[SUBMITTED] @@NAME@@ Falls Flat In Singing Contest

[Ransium]

i wrote this one on the unmarked helicopter that Max is using to fly me to the undisclosed location where he enslaves houses the editors. It wasn't easy between the polygraph and blood tests, but I think it came out okay.

Seriously, this is probably the last issue I'll write for a while as I intend to focus on editing pretty heavily for the next few months.

Alt Title: A Contested Result (my original concept title, but it seemed a bit of a troll at the moment)

[title]@@NAME@@ Falls Flat In Singing Contest

[desc]Last night, in the finals of popular reality TV contest, @@REGION@@vision, the @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ representative lost, despite giving what almost all critics in @@NAME@@ have declared to be a superior performance. The enraged masses have inexplicably decided that the best course of action is to storm your office to complain.

[validity] all

[option}"It was rigged!" screams the real housewife of @@CAPITAL@@, @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ Karsprintian, who is so angered that she is speaking at a pace you're having trouble keeping up with. "Half the judges looked to be Maxtopian to me, and you know what those people think of us and our culture. The contest must be rerun, this time with unbiased judges from outside of @@REGION@@. If the rest of @@REGION@@ doesn't agree, threaten trade sanctions, heck, maybe even outright war. @@NAME@@'s pride depends on this!"
[effect]the results of reality TV shows have launched international incidents

[option]"Clearly the rest of @@REGION@@ are just uncultured idiots!" yells @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who was recently voted @@NAME@@'s most-eligible bachelor. "If they can't appreciate us, who needs them? The government should sponsor its own patriotic song contest! Call it @@DEONYMNADJECTIVE@@ Idol, and only let the citizens of @@NAME@@ compete. The government could make a tidy profit off of ad revenue, and a(n) @@DENONYM@@ is guaranteed to be the winner."
[effect]the government raises money through state-sponsored trashy TV

[option]"The only thing that's clear to me is that the masses can't handle so much TV." declares your big brother. "I think they need to spend more time in the real world. I say we mandate all TV's in @@NAME@@ have cameras installed in them, and have the TV's shut off if anyone watches it for more than an hour a day. Say, we could even use the cameras to make sure everyone's following other laws the rest of the time, too."
[effect]in @@NAME@@ you don't watch Big Brother big brother watches you

[option]"If you ask me, these low-brow shows are making your average @@DENONYM@@ no smarter than a 5th grader." posits your apprentice, after finally clearing the rabble from your office. "If the only shows on TV were serious, like 60 Clock-ticks, or informative, like Will Zeke the Science Geek, then TV could actually help create a smarter, more refined populace. And you can bet that would put an end to mobs provoked by TV putting you in jeopardy.
[effect]pirating Maxtopian cable is popular due to the dullness of local TV

[Helaw]

i wrote this one on the unmarked helicopter that Max is using to fly me to the undisclosed location where he enslaves houses the editors.

Don't worry, everyone. Everything is completely, totally fine. We are not being held as prisoners in any sense.

"It was rigged!" screams real housewife of @@NAME@@, @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ Karsprintian, who is so angered that they are speaking as pace your having trouble keeping up with.

'Real housewife' sounds very odd. A 'the' being placed before it may alleviate the problem. Furthermore, 'speaking as pace your' seems to me like it should be 'speaking at a pace that you're'.

The contest must be replayed, this time with unbiased judges from outside of @@REGION@@.

'Replayed' doesn't seem like the best word to use here, though that might just be a difference in opinion. I would have used 'rerun'.

or heck outright war. @@NAME@@"s pride depends on this!"

I'd recommend rewriting 'Or heck outright war' to be 'heck, maybe even outright war,' or something to that effect. A set of double quotation marks has sneaked in here in place of an apostrophe too.

[effect]reality TV results are a matter of life or death

The expression is usually written as 'matter of life and death.'

who happens to be a bachelor.

Why mention that he is a bachelor, though?

[effect]in @@NAME@@ you don't watch Big Brother, big brother watches you

Effect lines cannot consist of commas, unfortunately.

Tell them your very concerned and you'll consider your options then wait for it all to blow over."

There are a couple of slight errors here; 'You're' has been misspelled as 'your', and there should be a 'that' between 'tell' and 'them', and perhaps between 'and' and 'you'll'.

[Ransium]

Guess I'm still groggy from the anesthesia, all fixed now thanks.

If your not a fan of trashy TV, especially trashy american TV, you might have missed that each of the character tags contains a reality TV show or two in it. Real Housewives of XX, Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Bachelor, Big Brother, and The Apprentice. That's why the bachelor thing. I hadn't quite considered how these thing might play outside the US though...

[Trotterdam]

I doubt I would care to answer this issue if I received it. Which is laregly a reflection of how much I care about real reality TV.

@@RANDOMNAMEFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@

Okay, so I know that you'll soon be able to transcend the inferior macros that we mere mortals use, which are sometimes inconsistent about exactly which order things go in, but "@@RANDOMNAMEFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@"? Did you try a compromise?

I say we mandate all TV's in name have cameras installed in them,

Then again, the most important thing is remembering to use a macro at all.

who is so angered that they are speaking at a pace you're having trouble keeping up with

"She is".

The government should sponsor it's own patriotic song contest!

its just some silly TV show

These are exactly the wrong way around.

[Ransium]

I doubt I would care to answer this issue if I received it. Which is laregly a reflection of how much I care about real reality TV.

Hey, I wrote an issue that was an homage to Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven! Truth be told I don't care much for reality TV either, but it seemed like this was workable premise for a somewhat silly issue.

All other corrections have (hopefully) been implemented, thanks.

[Nation of Quebec]

This is a fun issue, and even though I don't watch reality TV, I was still able to get most of the references.

What about an option that either bans all television, or only allows intellectual programming?

[Ransium]

This is a fun issue, and even though I don't watch reality TV, I was still able to get most of the references.

What about an option that either bans all television, or only allows intellectual programming?

I like the latter. I'll try to write something up in a day or two.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Don't worry, everyone. Everything is completely, totally fine. We are not being held as prisoners in any sense.

I can confirm this. Max is treating us well, and we are here of our free will. No threat to our families or beloved pets has been applied, rumours of a daily torture regime are entirely false, and we are all here of our own free will.

Our own FREE will. Please believe ME. We don't need any HELP.

[North Isseggggnignigsegigisegggg Islands]

No threat to our families or beloved pets has been applied

Then why are you mentioning this?

rumours of a daily torture regime are entirely false

That's a suspiciously specific denial, especially since no-one said that...

FREE ME. HELP.

This looks like a distress canary. No-one actually knows how wealthy Max Barry is, so he might well have his own helicopter and secret compound.

(Yes, I know you're joking. )

[option]"Maybe you could just ignore them?" posits your apprentice. "After all, @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ say the darnedest things, and it's just some silly TV show. Tell them that you're very concerned and that you'll consider your options, then wait for it all to blow over."
[effect]discretion is the better part of ignoring popular will

This is just the ignore button, so it's a bit redundant.

[Ransium]

This is just the ignore button, so it's a bit redundant.

I was wondering if someone was going to say that. I think NoQ's suggestion of intelligent TV only will replace that option.

[Australian rePublic]

i wrote this one on the unmarked helicopter that Max is using to fly me to the undisclosed location where he enslaves houses the editors. It wasn't easy between the polygraph and blood tests, but I think it came out okay.

Seriously, this is probably the last issue I'll write for a while as I intend to focus on editing pretty heavily for the next few months.

Alt Title: A Contested Result (my original concept title, but it seemed a bit of a troll at the moment)

Sorry about the comma in three's effect, seemed worth the joke to me, but I could be persuaded otherwise.

[title]@@NAME@@ Falls Flat In Singing Contest

[desc]Last night, in the finals of popular reality TV contest, @@REGION@@vision, the @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@ representative lost, despite giving what almost all critics in @@NAME@@ have declared to be a superior performance. The enraged masses have inexplicably decided that the best course of action is to storm your office to complain.

[validity] all

[option}"It was rigged!" screams the real housewife of @@NAME@@, @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ Karsprintian, who is so angered that she is speaking at a pace you're having trouble keeping up with. "Half the judges looked to be Maxtopian to me, and you know what those people think of us and our culture. The contest must be rerun, this time with unbiased judges from outside of @@REGION@@. If the rest of @@REGION@@ doesn't agree, threaten trade sanctions, heck, maybe even outright war. @@NAME@@'s pride depends on this!"
[effect]reality TV results are a matter of life and death

[option]"Clearly the rest of @@REGION@@ are just uncultured idiots!" yells @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, who happens to be a bachelor. "If they can't appreciate us, who needs them? The government should sponsor its own patriotic song contest! Call it @@DEONYMNADJECTIVE@@ Idol, and only let the citizens of @@NAME@@ compete. The government could make a tidy profit off of ad revenue, and a(n) @@DENONYM@@ is guaranteed to be the winner."
[effect]the government raises money through state-sponsored trashy TV

[option]"The only thing that's clear to me is that the masses can't handle so much TV." declares your big brother. "I think they need to spend more time in the real world. I say we mandate all TV's in @@NAME@@ have cameras installed in them, and have the TV's shut off if anyone watches it for more than an hour a day. Say, we could even use the cameras to make sure everyone's following other laws the rest of the time, too."
[effect]in @@NAME@@ you don't watch Big Brother big brother watches you

[option]"Maybe you could just ignore them?" posits your apprentice. "After all, @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ say the darnedest things, and it's just some silly TV show. Tell them that you're very concerned and that you'll consider your options, then wait for it all to blow over."
[effect]discretion is the better part of ignoring popular will

The first option's effect seems like there's some kind of mafia involvement in there, and says nlthing about govenrment. It should say something like "the most eecent Maxtopian war was based on reality TV results" or somethin'

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

I think that the last option does not really contribute much to the issue. If you choose 4, you basically agree to stick to the status quo, am I right? Could you perhaps get rid of that one to make space for a Survivor reference? The Survivor option could come right after the 1st option where the real housewife suggests that even declaring war on Maxtopia because of a TV show is justified.

Then the latest winner of Survivor might come and say that the struggle for life on Survivor isn't life-like enough and that spectators do not quite believe that they are really starving on an island. He or she might then suggest that @@NAME@@ should actually declare war on a nation, so TV-viewers can watch a real ''Survivor''---24/7 live warfare coverage, cries of desperate people in a war-stricken Maxtopia, and so on. (Fine, I know declaring war on Maxtopia goes too far. But you could think of a mock-war, I suppose. Maybe something like a gladiator fight? You could decide on the particulars )

[Sphinxatopd]

There isn't a option if you don't want the cheap reality. Maybe one where the government sponsors cultured television.

[Ransium]

There isn't a option if you don't want the cheap reality. Maybe one where the government sponsors cultured television.

Yeah NoQ suggested the same, I'm planning on putting it in, but haven't had the time yet...

[Ransium]

Okay, updated.

[Ransium]

Bump. I will submit this over the next weekend. You can expect 1 more 24 hour warning.

[Helaw]

The reference to the individual in the second option being a bachelor is still something I don't agree with.

[Tinhampton]

@@REGION@@vision may be ideal for regions like yours (Forest), but I doubt that Federation of Fictitious Statesvision would sound as catchy.

[Ransium]

The reference to the individual in the second option being a bachelor is still something I don't agree with.

Okay I've changed it a bit, but I would still like it clear that the bachelor is being referenced. Does this make you any happier?

@@REGION@@vision may be ideal for regions like yours (Forest), but I doubt that Federation of Fictitious Statesvision would sound as catchy.

Hmmm... I think even for "Federation of Fictitious Statesvision" the reference to Eurovision is clear. It's a bit silly but in an issue like this one I don't see it as terrible. My preference would be to let the editor decide.

[Helaw]

The reference to the individual in the second option being a bachelor is still something I don't agree with.

Okay I've changed it a bit, but I would still like it clear that the bachelor is being referenced. Does this make you any happier?

Previously, you said this to me in regards to it;

If your not a fan of trashy TV, especially trashy american TV, you might have missed that each of the character tags contains a reality TV show or two in it. Real Housewives of XX, Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Bachelor, Big Brother, and The Apprentice. That's why the bachelor thing. I hadn't quite considered how these thing might play outside the US though...

"The Bachelor" is presumably what the line is a reference to, which is a problem. Why? Because you had to explain the reference to me in order for the actual sentence to make sense; if a reference must be understood in order for the sentence to read nicely and logically, then I would not recommend including it. References that people can gloss over due to how well they fit in are the obvious exception.

[Ransium]

Yeah but The Bachelor is one of the most popular shows on TV in the states. 99.9% of Americans and Canadians will understand the reference without hesitation.

[Helaw]

Yeah but The Bachelor is one of the most popular shows on TV in the states. 99.9% of Americans and Canadians will understand the reference without hesitation.

And everyone else?

[Ransium]

You did see I changed it to reference him as being recently voted @@NAME@@'s most eligible bachelor, correct? Those unfamiliar with The Bachelor may be mildly confused by what the line's relevancy to the issue at hand is (or may assume it's an off-handed reference to a made-up reality TV show) but I don't think they'll be confused as to the meaning of the overall clause/sentence/choice. There are lots of references in issues similar to this, some of which I likely don't understand. For example, someone unfamiliar with Bohemian rhapsody may find most of "Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go", a bit odd and containing information, phrases, and word choices that seem sub-optimal or not clearly related to the issue.

In the end, I think the reference is funny enough to merit mildly confusing some. I promise I will not self-edit this issue and be minimally involved in the editing process when/if this is ever picked up so you'll have another chance to convince someone more impartial than me. Or maybe the editor will take it out themselves. But it is my opinion the reference merits staying.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

EDITOR FIIIIIGHT!



Though, y'know, unless you're in the UK, that comment and picture probably won't have raised a smile.


I think broadly, its okay to make references that only make sense to some people, whether that's for reasons of geography or of favourite hobbies or whatever. NoQ is always dropping Simpsons references, which I miss 90% of, and in the effect line to Bullet Time's first option, I insisted on a poetry reference that isn't even funny in any way, but I had to have it for the sake of the (optimistically) two or three or so other Nationstates players who might smile at a W H Davies reference.

My other thought on references with a limited targeted audience is that there's an inherent balancer in there: the more obscure a reference, the less people get it, but the more satisfied that the people who do get it feel.

The main thing with references is to make sure that it still reads naturally in the absence of knowledge of the reference. If it reads fine, then who cares if the reference is universal or not?

[Leutria]

One small suggestion, The Real Housewives is normally named after the city, not the country so perhaps make it "a real housewife of @@CAPITAL@@". Other then that it looks good to my untrained eye