After an air marshal on a domestic flight pulled a handgun arresting a 6 month old baby for 'auditory terrorism', the nation's fliers, criers and people passing to say hi have all jetting to your office with opinions.
validity: puts police on airplanes
[option] "The problem is that this officer was clearly bored," explains @@RANDOMNAME@@, criminology professor at the University of Somewhere-In-@@NAME@@ over the marshal in question. "And no wonder. Not a single incident has happened on flights since we adopted the air marshal program... because crime on airplanes is very, very rare. My research has shown that withdrawing the air marshals and assigning them to other duties would have a much more substantial impact on public safety. Let airport screenings do the heavy lifting. Air passengers will be fine."
[effect] commercial flights are a lawless wasteland of butter knives and crying babies
[option] "The issue was that he didn't have the mental strength!" cries self-proclaimed @@NAME@@'s best air marshal over his colleague, @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, with an impressive tally of 172 uneventful journeys under his belt. "Not many people know this, but terrorists are masters of disguise. Sometimes they even look like people! Only the most determined, eagle-eyed and dedicated recruits are fit for such a dangerous position."
[effect] the nation's best detectives read murder mysteries on the @@CAPITAL@@ to @@ANIMAL@@ City short-haul.
[option] Before the marshal in question can speak, @@RANDOMNAME@@, the person with the most @@DENONYM@@ Airways frequent flyer miles, butts in, "Obviously we're missing the real problem about him. And that's that it took him so long to get on a flight! And why do we even put cops on the jets when we screen everybody at the airport anyway, taking away my right to carry a vintage 2008 fully auto? Seems simple to me. Get rid of the ground security, and give the air marshal a second clip. Everybody happy!"
[effect] a flight is considered boring without at least 1 shooting
[option] "LET ME SPEAK!" screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, the officer who caused the incident in the first place, pulling their gun on everybody. "THANK YOU. ...Look, @@LEADER@@, trust me when I say that I acted completely within my rights. That little windbag had been crying for 15 minutes straight. Sure, maybe I acted a bit hastily, but I was on my own in a serious developing situation. Get me some backup - ideally a better conversationalist than that granny from @@CURRENCY@@ Bay- and we'll keep the skies clear.
[effect] thousands of action movie fans have applied to join the 'air cops'
