[SUBMITTED] The Prodigal States

[Caracasus]

Working this into those who chose option 4 for issue #466: @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever. (Allowing anyone to secede from your nation). I saw someone broadly post something about this a while back and it got me thinking about a potential issue surrounding it. They seemed unwilling to draft anything so I thought I'd give it a go.

Description: After one of the multitude of new states that seceded from @@NAME@@ recently succumbed to an invasion from sixteen mercenaries hired by a Brancaland citizen, numerous representatives from these new states have started reaching out to you to consider the possibility of reconnecting with @@NAME@@.

Validity: Chose option 4 for issue #466

[option]"Oh Violet, it's all gone terribly wrong!" bemoans "King" @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, ruler of the Glorious Eastern United @@ANIMAL@@ Empire (population 12). "I thought it'd be awesome having my own kingdom and everything, but it's actually really hard work! We've got no industry since Dave broke our woodcutting axe and even worse, every damn day I get bugged by idiots who want me to make decisions on everything from foreign policy to whether we should resize our football pitch.... can't they sort this out themselves? I can't stand it! Please just take us back, OK?"
[effect]the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake.

[option]"One little setback and you go running home to mummy" sneers President-for-life @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ of the Democratic People's Republic of the Allied Western States (population 24) as she signs a series of executive orders. "If you really want to help all of us, then help us stand on our own two feet! I think what we need here is for you to provide a forum to promote more diplomatic links and trade with us smaller nations. It'd help you out, and we'd love to have real toilet paper again. I mean, we did kind of secede, but that doesn't mean we should completely burn all our bridges, does it?"
[effect]a complex arrangement of treaties and trade deals connects the nation to a multitude of semi-autonomous nations on its border

[option]”I told you at the time this was a stupid idea” bemoans @@RANDOMNAME@@, minister for international affairs. “These idiots are too busy fighting each other or playing at king to even begin thinking about basic infrastructure or even functioning toilets. You could spit across most of these places! Not to mention our agents have reports of some of these places raising potentially hostile armies literally dozens strong! Please @@LEADER@@, before this gets any further out of hand, send in some soldiers, annex these so called nations and stop our country becoming the laughing stock of the world!
[effect]the nation has a reputation for crushing secession with an iron fist

Description: After one of the multitude of new states that seceded from @@NAME@@ recently succumbed to an invasion from sixteen mercenaries hired by a Brancaland citizen, numerous representatives from these new states have started reaching out to you to consider the possibility of reconnecting with @@NAME@@.

Validity: Chose option 4 for issue #466

[option]"Oh god, it's all gone terribly wrong!" bemoans "King" @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, ruler of the Glorious Eastern United @@ANIMAL@@ Empire (population 43). "I thought it'd be awesome having my own kingdom and everything, but it's actually really hard work! We've got no industry since Dave broke our woodcutting axe, our town hall burnt down because no-one knows how to put out fires and I'm getting sick of eating nothing but cabbage! Even worse, every damn day I get bugged by idiots who want me to make decisions on everything from foreign policy to whether we should resize our football pitch.... can't they sort this out themselves? I can't stand it! Please just take us back, OK?"
[effect]the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake.

[option]"One little setback and you go running back" sneers President-for-life @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ of the Democratic People's Republic of the Allied Western States (population 324) as she signs a series of executive orders. "My friend here might be having some problems, but we're doing OK at the moment, though we're running a little short on toilet paper... If you really want to help all of us, then help us stand on our own two feet! I think what we need here is for you to provide a forum to promote more diplomatic links and trade with us smaller nations. I mean, we did kind of secede, but that doesn't mean we should completely burn all our bridges, does it?"
[effect]a complex arrangement of treaties and trade deals connects the nation to a multitude of semi-autonomous nations on its border

[option]"Wouldn't we just be back at square one then? Sure we might appear to be independent, but we'd be just as tied into @@NAME@@ as if we'd never left" states @@RANDOMNAME@@, representative of the Anarchist Commune of Northern @@NAME@@ (population 211). "We declared independence to free us from the tyranny of @@NAME@@ after all - er, no offence of course. I've got to say though, my fellow citizens are a little worried about some of our neighbors. A couple of them have massed huge armies of literally dozens of soldiers. Perhaps @@NAME@@ could guarantee us all national sovereignty by stationing soldiers in smaller, defenceless nations to protect us against aggression? It's not like you want a series of bloody wars on your doorstep, do you?"
[effect]half the armed forces are dispatched to protect people who didn't want to be part of the nation anyway

[option]”I told you at the time this was a stupid idea” bemoans @@RANDOMNAME@@, minister for international affairs. “These idiots are too busy fighting each other or playing at king to even begin thinking about basic infrastructure or functioning toilets. You could spit across most of these places! I've seen houses in @@CAPITAL@@ with bigger gardens! Please @@LEADER@@, before this gets any further out of hand, send in some soldiers, annex these so called nations and stop our country becoming the laughing stock of the world!
[effect]the nation has a reputation for crushing secession with an iron fist

Description: After one of the multitude of new states that seceded from @@NAME@@ recently succumbed to an invasion from sixteen mercenaries hired by a Blackacre citizen, numerous representatives from these new states have started reaching out to you to consider the possibility of reconnecting with the @@NAME@@.

Validity: Chose option 4 for issue #466

[option]"Oh god, it's all gone terribly wrong!" bemoans "King" @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, ruler of the Glorious Eastern United @@ANIMAL@@ Empire (population 43). "I thought it'd be awesome having my own kingdom and everything, but it's actually really hard work! We've got no industry since Dave broke our woodcutting axe, our town hall burnt down because no-one knows how to put out fires and I'm getting sick of eating nothing but cabbage! Even worse, every damn day I get bugged by idiots who want me to decisions on everything from foreign policy to whether we should resize our football pitch.... can't they sort this out themselves? I can't stand it! Please just take us back, OK?"
[effect]the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake.

[option]"Now let's not be too hasty" notes President-for-life @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ of the Democratic People's Republic of the Allied Western States (population 324) as she signs a series of executive orders. "My friend here might be having some problems, but we're doing OK at the moment. However we might have been a tad hasty cutting off all ties to @@NATION@@. We're running a little short on toilet paper for instance... I think what we need here is for you to promote more diplomatic links and trade with us smaller nations. I mean, we did kind of secede, but that doesn't mean we should completely burn all our bridges, does it? I'm sure we can all work together to come up with mutually beneficial agreements.
[effect]a complex arrangement of treaties and trade deals connects the nation to a multitude of semi-autonomous nations on its border

[option]"Wouldn't we just be back at square one then?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, representative of the Anarchist Commune of Northern @@NAME@@ (population 211). "We declared independence to free us from the tyranny of @@NATION@@ after all - er, no offence of course. I've got to say though, my fellow citizens are a little worried about some of our neighbours. A couple of them have massed huge armies of literally dozens of soldiers. Perhaps @@NAME@@ could guarantee us all national sovereignty by stationing soldiers in smaller, defenceless nations to protect us against aggression? It's not like you want a series of bloody wars on your doorstep, is it?
[effect]half the armed forces are dispatched to protect people who didn't want to be part of the nation anyway

[option]”I told you at the time this was a stupid idea” bemoans @@RANDOMNAME@@, minister for international affairs. “These idiots are too busy fighting each other or playing war to even begin thinking about basic infrastructure or functioning toilets. You could spit across most of these so-called countries. Please @@LEADER@@, before this gets any further out of hand, send in some soldiers, annex these so called nations and stop our country becoming the laughing stock of the world!
[effect]the nation has a reputation for crushing secession with an iron fist

[Trotterdam]

After one of the multitude of new states that seceded from @@NAME@@ recently succumbed to an invasion from sixteen mercenaries hired by a Blackacre citizen,

Though Blackacre is the standard antagonist nation, since this is an act of a single citizen I think it would be funnier if it came from a nation that isn't normally hostile to you, like Brancaland or Manamana.

Love the concept otherwise!

numerous representatives from these new states have started reaching out to you to consider the possibility of reconnecting with the @@NAME@@.

Should just be "with @@NAME@@".

We've got no industry since Dave broke our woodcutting axe,

This just keeps getting better!

every damn day I get bugged by idiots who want me to decisions on everything from foreign policy to whether we should resize our football pitch

And this is the best.

Should be "want me to make decisions", though.

[option]"Now let's not be too hasty" notes President-for-life @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ of the Democratic People's Republic of the Allied Western States (population 324) as she signs a series of executive orders. "My friend here might be having some problems, but we're doing OK at the moment. However we might have been a tad hasty cutting off all ties to @@NATION@@. We're running a little short on toilet paper for instance... I think what we need here is for you to promote more diplomatic links and trade with us smaller nations. I mean, we did kind of secede, but that doesn't mean we should completely burn all our bridges, does it? I'm sure we can all work together to come up with mutually beneficial agreements.

This option isn't as good. The problem is that it doesn't contradict anything in the previous option, where the Glorious Eastern United @@ANIMAL@@ Empire asked you to take them back, not necessarily anyone else (and indeed, the effect line implies that you're not annexing anyone who didn't apologize for seceding).

It would be entirely possible to reabsorb the micronation that wants that and to open trade relations with the micronation that wants that, there's no conflict. The conflict should be about how much the player cares to cater to micronations' wishes, not about different micronations wanting different things (unless they explicitly argue for pushing their own ideas on other micronations in their options).

Side note, you're missing a closing quote in this and future options. (I'll wait until you consider how to address the above criticism before analyzing those.)

[Australian rePublic]

I like this issue, but just to clarrify, this applies to small micronations right? Not major territories such as Texas, Quebec and Western Australia, right? Or even places like Kosovo, South Ossetia? Becuase they would be less liekly to have major funny problems like toilet paper shortages (which is, btw, hillarious)

[Trotterdam]

It's explicitly a followup to #466 option 4, which gives "the country has essentially become @@POPULATION_VALUE@@ million nations with in a nation". If anything, Caracasus is taking artistic license by postulating states with double- and even triple-digit populations!

[Caracasus]

Thank you all for the feedback! I've re-done option 2 to make it clearer that they're suggesting an alternative to taking back those who want to come back and letting the others fend for themselves. As you said, it's now more about how you choose to approach and deal with micronations on your border. Well noted Trotterdam - I wasn't happy as such with that option but couldn't put my finger on why... this is of course why the drafting process is so important.

I'm glad that you liked the first option. Had a lot of fun writing that one...


And yes, this is littered with references to real-life micronations. The name Dave is taken from the Kingdom of Dave, and the incident that sparked it is taken from a real life incident that occurred in Sealand - where a German citizen who got conned out of money by the prince of Sealand hired a group of mercenaries to capture the kingdom in speedboats whilst they were away on state business. The origonal family then turned up and recaptured the "country". I purposely put the populations in brackets to highlight that these aren't large, established nations.

[Caracasus]

Bump for more feedback

[Caracasus]

Any further feedback?

[Gnejs]

Great idea, funny writing. If I were to look at this on my editing table, I'd say the first two options are a bit wordy and could use trimming (lot of good stuff though) and I'd seriously consider cutting the third option; it's not as funny the others, and the population brackets and "problems that can occur when nr. 12 from down the block secedes", while very funny initially, don't do well with too much repetition (also, I'd make the numbers smaller), further weakening an already weak and overly convoluted option (raising an army "of literary a dozen" is very funny though). All in all, good draft.

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

After one of the multitude of new states that seceded from @@NAME@@ recently succumbed to an invasion from sixteen mercenaries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKie-vgUGdI

We've got no industry since Dave broke our woodcutting axe

In all honesty though I'm surprised at the triple digit nation populations. If I were you, I'd have put the first option to have a population of around 20, second option around 95-100 and then put all the other ones somewhere in the middle.

[Caracasus]

Thanks guys! Taken the feedback on board and:

1) Removed option 3 and added the "armies literally dozens strong!" to the new option 3 (previously option 4) as I did like the line.

2) Made the first 2 options less wordy.

3) Changed the populations to more truly reflect micronations etc.

After one of the multitude of new states that seceded from @@NAME@@ recently succumbed to an invasion from sixteen mercenaries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKie-vgUGdI

It's a real condition! I understand that two members of the German parliament suffer from it...

[Volitopia]

Very nice issue!
-ENGAGING NITPICKER MODE-

[option]"Oh god, it's all gone terribly wrong!"

"Oh Violet", maybe? And be sure to capitalize names.

every damn day I get bugged by idiots

"And wait 'till you hear about this! Every damn day, from morning to night, even when I'm trying to just take a walk in my backyard , er… exquisite nature preserve, I get bugged by idiots who want me to make decisions on everything from foreign policy to whether we should resize our football pitch!"

[effect]the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake.

Perhaps "The nation forgives the small who are big enough to admit they made a mistake." Just an idea.

"One little setback and you go running home to mummy"

"And they go running home to mummy"

to provide a forum to promote more diplomatic links

"to make us, I don't know, embassies or something to promote more diplomatic links"

It'd help you out

"It'd help you out economically, but please place restrictions on your industries"

[effect]a complex arrangement of treaties and trade deals connects the nation to a multitude of semi-autonomous nations on its border

@NAME@ threatens to quash its seceding states by flooding their makers with cheaper necessary goods and services

or functioning toilets.

"or even functioning toilets."

[Caracasus]

Very nice issue!
-ENGAGING NITPICKER MODE-

[option]"Oh god, it's all gone terribly wrong!"

"Oh Violet", maybe? And be sure to capitalize names.

every damn day I get bugged by idiots

"And wait 'till you hear about this! Every damn day, from morning to night, even when I'm trying to just take a walk in my backyard , er… exquisite nature preserve, I get bugged by idiots who want me to make decisions on everything from foreign policy to whether we should resize our football pitch!"

[effect]the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake.

Perhaps "The nation forgives the small who are big enough to admit they made a mistake." Just an idea.

"One little setback and you go running home to mummy"

"And they go running home to mummy"

to provide a forum to promote more diplomatic links

"to make us, I don't know, embassies or something to promote more diplomatic links"

It'd help you out

"It'd help you out economically, but please place restrictions on your industries"

[effect]a complex arrangement of treaties and trade deals connects the nation to a multitude of semi-autonomous nations on its border

@NAME@ threatens to quash its seceding states by flooding their makers with cheaper necessary goods and services

or functioning toilets.

"or even functioning toilets."

Thank you. I've made some alterations. Unfortunately I've already had to trim down the word length for options 1 and 2, so I can't see how I can use those, and I didn't want to make option 2's effect so similar to option 3 (only using economic strength instead of military).

Okay. I cannot see any further additions. I will be submitting this soon if there is no further feedback.

[Ransium]

This issue is hilarious. Excellent job!

[Volitopia]

This issue is hilarious. Excellent job!

Am now in agreement with this statement.

However, if you wish, could you add in one of your advisors suggesting economic takeover in a separate option?

Great job on the original idea and good writing!

[Caracasus]

This issue is hilarious. Excellent job!

Thanks! Will submit now I think...

This issue is hilarious. Excellent job!

Am now in agreement with this statement.

However, if you wish, could you add in one of your advisors suggesting economic takeover in a separate option?

Great job on the original idea and good writing!

I originally had 4 options... although I'd love to add more, I think that the issue would work better with 3...

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Good process and good issue. Nice one, mate.

[Caracasus]

Good process and good issue. Nice one, mate.

Cheers! I really enjoy the editing process to be honest. I'm well aware that my weaknesses lie in being overly wordy and fine-tuning things, so collaborative work is great for me.

[Volitopia]

I originally had 4 options... although I'd love to add more, I think that the issue would work better with 3...

Alright then. Cheers onto the editing floor!

[Tinhampton]

This issue has been accepted as Issue #691, also entitled "The Prodigal States". Congratulations, Caracasus!

[Australian rePublic]

Good luck!

[Tinhampton]

Good luck!

You don't need to wish Caracasus good luck. (T)his issue's already been accepted!

[Australian rePublic]

Congragulation.s!

[Bears Armed]

Congratulations!