[SUBMITTED] A for Effort
Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 9:24 pm
Title: A for Effort
Description: After a home-schooled student with perfect grades flunked out of the nation's top school, @@CAPITAL@@ University, a group of people with have stormed your desk, each armed with their own two-sense.
Validity: All
Option: "This is not fair," complains @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, spitting on your papers while speaking. "My son did so well in high school. As his mom--er.. instructor, I think I'm qualified enough to say he certainly earned the grades that I gave him. So what if there's no verification that he actually earned those? @@LEADER@@, for the good of this @@TYPE@@, make it a law that colleges cannot kick a student out once they've enrolled!"
Effect: college standards are dropping almost as fast as the average graduate's IQ
Option: "This lady must not know what it means to run a top school," snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@, an admissions counselor at @@CAPITAL@@ University, as @@HE@@ pushes a giant stack of papers in front of you, knocking stuff off your desk. ""Do you see this stack of papers? Copies of rejection letters, sent to applicants who were declined a space because of this subpar student! I think that we need to take some serious measures to make sure that home-schooled students have their grades checked and verified by the state, and some extra funding can do just that!"
Effect: parents slip state workers extra money to guarantee approval of outrageously high grades
Option: "Why are we still using college applications, anyway," asks @@RANODMNAMEMALE@@, the CEO of A-Lotto-Wins. "Sales of our scratch-off-tickets are slowing, so why not compromise? Acceptance into prestigious universities is mostly by chance anyway, since most applicants are academically qualified. Students can avoid those pesky application fees if they buy a few of our College Edition Scratch-Offs™. @@LEADER@@, go ahead and toss a tax break our way, and watch the economy blossom!"
Effect: students do nothing during high school and save money to buy scratch-off tickets
Option: "I hope nobody is actually considering this train-wreck of a plan," says Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @HE@@ irons @@HIS@@ lab-coat on one of your tables. "My team and I have come up with a brilliant way to measure someone's electrocognitive potential. Our patented process, which is called the ECP, is similar to an MRI, and it is much more reliable than an IQ test. While we haven't necessarily tested the process, I'm sure it's safe. If we require students to undergo this process to get their electrocognitive potential, I'm sure colleges will have their minds made up without needing to review thousands of boring applications."
Effect: students who get their electrocognitive potential measured wake up with a tail the next day
Option: "Why does the college process need to be so confusing," groans @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a high school guidance counselor. "Trying to explain the whole process to high school students is a real headache. Why not just make going to college exactly like high school? There wouldn't be any home-schooling, which is a plus, and the college you go to can be determined by where you live, like the public high school system. High school grades won't matter either, since we should make a college education mandatory until the age of 24; students will surely appreciate their government funded master's degree."
Effect: factory workers are put on queues for next aerospace engineer
Description: After a home-schooled student with perfect grades flunked out of the nation's top school, @@CAPITAL@@ University, a group of people with have stormed your desk, each armed with their own two-sense.
Validity: All
Option: "This is not fair," complains @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, spitting on your papers while speaking. "My son did so well in high school. As his mom--er.. instructor, I think I'm qualified enough to say he certainly earned the grades that I gave him. So what if there's no verification that he actually earned those? @@LEADER@@, for the good of this @@TYPE@@, make it a law that colleges cannot kick a student out once they've enrolled!"
Effect: college standards are dropping almost as fast as the average graduate's IQ
Option: "This lady must not know what it means to run a top school," snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@, an admissions counselor at @@CAPITAL@@ University, as @@HE@@ pushes a giant stack of papers in front of you, knocking stuff off your desk. ""Do you see this stack of papers? Copies of rejection letters, sent to applicants who were declined a space because of this subpar student! I think that we need to take some serious measures to make sure that home-schooled students have their grades checked and verified by the state, and some extra funding can do just that!"
Effect: parents slip state workers extra money to guarantee approval of outrageously high grades
Option: "Why are we still using college applications, anyway," asks @@RANODMNAMEMALE@@, the CEO of A-Lotto-Wins. "Sales of our scratch-off-tickets are slowing, so why not compromise? Acceptance into prestigious universities is mostly by chance anyway, since most applicants are academically qualified. Students can avoid those pesky application fees if they buy a few of our College Edition Scratch-Offs™. @@LEADER@@, go ahead and toss a tax break our way, and watch the economy blossom!"
Effect: students do nothing during high school and save money to buy scratch-off tickets
Option: "I hope nobody is actually considering this train-wreck of a plan," says Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @HE@@ irons @@HIS@@ lab-coat on one of your tables. "My team and I have come up with a brilliant way to measure someone's electrocognitive potential. Our patented process, which is called the ECP, is similar to an MRI, and it is much more reliable than an IQ test. While we haven't necessarily tested the process, I'm sure it's safe. If we require students to undergo this process to get their electrocognitive potential, I'm sure colleges will have their minds made up without needing to review thousands of boring applications."
Effect: students who get their electrocognitive potential measured wake up with a tail the next day
Option: "Why does the college process need to be so confusing," groans @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a high school guidance counselor. "Trying to explain the whole process to high school students is a real headache. Why not just make going to college exactly like high school? There wouldn't be any home-schooling, which is a plus, and the college you go to can be determined by where you live, like the public high school system. High school grades won't matter either, since we should make a college education mandatory until the age of 24; students will surely appreciate their government funded master's degree."
Effect: factory workers are put on queues for next aerospace engineer