Name: Excersise in Futility
Description: Following a recent fitness craze in @@NAME@@, there has been outcry from many conservative citizens who find yoga positions too provocative
Option 1: “This is pornography!” bellows right-wing extremist Skipper Humperdink, “Look at these positions. ‘Downward Dog, Bridge Pose’, these nutjobs might as well be working the street corner. And now I find out my 12 year old daughter is enrolled in a mandatory yoga class “for her health”? We all know what middle school boys are like! The only reasonable course of action is to make yoga illegal!”
Outcome: People caught stretching in bed are convicted felons.
Option 2: “I've never heard such bigoted drivel in my life!” shouts local gym owner Infinty Summer, chugging her kale smoothie while squatting on an exercise ball. “It has been scientifically proven that yoga reduces stress, boosts the immune system, cures cancer, and promotes a positive self-image. It's not enough to teach classes on the magic of yoga, we need to make it mandatory for all citizens! Picture it: Millions of citizens starting their day with Sun Salutations, with all those heretical yoga-haters rotting in a federal penitentiary.”
Outcome: Inflexibility is being treated as an infectious disease.
Option 3: Look at these two, squabbling like a bunch of theists,” mutters renowned skeptic @@RANDOMNAME@@, pouring a thirteenth cup of coffee. “Yoga should be classified as a religion and put out of the government's hands. Maybe then the people would see these fanatics for what they really are.”
Outcome: Devout followers of Yogaism are becoming more extremist by the day.
