[Submitted] Will The Real @@LEADER@@ Please Stand Up?

[Glorious Terran Empire]

[validity] Leader name unlocked, 60 or more civil rights

Description:
Due to an unfortunately timed sneeze, your signature appeared to match that of another individual who has the legal name of "@@LEADER@@." Now, a string of "@@LEADER@@"s have come forth to contest your title, each with their own radical ideas, all whilst looking and sounding, and even tasting exactly like you.

[option] @@LEADER@@, the first one to lay their rather dubious claim to your life, points right at you before speaking: "Well, what're you all doing? We've got an impostor here, sitting right in my chair! Guards! Arrest that unlawful charlatan, now!" The guards proceed to look between the two of you in a daze. "I said now, I'm the one the people wanted, not this fraud!" It is at this moment you see that the impostor has the opposite of all your dominant traits; wrong hand, wrong step, maybe even wrong eye... Is this the long-lost evil twin that mother warned you of?
[effect] "@@LEADER@@ seems to have had a sudden shift of opinion on many key issues following the arrest of @@LEADER@@."

+Corruption, +Authoritarianism, +Political Apathy, +Law Enforcement, -Culture, -Intelligence, -Average Poor Income

[option] @@LEADER@@, the second to enter your office, flanked by youths in outdated combat uniforms with strange patches cuffed on their sleeves, takes advantage of your guards' confusion. "I, @@LEADER@@, am here to claim my rightful position! Surrender the throne-er, the title to me! @@NATION@@ is my right!" The impostor stands there, looking sheepishly at the guards whilst pulling out an officer's cap and some opaque sunglasses. "Well, hurry up with it!" @@LEADER@@ says, their voice cracking in a way that eerily resembles your minister of defense...
[effect] "The opposition parties have mysteriously disbanded following an executive order from 'Supreme-Super-Cool-Leader-Forever' @@LEADER@@."

+Authoritarianism, +Law Enforcement, +Defense Forces, +Rudeness, +Ideological Radicality, +Black Market, -Crime Rate, -Environmental Beauty, -Economic Freedom, -Political Freedom, -Civil Rights, -Healthcare, -Pacifism -Youth Rebelliousness, -Political Apathy, -Freedom From Corruption, -Freedom From Taxation, -Average Income of Poor

[option] @@LEADER@@ the third walks up to you, flanked by unshaven people smelling of a particular drug, as the guards begin to count how many of you there are. "Like, you're in my chair bruh. It's, like, okay and all if you need to sit, but, like, I've got, like, a country to run... Also, got like, a huge party to plan so, like, you mind like, moving? My bros are gonna be here in, like, an hour, so yeah..." @@LEADER@@ proceeds to pull out a cell phone and take a 'selfie' with one of your aides.
[effect] "@@NATION@@ Is considered 'the most rad place in @@REGION@@' following the establishment of the Department of Partying."

+Civil Rights, +Recreational Drug Use, +Youth Rebelliousness, +Pacifism, +Inclusiveness, +Political Apathy, +Nudity, +Industry: Pizza Delivery, +Industry: Beverage Sales +Crime Rate, +Ignorance, -Intelligence, -Defense Forces, -Weaponization, -Public Education, -Corruption, -Law Enforcement, -Employment

[option] @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, one of your aides, yells over the group of you: "@@LEADER@@! Not you idiots, THAT @@LEADER@@!" She says, pointing at you. "Please, just get them out of here! Maybe you could make this kind of thing a criminal offense and just be done with it? Here, sign this to get it done, and please hurry, you have a meeting at 3!" She slides you a hastily-written document with a line for your signature before shoving her way out of the room.
[effect]: "Identity theft has been made a capital offense in @@NATION@@."

+Authoritarianism, +Law Enforcement, +Conservatism, +Corruption, +Compliance, -Crime Rate, -Political Freedoms, -Integrity

[option] @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your guards, speaks up: "How about we compromise? Everyone is the real @@LEADER@@ and you just take turns throughout the week! I don't have to shoot anyone and I'm not betraying the rightful government, right? Just, please, stop this madness!"
[effect] "@@LEADER@@ has the most diverse facial features in @@REGION@@ since identity theft was decriminalized."

+Political Freedoms, +Civil Rights, +Ideological Radicality, +Godlessness +Corruption, +Culture, -Compliance, -Conservatism, -Religiousness, -Authoritarianism

OH GOD OH GOD I WROTE SOMETHING.
Thoughts & Improvements? Title is a placeholder, if someone finds a funnier option, I'll change it.

Grammatical errors corrected.
Old Title "National Identity Stolen?" changed to "Will The Real @@LEADER@@ Please Stand Up?"
Description streamlined, adding comedic relief back to description.
Consequences in option 1 made more apparent, streamlined.
Option 2 revamped, references to monarchy and dictatorship altered to be less intrusive. Added more clarification as to what will happen.
Option 3 effect text changed to something less generic, added more well-defined goals for impostor 3.
Option 4 made less-overt, more nuanced, streamlined sentence structure.
Removed fourth-wall break in option 5, changed effect text to something less overly-descriptive. Streamlined sentence structure

[Helaw]

OH GOD OH GOD I WROTE SOMETHING.

Welcome to the world of issues writing! If you haven't already, consult the How To Write An Issue thread for some useful beginner tips.

all whilst looking, sounding, and even tasting exactly like you...

I don't think the "tasting" part is really necessary. It seems very... odd.

[option] @@LEADER@@, the first one to lay claim to your life, dressed like you right down to the imperfections in your attire, points right at you before speaking. "Well, what're you all doing? We've got an impostor here, sitting right in my chair! Guards! Arrest them now!" The guards proceed to look between the two of you in a daze. During all of this, your doppelganger takes the time to try seducing your significant other, failing miserably.
[effect] "@@LEADER@@ seems to have had a sudden shift of opinion on many key issues following the arrest of @@LEADER@@."

This option doesn't really propose anything. Certainly, it implies that the real @@LEADER@@ was arrested, but it doesn't explicitly scream "he'll be arrested if you pick this!"

[option] @@LEADER@@, the second one to enter your office, steps forward during your guards' confusion. "I, @@LEADER@@, am here to claim my birthright! Surrender the throne-er, the title to me! @@NATION@@ is my right!" The impostor stands there, looking sheepishly at the guards whilst trying to hide a scepter and crown...
[effect] "@@NATION@@ has become a dictatorship under 'Supreme-Super-Cool-Leader-for-Life @@LEADER@@."[/spoiler]

We do have an issue that allows for nations to create a monarch; namely, King Rex. Thus, you should be careful with this option and its references to monarchic stereotypes.

Additionally, the effect line references that the nation has "become a dictatorship"; this implies that the nation type has automatically become a dictatorship, which would not be the case. I would recommend making it slightly less drastic.

[effect] "@@NATION@@ Is considered 'the most chill place in @@REGION@@' following @@LEADER@@'s new policies regarding controlled substances and loitering.

"Controlled substances and loitering" could be something more interesting, yet still relevant.

[option] @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, one of your aides, yells over the group of you. "@@LEADER@@!" And clarifies as the whole bunch turn to answer. "Not you idiots, THAT @@LEADER@@!" She says, pointing at you. "Please, just get them out of here, make huge punishments for identity thieves and just be done with it, you have a meeting at 3!"
[effect]: "Identity theft is punishable by public execution in @@NATION@@, Multiple @@LEADER@@s have been punished."

This could do with some more flavour to the actual proposal made; it seems to just be a side note at the moment, rather than the core message of the option. The effect line seems to provide more of an idea of what the intention was than the option, which should be avoided.

[option] @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your guards, speaks up. "How about we compromise, everyone is the real @@LEADER@@ and you just take turns throughout the week! I don't have to shoot anyone and I'm not betraying the rightful government, right? Just, please, stop this, this whole thing feels like some poorly-written hypothetical."
[effect] "@@LEADER@@ seems to have extreme mood swings every day after identity theft was decriminalized."

The effect line seems to be a bit long and overly descriptive, though it could instead be a short joke about how @@LEADER@@ seems to be multiple people, in various aspects. The fourth-wall break in the option seems a bit jarring.

[Glorious Terran Empire]

-snip-

1. The tasting thing was more for comedic effect.

2. For the first option, the impostor actually calls for the real @@LEADER@@'s arrest, but I'll make it more clear-cut about what the impostor wants.

3. Oh right, never got King Rex on my other nations, so I completely ignored it. I'll give it a read-over and get to editing.

4. Hmm, perhaps funding a department of stylin' parties or something?

5. I'll make what the adviser proposes something a little more nuanced than her blatantly calling for the punishments.

6. I'll change the fourth-wall break to something about it being a crazy dream,
As for the new effect line... "@@LEADER@@ has the most diverse facial features in @@REGION@@ after they decriminalized identity theft." sound any better?

EDITED TO REFLECT CHANGES, PLEASE REVIEW

[Cultural Hegemony]

[validity] Leader name unlocked, High (top 70%) Crime Rate, Low Law Enforcement Spending (Bottom 20%), 60 or more civil rights

[why high crime/low law enforcement?]

Premise:Description:
Following a recent sneeze during a bill signingDue to an unfortunately timed sneeze, your signature matched appeared to match that of another individual who coincidentally has the legal name of shares your name: "@@LEADER@@." Following this Now, a string gaggle of people under the name of "@@LEADER@@" @@LEADER@@s have come forth to contest your title are contesting your title, each with their own radical ideas, all whilst looking and sounding exactly like you..

[wordy, wordy, wordy...]

[option] @@LEADER@@, the first one to layclaim to your life a dubious claim, dressed like you right down to the imperfections in your attire, points right at you before speaking.: "Well, what're you all doing? We've got an impostor here, sitting right in my chair! Guards! Arrest that unlawful charlatan, now!" The guards proceed to look between the two of you in a daze. During all of this, your doppelganger takes the time to try seducing your significant other, failing miserably.

[add a couple of sentences to this option describing the precise nature of the "shift in opinion" that's occuring...]

[effect] "@@LEADER@@ seems to have had a sudden shift of opinion on many key issues following the arrest of @@LEADER@@."

[option] @@LEADER@@, the second one to enter your office, steps forward during takes advantage of your guards' confusion. "I, @@LEADER@@, am here to claim my rightful position! Surrender the throne-er, the title to me! @@NATION@@ is my right!" The impostor stands there, looking sheepishly at the guards whilst pulling out an officer's cap and some opaque sunglasses. "Well, hurry up with it!" @@LEADER@@ says, looking increasingly agitated as their will is not enacted.

[replace the last two sentences in this option with a more explicit claim to a more authoritarian government/junta/etc. Which is what this option is going for, yes? So, the option one speaker might make a democratic "install the real elected @@LEADER@@!" argument?

[effect] "The opposition parties have mysteriously disbanded following an executive order from 'Supreme-Super-Cool-Leader-Forever' @@LEADER@@."

[option] @@LEADER@@, speaking with an immature vocal tick, saunters towards you, as the guards begin to count how many of you there are. "Like, you're in my chair bruh. It's, like, okay and all if you need to sit, but, like, I've got, like, a country to run, so, like, you mind like, moving?" @@LEADER@@ proceeds to pull out a cell phone and take a 'selfie' with one of your aides.
[effect] "@@NATION@@ Is considered 'the most chill place in @@REGION@@' following the establishment of the Department of Partying."

[To be honest, this option is kinda meh.]

[option] @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, one of your aides, yells over the group of you.: "@@LEADER@@!" And clarifies as the whole bunch turn to answer."Not you idiots, THAT @@LEADER@@!" She says, pointing at you. "Please, just get them out of here! Maybe you could make this kind of thing a criminal offense and just be done with it? Here, sign this to get it done, and please hurry, you have a meeting at 3!" She slides you a hastily-written document with a line for your signature before shoving her way out of the room.
[effect]: "Identity theft has been made a capital offense in @@NATION@@."

[option] @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your guards, speaks up.: "How about we compromise,? Everyone is the real @@LEADER@@ and you just take turns throughout the week! I don't have to shoot anyone and I'm not betraying the rightful government, right? Just, please, stop this, this whole thing feels like some stupid dream.!"
[effect] "@@LEADER@@ has the most diverse facial features in @@REGION@@ since identity theft was decriminalized."

This issue reminds me of a proposal from a while back that had @@LEADER@@ traveling through time to become his/her own parents, thereby ruling forever. Except slightly less insane.

[Australian rePublic]

Not sure if this issue has made it to the game, but nevertheless
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=88&hilit=mohammed+lee

[Candlewhisper Archive]

-snip-

1. The tasting thing was more for comedic effect.

Worked for me. Made me laugh out loud.

Weird, but funny. But then, that's how my wife describes me.

[Glorious Terran Empire]

Agh, now I've got conflicting criticisms. what do I change and what do I keep?

[Helaw]

Agh, now I've got conflicting criticisms. what do I change and what do I keep?

Always go with what you feel is right.

Looking back on it, it wasn't a necessarily bad thing, I just felt that it was odd. However, it was still funny regardless of this, and I should have acknowledged that.

[Glorious Terran Empire]

Well, honestly, I'm less worried about any personal biases being brought against the issue as much as making sure it hits the level of quality typically expressed by the issues. All while trying to avoid toe-stepping with other issues.

I might add back the tasting thing just to give it that familiar element of parody that most issues have.

-snip-

High Crime and Low Law Enforcement to allow for a societal inclination towards letting it spiral out of control as far as it has in the issue.

Wordy in the way that you don't like or wordy in the way that genuinely detracts from the nature of the issue?

Hmm, perhaps making option one a bizarro everything's-opposite version of @@LEADER@@ by noting different-hand dominance, reversed walking order, and saying the exact opposite of what @@LEADER@@ would say to seduce the Significant Other? Something a bit more overt than that by perhaps noting that there is an obvious evil-goatee stubble or the possibility that this is the evil twin your mother warned you about? I will mention the democratically-elected part by adding something along the lines of "I'm the one the people chose, not this fraud!"

I'll also mention impostor 2 having guards in outdated military fatigues or something. Maybe mention that his voice cracks for a moment, to reveal he sounds suspiciously like a defense-minister or something. Maybe have him looking towards the comically-large red button on the desk anxiously?

Hey now what's wrong with option 3? It's not like it's poorly written, is it? If it is, mind letting me know what about the issue I could change without removing it entirely? I'd prefer not to have to result to just dumping proverbial whiteout on an entire branch of the issue. Also, it adds to the whole 'many people' instead of just two people trying to steal your title.

Thing about option 4 is I was already suggested to change it to clarify what was going on so that the player understood what that option meant in more detail, not in less.

As for option 5, I could do that, but I might be setting a record for "shortest-option-description outside of the original 30 issues."


I really don't want to make it sound like I'm denying anyone's opinion as invalid, I'm just trying to understand more on the thoughts behind the proposed changes, and trying to get a clearer picture and determine which of these changes would help the issue and which would take away from it.

[Cultural Hegemony]

High Crime and Low Law Enforcement to allow for a societal inclination towards letting it spiral out of control as far as it has in the issue.

As is, the issue has a Python-esque nature...

(which is a good thing, as it helps counter the absurd notion, held by many a player, that NationStates issues are somehow an ultra-super-serious simulation.)

...which would be fun for all kinds of nations. Remember that validity requirements will limit how many players actually recieve your issue. So, you really shouldn't exclude people unless you have a really good reason. And you don't here, since the issue isn't really about crime or law enforcement.

Sides which, identity theft is the sort of white-collar crime you'd not be overly concerned with in the OCP-controlled post-apocalyptic 1980s Detroit that the validity requirements, as is, kinda imply.

Wordy in the way that you don't like or w Wordy in the way that genuinely detracts from the nature of the issue?.

Hey now what's wrong with option 3? It's not like it's poorly written, is it?

Presumably, the issue is about impostors trying to take over and impose their own agendas. Option three asserts no agenda. It's not so much that there shouldn't be a third impostor, so much as there isn't a third impostor.

[Hydraic Empire]

I like it, but the title is a bit misleading

[Leutria]

If you want to look at other titles for the issue, how about

Will the real @@LEADER@@ please stand up?

[Glorious Terran Empire]

If you want to look at other titles for the issue, how about

Will the real @@LEADER@@ please stand up?

I'll use this idea as well.

I've also streamlined the issue according to many of the changes Cultural Hegemony proposed. Thoughts?

-snip-

Almost thought that bit about seriousness was a sarcastic poke at my issue's absurdity, but then I remembered how square some people are about the issues. However, after a good night's rest, I've adapted many of your originally-proposed changes, with my own discretion being used, of course.

[Glorious Terran Empire]

Are there any other changes I should make?

[The Order of the EZIC Salt]

Are there any other changes I should make?

To be honest I can't think of one. I say this was really well-written. +1.

[Glorious Terran Empire]

I do hope the issue is well-received.

[Italios]

This looks like a very promising issue, but I think it would be worth putting in an option a third option that doesn't put an alternative leader in power or simply chase them out, rather find a long term solution such as creating some kind of national handwriting programme to give everyone individuality or perhaps banning sneezes.

[Glorious Terran Empire]

Well, as it stands, it's at the mercy of the editors. Don't know how long it takes for them to decide, but if it gets shot down I might add something like that and resubmit after fixing whatever it was shot down for.

[Australian rePublic]

Good luck!