[DRAFT] The Not So Great Game

[Avganistan]

*This is my first issue, I have tried my best to follow all of the guidelines available. Please point out any errors that need to be adressed, thanks.

title: The Not So Great Game

validity: invalid for 'advanced' nations, with high civil rights and scientific advancement. Also invalid for nations with high tourism.

description: After recent headlines caught on to a heated competition between the largest regional superpowers over access to @@NAME@@'s @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry, a conference was organised in order to sort out the problem. It appears that @@NAME@@ is viewed as a strategic gateway, with powers vying for influence within the country.

1: "It is clear that there is no real issue here. After all, foreign investments are an essential component of the economic process in democratic countries, right?" states @@RANDOMNAME@@, the diplomat of @@NAMES@@'s largest neighbor, giving a menacing look to you and your economic minister. "Look at any of our published statistics, countries that accept our help are 70% more likely to see an increase in industrial development and general prosperity."

fallout: @@NAME@@'s markets are practically owned and controlled by wealthy foreign investors while the general population does not see a dime from their developments.

*Option 2 only available to communist/socialist nations
2: "It is impossible to consider such an immoral offer, which would inevitably strip the common worker of his rights!" declares @@NAME@@'s minister of Agitation and Propaganda, his face turning a familiar shade of red. "These imperialists feel the need to infiltrate every single worker's state, expanding their profits while seeing the honest suffer! We must cut off all foreign investors, for to empower our own people to put progress and development into their own hands!".

fallout: The workers of @@NAME@@ have seen a significant influx of manual labor now that all foreign construction companies were banned.

3: The diplomat of the other superpower in question addresses you: "Think for a moment about, say, geopolitics. If we, say, were to pick a side and stick with it, you could possibly 'clean up' well from the 'donations' received from our side. If nothing else, you would rise the ranks of diplomacy while gaining our protection."

fallout: @@LEADER@@ is colloquially called 'The Profiteering Puppet'.

4: Overhearing a public demonstration a few days after the conference, the main dissident notices and turns his megaphone to you: "@@LEADER@@! We know of your doings in the conference! We demand that @@NAME@@ maintains its neutrality, but remains a figure in the international community! H-", his megaphone proceeds to run out of battery mid-speech, allowing for an unnoticed escape on your behalf.

fallout: @@NAME@@ internationally maintains a precarious policy of neutrality supported by its politically active citizens.

[Australian rePublic]

Hello, it's a nice little issue you got here, but it's a bit all over the place. Firstly, what's being invested? Civilian industries? In that case, you might wanna remove the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ tag, as the major industry could possibly be arms manufacturing. Secondly, why is this any different to McDonalds opening a resturant overseas?

[Avganistan]

Hello, it's a nice little issue you got here, but it's a bit all over the place. Firstly, what's being invested? Civilian industries? In that case, you might wanna remove the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ tag, as the major industry could possibly be arms manufacturing. Secondly, why is this any different to McDonalds opening a resturant overseas?

Hi, thanks for the reply.

The issue was originally meant to be somewhat reminiscent of the Great Game between Russia and Britain in the 1800s, but I toned it down to make it a bit less urgent. Basically, 2 superpower countries are trying to get any kind of foothold into the player's country, no matter which kind of industry. Also, I might have forgot to add urgency to the fact that this 'economic takeover' is beginning to happen on an alarming level, not to be confused with 1 restaurant opening overseas as you suggested. In the description, it mentions that news outlets are beginning to catch on to the superpowers' intentions, meaning that they are getting enough influence to make it an issue.

[Avganistan]

By the way, how do I know that my issue is ready for uploadjng? Dors someone in specific need to tell me so?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well... it's not ready.

Aussie Republic is famously full of good ideas, but can be all over the place with his writing. If HE is telling you that you are all over the place, you really really are.

Let's start with the premise then:

description: After recent headlines caught on to a heated competition between the largest regional superpowers over access to @@NAME@@'s @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry, a conference was organised in order to sort out the problem. It appears that @@NAME@@ is viewed as a strategic gateway, with powers vying for influence within the country.

It's just something of a muddled narrative. For sure, I get that you're referencing The Great Game, but you're trying to tell the story as if the player's nation is the hapless pawn in the struggle between superpowers. It's an odd narrative to start off, as that would put the key decisions out of the hands of the nation, and into the hands of said superpowers. It also seems unlikely that The Great Game would have had a conference to try to resolve it.

So right from the outset, you have a story that is disjointed and disempowering to player agency, with an establishing premise that stretches credibility, and no central dilemma presented.

1: "It is clear that there is no real issue here. After all, foreign investments are an essential component of the economic process in democratic countries, right?" states @@RANDOMNAME@@, the diplomat of @@NAMES@@'s largest neighbor, giving a menacing look to you and your economic minister. "Look at any of our published statistics, countries that accept our help are 70% more likely to see an increase in industrial development and general prosperity."

So... uh... What on earth are you talking about?

Who is this speaker? What nation is he from? How can you tell a story about the nation's largest neighbour while giving no information about that nation? Where are these stats coming from? What is this guy's agenda? What is the government decision here? Who are we choosing to deal with? Why is he advocating foreign investment as his approach? Isn't that something both sides would be bringing?

fallout: @@NAME@@'s markets are practically owned and controlled by wealthy foreign investors while the general population does not see a dime from their developments.

Oh my god no, this is not what effect lines look like, or how they work.

Generally what you are looking for is an a,using consequence to the decision made, or restating of the decision in a wry or clever way. Also, it should be s self contained single clause that could be used - with other recent effect lines - to construct the final paragraph on a nation's front page.

So let's stop there. Basically this issue is all over the place. Have a read of existing issues, get a feel for how to write stories within the format, then try again from scratch.

[Avganistan]

Well... it's not ready.

Aussie Republic is famously full of good ideas, but can be all over the place with his writing. If HE is telling you that you are all over the place, you really really are.

Let's start with the premise then:

description: After recent headlines caught on to a heated competition between the largest regional superpowers over access to @@NAME@@'s @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry, a conference was organised in order to sort out the problem. It appears that @@NAME@@ is viewed as a strategic gateway, with powers vying for influence within the country.

It's just something of a muddled narrative. For sure, I get that you're referencing The Great Game, but you're trying to tell the story as if the player's nation is the hapless pawn in the struggle between superpowers. It's an odd narrative to start off, as that would put the key decisions out of the hands of the nation, and into the hands of said superpowers. It also seems unlikely that The Great Game would have had a conference to try to resolve it.

So right from the outset, you have a story that is disjointed and disempowering to player agency, with an establishing premise that stretches credibility, and no central dilemma presented.

1: "It is clear that there is no real issue here. After all, foreign investments are an essential component of the economic process in democratic countries, right?" states @@RANDOMNAME@@, the diplomat of @@NAMES@@'s largest neighbor, giving a menacing look to you and your economic minister. "Look at any of our published statistics, countries that accept our help are 70% more likely to see an increase in industrial development and general prosperity."

So... uh... What on earth are you talking about?

Who is this speaker? What nation is he from? How can you tell a story about the nation's largest neighbour while giving no information about that nation? Where are these stats coming from? What is this guy's agenda? What is the government decision here? Who are we choosing to deal with? Why is he advocating foreign investment as his approach? Isn't that something both sides would be bringing?

fallout: @@NAME@@'s markets are practically owned and controlled by wealthy foreign investors while the general population does not see a dime from their developments.

Oh my god no, this is not what effect lines look like, or how they work.

Generally what you are looking for is an a,using consequence to the decision made, or restating of the decision in a wry or clever way. Also, it should be s self contained single clause that could be used - with other recent effect lines - to construct the final paragraph on a nation's front page.

So let's stop there. Basically this issue is all over the place. Have a read of existing issues, get a feel for how to write stories within the format, then try again from scratch.

Alright, I clearly have no idea what I am doing, so how can I delete this thread?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

It'll just fall off with time, don't worry.

Have a read of other issues, and give it a fresh try. May go better second time round.

[Fauxia]

Please update this to say [ABANDONED] so no one tries to help a thread which won’t do anything... I mean no offense, I just put it kinda bluntly that this has been abandoned