[ABANDONED] As Seen On TV

by **The Atlae Isles** » Wed Mar 15, 2017 4:57 pm

Description: After Dr. Neverland, a famous doctor with a TV show, promoted a fast, easy way for weight loss, his fellow less-famous doctors have called him out over the efficacy of the pills, saying the pills instead have adverse effects. They have gathered in your office to discuss the validity of these 'TV doctors.'

Validity: Must have average/high levels of obesity and corruption

[option]"Other doctors hate this cure! The one thing that you should never eat!" Dr. Neverland says to you, giving you his trademark smile. "Now I know what you're thinking, but I'm no quack! My doctorate came from the University of...never mind, but my pills simply work!" Lights suddenly flash, and he brandishes a bottle of pills and looks dramatically at the camera you didn't know you had while music plays in the background. "These magical pills will help you lose weight fast! Any takers?"
[effect]the largest source of calories in @@NAME@@ is the pile of sugar and other pills @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ take daily

[option]"These pills don't do anything!" Claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a lead medical researcher. "Weight loss is a proper diet and exercise, and nothing else! Why, I've heard it said that these pills will increase the likelihood of gastric ulcers, cause dyspepsia, and even exacerbate gastroenteritis symptoms! However, Dr. Neverland is promoting these useless products because he's on TV! He went to the University of @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ Medicine and doesn't even have a degree in medicine! He's a quack! Take him off the air, and have a nice doctor promoting actual medicine, let's say, Dr. Tedium. He's a nice old doctor, has respectable degrees, and is pleasantly dressed. Put him on instead!
[effect]doctor shows have now been considered healthy because they are good sleep aids

[option]"Dr. Neverland shouldn't be promoting our products anyway..." Murmurs spiritual guru @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@ dreamily. "Instead of advertising the way to health, people should find it within themselves. In any case, we should all embrace alternative medicine for the New Age, as we will all be in the cul-I mean, in the community of spiritual enlightenment."
[effect]homeopathy have made a resurgence

Description: After Dr. Neverland, a famous doctor with a TV show, promoted a fast, easy way for weight loss, his fellow less-famous doctors have called him out over the efficacy of the pills, saying the pills instead have adverse effects. They have gathered in your office to discuss the validity of these 'TV doctors.'

Validity: Must have average/high levels of obesity and corruption

[option]"Other doctors hate this cure! The one thing that you should never eat!" Dr. Neverland says to you, giving you his trademark smile. "Now I know what you're thinking, but I'm no quack! My doctorate came from the University of...never mind, but my pills simply work!" Lights suddenly flash, and he brandishes a bottle of pills and looks dramatically at the camera you didn't know you had while music plays in the background. "These magical pills will help you lose weight fast! Any takers?"
[effect]the largest source of calories in @@NAME@@ is the pile of sugar and other pills @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ take daily

[option]"These pills don't do anything!" Claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a lead medical researcher. "Weight loss is a proper diet and exercise, and nothing else! Why, I've heard it said that these pills will increase the likelihood of gastric ulcers, cause dyspepsia, and even exacerbate gastroenteritis symptoms! However, Dr. Neverland is promoting these useless products because he's on TV! He went to the University of Medicine and doesn't even have a degree in medicine! He's a quack! Take him off the air, and have a nice doctor promoting actual medicine, say Dr. Tedium. He's a nice old doctor, has respectable degrees, and is pleasantly dressed. Put him on instead!
[effect]doctor shows have now been considered healthy because they are good sleep aids

[option]"Excuse me!" Interrupts @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ from the audience, who just happens to be a Dr. Neverland fan. "If people want to take medicine, let them! They have the rights over their own bodies; stop Big Brother from taking our vitamins away!" He is then forcibly escorted out of the room, but not before giving you and some of the guards some very suspicious supplements.
[effect]steroids have made a resurgence

Description: After Dr. Neverland, a famous doctor with a TV show, promoted a fast, easy way for weight loss, his fellow less-famous doctors have called him out over the efficacy of the pills, saying the pills instead have adverse effects. They have gathered in your office to discuss the validity of these 'TV doctors.'

Validity: Must have average/high levels of obesity

[option]"These doctors hate my cure because patients don't go to them anymore!" Dr. Neverland says to you, giving you his trademark smile. "They just want people to keep paying them money to give them stuff that doesn't work! And while weight loss needs a proper diet and exercise..." Lights suddenly flash, and he brandishes a bottle of pills and looks dramatically at the camera you didn't know you had while music plays in the background. "These magical pills will help you lose weight fast! Any takers?"
[effect]The average @@DENONYMPEOPLE@@ take at least 15 medications daily.

[option]"These pills don't do anything!" Claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a lead medical researcher. "Weight loss is a proper diet and exercise, and nothing else! Why, I've heard it said that these pills will...never mind. However, Dr. Neverland is promoting these useless products because he's on TV! Take him off the air, and have a nice doctor promoting actual medicine, say Dr. Tedium. He's a nice old doctor, respectable degrees, and is pleasantly dressed. Put him on instead!
[effect]Primetime television ratings drop after smooth-looking sham doctors are replaced with boring old real doctors.

[option]"Excuse me!" Interrupts @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ from the audience, who happens to be a Dr. Neverland fan. "Let people take their pills, supplements, and vitamins in peace! No need for Big Brother to get into this. If it's on TV, then the medicine will work! Trust me!" He is soon escorted out of the room, but not before giving you and some of the guards supplements which smell intoxicating.
[effect]Once illicit drugs are now marketed as weight loss and mind enhancers.

by **Orgrua** » Wed Mar 15, 2017 8:00 pm

It sounds like you have a good concept for an issue here. I did notice some minor editing issues that you might want to look at, but you may want to talk more about why the doctors wouldn't want people to have them, instead of saying they just want people slouching in their offices. You may also want to include some stats, for example what would increase and what would decrease. No percentages are needed, just a general thing showing effects. As I said, you have a good concept, I'm just trying to be constructive. If you wouldn't mind taking a look at the draft I recently posted, it would be a great help!

by **The Atlae Isles** » Wed Mar 15, 2017 8:07 pm

Orgrua wrote:It sounds like you have a good concept for an issue here. I did notice some minor editing issues that you might want to look at, but you may want to talk more about why the doctors wouldn't want people to have them, instead of saying they just want people slouching in their offices. You may also want to include some stats, for example what would increase and what would decrease. No percentages are needed, just a general thing showing effects. As I said, you have a good concept, I'm just trying to be constructive. If you wouldn't mind taking a look at the draft I recently posted, it would be a great help!

Ok, I fixed that part.

However, some issues authors (and I) don't find putting stats on there particularly helpful, so I decided not to.

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:45 am

Sham "doctors" pushing dubious diets are definitely a good subject for an issue.

However, I wonder if the TV-doctor thing may be very US-centric in its depiction. In the UK, we don't associate TV doctors with being scam artists, and generally you need to be a respectable NHS doctor with a nice jumper and a friendly smile to get onto the BBC as a TV doctor. British TV doctors are far more likely to lead campaigns against scam diets rather than lead those scams.

For us in the UK, scam diets are much more a thing we see coming from the internet, from youtube channels and from health guru websites.

I think this issue might be more internationally recognisable if you took Dr. Neverland off the TV, and gave him his own Whotube channel instead.

by **Australian rePublic** » Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:10 am

Excellent concept, we NED an issue abiut scam doctors. But I don't understand how one would get a TV show. Don't networks screen this stuff? Also, I don't see a difference between options 1 and 3. Also, option 3's effect needs to specify who Dr. Neverland is

by **Bears Armed** » Sat Mar 18, 2017 4:52 am

Let me guess, his 'pills' are actually tapeworm egg-cases?

(There's an urban legend in RL...)

by **The Atlae Isles** » Sat Mar 18, 2017 8:08 pm

Bears Armed wrote:Let me guess, his 'pills' are actually tapeworm egg-cases?

(There's an urban legend in RL...)

Who knows? He might actually mix it up with guinea worms though...

(That's actually not a good thing though)

by **The Atlae Isles** » Sat Mar 18, 2017 8:10 pm

Australian Republic wrote:Excellent concept, we NED an issue abiut scam doctors. But I don't understand how one would get a TV show. Don't networks screen this stuff? Also, I don't see a difference between options 1 and 3. Also, option 3's effect needs to specify who Dr. Neverland is

Not always. Some networks don't give a @$%# about science if it promotes their ratings.

I've been kinda hesitant to say this, but Dr. Neverland was inspired by Dr. Oz, who has a TV show. And 46% of his statements were false.

by **The Atlae Isles** » Mon Apr 24, 2017 10:37 am

Bump. Any objections before I submit?

(It's probably a long time before I submit...)

by **Australian rePublic** » Mon Apr 24, 2017 2:51 pm

I don't know if I would make obesity a validity as much as I would corruption. The point is that something is a problem (doen't matter what), and a scam doctor is selling a placebo. That's more an issue about corruption, rather than what's actually being sold

by **The Atlae Isles** » Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:33 pm

Australian Republic wrote:I don't know if I would make obesity a validity as much as I would corruption. The point is that something is a problem (doesn't matter what), and a scam doctor is selling a placebo. That's more an issue of corruption, rather than what's actually being sold

I would argue obesity should be a part of it because the scam doctor sells anti-obesity pills. Corruption has to do with the government willingly ignoring the problem (possibly because of bribes), and I don't see where corruption has to do with that.

by **Australian rePublic** » Mon Apr 24, 2017 9:13 pm

The Atlae Isles wrote:
Australian Republic wrote:I don't know if I would make obesity a validity as much as I would corruption. The point is that something is a problem (doesn't matter what), and a scam doctor is selling a placebo. That's more an issue of corruption, rather than what's actually being sold

I would argue obesity should be a part of it because the scam doctor sells anti-obesity pills. Corruption has to do with the government willingly ignoring the problem (possibly because of bribes), and I don't see where corruption has to do with that.

No, the doctors and TV networks are corrupt

by **Caracasus** » Tue Apr 25, 2017 3:10 am

I like the premise here, and it's certainly one that needs covering but I'm finding it hard to figure out exactly what you are doing in each of the options, other than agreeing with the person...

Perhaps something like:

[option]"These doctors hate my cure because patients don't go to them anymore!" Dr. Neverland says to you, giving you his trademark smile. "Now I know what you're thinking but I'm no quack! My doctorate came from the most reputable correspondence university in Blackacre, and while it might not technically be in medicine, my pills simply work! If you don't believe me, just look at these testimonials from my many satisfied customers!"

I'd also recommend possibly placing the "let's outlaw people pretending to be doctors on adverts" option first. It feels more like what the meeting in the issue was drawn up to recommend.

by **Australian rePublic** » Tue Apr 25, 2017 4:12 am

Caracasus wrote:I like the premise here, and it's certainly one that needs covering but I'm finding it hard to figure out exactly what you are doing in each of the options, other than agreeing with the person...

Perhaps something like:

[option]"These doctors hate my cure because patients don't go to them anymore!" Dr. Neverland says to you, giving you his trademark smile. "Now I know what you're thinking but I'm no quack! My doctorate came from the most reputable correspondence university in Blackacre, and while it might not technically be in medicine, my pills simply work! If you don't believe me, just look at these testimonials from my many satisfied customers!"

I'd also recommend possibly placing the "let's outlaw people pretending to be doctors on adverts" option first. It feels more like what the meeting in the issue was drawn up to recommend.

Or you could take a page from The Simpsons, i.e. the medical school which Dr. Nick attended, "Hollywood Upstairs Medical College". That is, if you're willing to name a real life place, which is generally frowned upon. (Except Tasmania, but don't get me started on that) I'm not sure if this would count as an exception for humourous purposes

by **The Atlae Isles** » Tue Apr 25, 2017 11:07 am

4th draft bump.

by **The Texas Faction** » Tue Apr 25, 2017 4:31 pm

Take the red pill, and go deeper down the rabbit hole....

by **Australian rePublic** » Tue Apr 25, 2017 11:23 pm

Option 1, it would be funnier if you gave the University a funny name which sounds credible but on a second thought, really shitty instead of "University of... Nevermind", something like The Medical devision of "Backyardian University" or "The Drug School" or something. Both of mine suck, but you get the picture

by **The Atlae Isles** » Thu May 18, 2017 8:09 pm

Another draft bump.

by **Caracasus** » Fri May 19, 2017 1:03 am

Just a thought here.

Options 1 and 3 seem broadly similar in a "hey government, butt out of what we want to do!" way. Perhaps work some alternative medicine angle into option 3?

by **The Atlae Isles** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 10:59 pm

Bump! I like the New Age idea for Option 3.

My only concern is that Option 2 seems like the only reasonable option.

by **Trotterdam** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:21 pm

An issue about an essentially identical subject has been accepted as #734 A Word From Our Sponsors, although the author is named differently and none of the wording matches, so it must have been someone else coincidentally having the same idea. In any case, it's been done, so there's no point to this thread now.

by **The Atlae Isles** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:36 pm

Trotterdam wrote:An issue about an essentially identical subject has been accepted as #734 A Word From Our Sponsors, although the author is named differently and none of the wording matches, so it must have been someone else coincidentally having the same idea. In any case, it's been done, so there's no point to this thread now.

Awww.

Oh well, then.

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Fri Jun 09, 2017 4:08 am

Shame when that happens. If it makes you feel any better, I lost a previously written draft as well to this one, and had to self-delete it from the staff folder because of the overlap.

[ABANDONED] As Seen On TV

[ABANDONED] As Seen On TV

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