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[DRAFT] Come Fly With Me?

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Thyerata
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Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

[DRAFT] Come Fly With Me?

Postby Thyerata » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:15 pm

[desc] After a recent flight between @@CAPITAL@@ and Maxtopia's capital city Violetville was overbooked, resulting in the violent removal of a first class passenger, a debate has started about @@NATION@@'s approach, if any, to overbooking flights. You have been dragged in to make a decision

[opt] "Now look here says @@RANDOMNAME@@, I paid top @@CURRENCY@@ for that seat, and yet those horrible police officers thought I should be dragged off the plane just because the airline hadn't properly planned for the amount of people who would want to fly that day. It's unfair. I say that if we pay for our seats, we should be allowed to fly in that seat. It's that simple"
[effect] Planes are full of passengers sitting on each others' knees, or in the toilets.
Tourism drops

[opt] "But we do plan!" sputters @@RANDOMNAME@@, Chief Operations Officer of the involved airline, who strides into your office, completely disregarding the fact that you can only be seen by appointment, and there were no appointments today . "It's just that this time, we suddenly had an influx of passengers, which isn't normal, because studies show that some people will book a flight, but won't turn up. I say that we should be allowed to throw passengers off the plane if we have to. Oh, and it's their fault for trying to get on a full plane, so they should have to live with it. Security seem to agree with him, as they literally throw him into the street
[Effect] Passengers are likely to be arbitrarily thrown off airplanes.
Civil rights drop

[opt] "How about this", says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Compromises and Other Weird Solutions, running to ensure he gets into the office before anyone else. "We should impose a rule that airlines across the Nation can't take more than a certain number of people per flight, and If it turns out the flight is overbooked, we should require the airline to issue mandatory refunds to the surplus passengers. Of course, it would mean that the surplus wouldn't have any choice in the matter, and the airline might make a bit of a loss, but that's what happens when you compromise"
[Effect] There is now a permanent race to get to the airport to be on the plane in time, and airlines are known for paying hefty refunds to passengers who are over the limit.
Economic freedom drops.
Civil rights drop

[opt] "Why do we even have airplanes in the first place?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, waving a "Plane Stupid" banner. "Airplanes are noisy, and sometimes they break down or the flights are cancelled for any old reason. I say we should get rid of airplanes and invest in public transport...or domestic @@ANIMAL@@s and teach people to ride them
[effect] People can be seen riding around on @@ANIMAL@@s
Aviation industry is abolished
Please don't bite. It's a first draft, and I've never written an Issue before
Last edited by Thyerata on Mon May 01, 2017 2:00 pm, edited 8 times in total.
From the Desk of the Honourable Matthew Merriweather PhD (Law, 2040) LLM Public and International Law, 2036) LLB Law (2035) (all from Thyerata State University)
Thytian Ambassador to the World Assembly and Security Council

I'm a gay final year law student with mild Asperger syndrome and only one functioning eye. My IC posts may reflect this, so please be aware

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New Axiom
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Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby New Axiom » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:20 pm

Sounds neat, but you still need to put in the effect it will have on your nation, for example, option 1:

Airliners in @@NATION@@ are constantly over the weight limit.

Effect:
Tourism drops

Or something like that.
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Thyerata
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Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Thyerata » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:27 pm

New Axiom wrote:Sounds neat, but you still need to put in the effect it will have on your nation, for example, option 1:

Airliners in @@NATION@@ are constantly over the weight limit.

Effect:
Tourism drops

Or something like that.


Edited
From the Desk of the Honourable Matthew Merriweather PhD (Law, 2040) LLM Public and International Law, 2036) LLB Law (2035) (all from Thyerata State University)
Thytian Ambassador to the World Assembly and Security Council

I'm a gay final year law student with mild Asperger syndrome and only one functioning eye. My IC posts may reflect this, so please be aware

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USS Monitor
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Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:36 pm

The text of the effect line (e.g. "Planes are full of passengers sitting on each others' knees, or in the toilets.") should be a separate line from the stat effects (e.g. tourism drops).

You're not the only person to try writing an issue based on that United Airlines incident, but I don't think we've published one yet, and your writing is OK, so go ahead with this anyway.

Option 2 should be more specific about what happens when people are kicked off. Are you saying they can be kicked off without compensation? You should clarify so it's more obvious how this option differs from option 3.
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Thyerata
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Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Thyerata » Thu Apr 20, 2017 1:00 pm

USS Monitor wrote:The text of the effect line (e.g. "Planes are full of passengers sitting on each others' knees, or in the toilets.") should be a separate line from the stat effects (e.g. tourism drops).

You're not the only person to try writing an issue based on that United Airlines incident, but I don't think we've published one yet, and your writing is OK, so go ahead with this anyway.

Option 2 should be more specific about what happens when people are kicked off. Are you saying they can be kicked off without compensation? You should clarify so it's more obvious how this option differs from option 3.


I wondered how long it would take someone to notice where my inspiration came from. I've tried to edit it to reflect the advice above - though if it's not done properly I'll gladly accept a Modly edit to correct it
From the Desk of the Honourable Matthew Merriweather PhD (Law, 2040) LLM Public and International Law, 2036) LLB Law (2035) (all from Thyerata State University)
Thytian Ambassador to the World Assembly and Security Council

I'm a gay final year law student with mild Asperger syndrome and only one functioning eye. My IC posts may reflect this, so please be aware

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Australian Republic
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Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian Republic » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:17 pm

Hello and welcome to Got Issues! It's always nice to see a new writter! If this is the quality of your first ever issue, then you're going to become an excellent writter! Fantastic! :clap: :clap: :clap: man! I wish that my first issue was a quarter as good as yours

Now let's take a look. Firstly, someone has already written a draft regarding the exact same topic but it's not my possition to judge which, if any, will make it to the game.

A little bit of research here would havee gone a long way. As someboyd who is heavily involved in the tourism industry, I can confirm that overbooking is STANDARD PROSEDURE on most, if not, all, airlines in most, if not, all countries around the world. Airlines will INTENTIONALLY overbook whreever possible. Hotels do that too. I would suggest either fixing that in the first option, or, making the first speaker's ignorance to the matter more obvious.
Also, with the third issue, airlines would be laughing if they could get away with as little as a refund. Airlines would be in great joy if all they had to pay was a refund. I was going to fly from Toronto, Canada, to Los Angeles, USA once, and my flight was overbooked. We were offered $800 travel vouchers if were WILLING to be bumped (i.e. thrown off the plane). Since people had volunteered not to board, I didn't get to see what the reward would have been if Air Canada had to start involuntery bumping.
Last edited by Australian Republic on Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:39 am

Don't know what it is about this topic, but the last few weeks have seen no less than five separate drafts based on the same news story, each clearly with no plagiarism from the others, and massively varying in quality.

I've deleted four of them and kept the best one in the Pool.

Nothing to stop you submitting another issue on this topic, and it could displace the existing one, but just to let you know that you'd be in direct competition with it.

On the upside, I think you're the only one to have used Got Issues for drafting, which will definitely help you gain the edge. Also, your draft is already as good as the one in the pool. Make it slightly funnier and sharper, and it'll definitely be the one we choose.
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Thyerata
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Posts: 189
Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Thyerata » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:02 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Don't know what it is about this topic, but the last few weeks have seen no less than five separate drafts based on the same news story, each clearly with no plagiarism from the others, and massively varying in quality.

I've deleted four of them and kept the best one in the Pool.

Nothing to stop you submitting another issue on this topic, and it could displace the existing one, but just to let you know that you'd be in direct competition with it.

On the upside, I think you're the only one to have used Got Issues for drafting, which will definitely help you gain the edge. Also, your draft is already as good as the one in the pool. Make it slightly funnier and sharper, and it'll definitely be the one we choose.


I've added in this fourth option. Hopefully it adds to the humour a bit, and I also hope I haven't mangled the macros by doing this...

[opt] "Why do we even have airplanes in the first place?" asks @@NAME@@, waving a "Plane Stupid" banner. "Airplanes are noisy, and sometimes they break down or the flights are cancelled for any old reason. I say we should get rid of airplanes and invest in public transport...or domestic @@ANIMAL@@s and teach people to ride them
[effect] People can be seen riding around on @@ANIMAL@@s
Aviation industry is abolished
From the Desk of the Honourable Matthew Merriweather PhD (Law, 2040) LLM Public and International Law, 2036) LLB Law (2035) (all from Thyerata State University)
Thytian Ambassador to the World Assembly and Security Council

I'm a gay final year law student with mild Asperger syndrome and only one functioning eye. My IC posts may reflect this, so please be aware

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USS Monitor
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Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:21 am

About macros: @@NAME@@ means the name of the country. @@RANDOMNAME@@ is a random name for a person.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:22 am

Wrong approach, I think. It's fine (but not required) to have an airplane banning options, but what I meant was taking your existing three options (which are solid, well written and informationally complete) and making them funnier.

Your first effect line is a good example of this, as you've conjured an amusing mental image of passengers on each other's laps. The other effect lines should be as good as that one.

Maybe in the options themselves, you could try to make the speakers more characterful, having them act or appear in an apposite or ironic way, or making their speech more over the top and individualised. Or, just go for more funny mental images.

For example in one, you could have the speaker demanding to see you even though he was told you didn't have an appointment slot free. In option 2, the chief operations officer could be doing something suitably greedy, like helping himself to a complementary coffee AND a complementary tea, just in case.

Doesn't have to be those exact things, just add some more whimsy here and there.
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people.

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Thyerata
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Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Thyerata » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:34 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Wrong approach, I think. It's fine (but not required) to have an airplane banning options, but what I meant was taking your existing three options (which are solid, well written and informationally complete) and making them funnier.

Your first effect line is a good example of this, as you've conjured an amusing mental image of passengers on each other's laps. The other effect lines should be as good as that one.

Maybe in the options themselves, you could try to make the speakers more characterful, having them act or appear in an apposite or ironic way, or making their speech more over the top and individualised. Or, just go for more funny mental images.

For example in one, you could have the speaker demanding to see you even though he was told you didn't have an appointment slot free. In option 2, the chief operations officer could be doing something suitably greedy, like helping himself to a complementary coffee AND a complementary tea, just in case.

Doesn't have to be those exact things, just add some more whimsy here and there.


Tweaked. My airline CEO is is now barging into a very full office, and my Minister of Compromises and Other Weird Solutions, by contrast, is running to get there before everyone else - I'm dropping a few hints as to what the effects are.

Also, I'm leaving the fourth option - adds a bit of quirkiness to the national census :)

About macros: @@NAME@@ means the name of the country. @@RANDOMNAME@@ is a random name for a person


Fixed
Last edited by Thyerata on Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
From the Desk of the Honourable Matthew Merriweather PhD (Law, 2040) LLM Public and International Law, 2036) LLB Law (2035) (all from Thyerata State University)
Thytian Ambassador to the World Assembly and Security Council

I'm a gay final year law student with mild Asperger syndrome and only one functioning eye. My IC posts may reflect this, so please be aware

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Posts: 8182
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Apr 21, 2017 4:13 am

You're not to know this, but people barging into @@LEADER@@'s office is such a done thing that the editing team consider it a #1 awful cliche, up there with slamming fists on desks and saying to think of the children. Is there another approach you can use?
Editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people.

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Thyerata
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Posts: 189
Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Thyerata » Fri Apr 21, 2017 4:22 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:You're not to know this, but people barging into @@LEADER@@'s office is such a done thing that the editing team consider it a #1 awful cliche, up there with slamming fists on desks and saying to think of the children. Is there another approach you can use?


Edited. My additions are in red

[opt] "But we do plan!" sputters @@RANDOMNAME@@, Chief Operations Officer of the involved airline, who strides into your office, completely disregarding the fact that you can only be seen by appointment, and there were no appointments today . "It's just that this time, we suddenly had an influx of passengers, which isn't normal, because studies show that some people will book a flight, but won't turn up. I say that we should be allowed to throw passengers off the plane if we have to. Oh, and it's their fault for trying to get on a full plane, so they should have to live with it. Security seem to agree with him, as they literally throw him into the street
Last edited by Thyerata on Fri Apr 21, 2017 5:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
From the Desk of the Honourable Matthew Merriweather PhD (Law, 2040) LLM Public and International Law, 2036) LLB Law (2035) (all from Thyerata State University)
Thytian Ambassador to the World Assembly and Security Council

I'm a gay final year law student with mild Asperger syndrome and only one functioning eye. My IC posts may reflect this, so please be aware

User avatar
Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 8182
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:46 am

Looks good.

Another issue on the same topic was submitted today, and there's another one in the forum:

viewtopic.php?f=13&t=409038

Collaborate, compete, do as you will.

Obviously, at the end of the day, we're only to keep one draft on this topic.
Editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people.

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Australian Republic
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Posts: 9802
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian Republic » Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:49 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:You're not to know this, but people barging into @@LEADER@@'s office is such a done thing that the editing team consider it a #1 awful cliche, up there with slamming fists on desks and saying to think of the children. Is there another approach you can use?

Image

Slamming fists on desks?> Really? That's a new one

Anyway back to the issue. The title made me think this was about cross dressing. I like how it through off my expectations. Brilliant!
Last edited by Australian Republic on Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:54 am, edited 2 times in total.
The above message is from your friendly crackpot
There's no "I" in "team", but there is in "win" and "victory"
Australian of Greek ancestry ΕΛΛΗΝΑΣ!!! who loves BOTH of his nations very much Orthodox Christian
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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 8182
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Sat Apr 22, 2017 1:07 am

Australian Republic wrote:Anyway back to the issue. The title made me think this was about cross dressing. I like how it through off my expectations. Brilliant!


Not just me then!

I saw the title and thought "uh-oh, here's another author with no clue about trans issues", and the sheer shock of finding a competently written and entirely different issue was very pleasing.

That said, I do think a better title is needed.
Editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people.

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Thyerata
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Posts: 189
Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Thyerata » Mon Apr 24, 2017 1:02 pm

Sorry if this has been a bit quiet - I hope I haven't lost the possibility for thsi to become a Game Issue

As for the title, would "Come Fly With Me?" be better?
From the Desk of the Honourable Matthew Merriweather PhD (Law, 2040) LLM Public and International Law, 2036) LLB Law (2035) (all from Thyerata State University)
Thytian Ambassador to the World Assembly and Security Council

I'm a gay final year law student with mild Asperger syndrome and only one functioning eye. My IC posts may reflect this, so please be aware


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