[DRAFT] No Free Passes

[Honourbound]

Greetings, all. This is my third attempt at writing an issue, and it's based around the kafala system

Validity: Not an autarky, allows immigration

This year's @@REGION@@ Football Cup - hosted by the nation of Althaniq - has finished, with the results either being the cause for celebration or rage. However, news has gotten out that Althaniq abused the rights of foreign workers and perhaps caused the death of some of them - by withholding their passports and forcing them to work in slave-like conditions for practically no wages - in order to build the infrastructure necessary to host the massive event.

Option 1. "How can we stand for this terrible injustice?!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Bigtopian immigrant and popular celebrity. "My people had to endure 18-hour workdays in the open sun because they could not get out of that terrible country! Please, @@LEADER@@ - condemn Althaniq until they stop their modern-day slavery. They might react by cutting of our oil, but can you really put a price on people's heads?"

Result: the tears of grateful Althaniq migrant workers outweigh the tears of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ when they read their energy bills

Option 2. "We can one-up whatever that guy is saying, @@LEADER@@." shouts your slightly overenthusiastic Minister of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "While I personally would have preferred if we responded more directly, perhaps we can organize a couple other nations to pitch in. The House of Thani probably won't care if one nation cut out trade with them, but if we assemble a coalition of nations to sanction Althaniq - we might be able to leverage it to end their slavery operations. And perhaps on the side, we might also be able to get some trade concessions out of it." @@HE@@ ends, rather triumphantly.

Result: @@NAME@@ has moved the goalpost in Althaniq

Option 3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Untapped Potential - who had till now been silently listening to the discussion - pipes up. "@@LEADER@@, I have an idea. Why don't we do what the House of Thani is doing? This might sound stupid at first, but we'd finally be able to put our immigrant population to good use in our ever-expanding list of construction projects. Sure, the international community may not like what we're going to do - but really, as long as we keep it on the downlow - it'd work. Trust me."

Result: people just do not come back when they visit @@NAME@@

This year's @@REGION@@ Football Cup - hosted by the nation of Althaniq - has finished, with the results either being the cause for celebration or rage. However, news has gotten out that Althaniq abused the rights of foreign workers and perhaps caused the death of some of them - by withholding their passports and forcing them to work in slave-like conditions for practically no wages - in order to build the infrastructure necessary to host the massive event.

Option 1. "How can we stand for this terrible injustice?!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Bigtopian immigrant and popular social media influencer. "My people had to endure 18-hour workdays in the open sun because they could not get out of that terrible country! Please, @@LEADER@@ - condemn Althaniq until they stop their modern-day slavery. They might react by cutting of our oil, but can you really put a price on people's heads?"

Result: the tears of grateful Althaniq migrant workers outweigh the tears of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ at the gas pump

Option 2. "We can one-up whatever that guy is saying, @@LEADER@@." shouts your slightly overenthusiastic Minister of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "While I personally would have preferred if we responded more directly, perhaps we can organize a couple other nations to pitch in. The House of Thani probably won't care if one nation cut out trade with them, but if we assemble a coalition of nations to sanction Althaniq - we might be able to leverage it to end their slavery operations. And perhaps on the side, we might also get more out of it." @@HE@@ ends, rather ominously.

Result: @@NAME@@ has moved the goalpost in Althaniq

Option 3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Untapped Potential - who had till now been silently listening to the discussion - pipes up. "@@LEADER@@, I have an idea. Why don't we do what the House of Thani is doing? This might sound stupid at first, but we'd finally be able to put our immigrant population to good use in our ever-expanding list of construction projects. Sure, the international community may not like what we're going to do - but really, as long as we keep it on the downlow - it'd work. Trust me."

Result: people just do not come back when they visit @@NAME@@

This year's @@REGION@@ Football Cup - hosted by the nation of Althaniq - has finished, with the results either being the cause for celebration or rage. However, news has gotten out that Althaniq abused the rights of foreign workers and perhaps caused the death of some of them - by withholding their passports and forcing them to work in slave-like conditions for practically no wages - in order to build the infrastructure necessary to host the massive event.

Option 1. "How can we stand for this terrible injustice?!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Bigtopian immigrant and popular social media influencer. "My people had to endure 18-hour workdays in the open sun because they could not get out of that terrible country! Please, @@LEADER@@ - condemn Althaniq until they stop their modern-day slavery. They might react by cutting of our oil, but can you really put a price on people's heads?"

Result: Althaniq migrant workers cannot say their thanks enough for the @@NAME@@ condemnation of Althaniq

Option 2. "We can one-up whatever that guy is saying, @@LEADER@@." shouts your slightly overenthusiastic Minister of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "While I personally would have preferred if we responded more directly, perhaps we can organize a couple other nations to pitch in. The House of Thani probably won't care if one nation cut out trade with them, but if we assemble a coalition of nations to sanction Althaniq - we might be able to leverage it to end their slavery operations. And perhaps on the side, we might also get more out of it." @@HE@@ ends, rather ominously.

Result: @@NAME@@ has moved the goalpost in Althaniq

Option 3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Untapped Potential - who had till now been silently listening to the discussion - pipes up. "@@LEADER@@, I have an idea. Why don't we do what the House of Thani is doing? This might sound stupid at first, but we'd finally be able to put our immigrant population to good use in our ever-expanding list of construction projects. Sure, the international community may not like what we're going to do - but really, as long as we keep it on the downlow - it'd work. Trust me."

Result: people just do not come back when they visit @@NAME@@

This year's @@REGION@@ Football Cup - hosted by the nation of Althaniq - has finished, with the results either being the cause for celebration or rage. However, news has gotten out that Althaniq abused the rights of foreign workers and perhaps caused the death of some of them - by withholding their passports and forcing them to work in slave-like conditions for practically no wages - in order to build the infrastructure necessary to host the massive event.

Option 1. "How can we stand for this terrible injustice?!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Bigtopian immigrant and popular social media influencer. "My people had to endure 18-hour workdays in the open sun because they could not get out of that terrible country! Please, @@LEADER@@ - condemn Althaniq until they stop their modern-day slavery. They might react by cutting of our oil, but can you really put a price on people's heads?"

Result: thousands of migrant workers are left on the streets due to the @@NAME@@ embargo of Althaniq

Option 2. "We can one-up whatever that guy is saying, @@LEADER@@." shouts your slightly overenthusiastic Minister of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just give me the word, and we'll go about bringing sanctions to Althaniq. While I personally would have preferred we go in more direct, I'd say sanctions would be better to get the point across. After all, who'd dare to go against the might of @@DEMONYM@@?" @@HE@@ ends, rather ominously.

Result: the @@NAME@@ wrecking ball has moved the goalpost in Althaniq

Option 3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Copywriting - who had till now been silently listening to the discussion - pipes up. "@@LEADER@@, I have an idea. Why don't we do what the House of Thani is doing? This might sound stupid at first, but we'd finally be able to put our immigrant population to good use in our ever-expanding list of construction projects. Sure, the international community may not like what we're going to do - but really, as long as we keep it on the downlow - it'd work. Trust me."

Result: @@DEMONYM@@ workers lose out on their jobs thanks to the recent influx of slaves

This year's @@REGION@@ Football Cup - hosted by the nation of Althaniq - has finished, with the results either being the cause for celebration or rage. However, news has gotten out that Althaniq abused the rights of foreign workers and perhaps caused the death of some of them - by withholding their passports and forcing them to work in slave-like conditions for practically no wages - in order to build the infrastructure necessary to host the massive event.

Option 1. "How can we stand for this terrible injustice?!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Bigtopian immigrant and popular social media influencer. "My people had to endure 18-hour workdays in the open sun because they could not get out of that terrible country! Please, @@LEADER@@ - embargo Althaniq until they stop their modern-day slavery. We might lose out on oil, but can you really put a price on people's heads?"

Result: thousands of migrant workers are left on the streets due to the @@NAME@@ embargo of Althaniq

Option 2. "We can one-up whatever that guy is saying, @@LEADER@@." shouts your slightly overenthusiastic Minister of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just give me the word, and we'll go about inviting the House of Thani for a rather 'calm' discussion, so to speak. We'd also get rid of all their fancy monuments that were built from the migrant workers. Wouldn't that be nice?" @@HE@@ ends, rather ominously.

Result: the @@NAME@@ wrecking ball has moved the goalpost in Althaniq

Option 3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Copywriting - who had till now been silently listening to the discussion - pipes up. "@@LEADER@@, I have an idea. Why don't we do what the House of Thani is doing? This might sound stupid at first, but we'd finally be able to put our immigrant population to good use in our ever-expanding list of construction projects. Sure, the international community may not like what we're going to do - but really, as long as we keep it on the downlow - it'd work. Trust me."

Result: @@DEMONYM@@ workers lose out on their jobs thanks to the recent influx of slaves

This year's @@REGION@@ Football Cup - hosted by the nation of Althaniq - has finished, with the results either being the cause for celebration or rage. However, news has gotten out that Althaniq abused the rights of foreign workers and perhaps caused the death of some of them - by withholding their passports and forcing them to work in slave-like conditions for practically no wages - in order to build the infrastructure necessary to host the massive event.

Option 1. "How can we stand for this terrible injustice?!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Bigtopian immigrant. "My people had to endure 18 hour workdays in the open sun because they could not get out of that terrible country! Please, @@LEADER@@ - embargo Althaniq until they stop their modern-day slavery. We might lose out on oil, but can you really put a price on people's heads?"

Result: thousands of migrant workers are left on the streets due to the @@NAME@@ embargo of Althaniq

Option 2. "We can one-up whatever that guy is saying, @@LEADER@@." shouts your slightly overenthusiastic Minister of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just give me the word, and we'll go about inviting the House of Thani for a rather 'calm' discussion, so to speak. We'd also get rid of all their fancy monuments that were built from the migrant workers. Wouldn't that be nice?" they end, rather ominously.

Result: the @@NAME@@ wrecking ball has moved the goalpost in Althaniq

Option 3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Copywriting - who had been listening to this debacle - finally pipes up. "@@LEADER@@, I have an idea. Why don't we do what the House of Thani is doing? This might sound stupid at first, but we'd finally be able to put our immigrant population to good use. Sure, the international community may not like what we're going to do - but really, as long as we keep it on the downlow - it'd work. Trust me."

Result: slavery is the best policy in @@NAME@@

This year's @@REGION@@ Football Cup - hosted by the nation of Althaniq - has finished, with the results either being the cause for celebration or rage. However, news has gotten out that Althaniq abused the rights of foreign workers and perhaps caused the death of some of them - by withholding their passports and forcing them to work in slave-like conditions for practically no wages - in order to build the infrastructure necessary to host the massive event.

Option 1. "How can we stand for this terrible injustice?!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Bigtopian immigrant. "My people had to endure backbreaking conditions because they could not get out of that terrible country! Please, @@LEADER@@ - embargo Althaniq. We might lose out on oil, but can you really put a price on people's heads?"

Result: @@NAME@@ is where the heart is.

Option 2. "We can one-up whatever that guy is saying, @@LEADER@@." says @@RANDOMNAME@@ - your slightly overenthusiastic Minister of Defense. "Just give me the word, and we'll bomb Althaniq to extinction. That'll leave us empty space for our new oil-drilling operations, and also get rid of the worker's rights abuses right from the source." they say, without much hesitation. "It's really a win-win for both of us, isn't it?" they end, rather ominously.

Result: @@NAME@@ has recently adopted the mantra "When the well runs dry, give the bombs another try".

Option 3. @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Copywriting - who had been listening to this debacle - finally pipes up. "@@LEADER@@, I have a great idea. Why don't we do what the House of Thani is doing? We can finally put our immigrant population to good use. Think about it, the economic potential is nearly limitless - as long as we keep it on the downlow."

Result: @@NAME@@ has become the final frontier.
Effect: slavery becomes a policy

[Mongyolia]

Althaniq? More like Qatar 2; Electric Boogaloo

In all seriousness right now this is a good issue as is.

[Japanese Schoolgirls]

The premise is unique and the issue is really well-written in my opinion. I think the number of options are just nice, doesn't need to have more or less as it is.

[Millenhaal]

-The first option treats this like it’s already happening in @@NAME@@, but it clearly isn’t. The option should be embargoing Althaniq unless they stop what they are doing, or something similar. Banning it has no actual effect because @@NAME@@ never did it.

-Why would your brother admit that his idea is wacky? If he was confident he wouldn’t be calling himself crazy. It might be better to replace your brother with some sort of minister with a humorous name.

-The third option doesn’t do much of anything. I get you are trying to go for a crazy third option, but option 2 can already be that. Here’s my suggestion for option order:

Option to embargo Althaniq

Option to wage war on Althaniq

Adopt the Kafala system

As a side note, effect lines don’t have capital letters or periods.

[Verdant Haven]

Howdy! The Kafala system is a worthwhile subject to investigate, but isn't necessarily what is being described here. Kafala involves a migrant worker requiring an employer-sponsor to handle their visa and residency paperwork, and to be accountable for them during their time in country. The modern version started with a certain amount of good intention, wanting to provide guidance and support for foreign workers who were without local support networks or understanding of the culture. It devolved badly into what it is because, in short... a lot of people *really suck.*

Things like passport seizures and slavery arose because the sponsor has total control over the residency and employment status of the worker, and that worker's existence tends to fall into a category that is not covered or monitored by labor regulators. Generally, a worker admitted in this manner cannot leave the country, or even quit their job, without the sponsor's approval (ostensibly to prevent skipping out on a contract). It doesn't take long for a money-making system that relies on human decency for protection to get exploited, so we regularly now see sponsors seize workers' passports (to ensure that they can't slip away and travel home) and force them into slavery or slave-like conditions.

With all of that in mind, I would be interested to see an issue based around the fuller picture of this issue, with more attention in the description given to the challenges faced by the system and its workers, and less focus on the details of the football event that triggered it (the plight of the workers is the important part, after all!). Also, as Millenhall noted, we've got to be careful to make sure it's about the nation's response to something happening elsewhere, or about a proposal to have it instituted in your nation, rather than allowing assumptions that it already does or can happen at home.

[Honourbound]

Apologies. I was busy for the past 2 days. Can continue work on this now.

-snip for length-

-snip for length

Thanks for the feedback. I've implemented it in the second draft. And apologies Verdant Haven, I think I focused too much on the brevity of the whole issue.

[Honourbound]

Are these changes appropriate? What further improvements would be needed to make this a better issue?

(Apologies for the "bumping" since I'm fairly sure it's not allowed here, but I felt that it would be necessary as it's been a few days.)

[Millenhaal]

Are these changes appropriate? What further improvements would be needed to make this a better issue?

(Apologies for the "bumping" since I'm fairly sure it's not allowed here, but I felt that it would be necessary as it's been a few days.)

We consider a bump every week give or take acceptable. It’s a slow process, so give it ample time. Will edit this post with comments soon.

[Verdant Haven]

This is improved. Let's keep moving it in the right direction!

- The issue will need the validity "allows immigration" to have some of the context and speakers work. It also should not go to nations that themselves have slavery.

- The first speaker explains that the conditions were bad, but not really *what* the conditions were. Giving a specific example will help give their argument strength ("had to work X hours per day" or "refused to give them water as punishment" or "forced children to do dangerous work" – something like that). I would also suggest perhaps giving a specific goal condition to the embargo: "Embargo them until they..." so that there is some clear objective rather than being merely punitive.

- For the first effect line, a person reading that on a nation page without the context of the issue is likely to think it's meant as something sentimental, which isn't necessarily what I would go for here.

- Option two has three dialogue tags. A single one will do the trick. I would also avoid having it be quite so much a "bomb to extinction" statement, as that suggests a total war of conquest, which wouldn't jive with other Althaniq issues continuing to exist (and would be a far, far greater occasion than a single option in a single issue, were it to occur). A military strike is fine, but let's make it more surgical.

- Parts of option two, along with effect two, makes the issue about oil. That isn't the dilemma presented (and wouldn't be a concern for some receiving nations). Keep the solution focused on the problem. Maybe the suggestion is to bomb the infrastructure that was created by the mistreated workers, so Althaniq doesn't profit from its behaviors? That would make available an interesting angle for an effect line about defending people by destroying their work, or something like that.

- Option three is a fine idea, but I think should be presented with either a bit more circumspection by the speaker, or with a bit more playing up of their character to represent somebody who's just casually saying "hey, let's commit crimes against humanity for profit."

- Effect three needs to address what is being done. "The Final Frontier" is generally an expression associated with space exploration. This option is about slavery.

- Other notes: effect lines aren't sentences – they shouldn't have terminal punctuation. Don't write in what policy changes you envision. Instead, write the option such that it is clear what they should be. For your dialogue tags, the word "says" generally considered a very bland word. It may fit certain characters at your discretion, but in my opinion there's never a reason to repeat the same tag word in multiple options when there are literally dozens of alternatives available that carry more nuance.

[Australian rePublic]

Who is the House of Thani?

[Honourbound]

-snip for length-

Thanks for the feedback, Verdant Haven. Tried my best to fix all the errors you pointed out in the 3rd draft.

Who is the House of Thani?

IIRC, the House of Thani is the ruling house of Althaniq. Or at least, when I made the first draft I looked into the Althaniq wiki/section/page thing and read that.

[Australian rePublic]

-snip for length-

Thanks for the feedback, Verdant Haven. Tried my best to fix all the errors you pointed out in the 3rd draft.

Who is the House of Thani?

IIRC, the House of Thani is the ruling house of Althaniq. Or at least, when I made the first draft I looked into the Althaniq wiki/section/page thing and read that.

Don't specify here, specify in issue

[Honourbound]

Thanks for the feedback, Verdant Haven. Tried my best to fix all the errors you pointed out in the 3rd draft.
IIRC, the House of Thani is the ruling house of Althaniq. Or at least, when I made the first draft I looked into the Althaniq wiki/section/page thing and read that.

Don't specify here, specify in issue

Alright, fair enough. Will specify once there is more feedback to add alongside it.

[Honourbound]

Apologies for the bump, but it's getting close to two weeks without input.

[Japanese Schoolgirls]

Bumping but also adding in a feedback of my own.

The second draft looks good to me bar Option 3. I think it's best to re-write it with what Verdant Haven has inputted taken into consideration. Including the phrase "the final frontier" at least to me also gives off "space exploration" vibes as opposed to the actual effect, which is slavery in this case. Mayhap it is better to directly indicate that slavery will be implemented so players would be better in the know of the repercussions of Option 3.

[Electrum]

Hmmm, this would make a lot more sense if the timing of this issue occurred before the World Cup started! After all there was a lot of controversy when Qatar was selected. Great issue title.

I think the fallout for option 1 can be improved too, it's not quite there.

Option 2 - I see that VH has had some comments here but I'll provide a different perspective. How would people really respond if your nation bombed the World Cup hosting nation? It's not something that happens in real life. In the future @@NAME@@ will face further issues from Althaniq and it doesn't make sense in the canon to declare what is essentially war because they're enslaving another country's people. I would perhaps change the direction of this issue to go further than an embargo and include a boycott. Or have this option be a bit more diplomatic since that seems to be what everyone else went for in the Qatar WC (an option that is conspicuously missing from this issue).

Option 3 - I think you can expand on this a little more. You need to spell out more clearly what the 'benefits' are of choosing this option.

Overall I would also improve the characterisation of the speakers. They're quite bland at the moment.

[Honourbound]

Hmmm, this would make a lot more sense if the timing of this issue occurred before the World Cup started! After all there was a lot of controversy when Qatar was selected. Great issue title.

I think the fallout for option 1 can be improved too, it's not quite there.

Option 2 - I see that VH has had some comments here but I'll provide a different perspective. How would people really respond if your nation bombed the World Cup hosting nation? It's not something that happens in real life. In the future @@NAME@@ will face further issues from Althaniq and it doesn't make sense in the canon to declare what is essentially war because they're enslaving another country's people. I would perhaps change the direction of this issue to go further than an embargo and include a boycott. Or have this option be a bit more diplomatic since that seems to be what everyone else went for in the Qatar WC (an option that is conspicuously missing from this issue).

Option 3 - I think you can expand on this a little more. You need to spell out more clearly what the 'benefits' are of choosing this option.

Overall I would also improve the characterisation of the speakers. They're quite bland at the moment.

Oh, I'm so sorry for the confusion! The draft that includes the bombing part is actually the old draft, whereas the draft that is front and center is the draft that's currently in use.

[Honourbound]

Made some adjustments.

[Verdant Haven]

To Electrum's point - the Minister of Defense saying what they're saying still very much seems to imply a military attack. I would likely lean further into this suggestion of pursuing economic sanctions rather than military intervention. The point was valid that these aren't even your own citizens you're moving to defend!

[Honourbound]

Made some more adjustments.

[Verdant Haven]

Option 1: The word "condemn" suggests something different from the "embargo" mentioned in the effect line. The former is harsh words, the latter is a major economic and potentially, depending how one chooses to read it, military action.

Option 2: While now a saner choice than before, it's also now basically the same thing as option 1. Unless some distinction can be provided, it's hard to know what the difference is. Perhaps if option 1 is made clear that it's simply about @@NAME@@ quietly reducing/ending its own trade to indicate disapproval, this option would be about leading/promoting a broad international sanction effort against trade, products, and people?

Result 2: This appears to still be based on the previous, destructive, version of Option 2. "Moving the goalpost" is a good pun to try and retain, but the wrecking ball appears obsolete.

Option 3: "Minister of Copywriting" is an amusing job title, but I’m not sure what it has to do with the particular dilemma or suggestion involved here. The other speakers are related to their arguments.

Result 3: This is a bit boring/literal.

[Honourbound]

Option 1: The word "condemn" suggests something different from the "embargo" mentioned in the effect line. The former is harsh words, the latter is a major economic and potentially, depending how one chooses to read it, military action.

Option 2: While now a saner choice than before, it's also now basically the same thing as option 1. Unless some distinction can be provided, it's hard to know what the difference is. Perhaps if option 1 is made clear that it's simply about @@NAME@@ quietly reducing/ending its own trade to indicate disapproval, this option would be about leading/promoting a broad international sanction effort against trade, products, and people?

Result 2: This appears to still be based on the previous, destructive, version of Option 2. "Moving the goalpost" is a good pun to try and retain, but the wrecking ball appears obsolete.

Option 3: "Minister of Copywriting" is an amusing job title, but I’m not sure what it has to do with the particular dilemma or suggestion involved here. The other speakers are related to their arguments.

Result 3: This is a bit boring/literal.

Thanks for the advice, I've tried to implement it in the new draft. I think the first effect line is a bit iffy/long personally, but I'd like to see your opinion on that.

[Southland]

Option 1: The word "condemn" suggests something different from the "embargo" mentioned in the effect line. The former is harsh words, the latter is a major economic and potentially, depending how one chooses to read it, military action.

Option 2: While now a saner choice than before, it's also now basically the same thing as option 1. Unless some distinction can be provided, it's hard to know what the difference is. Perhaps if option 1 is made clear that it's simply about @@NAME@@ quietly reducing/ending its own trade to indicate disapproval, this option would be about leading/promoting a broad international sanction effort against trade, products, and people?

Result 2: This appears to still be based on the previous, destructive, version of Option 2. "Moving the goalpost" is a good pun to try and retain, but the wrecking ball appears obsolete.

Option 3: "Minister of Copywriting" is an amusing job title, but I’m not sure what it has to do with the particular dilemma or suggestion involved here. The other speakers are related to their arguments.

Result 3: This is a bit boring/literal.

Thanks for the advice, I've tried to implement it in the new draft. I think the first effect line is a bit iffy/long personally, but I'd like to see your opinion on that.

I think a good alternative would be "the tears of grateful Althaniq migrant workers outweigh the tears of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ at the gas pump". It keeps the relative upbeatness you were going for while showing the downside of doing the right thing.

[Honourbound]

Thanks for the advice, I've tried to implement it in the new draft. I think the first effect line is a bit iffy/long personally, but I'd like to see your opinion on that.

I think a good alternative would be "the tears of grateful Althaniq migrant workers outweigh the tears of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ at the gas pump". It keeps the relative upbeatness you were going for while showing the downside of doing the right thing.

Oh, that is certainly better than what I've written for the first effect line. Thank you for the suggestion; I'll add it to the draft.

[Verdant Haven]

- Option 1: Being a social media influencer requires computers and internet be allowed. This is not necessary for the issue, so I would suggest replacing that description.

- The new effect line 1 is solid, but does carry implications of having cars (validity concern). There are likely ways to rephrase this that get at the same idea without specifically referencing "the gas pump."

- Option 2: What is meant by "we might also get more out of it?" I don't understand what the speaker's threat or intent there is.

- Validities needed: Allows immigration. Not an autarky.