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[Draft]At The Summits Of Insanity

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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The Grene Knyght
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Left-wing Utopia

[Draft]At The Summits Of Insanity

Postby The Grene Knyght » Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:54 am

The Grene Knyght wrote:
[Title]At The Summits Of Insanity

[Debate]A recent scientific expedition to a polar region went mysteriously awry, leaving several scientists from @@CAPITAL@@ university dead. With the source of the incident still shrouded in mystery, the expedition’s lone survivor is petitioning you to halt all such voyages.

[Option]“Though my warning may be in vain, I am forced into speech because men of science refuse to heed my warning,” rants pale faced survivor Dr. M.B. Craftlove, who holds degrees in both mathematics and folklore. “What we discovered locked away under the ice is unspeakable. The evidence was there all along, in the drawings of the mad artist, Richard Pluckman, in the archaic rites of obscure Tasmanian tribes, in the dread tome Lexinomicon. But we, in our hubris, failed to recognize it. And now my colleagues are dead. Mountains under the ice. Gargantuan cities of geometry most bizarre. Strange writings not of this earth. And something worse. @@LEADER@@, there is something dreaming under the ice, and another expedition to the region could wake it. I beg you, respect the unknowable. We must be prepared.”
[Result]@@Name@@ prepares for the world's end whenever someone slips on a banana peel

[Option]“I have a theory,” states your Minister for Rational Thought, @@RANDOMNAME@@ “Melting ice leaked methane, which was then inhaled by the scientists, and, with their brains short on oxygen, they all went mad and killed each other, leaving this brain-addled man the only survivor. What this fiasco shows is that we need more environmental regulation in order to halt climate change, if we’re to save what polar climate we have left. In the meantime, all polar voyages should be halted. They only contribute to the problem anyway.”
[Result]All school field trips are cancelled in the wake of a ban on scientific expeditions

[Option]“You can’t do that!” cries Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, a scientist wearing a labcoat over @@HIS@@ parka. “We still have so much to learn, and there’s no replacement for first hand experimentation. We must establish a permanent polar research base, and boost funding across the board for scientific expeditions. Besides, if there’s any truth to Dr Craftlove’s claims, they must be investigated, not shut away."
[Result]Scientists on expeditions often experience disturbing dreams

[Option]“Ia! Ia! Maxthlhu Barrtaghn.” chants mysterious cultist Keziah Whatley, gifting you a bas-relief of a strangely @@ANIMAL@@-like humanoid “We must embrace our new masters, and usher in a new era. Beneath the ice and beyond this plane lies their ancient city, and from there we must call them from their dreams, to rule over this universe forevermore.”
[Result]Bemused foreign diplomats enjoying watching the people revere long dead Maxtopian Pharaohs


[Title]At The Summits Of Insanity

[Debate]A recent arctic scientific expedition went mysteriously awry, leaving several scientists from @@City@@ university dead. With the source of the incident still shrouded in mystery, the expedition’s lone survivor is petitioning you to halt all voyages to the arctic.

[Option]“Though my warning may be in vain, I am forced into speech because men of science refuse to heed my warning.” Rants pale faced survivor Dr M.B. Craftlove, who holds degrees in both mathematics and folklore. “What we discovered locked away under the ice is unspeakable. The evidence was there all along, in the drawings of the mad artist, Richard Pluckman, in the archaic rites of obscure Tasmanian tribes, in the dread tome Lexinomicon. But we, in our hubris, failed to recognise it. And now my colleagues are dead. Mountains under the ice. Gargantuan cities of geometry most bizarre. Strange writings not of this earth. And something worse. @@Leader@@, there is something dreaming under the ice, and another expedition to the arctic could wake it. I beg you, respect the unknowable. We must be prepared.”
[Result]@@Name@@ is preparing for the world’s end

[Option]“I have a theory” states your minister for rational thought, @@randomname@@ “Melting ice leaked methane, which was then inhaled by the scientists, and, with their brains short on oxygen, they all went mad and killed each other, leaving this brain-addled man the only survivor. What this fiasco shows is that we need more environmental regulation in order to halt global warming, if we’re to save what arctic climate we have left. In the meantime, all arctic voyages should be halted. They only contribute to the problem anyway”
[Result]Voyages to the antarctic are banned as environmental activists kick up a stink

[Option]“You can’t do that!” cries Professor @@randomname@@, a scientist, wearing a labcoat over @@his@@ parka, “We still have so much to learn, and there’s no replacement for first hand experimentation. We must establish a permanent arctic research base, and boost funding across the board for scientific expeditions. Besides, if there’s any truth to Dr Craftlove’s claims, they must be investigated, not shut away.
[Result]Universities lack qualified lecturers as @@name@@’s scientists embark on scientific voyages around the world

[Option]“Ia! Ia! Maxthlhu Barrtaghn” chants mysterious cultist Keziah Whatley, gifting you a bas-relief of a strangely @@animal@@-like humanoid “We must embrace our new masters, and usher in a new era. Beneath the ice and beyond this plane lies their ancient city, and from there we must call them from their dreams, to rule over this universe forevermore.”
[Result]Violetests are outraged as a new and equally bizarre religion rises to prominence
Last edited by The Grene Knyght on Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:58 pm

Um, but my nation has territory in the Antarctic, not the Arctic. Change "Arctic" to "Polar"
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The Grene Knyght
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Postby The Grene Knyght » Sun Jul 16, 2017 4:53 pm

Australian Republic wrote:Um, but my nation has territory in the Antarctic, not the Arctic. Change "Arctic" to "Polar"

Might do that, but I'm not sure it matters if your nation has territory there or not anyway
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Socialist Women wrote:Part of the reason you're an anarchist is because you ate too much expired food
Claorica wrote:Oh look, an antifa ancom being smartaleck
Old Tyrannia wrote:Bold words from the self-declared Leninist
Currently
Reading
2015: x=-8.75,y=-6.56
2016: x=-8.88,y=-9.54
2017: x=-9.63,y=-9.90
2018: x=-9.88,y=-9.23
2019: x=-10.0,y=-9.90
2020: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
2021: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
     
PRO: Socialism, Communism, Internationalism, Revolution, Leninism.
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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:05 pm

The Grene Knyght wrote:
Australian Republic wrote:Um, but my nation has territory in the Antarctic, not the Arctic. Change "Arctic" to "Polar"

Might do that, but I'm not sure it matters if your nation has territory there or not anyway

The problem is that polls are cold, remote, inhospitable and (possibly) melting, right? Whilst this issue does require you to conduct research in Polar areas, and you need to make that assumption, it doesn't matter WHICH poll the research is conducted in, and therefore, you can remove that assumption. Also, option 2 should state "and the midnight sun was messing with his biological clock..." too add to the reasons why @@HE@@ would be confused
Last edited by Australian rePublic on Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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The Grene Knyght
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Grene Knyght » Sun Jul 16, 2017 7:16 pm

Australian Republic wrote:
The Grene Knyght wrote:Might do that, but I'm not sure it matters if your nation has territory there or not anyway

The problem is that polls are cold, remote, inhospitable and (possibly) melting, right? Whilst this issue does require you to conduct research in Polar areas, and you need to make that assumption, it doesn't matter WHICH poll the research is conducted in, and therefore, you can remove that assumption.
As I said, I might take you up on your suggestion, just not for the first reason you gave.
Australian Republic wrote:Also, option 2 should state "and the midnight sun was messing with his biological clock..." too add to the reasons why @@HE@@ would be confused
I think that's unnecessary and just makes an already overlong explanation even more arduous
[_★_]
(◕‿◕)
Socialist Women wrote:Part of the reason you're an anarchist is because you ate too much expired food
Claorica wrote:Oh look, an antifa ancom being smartaleck
Old Tyrannia wrote:Bold words from the self-declared Leninist
Currently
Reading
2015: x=-8.75,y=-6.56
2016: x=-8.88,y=-9.54
2017: x=-9.63,y=-9.90
2018: x=-9.88,y=-9.23
2019: x=-10.0,y=-9.90
2020: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
2021: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
     
PRO: Socialism, Communism, Internationalism, Revolution, Leninism.
NEUTRAL: Anarchism, Marxism-Leninism.
ANTI: Capitalism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Fascists, Hyper-Sectarian Leftists.
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Anarchy

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:33 am

Australian Republic wrote:Um, but my nation has territory in the Antarctic, not the Arctic. Change "Arctic" to "Polar"


Why does it matter? Most nations don't have territories in either, but they can still have expeditions to the arctic.
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Jutsa
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Capitalizt

Postby Jutsa » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:56 am

Hello, The Grene Knyght! :D

Here's a bunch of stuff that I think could be changed - although, aside from certain grammatical
and possibly a certain coding thing(see the end), I think it'd be fine if none of my suggestions are taken into account. :P

So, without further ado, my review!

The Title/Debate/Validity: oh, wait a second...

The title and debate are all flawless, imo. :)

Option 1:

warning.” Rants pale faced survivor Dr M.B. Craftlove,

1) comma after warning, not a period. :3
2) period after Dr.
3) "Craftlove" - I approve! (Admittedly his stories never quite captivated me, though.)
recognise it.

recognize*

Uh, besides that, the option's just a little bit long - although, for Craftlove's character, I think that works pretty well, personally. :P

Option 2:

“I have a theory” states your minister for rational thought, @@randomname@@

comma after theory,
period after @@randomname@@.
They only contribute to the problem anyway”

period after anyway.
[quoteVoyages to the antarctic are banned as environmental activists kick up a stink[/quote]
I don't know.... I feel like this could use a slight bit of punching up. I'm just not entirely sure how. :P

Option 3:

a scientist, wearing a labcoat over @@his@@ parka,

1) "a scientist," seems just a little dull. I think that just removing the comma after scientist could make it run a little smoother,
although I'm sure it's unnecessary if you'd prefer it this way. ;)
2) period after parka.
Besides, if there’s any truth to Dr Craftlove’s claims, they must be investigated, not shut away.

1) period after Dr
2) " after away.
Universities lack qualified lecturers as @@name@@’s scientists embark on scientific voyages around the world

Again, I feel like this one could use a worse side effect...
maybe, instead, it'd be something like "scientists' front yards are often murder-inducing chunks of ice hosting an extra-dimensional entity" or something.

Option 4:

Maxthlhu Barrtaghn”

Firstly, horrifying, and secondly, a comma after Barrtaghn.
@@animal@@-like humanoid

period after humanoid

Also, I'm not certain, but I think that all @@(something)@@s have to be totally capital-letters.
(i.e. @@his@@ should be @@HIS@@, etc.)
Other than that, I think this is a very good issue. Good luck, Grene Knyght! :D
Last edited by Jutsa on Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Intelligentia Equitas et Libertatum
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Ex-Nation

Postby Intelligentia Equitas et Libertatum » Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:30 pm

Jutsa wrote:
Voyages to the antarctic are banned as environmental activists kick up a stink

I don't know.... I feel like this could use a slight bit of punching up. I'm just not entirely sure how. :P


Maybe change "Voyages to the arctic" to the more general "Scientific Expeditions"?

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Jutsa
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Capitalizt

Postby Jutsa » Fri Jul 28, 2017 7:50 am

Yeah, I think that'd work - but, then again, I'm not the most creative person. :P
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Bears Armed
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Fri Jul 28, 2017 8:05 am

This looks like a fun issue. I've printed out a copy to read while I'm offline this evening, and will try to post a comment tomorrow.
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Fauxia
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Postby Fauxia » Fri Jul 28, 2017 8:37 am

The Grene Knyght wrote:[Title]At The Summits Of Insanity

[Debate]A recent arctic scientific expedition went mysteriously awry, leaving several scientists from @@City@@ university dead. With the source of the incident still shrouded in mystery, the expedition’s lone survivor is petitioning you to halt all voyages to the arctic.
It should be @@CAPITAL@@.

[Option]“Though my warning may be in vain, I am forced into speech because men of science refuse to heed my warning.” Rants pale faced survivor Dr M.B. Craftlove, who holds degrees in both mathematics and folklore.
Should be Dr., don't forget the period
“What we discovered locked away under the ice is unspeakable. The evidence was there all along, in the drawings of the mad artist, Richard Pluckman, in the archaic rites of obscure Tasmanian tribes, in the dread tome Lexinomicon. But we, in our hubris, failed to recognise it. And now my colleagues are dead. Mountains under the ice. Gargantuan cities of geometry most bizarre. Strange writings not of this earth. And something worse. @@Leader@@, there is something dreaming under the ice, and another expedition to the arctic could wake it. I beg you, respect the unknowable. We must be prepared.”
Not a bad first option, but it might be a little far-fetched. We'll see. First of all, it's @@LEADER@@, in ALL CAPS.
[Result]@@Name@@ is preparing for the world’s end
A little bland, and don't forget the ALL CAPS. But I would change the fallout, maybe "Cancer deaths are regarded as signs of the apocalypse."

[Option]“I have a theory”
Add a comma, it should read "I have a theory,"
states your minister for rational thought, @@randomname@@
Once again, macros are ALL CAPS, and Minister for Rational Thought should be capitalized
“Melting ice leaked methane, which was then inhaled by the scientists, and, with their brains short on oxygen, they all went mad and killed each other, leaving this brain-addled man the only survivor. What this fiasco shows is that we need more environmental regulation in order to halt global warming, if we’re to save what arctic climate we have left. In the meantime, all arctic voyages should be halted. They only contribute to the problem anyway”
There should be a period here. Also, I would suggest changing "global warming" to "climate change." And change "article climate" to "polar ice caps." It's not a bad option, but I kinda think this should be an option about someone saying the first man is suffering from trauma and can't be trusted right now. Your choice though.
[Result]Voyages to the antarctic are banned as environmental activists kick up a stink
Too bland. Try to come up with something funnier. I can usually come up with these, but I'm having a writer's block right now.

[Option]“You can’t do that!” cries Professor @@randomname@@, a scientist, wearing a labcoat over @@his@@ parka, “We still have so much to learn, and there’s no replacement for first hand experimentation. We must establish a permanent arctic research base, and boost funding across the board for scientific expeditions. Besides, if there’s any truth to Dr Craftlove’s claims, they must be investigated, not shut away.
I'll stop saying that macros need to be capitalized now. Also, you forgot the close quotation at the end. Good option though.
[Result]Universities lack qualified lecturers as @@name@@’s scientists embark on scientific voyages around the world
Also bland. Perhaps "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@'s ships are captured on science expeditions by Maxtopia on suspicion of being spies," but that may well be too long.

[Option]“Ia! Ia! Maxthlhu Barrtaghn”
Add a comma
chants mysterious cultist Keziah Whatley, gifting you a bas-relief of a strangely @@animal@@-like humanoid “We must embrace our new masters, and usher in a new era. Beneath the ice and beyond this plane lies their ancient city, and from there we must call them from their dreams, to rule over this universe forevermore.”
Good option. Not much to say.
[Result]Violetests are outraged as a new and equally bizarre religion rises to prominence
It should be Violetists, with an "I" but I don't love this fallout. Perhaps "Science expeditions are mostly spent bowing before arctic @@ANIMAL@@s."

Overall, a good premise and a very good issue :clap: Keep working, I'm sure this will get through if you do.
Last edited by Fauxia on Fri Jul 28, 2017 8:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
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The Grene Knyght
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Founded: May 07, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Grene Knyght » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:29 am

Since I'm pretty much done the other issue I was working on, I finally put up a new draft of this one.
Mostly all thats changed are the effect lines. I'm happy with most of them now, except maybe the last one.
If anyone has any suggestions...
[_★_]
(◕‿◕)
Socialist Women wrote:Part of the reason you're an anarchist is because you ate too much expired food
Claorica wrote:Oh look, an antifa ancom being smartaleck
Old Tyrannia wrote:Bold words from the self-declared Leninist
Currently
Reading
2015: x=-8.75,y=-6.56
2016: x=-8.88,y=-9.54
2017: x=-9.63,y=-9.90
2018: x=-9.88,y=-9.23
2019: x=-10.0,y=-9.90
2020: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
2021: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
     
PRO: Socialism, Communism, Internationalism, Revolution, Leninism.
NEUTRAL: Anarchism, Marxism-Leninism.
ANTI: Capitalism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Fascists, Hyper-Sectarian Leftists.
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Jutsa
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Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Jutsa » Sun Aug 13, 2017 6:20 am

I like the last one, actually. The third one seems just a little bit simple,
but I do believe it's a better fallout.
The other two are flat-out somewhere between silver and gold, so well done. ;)

Uh, also, I recommend removing the capitalization of the first word in each fallout. :P
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The Grene Knyght
Minister
 
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Founded: May 07, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Grene Knyght » Sun Aug 13, 2017 8:30 am

Jutsa wrote:I like the last one, actually. The third one seems just a little bit simple,
but I do believe it's a better fallout.
The other two are flat-out somewhere between silver and gold, so well done. ;)

Uh, also, I recommend removing the capitalization of the first word in each fallout. :P

Hmm, I'll look at the 3rd one again. I think you're right, but I think its close to being good enough.
[_★_]
(◕‿◕)
Socialist Women wrote:Part of the reason you're an anarchist is because you ate too much expired food
Claorica wrote:Oh look, an antifa ancom being smartaleck
Old Tyrannia wrote:Bold words from the self-declared Leninist
Currently
Reading
2015: x=-8.75,y=-6.56
2016: x=-8.88,y=-9.54
2017: x=-9.63,y=-9.90
2018: x=-9.88,y=-9.23
2019: x=-10.0,y=-9.90
2020: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
2021: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
     
PRO: Socialism, Communism, Internationalism, Revolution, Leninism.
NEUTRAL: Anarchism, Marxism-Leninism.
ANTI: Capitalism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Fascists, Hyper-Sectarian Leftists.
Portal Nationalist | Proletarian Moralist

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Bears Armed
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 21479
Founded: Jun 01, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Mon Aug 14, 2017 6:55 am

I'm not quite sure about the 4th option's effect line, otherwise I think that this looks verrry good.
The Confrederated Clans (and other Confrederated Bodys) of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Population = just under 20 million. Economy = only Thriving. Average Life expectancy = c.60 years. If the nation is classified as 'Anarchy' there still is a [strictly limited] national government... and those aren't "biker gangs", they're traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies', generally respected rather than feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152, 1474, 1521.

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Caracasus
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Founded: Apr 23, 2015
Ex-Nation

Postby Caracasus » Mon Aug 14, 2017 7:04 am

Perhaps just have the 4th effect line as:

"Iya! Thagin! Thagin h'thi Maxthlhu Barrtaghn!"

Might be a bit too silly though....
As an editor I seam to spend an awful lot of thyme going threw issues and checking that they're no oblivious errars. Its a tough job but someone's got too do it!



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The Grene Knyght
Minister
 
Posts: 3274
Founded: May 07, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Grene Knyght » Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:29 am

Ok so I'm just gonna change the last effect line to
"Lexinomicon is the nation's bestselling book."
If people think that one sounds good, I'm gonna go ahead and submit this.
[_★_]
(◕‿◕)
Socialist Women wrote:Part of the reason you're an anarchist is because you ate too much expired food
Claorica wrote:Oh look, an antifa ancom being smartaleck
Old Tyrannia wrote:Bold words from the self-declared Leninist
Currently
Reading
2015: x=-8.75,y=-6.56
2016: x=-8.88,y=-9.54
2017: x=-9.63,y=-9.90
2018: x=-9.88,y=-9.23
2019: x=-10.0,y=-9.90
2020: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
2021: x=-10.0,y=-10.0
     
PRO: Socialism, Communism, Internationalism, Revolution, Leninism.
NEUTRAL: Anarchism, Marxism-Leninism.
ANTI: Capitalism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Fascists, Hyper-Sectarian Leftists.
Portal Nationalist | Proletarian Moralist

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Trotterdam
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 10541
Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:11 am

Considering the etymology, "Necrolexicon" would make more sense.


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