[SUBMITTED] Drill or no Drill

[Millenhaal]

Before anyone asks, Ada Hassingman is a reference to the character Ava Hessington, a character from the show “Suits” who was under investigation for acquiring oil drilling rights illegally.

Title: Drill or no Drill

[Validity] Has high corruption and/or low integrity.

[Description] Because of electromagnetic interference with GPS systems, geologists investigating the edges of @@NAME@@'s territorial waters accidentally found oil in international waters just outside of @@NAME@@'s jurisdiction. Not wanting to miss out on the wealth, anyone who stands to gain from the discovery is wondering how @@NAME@@ can cash in.

[Option 1] A nondescript civil servant collecting dust in the back of your office speaks up. "If the oil we produce isn't harvested legally, prospective customers would never buy it. At least, not if we weren't discreet about it. We must work with our neighbors who might have a stake in the discovery and negotiate some terms that would convince them to look the other way if we start drilling, perhaps a little quid pro quo. Maybe Brancaland would want access to our forests to tap for maple sap? Maybe Maxtopia would appreciate it if we put the kibosh on some overly critical journalists..." He seems to disappear among the file cabinets.

[Outcome 1] rubber stamps all over @@REGION@@ are running out of ink

[Option 2a validity] Is capitalist.

[Option 2a] Oil baron Ada Hassingman dramatically falls onto an office chair. "That sounds like a terrible hassle! If it's in international waters, then anyone should have access! At least, that's how it should be. Now what we must do is prevent our enemies from getting there first. Call in the navy and protect my workers as I take what I, err, our country deserves! There could be something in it for you…" She winks as she surreptitiously drops a briefcase under your desk.

[Outcome 2a] @@LEADER@@ is said to be going through their "mine" phase


[Option 2b Validity] Is communist.

[Option 2b] Kleptocrat Ada Hassingman dramatically falls onto an office chair. "That sounds like a terrible hassle! If it's in international waters, then anyone should have access! At least, that's how it should be. Now what we must do is prevent our enemies from getting there first. Call in the navy and protect my workers as I take, uh, we take the glorious revolution beyond our seas! I bet we'd be able to fund some new projects…" She winks as she surreptitiously drops a briefcase under your desk.

[Outcome 2b] @@LEADER@@ is said to be going through their "mine" phase

[Option 3] Minister of Geometry @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@ quickly adjusts his spectacles. "We can easily access the goods from the comfort of our waters! How, you may ask? We can take the initiative and drill sideways!" He pauses to punch in some numbers on his souped-up graphing calculator. "It might be a bit inconvenient and take some time to build, but it'll be a marvel of mathematical magnificence! Oh, and we'd get some oil."

[Outcome 3] the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government is known for approaching problems from creative angles

[Option 4] A particularly environmentally conscious organized crime boss emerges from the corner of your offices. "The environment is hurting, see, and we need to ease its pain. It’s like your nephew. Oil extracting is like putting a pickaxe through its skull in the parking lot of a McRonald's. Not that I'd know anything about that. Let's end drilling for oil altogether. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll invest the money you’re using to produce oil into synthetic fuels instead and ban all other petroleum products…”

[Outcome 4] all smog in @@CAPITAL@@ is sustainably sourced

[Description] Geologists investigating the edges of @@NAME@@'s territorial waters accidentally prospected for and found oil in international waters outside of @@NAME@@'s jurisdiction. Not wanting to miss out on the wealth, people are wondering how @@NAME@@ can cash in.

[Option 1] Minister of Sneakiness, @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@, slinks into your office, twirling his handlebar mustache. "Now, we can easily access the goods from the comfort of our own waters! How, you may ask? We can just drill sideways to grab all the oil we could ever need! It might be a bit inconvenient and take some time to build, but think of the benefits! Haven't we been meaning to get a hot tub and a tiki bar installed in the staff room?"

[Outcome 1] the first solution whenever the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government faces a problem is to rotate it 90˚

[Option 2] Oil baron Ada Hassingman dramatically falls onto an office chair. "I would hate for the poor taxpayer to shoulder the burden for such an expensive project! If it's in international waters, then anyone should have access! At least, that's how it should be. Now what we must do is prevent our enemies from getting there first. Call in the navy and protect my workers as we take what our country deserves! There could be something in it for you…" She winks as she surreptitiously drops a briefcase under your desk.

[Outcome 2] what happens in international waters somehow ends up in @@NAME@@

[Option 3 validity] is in the World Assembly

[Option 3] A nondescript civil servant collecting dust in the back of your office speaks up. "I'm sure the World Assembly has a procedure for situations like this. Submit an inquiry under the stipulations of Article 17 Section 20 Subsection 8 of the International Code of Resource Management requesting formal permission to access the material wealth of the outlying underwater oil fields near @@NAME@@'s waters due to their proximity to existing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ extraction infrastructure. It's the legal thing to do."

[Outcome 3] 3rd graders' homework must be graded by the World Assembly Academic Effort Processing Committee

[Option 4] Moonshine O'Sunbeam, your Minister of Chillaxing, Vibing, and Good Times, seemingly materializes out of nowhere. "The environment is hurting, let's not euthanize her. She's like your girlfriend, you gotta protect her, man. Oil extracting is like putting a pickaxe through her skull in the parking lot of a McRonald's. Not that I'd, like, know anything about that. Let's end drilling for oil altogether. We'll build massive warehouses filled with algae and make enough synfuels to power all of @@REGION@@!"

[Outcome 4] all smog in @@CAPITAL@@ is sustainably sourced

Prospectors struck oil in the waters outside @@NAME@@ last week, but because the deposit lies in international waters, the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government isn't permitted to drill there. Not wanting to miss out on the wealth, people are wondering how @@NAME@@ can cash in.

[Option 1] Minister of Concrete, @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, strolls into your office carrying 2 30-pound bags of cement, filling your office with dust. "All we need to do is build a few small man-made islands, and magically the waters will become @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ domain! If we put some people on there as permanent residents, they'll surely count as real @@NAME@@ territory. All we need is some rebar, steel, asbestos, and elbow grease!"

[Outcome 1] @@NAME@@ claims to own any water surrounding a @@NAME@@-made water buoy

[Option 2] Oil baron Ada Hassingman dramatically falls onto an office chair. "I would hate for the poor taxpayer to shoulder the burden for such an expensive project! If it's in international waters, then anyone should have access, don't worry about the legality! Now what we must do is prevent our enemies from getting there first. Call in the navy and protect my workers as we take what our country deserves! There could be something in it for you…" She winks as she surreptitiously drops a briefcase under your desk.

[Outcome 2] what happens in international waters somehow ends up in @@NAME@@

[Option 3] A nondescript civil servant collecting dust in the back of your office speaks up. "I'm sure the World Assembly has a procedure for situations like this. Submit an inquiry under the stipulations of Article 17 Section 20 Subsection 8 of the International Code of Resource Management requesting formal permission to access the material wealth of the outlying underwater oil fields near @@NAME@@'s waters due to their proximity to existing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ extraction infrastructure. It's the legal thing to do."

[Outcome 3] bureaucrats rejoice at the introduction of a regulatory body to regulate regulatory bodies

[Option 4] Moonshine O'Sunbeam, your Minister of Chillaxing, Vibing, and Good Times, seemingly materializes out of nowhere. "The environment is hurting, let's not euthanize her. She's like your girlfriend, you gotta protect her, man. Oil extracting is like. Putting a pickaxe through her skull in the parking lot of a McRonald's. Not that I'd. Like. Know anything about that. Let's stop drilling for oil altogether, it'll be better for our planet in the long term."

[Outcome 4] olive farms are under investigation for producing oil

[Fachumonn]

Interesting premise. Third option not so sure about this. International waters are definitely a complicated issue and it is detailed on decently well here.

I can give you more feedback later but you might have to bother me as I am not the most regular checker of this forum.

[Bowmanium Commonwealth]

Hello, hope you are doing well! I have a few questions/comments:

the deposit lies in international waters

Since the deposit lies in international waters, no governments needs "permission" since it is not sovereignly controlled by any one country. Perhaps it could be specified to be in conflicting EEZs between @@NAME@@ and other countries? This would conflict with option 2, however.

I'm sure the World Assembly has a procedure for situations like this

The WA is a voluntary assembly, so this doesn't make sense for nations not in the WA. It might be better to go with some fictional regional association or agreement instead if you decide to go down that route.

All we need to do is build a few small man-made islands

I think this is similar to #1416, though in a different context. In my opinion, it's independent enough (especially considering it's a different point of view), but it might be worth looking at nonetheless.


I like the issue topic and I think this has a lot of potential!

[Millenhaal]

Response to Bowmanium Commonwealth (I am not individually quoting all of the points on mobile)

-According to real-world international law, at least according to my research, says that nobody is allowed to drill in international waters. That’s why I tried to make the issue more about finding ways to access it instead of fighting with others about it. About making it between two waters, we already have real-world precedent about what happens, like in the Persian Gulf and South China Sea. Every nation just drills in their own portion, and I could only see two options - war or nothing at all. Way less interesting to me.

-I hadn’t considered using the region tag to make an international body with rules and regulations, I’ll try that.

-I think it’s different enough, because it’s about resource extraction instead of trade, and it’s your nation considering doing it.

[Verdant Haven]

While I can work out what is meant, I do feel there's a bit of confusion liable to happen from the description stating "in the waters outside @@NAME@@... in international waters." That reads to me as being "in the EEZ, outside the EEZ." I would probably reframe it as something clearer like "in international waters just outside your economic zone."

What were the prospectors doing there? I feel like it's not clear why anyone was undertaking the expense of deep sea prospecting in an area it would be illegal to drill.

I feel like we've done the build-islands-to-manipulate-sea-claims thing (understandably... nations really do that!), so I wonder if there's maybe a different approach that could be suggested in option one? Perhaps if it's genuinely close to your waters, a lateral drilling operation could be suggested, appearing to be in legal territory but sneakily boring sideways to get at the oil? As it happens, the world's longest borehole is an oil well that goes a bit over 1,100m down, but nearly 11,000m horizontally.

I think option 4 could benefit from some kind of alternative suggestion beyond just stopping drilling. Replace oil with what?

[Newland City]

I feel like option 3's fallout doesn't work that well; it doesn't really relate to or make sense for the option besides being a generic bureaucracy joke. Maybe something like, " The 783d-69b forms came back approved a year after the prospectors moved on to different projects," - not worded like that because it's not punchy enough but you get the idea

[Australian rePublic]

I think that under international laws you can mine in international waters with certain restrictions

[Millenhaal]

After many months, I've finally done the second draft of this issue. I've improved it much more now.

[Millenhaal]

/bump

[Verdant Haven]

- The premise is clearer now, though still feels a bit odd – “accidentally prospected for and found...” just seems like an unusual construction, without some explanation for how such an accident could have occurred. Doesn’t have to be too much – just something about maps, or unit conversion errors, or strong currents, or whatever.

- I’m a little unclear on whether this discovery is common knowledge or not. The description, and some of the responses, seem to suggest that this is widely and publicly known, while option 1 implies that it’s a secret you’re trying to protect.

- The speakers in options 1 and 4 are a bit more on the nose than is funny – they’re more caricature than character.

- The options suffer from all being formatted in the same way: [PERSON] [ACTION] [DIALOGUE]. Mix up the formatting of the options to have a bit more pizzaz.

- Providing some more information about how the first two options are supposed to operate might help – at present they feel a bit like clones. Both are corruption-based personal-benefit options, where the govm’t spends money to provide frivolous benefits to Leader. Option 2 also is a capitalist-only only as written.

- Option 3 is fine, but I would suggest removing the specific committee and law names. We try to avoid stepping on the WA players’ toes, and they do the same for us. Something like “the stipulations of Article... uhh... hang on, I’m sure it’s around here somewhere. At any rate, file the paperwork requesting formal permission...” would work to suggest the bureaucracy, without identifying things that may not exist in practice.

- Option 4: I realize this is the voice of the particular speaker, but some folks may feel like it’s assuming something about Leader’s sexuality or preferences. Unrelated to that... massive warehouses full of algae? I get that we can build the warehouses, but how do we build algae to fill them? I think the warehouses aren’t the important part of this proposal...

[Millenhaal]

I think I have remedied all of VH's suggestions.

[Orcuo]

Prepare to be ravaged by my merciless criticism.

Option 2A

- I think this would work better with a different person arguing their case. Instead of having a rich capitalist calling for the use of the navy, have some nationalistic war general calling for it to be taken by force as it’s "rightfully ours".

- If you want to stick with the capitalist, I have an alternative for what they should propose. Instead of calling for the navy, they should offer to open a subsidiary in the neighboring nation in which the oil fields resign so they could build oil rigs over the area and export them to @@NATION@@. In exchange, they would get funding for this endeavor.

Option 2B

- As with the previous, I think this would work better with a war general arguing the case.

Option 3

- The person should emphasize *why* @@NATION@@ should go through the process of requesting through the World Assembly. Give more than "It’s the legal thing to do".

Option 4

- Why is the head of @@NATION@@‘s taxation office trying to convince you to not hurt the environment? It would make more sense for someone like a popular environmental activist or the "Minister of the Environment" to be saying such.

- The current structure of their argument is weak. I would rework it to following something like this: "it is bad to drill for the oil in the area"; in fact, oil drilling overall is bad for [x reason(s)]; let’s shut down oil drilling and switch to [x alternative(s)]."

Other Notes

- I recommend adding a diplomacy option to negotiate the terms for acquiring the oil zone. If you did, I would replace option three with it.

[Millenhaal]

-Option 2a & 2b:
-Don’t you think the trope of nationalistic general who wants to use military force is a bit tired? It’s been done, many times in fact. A capitalist trying to use military force for objectively personal gain is more unique.
-It’s international waters, this implies that the deposit is in another country’s territorial waters which is not part of the premise.

-Option 3: Fine bit of feedback, I’ll try to work it in.

-Option 4:
-The joke is that it doesn’t fit. I wanted to do something that does not correlate to what the speaker says. It was the IRS or Sports & Tourism, I went with the former.
-It’s meant to be a crazy third option (well, fourth), which usually emphasize the craziness of the idea and speaker rather than the merits of the option. This tells me it’s not crazy enough and that it should get substantially wackier. If I can’t find something suitably zany I’ll rewrite the option.

[Millenhaal]

Orcuo's feedback addressed.

[Millenhaal]

This is officially on last call, tentative submission date is in a week’s time, on the 1st.

[New Eestiball]

Option 1:
The current effect line is fine, but I think something like 'The three most important things for the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government are rotation, rotation, rotation" is funnier

Option 2a: Shouldn't it also need low integrity?

Option 4: @@REGION@@ works better than @@NAME@@, I think.

[Millenhaal]

Option 1:
The current effect line is fine, but I think something like 'The three most important things for the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government are rotation, rotation, rotation" is funnier

Option 2a: Shouldn't it also need low integrity?

Option 4: @@REGION@@ works better than @@NAME@@, I think.

1: I don’t get it.

2a: The logic is that private corporations can be unethical all they want by themselves, but government run entities in communist countries would need low integrity in order to propose such a thing, as they are government officials.

4: Done.

[Thorn1000]

Take my opinion with a grain of salt since I am not the world’s best writer. I like the issue but I do have some notes.

people are wondering how @@NAME@@ can cash in

Id love if this line was slightly more specific with regards to “people”. Is it businesspeople? Your ministers? The geologists? Random Leader supporters?

Minister of Geometry @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@ quickly adjusts his spectacles. "We can easily access the goods from the comfort of our own waters! How, you may ask? We can take the initiative and just drill sideways!" He pauses to punch in some numbers on his souped-up graphing calculator.

Own seems redundant here within own waters. And that second to last sentence reads a bit confusing to me. “take the initiative” feels odd to me to read and “just drill sideways” feels at odds with the rest of the result which makes it seem difficult to do and expensive. And souped-up needs to be hyphenated.

what happens in international waters somehow ends up in @@NAME@@

I’m not sure if you were going for a “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” parody, but I’d lean further into it and go with “what happens in internation waters stays in @@NAME@@”. Not to mention I think these 2 both need a “has a military” validity.

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I love what option 3 has if the validity is feasible, but I might lean into a wallflower joke and say his shirt matches the wallpaper?

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We need to invest all of the money we're using to produce oil into synfuels , instead and ban all other petroleum products!

This first sentence feels out of place with the rest of the characterization of this person and I am not sure what your goal is with them. I might also add a corruption/ low integrity validity to this effect or honestly the issue as whole. And money should be @@CURRENCY@@ I believe. I think tweaked the comma splice and some of the words around a little bit. Id even just spell out synthetic fuels since I am not sure why synthfuel needs to be used like that?

[Millenhaal]

Feedback has been addressed, but I didn’t get what you meant about option 3.

[Thorn1000]

Feedback has been addressed, but I didn’t get what you meant about option 3.

Yeah sorry I wrote this on my phone on my lunch break.

He seems to disappear among the file cabinets when his speech is over.

I was trying to make a joke about being a wallflower literally about this

[Millenhaal]

Before I submit this on the first, I really want some feedback to tidy this up!

[Klaus Devestatorie]

Alright, some feedback as promised. Overall, I like the idea; I'm mostly just responding about the overall structure.

The issue, as I understand it, is about locating oil outside of our national territory and deciding what our international responsibilities are before proceeding- those options are to ask for permission before drilling [3]; don't ask for permission and just go out there and drill [2a&b], find a way to drill that doesn't require asking for permission [1], and don't drill for it at all [4]. I would be looking to put asking for permission and not asking for permission as the first two options, and then have our slanted drilling rig as the third, and keep our environment protection option at the end. I would want to also make sure that all four options at least touch on what the international responsibilities are, even if it's to say we don't have any, or won't have any if we do it a certain way; that helps keep it all on target as being an issue about primary resources *and* foreign affairs, instead of just the well trodden ground of primary resources.

Others have said to sort of move away from the WA regarding asking permission and being less vague; I'd actually say ditch it entirely, and present it as being about negotiating an EEZ with your neighbours. It's very uncommon for us to have a WA membership validity on an option, and dodging it means we don't have to deny countries who aren't members the option to be neighbourly. I'd also suggest that Ada Hassingman talking about cost to the taxpayer feels out of place in an issue otherwise entirely unconcerned about the expense. You can swap that fairly easily for not worrying about if we need to ask anyones permission.

The only other thing that really needs work is the effect lines. I'd consider something very similar for slanted drilling, like "the Millynhaalsy government is renowned for solving problems from unique angles", but the others are meh. I'd keep brainstorming there.

[Millenhaal]

Alright, some feedback as promised. Overall, I like the idea; I'm mostly just responding about the overall structure.

The issue, as I understand it, is about locating oil outside of our national territory and deciding what our international responsibilities are before proceeding- those options are to ask for permission before drilling [3]; don't ask for permission and just go out there and drill [2a&b], find a way to drill that doesn't require asking for permission [1], and don't drill for it at all [4]. I would be looking to put asking for permission and not asking for permission as the first two options, and then have our slanted drilling rig as the third, and keep our environment protection option at the end. I would want to also make sure that all four options at least touch on what the international responsibilities are, even if it's to say we don't have any, or won't have any if we do it a certain way; that helps keep it all on target as being an issue about primary resources *and* foreign affairs, instead of just the well trodden ground of primary resources.

Others have said to sort of move away from the WA regarding asking permission and being less vague; I'd actually say ditch it entirely, and present it as being about negotiating an EEZ with your neighbours. It's very uncommon for us to have a WA membership validity on an option, and dodging it means we don't have to deny countries who aren't members the option to be neighbourly. I'd also suggest that Ada Hassingman talking about cost to the taxpayer feels out of place in an issue otherwise entirely unconcerned about the expense. You can swap that fairly easily for not worrying about if we need to ask anyones permission.

The only other thing that really needs work is the effect lines. I'd consider something very similar for slanted drilling, like "the Millynhaalsy government is renowned for solving problems from unique angles", but the others are meh. I'd keep brainstorming there.

I've implemented all of your suggestions, except for the Option 4 effect line, I really like that one. As for option 1, I took a different route than just normal diplomacy, I tried to make it so your nation would do favors for other countries in order to have them look the other way to any drilling efforts. I hope it's better now!

[Varanius]

Just a few small comments, for now anyway.

Because of electromagnetic interference with GPS systems, geologists investigating the edges of @@NAME@@'s territorial waters accidentally found oil in international waters outside of @@NAME@@'s jurisdiction.

This sentence would be dramatically improved in its role of introducing the issue if you added the word "just" before "outside".

[Outcome 1] @@LEADER@@ doesn't walk out the door in the morning without the express consent of foreign governments

This feels like the wrong effect line for this. This would be funny/topical if the issue was about the government asking for permission/approval to do something at home but this is international waters. They literally just don't deserve exclusive access to it, getting other governments to look the other way about that is a pretty normal move in that context, so this falls flat.

[Option 4] Noted environmentalist and world-renowned granola dealer @@RANDOMNAME@@ who, through, a combination of nepotism and threats wound up as Director of the Internal Revenue Service, materializes out of nowhere.

I don't get this, plainly. Is it some sort of reference I'm missing? Otherwise it just seems like random nonsense.

Oh, and it might be cheap points but you're missing an easy "what the frack"/"frack you" joke if you're feeling like it.

[Millenhaal]

Presto! I couldn’t find a fracking joke that fit with the new character direction for the fourth option so I decided not to shoehorn one in.