The Issue:
Military Budgets up for Approval
The various branches of A mean old man's military brought their budget petitions to your attention and, as usual, they are all asking for widespread increases over the rest of the military departments.
The Debate
"Clearly the army requires the greatest increase in funds this year," says Field Marshal May Summers. "After all, wars were never won by air or sea and in this dangerous world we must be able to protect the interests of A mean old man. Currently our men get hand-me-down weapons, rations I wouldn't feed a pig - the army is increasingly looking like a bad career option and we can't have that. If we're going to get recruits, we need more funding to support our brave lads in their duty."
"Hah! It's the Navy who needs the money, mate," says Grand Admiral Miranda Chicago. "The army and the police forces can protect us domestically, but can they protect us from having our foreign trade cut off? Can they protect us from terrorists and pirates? How are the soldiers going to get to the enemy's borders? Swim? I think not. Fund us, the Navy, the true protectors of A mean old man!"
"Despite the statements of my colleagues," says Peggy Rifkin, Marshal of the Air Force. "The Air Force requires more money than these men playing around with boats. We are increasingly seeing terrorists taking to the air, and more ships or guns are not going to stop that. Our people will only be safe when the Air Force has the power it needs to defend us - and for that we need more funding and more government support for industries geared towards the development of new aircraft."
"You're all thinking too small!" exclaims Chastity King, an avid Star Wars fan. "What we need is more research into the possibilities of space weapons! Big laser cannon and satellites with complete annihilation power! And cool spaceships! Boom! Rat-a-tata! Bang! Bang! It'll be expensive, sure, but think of the power! THE POWER!"
"It's simply not good enough!" wails Billy-Bob Chicago, the Minister of Defence. "It's not about the money - it's the manpower. Not enough people by far are signing up! All we seem to be getting nowadays are drunks and people who volunteered for a dare. The current conscription laws need to be either more strictly enforced or drastically rewritten. What I propose is a universal draft: everyone capable of pulling a trigger should become a part of the Army, Navy or Air Force. Only in this way can we ensure the dominance of A mean old man in the region."
"The military is a stain on the peace-loving nature of our nation!" cries Lars Wall, while sporting a Rastifarian hat. "People should be allowed to choose what they do for a living! Conscription is wrong and I don't see why our tax colostomy bags should go to such a despicable cause! The money should be going to more important places - like our pockets!"
