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[DRAFT] Resting in Peace

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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The Rhein States
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Founded: Jul 15, 2011
Left-wing Utopia

[DRAFT] Resting in Peace

Postby The Rhein States » Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:03 am

Resting in Peace

Validity: atleast a reasonable economy, must not ban cars

Description:Truck drivers are complaining that designated highway rest areas are always full. Many have taken to parking by the roadside.

OPTION 1
"Reckless parking can cause deadly accidents -- for example, two nights ago a car collided with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp, causing a four car pile up and five casualties." reports patrol officer @@RANDOMNNAME@@, "While that driver was prosecuted for vehicular manslaughter, there ought to be stricter punishments for bad parking of this sort even if no accident ensues. Increase the police budget, and empower us to issue punitive on-the-spot penalty notices, and we'll end this problem once and for all."

EF Hyperactive patrol officers are to blame for the soaring truck transport costs

OPTION 2
“What else could I have done?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, driver of the articulated truck, “There is a big shortage of parking spaces at designated rest areas (,) forcing us to park on highway ramps, in residential areas or even in the woods, causing more unsafe traffic conditions. Prosecution will not solve this problem, more parking spaces for me and my colleagues will.”

EF It can be lonely on @@NAME@@'s gargantuan designated rest areas

OPTION 3A - METRICISM
“People should buy more local produce instead” suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, from the organisation Kilometer for Thought, “My organisation proposes to implement a kilometer tax for cargo trucks – every truck must carry an On Board Unit (OBU) pricesly measuring the distance, weight and type of road the truck has travelled. Long distance truck transport will become more expensive, raising product prices, change consumer behaviour which, in turn, will lower demand for long distance truck transports."

EF @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have gone bananas over the recent price hikes

OPTION 3B - NO METRICISM
“People should buy more local produce instead” suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, from the organisation Mileage for Thought, “My organisation proposes to implement a mileage tax for cargo trucks. Every truck must carry an On Board Unit (OBU) pricesly measuring the distance, weight and type of road the truck has travelled. Long distance truck transport will become more expensive, raising product prices, change consumer behaviour which, in turn, will lower demand for long distance truck transports."

EF @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have gone bananas over the recent price hikes


Resting in Peace

Validity: atleast a reasonable economy, must not ban cars

Truck drivers are complaining that designated highway rest areas are always full. Many have taken to parking by the roadside.

Option 1
"Last night a deadly accident happened when a 48-year old driver of a passenger car collided at full speed with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp.", reports patrol officer @@RANDOMNNAME@@, "The truck driver is fined for dangerous parking and should be prosecuted for manslaughter. I furthermore suggest increasing the budget of the police so we can patrol more frequently."

EF Hyperactive patrol officers are to blame for the soaring truck transport costs

Option 2
"What else could I have done?", says @@RANDOMNAME@@, driver of the articulated truck, "There simply aren't enough parking spaces at designated rest areas forcing us truckers to park on highway ramps, in residential areas or even in the woods. Instead of prosecuting us you could expand the number of parking spaces and put some street lights along the roadside."

EF It can be lonely on @@NAME@@'s gargantuan designated rest areas

Option 3 - do not have the metricism policy
"We should opt for a mileage tax instead.", suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@ from the organisation Mileage for Thought, "The tax you have to pay, for any given product, increases with every mile it has to travel between the manufacturer and the retail store. This will incentivize the citizens to opt for locally produced goods, lowering the distance cargo trucks have to drive."

EF @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have gone bananas over the recent price hikes

Option 4 - have the metricism policy
"We should opt for a kilometer tax instead.", suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@ from the organisation Kilometers for Thought, "The tax you have to pay, for any given product, increases with every kilometer it has to travel between the manufacturer and the retail store. This will incentivize the citizens to opt for locally produced goods, lowering the distance cargo trucks have to drive."

EF @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have gone bananas over the recent price hikes
Last edited by The Rhein States on Wed Sep 18, 2019 12:26 am, edited 26 times in total.

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SherpDaWerp
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Postby SherpDaWerp » Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:22 am

The Rhein States wrote:Validity: atleast a reasonable economy
And cars can't be banned...

The Rhein States wrote: We demand more rest areas on the 'Big Road' ", says @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, chairman of the @@Demonymplural@@ Trucker Association
This could be a '@@RANDOMNAME@@, chair of the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ Trucker Association' to remove the gender bias.

The Rhein States wrote: Just last week a car collided with a parked truck on the highway ramp emergency lane. The driver luckily survived.
The survived bit seems a bit tacked-on. Maybe this would work better: Thankfully, the driver survived, but this just proves my point!

The Rhein States wrote:They also use fewer fuel which will benefit our environment.
They use less fuel, which would benefit our environment.

Overall, a solid concept IMO. Although maybe run it through a spelling and grammar checker, and definitely get more feedback.
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Tue Sep 10, 2019 4:43 am

The Rhein States wrote:a scarcity of parking space at rest areas
Rest areas? What are those?

That makes it sound like it's only the parking spaces near hotels that are getting crowded out, or something.

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Sep 10, 2019 5:05 am

More rest areas? No, just bigger ones
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The Rhein States
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Postby The Rhein States » Wed Sep 11, 2019 2:36 am

Trotterdam wrote:
The Rhein States wrote:a scarcity of parking space at rest areas
Rest areas? What are those?

That makes it sound like it's only the parking spaces near hotels that are getting crowded out, or something.


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rest_area

I got this issue from German news websites. Rastätte is rest area in english and it means exactly the same, so what should I change to make it sound better?

Australian rePublic wrote:More rest areas? No, just bigger ones


When I posted this I knew I made a mistake but didn't have time to change it. I also felt I made a mistake in other parts, which I have changed now. For example, the 'tacked on' bit SherpDaWerp talked about (which I planned to change after posting.)

@SherpDaWerp: Spelling and Grammar are an issue. :unsure: I will try my best...
Last edited by The Rhein States on Wed Sep 11, 2019 2:50 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:11 am

Decent premise, interesting issue.

No Place to Rest


Not too keen on the title, may be a workable pun we could use instead.

Resting In Peace

The economy is booming, demanding more raw materials and products to be transported across @@NAME@@. This has led to a sharp increase in the number of trucks on the highways. Rest areas are bulging out, no longer able to cope with demand. Truckers are forced to park in unsafe places. Resulting in a deadly accident last night when a passenger car collided full speed on a truck parked on the highway exit of a rest area.


I think excessive framing. Maybe:

Truck drivers are complaining that designated highway rest areas are always full, and many have taken to parking by the roadside instead.


The rest of the framing could then occur in the options, with the opening option describing an accident. I'd suggest make option 1 a traffic patrol officer or someone like that, and have them describe an accident, and then to suggest that any truck drivers who park dangerously should be fired from their job, and prosecuted for reckless endangerment of life. Then the current option 1 could become option 2, with the driver instead not mentioning the accident, but opening with a protest that they've got no choice right now, because the rest breaks are essential to safety, but there's not enough places to park up, and then proposing more parking.

Incidentally, looking up "pickle park" in the urban dictionary gives this:
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... kle%20park

I'm sure that's not what you meant to say. I mean, that slang name came about because the people inside were "sucking on pickles", of you get what I'm saying.

3. "Futuristic transport is the answer!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Drone Company, "Too many businesses choose trucks as their primary mode of transport and trains need lots of expensive infrastructural investments. Drones barely need infrastructure and can be AI controlled. They won't clog any of your transport networks."


This option lacks verisimilitude. Drone delivery can't fill the same niche that truck delivery does. With the volumes and weights involved, you're basically talking air freight, which isn't a practical substitute.

I suggest cutting this option and replacing it with something more feasible but simultaneously more radical, like encouraging localisation of supplies, with tariffs punitively applied to any goods that are transported more than twenty miles from their point of production.
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:14 am, edited 2 times in total.

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The Rhein States
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Postby The Rhein States » Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:48 am

Incidentally, looking up "pickle park" in the urban dictionary gives this:
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... kle%20park


Uhm, I looked it up too but it didn't mention that. :shock: The word has to go.
Edit: 'Nap Trap' seems to be the correct slang.

I suggest cutting this option and replacing it with something more feasible but simultaneously more radical, like encouraging localisation of supplies, with tariffs punitively applied to any goods that are transported more than twenty miles from their point of production.


To me that seems radical.... Although I have heard some real world proposals who seem just as radical, so I will see what I can do.

Thanks for your reaction Candlewhisper Archive!
Last edited by The Rhein States on Wed Sep 11, 2019 3:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Sep 11, 2019 4:08 am

Traditionally, the last option of an issue is where you put the crazy radical options that wouldn't fly in the real world.

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The Rhein States
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Postby The Rhein States » Wed Sep 11, 2019 6:04 am

Nap Trap, for those who want to be picky, can either mean motel or rest area, or both, in CB slang (depending on the source you use).

There is another way of saying rest area: Rest 'em up , but I don't know whether this could be usable or not.
Last edited by The Rhein States on Wed Sep 11, 2019 6:14 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Sep 11, 2019 6:57 am

All sounds like American slang to me anyway. It's worth avoiding overly localised terms - like in the UK we'd call the rest areas lay-bys, and the side of the road the hard shoulder. Just stick with more international terms like "roadside" and "designated rest areas".

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The Rhein States
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Postby The Rhein States » Wed Sep 11, 2019 7:29 am

So, does this mean 'nap trap' is an issue or not? To me it all sounds english. :p (as english is not my native language)

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Sep 11, 2019 7:42 am

No, "nap trap" is not recognised colloquial English in most places.

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The Rhein States
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Postby The Rhein States » Wed Sep 11, 2019 7:56 am

Noted, I will take a good night's rest and tackle that tomorrow. Albeit that I think your suggestion is hard to beat.

Are there any other issues with the current text?

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Sep 11, 2019 8:31 am

Hmmm... The effect lines don't deliver, but that's not a dealbreaker, it just means at the editing stage they'll be replaced. Think of them more as "punchlines" and you may come up with something.

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The Rhein States
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Postby The Rhein States » Wed Sep 11, 2019 11:23 pm

I was unable to think of a good alternatieve name for this issue so 'Resting in Peace' it is then.
For the effectlines I hope I only have to construct the sentences to make them good enough, I will post them in the evening.

There need to be 2 versions of option 3 because I have the metric policy so, for me, it has to say kilometer tax.

To see if I am on the right track with the effect lines, here is the one for option 2:

Truckers who have to answer the call of nature never reach the restrooms on time.
Last edited by The Rhein States on Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:11 am, edited 3 times in total.

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SherpDaWerp
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Postby SherpDaWerp » Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:02 am

IRL in Australia we still use the word mileage, even though we use the metric system. Other countries may be more metric-centered though, so it could be worth having a doppelganger.

EDIT: after more closely looking at the option text, not just the 'mileage tax' vs 'kilometers tax' part, it is definitely worth having a doppelganger. Carry on!
Last edited by SherpDaWerp on Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:24 am

The Rhein States wrote:"We should opt for a mileage tax instead.", suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@ from the organisation Milage for Thought
Try to keep your spelling consistent.

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The Rhein States
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Rhein States » Thu Sep 12, 2019 11:58 am

Trotterdam wrote:
The Rhein States wrote:"We should opt for a mileage tax instead.", suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@ from the organisation Milage for Thought
Try to keep your spelling consistent.


Thanks, I have read that bit 3 times today and I overlooked that. Will do a thorough spelling and grammar check ones the text is finalised.

I have now changed the effectlines, are they an improvement from the last (which you can find in the changelog above)? Are they strong enough to avoid the editors cut?

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Sep 15, 2019 5:22 pm

Why is this limited to truckies? Car drivers also pee on road trips
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
From Sydney, NSW. From Greek ancestry. Orthodox Christian. Date of Birth: 1 October 1995
Why stylised as "rePublic"
16 Published Issues and 1 WA resolution
Please sign my petition to help me achieve justice (real life)
Issue Ideas You Can Steal

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The Rhein States
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Founded: Jul 15, 2011
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Rhein States » Sun Sep 15, 2019 9:33 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:Why is this limited to truckies? Car drivers also pee on road trips


Can I include a group that isn't subject in the issue? I guess, because of your reaction, that the EFs still aren't strong enough

EDIT: I have changed the Effectlines, how about now? :?:
Last edited by The Rhein States on Mon Sep 16, 2019 1:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Sep 16, 2019 3:15 am

Option 1
"Last night a deadly accident happened when a 48-year old driver of a passenger car collided at full speed with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp.",


48-year-old.
The punctuation at the end here has gone a bit crazy.
More pertinently, this doesn't sound like a cop talking, and the sentences are linguistically confusing. The driver didn't collide with the truck, the car did. Cars don't tend to be called "passenger cars" unless we're speaking in the context automobile categories, that term on its own normally refers to a passenger car on a train.

Should be more like "Reckless parking can cause deadly accidents -- for example, two nights ago a car collided with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp, causing a four car pile up and five casualties."

reports patrol officer @@RANDOMNNAME@@, "The truck driver is fined for dangerous parking and should be prosecuted for manslaughter. I furthermore suggest increasing the budget of the police so we can patrol more frequently."


Weirdness in the chosen tenses here, and odd phrasing again, I'd suggest. I'd go with something like: "While that driver was prosecuted for vehicular manslaughter, there ought to be stricter punishments for bad parking of this sort even if no accident ensues. Increase the police budget, and empower us to issue punitive on-the-spot penalty notices, and we'll end this problem once and for all."

That is to say, read back what you've written, and try to have it flow like colloquial English, but in the voice of a given speaker.

Do that sort of thing with each of your options, and let's see how it looks.

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The Rhein States
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Rhein States » Mon Sep 16, 2019 3:41 am

The punctuation at the end here has gone a bit crazy.


I haven't done much quoting at all until now

That is to say, read back what you've written, and try to have it flow like colloquial English, but in the voice of a given speaker.


TBH, I have read each option dozens of times the last few days but I don't have an issue with what I have written. You're right ofcourse, it is just something I tend to struggle with a lot.

"While that driver was prosecuted for vehicular manslaughter, there ought to be stricter punishments for bad parking of this sort even if no accident ensues. Increase the police budget, and empower us to issue punitive on-the-spot penalty notices, and we'll end this problem once and for all."


"Reckless parking can cause deadly accidents -- for example, two nights ago a car collided with an articulated truck parked on the highway ramp, causing a four car pile up and five casualties."


How should I ever come up with something that could rival any of your suggestions. :meh: Oh well, back to the drawing boards it is.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Sep 16, 2019 4:02 am

Don't worry then, feel free to use the suggested text, and if you're okay with it, we can sort the rest out if and when it comes to edit.

The core story is the thing, we can work out most other stuff.

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The Rhein States
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Rhein States » Mon Sep 16, 2019 4:16 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Don't worry then, feel free to use the suggested text, and if you're okay with it, we can sort the rest out if and when it comes to edit.

The core story is the thing, we can work out most other stuff.


Yeah, that is not exactly what I wish for... At the moment only the subject is genuinly mine. I have worked on an alternative text for option 2 and am struggeling to make a better text for option 3.

Alternative option 2

“What else could I have done?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, driver of the articulated truck, “There is a big shortage on parking spaces at designated rest areas (,) forcing us to park on highway ramps, in residential areas or even in the woods, causing more unsafe traffic conditions. Prosecution will not solve this problem, more parking spaces for me and my colleagues will.”

EDIT: Alternative option 3

“People should buy more local produce instead” suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, from the organisation Kilometer for Thought, “My organisation proposes to implement a kilometer tax for cargo trucks – every truck must carry an On Board Unit (OBU) pricesly measuring the distance, weight and type of road the truck has travelled. Long distance truck transport will become more expensive, raising product prices, change consumer behaviour which, in turn, will lower demand for long distance truck transports.
Last edited by The Rhein States on Mon Sep 16, 2019 4:50 am, edited 3 times in total.


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