!

[Palos Heights]

Last chance for feedback

[Australian rePublic]

Good luck!

[Fauxia]

Good luck!

[Skylus]

For option three it should be "Have you lost your mind, @nation leader's name (names)@?!"