[ACCEPTED] A Sticky Situation

[Australian rePublic]

Don't assume that @@CAPITAL@@ has a beach. My nation has w
27,560 km (16,000 miles) of coastline and Canberra, our capital, is our largest inland city, a few hundred km from yhe coast, near the ski resorts

[Helaw]

Don't assume that @@CAPITAL@@ has a beach. My nation has w
27,560 km (16,000 miles) of coastline and Canberra, our capital, is our largest inland city, a few hundred km from yhe coast, near the ski resorts

Bench. It was a bench.

[Dytarma]

[Effect]genetically modified beetles are now patrolling the streets for gum droppings.

While this is a humorous effect, it automatically assumes @@NAME@@ has allowed genetic modification. 627.1 bans genetic modification (although it isn't made clear whether this is only regarding bees), and I would be surprised if it was the only one. @@NAME@@ could even not be technologically advanced enough to genetically modify creatures.
As well, the effect seems a bit random. Why does cleaning up gum require genetically modified beetles? Why doesn't anyone mention genetically modified beetles in the issue? Why genetically modified beetles, of all things? What makes them different from any other organism, or even normal beetles?

OOC: Sorry it took me a while, I was window framing.
1. I'm going to make it so that those who haven't answered 627.1, but must have advanced technology can have the last option. It might sound odd, but that's what I think will work.
2. That's the little unexpected part in the option, most would expect placing more trashcans as a solution, but they'd get genetically modified beetles instead. Though I do get why it is just beetles, and have decided to change it to insects. The arachnids might get mad though.

[Drayxaso]

While this is a humorous effect, it automatically assumes @@NAME@@ has allowed genetic modification. 627.1 bans genetic modification (although it isn't made clear whether this is only regarding bees), and I would be surprised if it was the only one. @@NAME@@ could even not be technologically advanced enough to genetically modify creatures.
As well, the effect seems a bit random. Why does cleaning up gum require genetically modified beetles? Why doesn't anyone mention genetically modified beetles in the issue? Why genetically modified beetles, of all things? What makes them different from any other organism, or even normal beetles?

OOC: Sorry it took me a while, I was window framing.
1. I'm going to make it so that those who haven't answered 627.1, but must have advanced technology can have the last option. It might sound odd, but that's what I think will work.
2. That's the little unexpected part in the option, most would expect placing more trashcans as a solution, but they'd get genetically modified beetles instead. Though I do get why it is just beetles, and have decided to change it to insects. The arachnids might get mad though.

Why do we need to put OOC in OOC posts? Is there some conversation in a higher plane of existence I'm missing?

I think the changes you've made work, but I have a small suggestion: Perhaps you could make option 2 be presented by the CEO of a gum-making company. If you need a name for a gum brand, I would suggest "Suborbit," which I used in a draft I recently submitted. It's a reference to Orbit.

I also think you should create a version of option 3 which is available to nations that have chosen 627.1 or do not have advanced technology. The premise of the option doesn't seem to be based on advanced technology itself, and it seems easily adaptable for nations without it.

[Dytarma]

*snip*

I could put OOOOC:, or Out Of Out Of Character.

---

Alright, I took into account as two what you said, though the option 3 part might be a bit harder, as I have to be a bit more real.

[Drayxaso]

*snip*

I could put OOOOC:, or Out Of Out Of Character.

---

Alright, I took into account as two what you said, though the option 3 part might be a bit harder, as I have to be a bit more real.

How about OOIC: "Out Of In Character?"

---

exclaims the CEO of Suborbit, @@RANDOMNAME@@.

This description seems strange if you don't get the reference. I'd change it to "exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of Wrinkly, a company well known for producing the popular Suborbit-brand gum."

As for option 3, all you really need to do is change the effect. Everything else could be transferred over.

[Dytarma]

I could put OOOOC:, or Out Of Out Of Character.

---

Alright, I took into account as two what you said, though the option 3 part might be a bit harder, as I have to be a bit more real.

How about OOIC: "Out Of In Character?"

---

exclaims the CEO of Suborbit, @@RANDOMNAME@@.

This description seems strange if you don't get the reference. I'd change it to "exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of Wrinkly, a company well known for producing the popular Suborbit-brand gum."

As for option 3, all you really need to do is change the effect. Everything else could be transferred over.

But would that be OOC?

---

Aight, I'll try implementing it in the issue draft.

[Dytarma]

Alright, I added an option about adding more trashcans, but with perfume so they don't stink up @@NAME@@. Thoughts?

[Volitopia]

Looks good except option 2; there should be someone explaining how gum is beneficial, not just protesting (like the actor you had earlier).

[Dytarma]

Looks good except option 2; there should be someone explaining how gum is beneficial, not just protesting (like the actor you had earlier).

Alright, and weren't you the guy who said, and I quote, "Good job! It's quite finished!" to option 2?

[Volitopia]

Alright, and weren't you the guy who said, and I quote, "Good job! It's quite finished!" to option 2?

Yes, indeed! I mean what I say sometimes

[Dytarma]

Alright, and weren't you the guy who said, and I quote, "Good job! It's quite finished!" to option 2?

Yes, indeed! I mean what I say sometimes

Is that true in this case?

[Ransium]

Let's focus on the [desc] which is the most important part of any issue:

[Description]While lounging on a bench outside of @@CAPITAL@@,

Fine, although humor could be injected here

a large crowd of people nearby have stumbled over each other.

I think this stretches believably. Gum does not realistically cause a large crowd to stumble. Also why is there a large crowd/ The sentence as a whole is a pretty jarring and random way to start the issue. The scene hasn't really been set and is quite confusing.

When they saw you, they soon ran towards you

This sentence is very awkward grammatically incorrect writing. To make this point I would write something like: "Upon noticing you, they begin to run towards you"

while tripping past the protective ring of irritated police,[/u]

I like the tripping line. But why is their a protective ring of irritated police? Weren't you just sitting on a park bench in this last sentence? How did a protective ring of police form? So many questions these sentences bring? Why is there a crowd? Why is there a police ring?

[box]clamoring about the sticky problem all across @@NAME@@; gum droppings.[/u]

I like this clause but I would switch 'a' for 'the'

---

[box][Option]"Every time I go to take a run I always step in that pink, gooey stuff!" screeches @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a very serious jogger. “Every time I'm running, I always step in gum, and it's always a pain to get off. And what's worse is that it sticks to the ground, and I always fall face first! So I propose that you just ban gum.” She then proceeds to tap their fingers as @@LEADER@@ makes a decision.

Let's make this a bit briefer. "Every time I go on a run I always..."

A very serious jogger is an odd description. for fiction.

To many always edit out all but one instance.

"and I always fall face first!" that's just silly, maybe once I even fell face first would be more believable.

"So I propose that you just ban gum" This just isn't how people talk.

She then proceeds to tap their fingers as @@LEADER@@ makes a decision. - This sentence is confusing fluff, cut it.

---

[Option]"How could you even think that?!" exclaims the CEO of Suborbit, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The actions of banning said material will cause tremendous uproars of unnecessary proportions! Gum can help people study and concentrate, while having a good taste in their mouths as well! Or something like that, and if you even think of banning gum, you can have my gum when you pry it out of my cold, dead... uh... mouth."

How could you even think that?! This sentence does nothing I always replace these sort of sentences with something that either adds humor or advances the narrative.

"The actions of banning said material will cause tremendous uproars of unnecessary proportions" Why 'said material.' why not "gum". Why is this pluralized, it should be "cause a tremendous uproar"

The rest of this isn't terrible but could be improved.

---

Sorry out of time now, but hope this helps...

[Dytarma]

It does, and I edited the draft so it incorporates what you said.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Don't assume that @@CAPITAL@@ has a beach. My nation has w
27,560 km (16,000 miles) of coastline and Canberra, our capital, is our largest inland city, a few hundred km from yhe coast, near the ski resorts

Bench. It was a bench.

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY NATION HAS ANY SEATING?

[Dytarma]

Bench. It was a bench.

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY NATION HAS ANY SEATING?

[Noahs Second Country]

Bench. It was a bench.

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY NATION HAS ANY SEATING?

TRIGGERED...

[Dytarma]

Guys, let's not be so triggered.

[Drayxaso]

Bench. It was a bench.

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY NATION HAS ANY SEATING?

Give it a week and I bet someone will submit a draft about banning chairs.

[Helaw]

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY NATION HAS ANY SEATING?

Give it a week and I bet someone will submit a draft about banning chairs.

[title]Please Remain Seated

[desc]Whilst browsing the @@NAME@@ Catalogue, you stumble upon a dreaded rear-end placement utensil, otherwise known as a "chair". Startled, and terrified beyond belief, you screech for the assistance of your advisers.

[validity]Only Australian Republic can receive this issue.

[option]"@@LEADER@@, I am so sorry that you had to see this horrifying object," gasps your secretary, while she tightens her grip on her comforting teddy bear. "We need to get you as far away from those things as possible. I have a safe place 27,560 kilometres away - that's 16,000 miles - and I believe it should do the trick."
[effect]@@LEADER@@ claims to perpetually stand for the good of the people

[option]"I don't see what all the fuss is about," muses your Minister of Silly Lacks of Walking. "We need to get this fear of chairs that you have been cursed by seen to; perhaps even turned into a weapon. Trivial things such as this should not distract you from the fact that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table."
[effect]@@LEADER@@ brandishes steel chairs to threaten foreign dignitaries

[option]"The end times have come!" cries an anonymous woman covered in wood shavings. "We must destroy these accursed idols, and embrace the one true deity; the Bed!"
[effect]board congegrations have been plagued by executives falling asleep in their meeting beds

[Dytarma]

That issue is number one!

[Volitopia]

Issue is done, except for one thing:

"Every time I go on a run I always [Please fill this space!] " screeches @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@

Good job on getting through with your issue well!
(Now regressing into regular forum chatter)

[title]Please Remain Seated

[desc]Whilst browsing the @@NAME@@ Catalogue, you stumble upon a dreaded rear-end placement utensil, otherwise known as a "chair". Startled, and terrified beyond belief, you screech for the assistance of your advisers.

[validity]Only Australian Republic can receive this issue.

[option]"@@LEADER@@, I am so sorry that you had to see this horrifying object," gasps your secretary, while she tightens her grip on her comforting teddy bear. "We need to get you as far away from those things as possible. I have a safe place 27,560 kilometres away - that's 16,000 miles - and I believe it should do the trick."
[effect]@@LEADER@@ claims to perpetually stand for the good of the people

[option]"I don't see what all the fuss is about," muses your Minister of Silly Lacks of Walking. "We need to get this fear of chairs that you have been cursed by seen to; perhaps even turned into a weapon. Trivial things such as this should not distract you from the fact that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table."
[effect]@@LEADER@@ brandishes steel chairs to threaten foreign dignitaries

[option]"The end times have come!" cries an anonymous woman covered in wood shavings. "We must destroy these accursed idols, and embrace the one true deity; the Bed!"
[effect]board congegrations have been plagued by executives falling asleep in their meeting beds

I swear, you need to make this a real thing!

[Dytarma]

Alright, I added what you recommended. I had no idea how that slipped past me.

And, maybe for that issue...

[Volitopia]

I had no idea how that slipped past me.

To quote some sig. I saw a while ago: "I'm always a master editor after I hit submit"

[Dytarma]

I had no idea how that slipped past me.

To quote some sig. I saw a while ago: "I'm always a master editor after I hit submit"

that is so true.