Validity: Only valid for nations with the internet
[option] "I knew there was a reason that I couldn't stand that filth!" vents @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, a well-renowned film critic and father-of-two. "These shows appeal to the lowest common denominator, telling simple stories and using generic visual gags. If it were up to me, these programmes would be thought-provoking, tackling advanced philosophical concepts instead. These exciting stories would surely give children a fiery passion for learning."
[effect] children frequently face existential dread when viewing Saturday morning cartoons
[stats] culture increases, public education funding increases greatly, intelligence increases slightly, ideological radicality increases slightly
[option] "That sounds really boring," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, an office drone, in a monotonous and disinterested tone. "Those brats should learn useful stuff like following instructions by the book, or how to bake a proper cake. Here's the deal, do you really think that the meaning of life is even remotely applicable in real life? Of course not. So I suggest that children's shows should be practical by preparing them for their exciting careers in the future."
[effect] "Peter the Personnel Quality Assurance Auditor" is one of the least favourite shows in television history
[stats] employment rises, administrative funding and public education funding increase, intelligence increases slightly, ideological radicality decreases slightly
[option] "Lol who cares?" comments @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bespectacled child, who entered your office just to get better internet reception. "Only noobs watch kids cartoons. Who needs Tom and Harry when we've got WhoTube, Rougeblocks and Battleground to keep us occupied? The government should just ban TV so that those scrubs can focus on quality online content, like memes."
[effect] the government has banned television because "only losers watch it anyway"
[stats] intelligence decreases, youth rebelliousness increases, voter apathy increases, happiness decreases, obesity increases, ideological radicality increases
[option] "The television isn't the problem," argues @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a housewife, who also turned up to complain. "The true problem is schools forcing standardized testing on our children. My child has had several panic attacks just over those examinations. Wouldn't it be better if our children weren't given undue stress and were able to enjoy their youth? You should get rid of those tests and let them watch their shows in peace."
[effect] pupils have nervous breakdowns when they receive their first test in university
[stats] educational funding drops, intelligence drops, happiness increases slightly, employment decreases slightly, obesity increases
Original draft:
If this has been done before, please tell me.
References:
