[SUBMITTED] Trouble Brewing

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Submitted 1/6/17

DRAFT 2:

[title]Trouble Brewing

[desc]This morning's strategy meeting was brought to a grinding halt when you and your cabinet were subjected to the worst pot of tea you have ever had the misfortune of suffering. The leaves weren't properly brewed, the milk was skimmed AND powdered, the water was lukewarm, and the sugar bowl was full of salt...

[validity]any

[option]"Oh gosh, Im SO sorry I don't know how to make your boiled leaf drink," spits @@randomfirstname@@, the ever-sarcastic secretary responsible for the offending brew. "I was busy learning trivialities like typing, minute-taking, IT skills and diary-organising. How about you all drink Eckie-cola from now on, instead? In fact, you should get rid of tea from the whole of @@NAME@@: it's a drink for old farts and fuddy-duddies anyway."
[effect]tooth decay is on the rise

[option]"Look, I'm the Secretary of State, the damn Secretary of State, I say, and even I know how to make tea properly," complains your elderly Secretary of State, pointing to the desk nameplate that says Secretary of State. "The problem with young people today is that they don't know how to slow down and take their time. We should make tea-making and kitchen skills a part of the national curriculum, and encourage all those teenagers and twenty-somethings to stop rushing around, and to appreciate a proper tea service."
[effect]the nation grinds to a halt for half an hour at 11'o'clock every morning

[option]"Pfft, slow-mo food and drink is so last century," mocks @@randomname@@, your Chief of Science, digging into @@HIS@@ microwave burrito. "What you need is instant tea, in a can, with some sort of heating widget that triggers with the ring pull, and plenty of preservatives to make it last. Once again, science has the answer! So, shall I assign some government grants for food technology research, or what?"
[effect]machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter

[option]"Oolongs for better tea?" giggles @@randomname@@, your pun-loving Minister of Agriculture, and your Cabinet brace themselves for on onslaught of tea-related puns. "Can we Matcha solution to the problem? Can we Rize to the occasion? Did you read that report I Sencha? Did I get things down to a tea, my Darjeelings?" In the face of blank faces and silence, @@HE@@ changes tack. "Uh... anyway, coffee. Coffee is easier to make, and nicer. Subsidise coffee growers."
[effect]tea is taken... and poured away

DRAFT 1:

[title]Trouble Brewing

[desc]This morning's strategy meeting was brought to a grinding halt when you and your cabinet were subjected to the worst pot of tea you have ever had the misfortune of suffering. The leaves were underbrewed, the milk was skimmed AND powdered, the water was lukewarm and the sugar bowl was full of salt...

[validity]any

[option]"Oh gosh, Im SO sorry I don't know how to make your boiled leaf drink," spits @@randomfirstname@@, the ever-sarcastic secretary responsible for the offending brew. "I was busy learning trivial old things like typing, minute-taking and diary-organising. How about you all drink Eckie-cola from now on, instead? In fact, you should get rid of tea from the whole of @@NAME@@: it's a drink for old farts and fuddy-duddies anyway."
[effect]tooth decay is on the rise

[option]"Look, I'm the Secretary of State, the damn Secretary of State, I say, and even I know how to make tea properly," complains your elderly Secretary of State, pointing to the desk nameplate that says Secretary of State. "The problem with young people today is that they don't know how to slow down and take their time. We should make tea-making and kitchen skills a part of the national curriculum, and encourage all those teenagers and twenty-somethings to stop rushing around, and to appreciate a proper tea service."
[effect]the nation grinds to a halt for half an hour at 11'o'clock every morning

[option]"Pfft, slow-mo food is so last century," mocks @@randomname@@, your Chief of Science, digging into @@HIS@@ microwave burrito. "What you need is instant tea, in a can, with some sort of heating widget that triggers with the ring pull, and plenty of preservatives to make it last. Once again, science has the answer! So, shall I assign some government subsidies to next century food technology, or what?"
[effect]machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter

[The Atlae Isles]

I like it!

Maybe add or revise Option 1 to include coffee, or just put a part banning caffeinated drinks.

[Gnejs]

Finally a draft I can relate to. If I were to edit this I'd rename all the characters after my favorite brands and types of tea, and include more tea related puns. Just saying.

[Drasnia]

ITT: We learn who is British and who isn't.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

ITT: We learn who is British and who isn't.

Ha! Well, I'm British AND Chinese, so I guess I have a double vested interest.

Do you think for the Americans we need some sort of pro-coffee option?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Finally a draft I can relate to. If I were to edit this I'd rename all the characters after my favorite brands and types of tea, and include more tea related puns. Just saying.

Re: names, option 3 could bear a tea-related name, but option 1 I think works best as just a first name, as it implies a lower position in the political hierarchy, and option 2 the character not being named is part of the joke in deflating the character's "don't you know who I am?" style pomposity.

As to puns, I will definitely think on it... I'm generally more of a situational humour than a pun-humour sort of writer, of course. I may well add in a fourth option (the "I prefer coffee one") and juxtapose that with a dozen tea-puns.

[The Atlae Isles]

ITT: We learn who is British and who isn't.

Ha! Well, I'm British AND Chinese, so I guess I have a double vested interest.

Do you think for the Americans we need some sort of pro-coffee option?

I don't know; either they want sugar or caffeine.

Tbh, I like tea better than coffee, so I can relate to this issue. Maybe add "iced tea" to it.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Okay, second draft with all the puns crammed into one option added.

[Australian rePublic]

When I read the title, I thought it was about moonshining and running illegal home breweries. Now, let's take a look:

Option 1's validity makes no sense towards the options

Option 2, "Secretary of state" is such an American expression, I reacon "foreign minister" would be more universal

Option 3, yes, please add iced tea

For your reference, here are some Australian tea companies: Tettlies, Dilma, Twinings, Bushells, T2

The ONLY type of tea that I drink is chamomile, I am a coffee fan

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

Finally the issues that matter.


Anyway, loving the draft as I do most of yours.

[option]"Oolongs for better tea?" giggles @@randomname@@, your pun-loving Minister of Agriculture, and your Cabinet brace themselves for on onslaught of tea-related puns. "Can we Matcha solution to the problem? Can we Rize to the occasion? Did you read that report I Sencha? Did I get things down to a tea, my Darjeelings?" In the face of blank faces and silence, @@HE@@ changes tack. "Uh... anyway, coffee. Coffee is easier to make, and nicer. Subsidise coffee growers."
[effect]tea is taken... and poured away

it's a drink for old farts and fuddy-duddies anyway."

A small part of me just died

[Candlewhisper Archive]

When I read the title, I thought it was about moonshining and running illegal home breweries. Now, let's take a look:

Option 1's validity makes no sense towards the options

Option 1 doesn't have any validity check.

Option 2, "Secretary of state" is such an American expression, I reacon "foreign minister" would be more universal

We use ministers and secretaries in NS. There are 10 instances of Secretary being used as a political title, and 1 of Secretary of State. There's no right approach universally, but I felt that Secretary of State had the right rhythm and cadence for this option. Try reading it out loud, replacing with Foreign Minister. It just doesn't sound as good.

Option 3, yes, please add iced tea

It doesn't really add to the issue to add a reference to iced tea, I think.

For your reference, here are some Australian tea companies: Tettlies, Dilma, Twinings, Bushells, T2

Tetleys are from Yorkshire, England.
Dilmah were founded in Sri Lanka.
Twinings are from Andover, England.
Bushells... yep, that's Australian.
T2 is a tea retailer rather than manufacturer, but sure, Australian.

None of them especially lend themselves to puns. Also, you'll note the references I have used aren't companies, but rather leaves or blends.

Thanks for the effort anyway.

[Australian rePublic]

When I read the title, I thought it was about moonshining and running illegal home breweries. Now, let's take a look:

Option 1's validity makes no sense towards the options

Option 1 doesn't have any validity check.

Effect, sorry. Effect. I'll read the rest of your options later

[Australian rePublic]

When I read the title, I thought it was about moonshining and running illegal home breweries. Now, let's take a look:

Option 1's validity makes no sense towards the options

Option 1 doesn't have any validity check.

Option 2, "Secretary of state" is such an American expression, I reacon "foreign minister" would be more universal

We use ministers and secretaries in NS. There are 10 instances of Secretary being used as a political title, and 1 of Secretary of State. There's no right approach universally, but I felt that Secretary of State had the right rhythm and cadence for this option. Try reading it out loud, replacing with Foreign Minister. It just doesn't sound as good.

Option 3, yes, please add iced tea

It doesn't really add to the issue to add a reference to iced tea, I think.

For your reference, here are some Australian tea companies: Tettlies, Dilma, Twinings, Bushells, T2

Tetleys are from Yorkshire, England.
Dilmah were founded in Sri Lanka.
Twinings are from Andover, England.
Bushells... yep, that's Australian.
T2 is a tea retailer rather than manufacturer, but sure, Australian.

None of them especially lend themselves to puns. Also, you'll note the references I have used aren't companies, but rather leaves or blends.

Thanks for the effort anyway.

Nope, I'm pretty sure T2 also make tea. It doesn't matter anyway

[Candlewhisper Archive]

T2 are tea retailers only, they're a Melbourne based tea boutique who were bought out by Unilever, and are now pushing out across US and UK.

As for the effect line, it's from this bit here:

you all drink Eckie-cola from now on, instead

If a nation switches from tea to cola, tooth decay rises.

[Australian rePublic]

T2 are tea retailers only, they're a Melbourne based tea boutique who were bought out by Unilever, and are now pushing out across US and UK.

As for the effect line, it's from this bit here:

you all drink Eckie-cola from now on, instead

If a nation switches from tea to cola, tooth decay rises.

I see

[Drasnia]

ITT: We learn who is British and who isn't.

Ha! Well, I'm British AND Chinese, so I guess I have a double vested interest.

Do you think for the Americans we need some sort of pro-coffee option?

I actually thought about this for a while and I don't think it would add much to the narrative probably.

[The Atlae Isles]

[title]Trouble Brewing

[desc]This morning's strategy meeting was brought to a grinding halt when you and your cabinet were subjected to the worst pot of tea you have ever had the misfortune of suffering. The leaves were under brewed, the milk was skimmed AND powdered, the water was lukewarm and the sugar bowl was full of salt...

[validity]any

[option]"Oh gosh, I'm SO sorry I don't know how to make your boiled leaf drink," spits @@randomfirstname@@, the ever-sarcastic secretary responsible for the offending brew. "I was busy learning trivial old things like typing, minute-taking, and diary-organising. How about you all drink Eckie-cola from now on, instead? In fact, you should get rid of tea from the whole of @@NAME@@: it's a drink for old farts and fuddy-duddies anyway."
[effect]tooth decay is on the rise

[option]"Look, I'm the Secretary of State, the damn Secretary of State, I say, and even I know how to make tea properly," complains your elderly Secretary of State, pointing to the desk nameplate that says Secretary of State. "The problem with young people today is that they don't know how to slow down and take their time. We should make tea-making and kitchen skills a part of the national curriculum, and encourage all those teenagers and twenty-somethings to stop rushing around, and to appreciate a proper tea service."
[effect]the nation grinds to a halt for half an hour at 11'o'clock every morning

[option]"Pfft, slow-mo food is so last century," mocks @@randomname@@, your Chief of Science, digging into @@HIS@@ microwave burrito. "What you need is instant tea, in a can, with some sort of heating widget that triggers with the ring pull, and plenty of preservatives to make it last. Once again, science has the answer! So, shall I assign some government subsidies to next century food technology, or what?"
[effect]machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter

[option]"Oolongs for better tea?" giggles @@randomname@@, your pun-loving Minister of Agriculture, and your Cabinet brace themselves for on onslaught of tea-related puns. "Can we Matcha solution to the problem? Can we Rize to the occasion? Did you read that report I Sencha? Did I get things down to a tea, my Darjeelings?" In the face of blank faces and silence, @@HE@@ changes tack. "Uh... anyway, coffee. Coffee is easier to make and nicer. Subsidize coffee growers."
[effect]tea is taken... and poured away

I'd add Lipton for option 4, but wouldn't know how to add it in.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Good edits there, implemented.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Can we Rize to the occasion?

Just wondering: How famous is Rize tea outside Turkey? I was very surprised to see that in your draft.

As for the issue, it is very nice

Do you think it would be possible to add some references to the mad tea party in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? There were exactly four characters sitting at that tea table: Alice, Hatter, March Hare, and Dormouse; and while reading your issue I thought whether these four characters could be matched with the speakers in your 4 options, but it didn't quite work, I guess. Nevertheless I like such literature references, and I wanted to suggest it to you, thinking that maybe you could do something with it lol.

[The Atlae Isles]

Can we Rize to the occasion?

Just wondering: How famous is Rize tea outside Turkey? I was very surprised to see that in your draft.

As for the issue, it is very nice

Do you think it would be possible to add some references to the mad tea party in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? There were exactly four characters sitting at that tea table: Alice, Hatter, March Hare, and Dormouse; and while reading your issue I thought whether these four characters could be matched with the speakers in your 4 options, but it didn't quite work, I guess. Nevertheless I like such literature references, and I wanted to suggest it to you, thinking that maybe you could do something with it lol.

After reading that, I thought:
Option 1-Alice, with a teapot saying "Drink Me"
Option 2-Dormouse yawning
Option 3-March Hare, giggling
Option 4-Mad Hatter, the aide has a hat on

[Australian rePublic]

You need to make refernce to twice boiled tea

[Australian rePublic]

Just wondering: How famous is Rize tea outside Turkey? I was very surprised to see that in your draft.

As for the issue, it is very nice

Do you think it would be possible to add some references to the mad tea party in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? There were exactly four characters sitting at that tea table: Alice, Hatter, March Hare, and Dormouse; and while reading your issue I thought whether these four characters could be matched with the speakers in your 4 options, but it didn't quite work, I guess. Nevertheless I like such literature references, and I wanted to suggest it to you, thinking that maybe you could do something with it lol.

After reading that, I thought:
Option 1-Alice, with a teapot saying "Drink Me"
Option 2-Dormouse yawning
Option 3-March Hare, giggling
Option 4-Mad Hatter, the aide has a hat on

That's a good idea, making refernce to Alice in Wonderland

[Caracasus]

Firstly, my deepest sympathies to you CWA. There's nothing worse than a badly-made cup of tea. It's worse than no tea at all because it reminds you of the tea you could be enjoying.

Just a thought, but to provide a narrative running throughout the issue, would it be possible to reference how to make a proper cup of tea in each of the options? I.E the issue could have something like "The tea was steeped for less than a minute", option one could have some reference to "of course it was terrible! They put the milk in first!" and so on and so forth.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Firstly, my deepest sympathies to you CWA. There's nothing worse than a badly-made cup of tea. It's worse than no tea at all because it reminds you of the tea you could be enjoying.

Just a thought, but to provide a narrative running throughout the issue, would it be possible to reference how to make a proper cup of tea in each of the options? I.E the issue could have something like "The tea was steeped for less than a minute", option one could have some reference to "of course it was terrible! They put the milk in first!" and so on and so forth.

That's really hard to do, as only option 2's speaker (and maybe also the invisible narrator of the issue) knows how to make tea properly. It'd be out of place to have #1, #3 or #4 pointing out the proper way to make tea.

I believe that angle is covered by the [desc] anyway.