Please bear with me as I try to include all that's needed. I could use some help from more experienced NSers, as I never tried to write an issue before.
WORK STILL IN PROGRESS
Guido Krautarsky, a famous mathematician of Lilliputian origin, was pulled off the plane by the airport security as a couple of passengers reported him as a potential terrorist. Turn out that Dr.Krautarsky was just writing a proof for a new theorem.
Option 1)
"He looked so, like, mean and scruffy and swarthy! And he didn't even chat with us" says (generic name) at (nationname)'s Evening Talk, while sporting a sweatshirt with "Who needs brains anyway" written on it. "He just hid the weird stuff he was writing. He clearly had something terror-y or, like, wrong to hide! Such people should be, like, sent away if they ever try to board a plane, or, dunno, a boat! I'm sure everyone would feel, like, more, how do you say, security-ish - oh yeah, safer if you did that!"
(passengers must be approved by a jury of reality-show hosts before boarding planes, trains or ships)
Option 2)
"What? I'm puzzled. One moment I was working at the proof for Barry's Third Conjecture, and next thing I know I'm being whisked away by armed thugs unleashed by ruffians who couldn't even integrate an arcotangent to save their lifes!" replies Dr.Krautarsky, while scratching exoteric symbols on a blackboard with a bit of chalk. "Why should the police listen to the complaints of such uneducated ruffians?"
(the police asks for university degrees of people who report crimes)
Option 3)
"Who cares about that Kroot Guidosky and security! They made me arrive late for my business" complains (generic name) while lighting up a Maxtopian cigar with a 500-(currency) bill. "The airline caused this mess by calling the security and they should pay for the inconvenience they caused me and my associates! PAY PAY PAY PAY! Oh and pay something to the other passengers, too. I guess. Who cares about them anyway."
(late-departure refunds are strangling the national airlines)
Option 4)
"I see the problem is, as usual, money", says Johanna Popinburg, host of the controversial "Big Peeping Tom" TV show. "The government could just sell me the rights to air the videos of the airport detention rooms! Especially the ones where body searchs are conducted. More money for the refunds, more money for the goverment, and more money for me! Everybody wins!"
(good-looking people are likely to be detained and be turned into unwilling porn stars)
