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Pogaria
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 2593
Founded: Antiquity
Democratic Socialists

Postby Pogaria » Wed Apr 28, 2021 3:59 pm

Lamebrainia wrote:"Would" should definitely be used instead of "will" here. The only Present tense verb here is "needs", and it belongs to a separate subclause. The simplified structure of the main compound sentence is "If we adopted [...], there would be [...] and [...] would feel [...]".

Yes, your suggestion is the most correct way to write this sentence. However, we don't expect all in-character speech to use perfect grammar. Here are some other examples of issue options where a character uses poor grammar and/or punctuation:

Your phone chimes, as a WotsOn message comes through from your brother: "LOL, M8, ding dong ding dong news Just-yn, POP iz DED, long live GOOD TASTE. U want me to get together a list of other poop-star targets? Haha. I got secure PayBuddy set up, u just say the word, and u strike a blow for music lovers everywhere. BANG BANG BANG! b c-ing u."

"Punctuation is but a way for the elites to once again restrain the exchange of free ideas," begins noted windba— "in order to further hold down oppress and smother and stamp out the honest working men and women of this country into a state of utter and complete impotence," @@HE@@ continues, "so that the entitled and ruthless would be leaders of this world could sit in their castles built on the backs and labor of the commoner," @@HE@@ continues further, "and smugly judge and spit on them in disdain but to that I say no we shall not take on your shackles and chains of punctuation as we will not be bullied into constrained or controlled or ignoble speech..." showing no sign of stopping, @@HE@@ is gently nudged out the door by your guards and — surprising no one — continues as @@HE@@ leaves.

"Who needs some fancy-schmancy cash-draining school system, anyway?" @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares from the front steps of a double-wide mobile home, shotgun in hand. "My Pa raised me and my eight brothers and three sisters without no waste of time schoolin'! My Pa taught me everythin' I need t'know, let all these whippersnappers' Mas and Pas teach 'em what they need t'know!"

Although I personally encourage everyone to use proper grammar, it would be unrealistic for all characters to do so. That would not reflect the breadth of colloquial diction that will always remain prevalent in real-world societies.

Verdant Haven wrote:Ahoy ahoy - have another grammatical one -

Issue 445 "Evasive Maneuvers"

The text for the first option (Choice 0) ends with:

"the mere idea that a change in which behaviours to reward, and that my organisation should finance that change retroactively, amounts to legislative tyranny."

The first statement - "the mere idea that a change in..." does not agree with "amounts to legislative tyranny." At a minimum the word "that" in the beginning needs to be changed, but I think it would maintain the meaning better if the clause about retroactivity were moved to keep the argument the same:

Suggested solutions -

Just changing the word so it reads: "the mere idea of a change in which behaviours to reward..." would fix it grammatically, but makes the argument completely bonkers and self-contradicting.

Moving the clause so it reads: "the mere idea that a change in which behaviours to reward can be applied retroactively, and that my organization should finance that change, amount to legislative tyranny" would resolve both the grammar and the logic, and I think is probably what the intended meaning was when written.

Conversely, this looks like an editorial error, so I'm going to change it.
FYI: Pogaria is pronounced like puh-GAIR-ee-uh

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Ko-oren
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5413
Founded: Nov 26, 2010
Democratic Socialists

Postby Ko-oren » Sat May 01, 2021 2:23 am

The premise of 1224 ("What was supposed to be a celebratory occasion — the addition of a flawless (and enormous) new diamond to the @@DEMONYM@@ National Museum — has instead turned into a national embarrassment. Independent experts have released a statement declaring the stone to be lab-created, casting doubt on whether the valuable display should be considered a ‘real’ gemstone." can be read two ways:

- Independent experts have released a statement that a new diamond is to be created in a lab
- Independent experts have released a statement saying that the diamond, which was added to the museum, was in fact lab-created.

In order to avoid any confusion, consider the following:
"Independent experts have appraised the rock, (and) found the stone to be lab-created"
"Independent experts have released a report declaring the stone was lab-created"
or even
"Independent experts have released a statement declaring the stone was lab-created"

Had to read the premise a few times before I got the intended meaning.
Trigramme: KOR - Demonym: Ko-orenite - Population: 27.270.096
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Laka Strolistandiler
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 409
Founded: Jul 14, 2018
Democratic Socialists

Postby Laka Strolistandiler » Thu May 06, 2021 10:39 pm

I, Laka Strolistandiler got an issue #1359 “Covering All the Angles”. There seems to be a mistype in option 1, correct me if I’m wrong.

”The law says we must pay an insane amount for fishing licenses, which we all did,” grumbles Chloe Oz, five-time winner of the competition. “The law says each person can only keep a dozen cowfish per day, which we all did. The law says we can only fish in rivers and streams, which we were all doing. We go by the book and follow all of your inane laws, and yet you still arrest the lot of us! We demand that you let us off the hook, and free fishing while you’re at it. Remove all the hoops to jump through, and we’ll get along swimmingly.”


Now, pardon me if I’m misunderstanding some idioms or something, but I do believe that there should be “insane” here.

Thanks
Last edited by Laka Strolistandiler on Thu May 06, 2021 11:32 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Sub Administrator of Affairs Departament for the World Assembly, The Educated Obraztsova Elena-Himiko
Political views:
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SherpDaWerp
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1072
Founded: Mar 02, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby SherpDaWerp » Fri May 07, 2021 12:27 am

Inane - "lacking significance, meaning or point".
My Got Issues? contributions | An Abridged History of GI (+additions)
Any premise tips, option structure, re-written bits, advice, or ideas for issues that I provide are fair game to be used by anyone.

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Laka Strolistandiler
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 409
Founded: Jul 14, 2018
Democratic Socialists

Postby Laka Strolistandiler » Fri May 07, 2021 1:08 am

SherpDaWerp wrote:Inane - "lacking significance, meaning or point".

Alright no problem here, sorry for taking your time!
Sub Administrator of Affairs Departament for the World Assembly, The Educated Obraztsova Elena-Himiko
Political views:
Authoritarian Center-left, a little bit too left to be a nazbol
Religius Views:
planning to baptize as an orthodox Christian

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Baloo Kingdom
Diplomat
 
Posts: 530
Founded: Jan 22, 2020
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Baloo Kingdom » Fri May 07, 2021 4:44 am

In the first line of the first option of Dilemna #589 "To Boldly Go", there may be a typo in the word "civilization", as both the forum entry and actual issue entry read, "We should seek out new life and new civilisation,". Could be an error, or could just be me.
Last edited by Baloo Kingdom on Fri May 07, 2021 4:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, I place you under arrest unless you stop reading this. Lutheran, Ohioan, Centrist, friend, and adept memer, Baloo has it all.
"I hear babies cry. I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than I'll ever know. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."
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The Free Joy State
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 14104
Founded: Jan 05, 2014
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby The Free Joy State » Fri May 07, 2021 5:39 am

Baloo Kingdom wrote:In the first line of the first option of Dilemna #589 "To Boldly Go", there may be a typo in the word "civilization", as both the forum entry and actual issue entry read, "We should seek out new life and new civilisation,". Could be an error, or could just be me.

We have British writers. We have British editors. We don't have a standardised system of spellings (as long as they are consistent within issue).

"Civilisation" is the British spelling.

No change needed.
"If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." - Toni Morrison

My nation does not represent my beliefs or politics.

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Baloo Kingdom
Diplomat
 
Posts: 530
Founded: Jan 22, 2020
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Baloo Kingdom » Fri May 07, 2021 5:53 am

The Free Joy State wrote:
Baloo Kingdom wrote:In the first line of the first option of Dilemna #589 "To Boldly Go", there may be a typo in the word "civilization", as both the forum entry and actual issue entry read, "We should seek out new life and new civilisation,". Could be an error, or could just be me.

We have British writers. We have British editors. We don't have a standardised system of spellings (as long as they are consistent within issue).

"Civilisation" is the British spelling.

No change needed.

Huh, never knew that, thanks for the clarification, and thank you for your time.
In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, I place you under arrest unless you stop reading this. Lutheran, Ohioan, Centrist, friend, and adept memer, Baloo has it all.
"I hear babies cry. I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than I'll ever know. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."
Creator of Infinity Bear and Peargame
Total Coffee Ounces Consumed Since Joining NationStates: 1446 fl oz
Yes, this nation represents most of my beliefs.

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Qvait
Envoy
 
Posts: 227
Founded: Mar 08, 2012
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Qvait » Sat May 08, 2021 9:55 pm

In issue 365, entitled "A Busload of Worry", the issue uses the term "sexual preference" within one of the options:
“This is disgusting, and I shouldn’t have to see it,” pines prominent homosexual, Llywelyn Horner, for once abandoning stereotype to be seen without feather boa, “Qvait should be a nation intolerant of intolerance, and what could be more intolerant than this? Have you any idea what damage this fundamentalist advertisement will do to young people struggling to come to terms with their sexuality? We should ban this ad, and instead educate children to be free about their sexual preference, without deference to religious or cultural orthodoxy.”

I believe that the term should be replaced with "sexual orientation", especially since the character using the term is a homosexual. It's one thing to hear it from a heterosexual who doesn't know better, but people attracted to the same sex will seldom use "preference" when referring to their orientation as it implies voluntarism in one's sexual attraction. The American Psychological Association considers the use of the term "sexual preference" to be a "heterosexual bias" and prefers the use of "sexual orientation".[1] A Google Search of the term "sexual preference" will also shed light on the controversy surrounding the use of the term. I hope we can change "sexual preference" to "sexual orientation".

Sources:
  1. "Avoiding Heterosexual Bias in Language". American Psychological Association, 1991.
Last edited by Qvait on Sat May 08, 2021 9:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hey, I'm Jay and I am a legislator and roleplayer in the South Pacific.

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The Free Joy State
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 14104
Founded: Jan 05, 2014
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby The Free Joy State » Sat May 08, 2021 11:03 pm

Qvait wrote:In issue 365, entitled "A Busload of Worry", the issue uses the term "sexual preference" within one of the options:
“This is disgusting, and I shouldn’t have to see it,” pines prominent homosexual, Llywelyn Horner, for once abandoning stereotype to be seen without feather boa, “Qvait should be a nation intolerant of intolerance, and what could be more intolerant than this? Have you any idea what damage this fundamentalist advertisement will do to young people struggling to come to terms with their sexuality? We should ban this ad, and instead educate children to be free about their sexual preference, without deference to religious or cultural orthodoxy.”

I believe that the term should be replaced with "sexual orientation", especially since the character using the term is a homosexual. It's one thing to hear it from a heterosexual who doesn't know better, but people attracted to the same sex will seldom use "preference" when referring to their orientation as it implies voluntarism in one's sexual attraction. The American Psychological Association considers the use of the term "sexual preference" to be a "heterosexual bias" and prefers the use of "sexual orientation".[1] A Google Search of the term "sexual preference" will also shed light on the controversy surrounding the use of the term. I hope we can change "sexual preference" to "sexual orientation".

Sources:
  1. "Avoiding Heterosexual Bias in Language". American Psychological Association, 1991.

Worth remembering that characters may be incorrect or biased, but -- considering that this does seem at odds with the characterisation here -- I've gone ahead and changed it.
"If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." - Toni Morrison

My nation does not represent my beliefs or politics.

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Qvait
Envoy
 
Posts: 227
Founded: Mar 08, 2012
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Qvait » Sat May 08, 2021 11:16 pm

The Free Joy State wrote:Worth remembering that characters may be incorrect or biased, but -- considering that this does seem at odds with the characterisation here -- I've gone ahead and changed it.

Thank you!
Hey, I'm Jay and I am a legislator and roleplayer in the South Pacific.

Former Minister of Foreign Affairs /// Member of the Council on Regional Security /// Former Minister of Regional Affairs

My History

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