Porta Nopa up for sale? [DRAFT]

[Australian rePublic]

effect: Tourists often disembark from ten-hour flights to discover they're in the same country.

"Tourists can now enjoy the latest cruise ship-borne stomach flu duty-free."

effect: Other nations have started a campaign to teach @@NAME@@ that other people have feelings too.

Something about the national coffers thrown a life preserver, or not lost at sea. Or something.

Not sure.

effect: The Military often starts Military Coups just for vacation spots.

"Heavily armed holiday makers have taken Porta Nopa by storm."

No. Duty free means that you travel overseas...

[Helaw]

"Tourists can now enjoy the latest cruise ship-borne stomach flu duty-free."



Something about the national coffers thrown a life preserver, or not lost at sea. Or something.

Not sure.




"Heavily armed holiday makers have taken Porta Nopa by storm."

No. Duty free means that you travel overseas...

Duty-Free Shops, often found in airports and ports. Basically, it means 'tax-free'.

[Australian rePublic]

No. Duty free means that you travel overseas...

Yes, but in most cases, you can't buy duty free when travellingwithin your own country

Duty-Free Shops, often found in airports and ports. Basically, it means 'tax-free'.

[A Humanist Resurrection]

"Tourists can now enjoy the latest cruise ship-borne stomach flu duty-free."



Something about the national coffers thrown a life preserver, or not lost at sea. Or something.

Not sure.




"Heavily armed holiday makers have taken Porta Nopa by storm."

No. Duty free means that you travel overseas...

That's true, actually. :|

So what's the opposite of "duty-free"? And can it possibly be spelled "doodie." Cause, you know, stomach flu.

"Porta Nopa-bound cruise ships aren't doodie-free either."

meh.

[Helaw]

Duty-Free Shops, often found in airports and ports. Basically, it means 'tax-free'.

Yes, but in most cases, you can't buy duty free when travellingwithin your own country

In a commercial port? It's likely that you would be able to do so regardless. To illustrate, I could take a flight from London to Edinburgh and, potentially depending on the airport and terminal, duty-free would be available.

[Skymoot]

I'm optimistically enjoying the idea of this. The issue probably needs more refining, but I think it's a beautiful idea! Can't wait to see what becomes of it.

[A Humanist Resurrection]

Yes, but in most cases, you can't buy duty free when travellingwithin your own country

In a commercial port? It's likely that you would be able to do so regardless. To illustrate, I could take a flight from London to Edinburgh and, potentially depending on the airport and terminal, duty-free would be available.

If this is true though (which it is, as far as I know) nothing about option one would necessarily affect the availability of duty-free shops. Or stomach flu. Both are a feature of cruise ship travel whether or not Porta Nopa joins yhe glorious $NATIONTYPE.

The effect line I suggested only really makes sense if making Porta a domestic location suddenly makes duty-free available somehow. Which is kinda silly.

[Helaw]

In a commercial port? It's likely that you would be able to do so regardless. To illustrate, I could take a flight from London to Edinburgh and, potentially depending on the airport and terminal, duty-free would be available.

If this is true though (which it is, as far as I know) nothing about option one would necessarily affect the availability of duty-free shops. Or stomach flu. Both are a feature of cruise ship travel whether or not Porta Nopa joins yhe glorious $NATIONTYPE.

The effect line I suggested only really makes sense if making Porta a domestic location suddenly makes duty-free available somehow. Which is kinda silly.

True. The effect line doesn't quite work because of that, which is unfortunate.

[Drasnia]

Title: Porta Nopa up for sale?! (WiP. Feel free to suggest)

Just off the top of my head, "Porta Nopa Purchase" which is stylized after many of the USA's acquisitions (ex. Louisiana Purchase) would be better. It has some nice alliteration that just flows off the tongue. Hmm, maybe I'll come back to titles later.

Description:
Recently, a small tropical island nation called Porta Nopa has sent a message to you. They are offering to join your nation in return for you paying off a massive debt owed to Blackacre and protection against their long-time rivals: Coasta Yepo. This has sent a bizarre conglomeration of Tour Guides, Financial Advisors, and Soldiers to your office.

I'm going to reiterate what's been said in this thread that this is a really solid idea

That said, I think there's some wasted potential. Why Blackacre? Why introduce Coasta Yepo? Neither of those really pay off at all later in the draft, but I'll come back to this in just a bit.

Validity: Everyone.
Options:

Validity seems reasonable.

1. "Crikey! This is a wonderful opportunity!" says Steve @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a tour guide from Porta Nopa. "Porta Nopa is not only beautiful all year round, it's also rich in natural resources! If it's part of the country, then we can not only dig up the minerals, we'll be able to rake in all the tourism from that sunny island. Nevermind the massive debt by George!"
effect: Tourists often disembark from ten-hour flights to discover they're in the same country.

I beat you to the Steve Irwin joke

That said, I don't think a person like Irwin fits with the text. He's advocating buying the island so you can mine it's resources. I'd rather see him or someone like him say that it's great because the nature there is beautiful and you can arrange safaris or something. That way, it's both an evironmentally-friendly AND economically beneficial option.

2. "Hey! Stop in the name of @@CURRENCY@@!" Your notoriously agoraphobic Financial Minister rushes in the room, panting. "St-Stop. Have you seen the debt they've incurred? It's absolutely massive! They've taken out massive loans that need to be repaid, and their infrastructure is crumbling.If you value our economy @@LEADER@@, you won't do it. We need to stop paying other nation's problems off. Who cares what other people think of that?
effect: Other nations have started a campaign to teach @@NAME@@ that other people have feelings too.

Meh. I get tired of options where we can't do it just because of taxes. Sure, I usually pick them because that's how I run this nation, but it's so overdone. It'd be better if there's some other reason not to do it like not indirectly funding your enemy, Blackacre, by paying them Porta Nopa's debt. This is where your general would step in and say how you should take over the island with your military. After all, we all know Blackacre is secretly controlling Coasta Yepo through a puppet government. By taking over Porta Nopa, you now have a foothold near it where you can import nuclear missiles and threaten those terrible Blackareans

3. Suddenly, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your most fanatic general walks in. "I have an even better option! Those horrible natives are on land that @@NAME@@ deserves! It is an insult," @@SHE@@ spits " that these unpure heathens are trying to make us pay off their debt! We need to remove every last trace of them, to make room for a glorious Beach hou- Beach Airbase, yes. That's what I meant. For massive rag- Massive Spy Warship building. Yeah."
effect: The Military often starts Military Coups just for vacation spots.

Well, with my suggestion above, this option would be redundant. Plus it's not terribly-compelling anyways. Maybe you should have two options to buy it outright and different reasons why you'd do so: nature and tourism or exploiting natural resources and condominiums for the ultra-rich. I say this because having an option that's just like "Mm, no, we don't want to spend money" is in effect a dismiss.

Well, by the time I got this far, I still hadn't come up with any other alternate titles. Anyways, cheers and good luck!

EDIT: Borked some tags

EDIT2: another 3 edits, I think I fixed all my errors. Erg, writing is hard

[Volitopia]

Nice idea!
*NITPICKER MODE primed and ready*

Description:
Recently, a small tropical island nation called Porta Nopa has sent a message to you. They are offering to join your nation in return for you paying off a massive debt owed to Blackacre and protection against their long-time rivals: Coasta Yepo. This has sent a bizarre conglomeration of Tour Guides, Financial Advisors, and Soldiers to your office.

"Recently, the government of a small tropical island nation called Porta Nopa has sent a message to you. They are offering be annexed under @@NATION@@ in return for you paying off a massive debt owed to Blackacre. This has sent a bizarre conglomeration of tanned tourists, flustered financial planners, and gregarious generals to your office."

(The protection part isn't really used; so we should just get rid of it)

1. "Crikey! This is a wonderful opportunity!" says Steve @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a tour guide from Porta Nopa.

1. "Slithering Snakes! This is a wonderful opportunity!" says Steve @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a tour guide from Porta Nopa.

Nevermind the massive debt by George!"

"Of course, there's an eentsy debt that needs to be paid off, but by Violet, are you going to let a few @CURRENCY@ stand in the way of this exquisite opportunity?", he implores, handing out travel brochures to your aides.

effect: Tourists often disembark from ten-hour flights to discover they're in the same country.

Tourists going to beautiful tropical islands disembark from ten-hour flights to discover they're in the same country.

2. "Hey! Stop in the name of @@CURRENCY@@!"

"STOP! Stop in the name of @@CURRENCY@@!"

It's absolutely massive! They've taken out massive loans that need to be repaid, and their infrastructure is crumbling!

"It's absolutely massive! They've taken out gigantic loans that need to be repaid, and their infrastructure is in worse shape than their finances!" He shudders,

We need to stop paying other nation's problems off. Who cares what other people think of that?

"We've got to stop footing the bill for other nation's problems! Who cares about those disease-infested tropics anyways?"

effect: Other nations have started a campaign to teach @@NAME@@ that other people have feelings too.

effect: @@REGION@@ has started a campaign to teach @@NAME@@ that other nations have feelings too.

3. Suddenly, @@RANDOMNAME@@

...

It is an insult," @@SHE@@ spits "

Should be @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@

, your most fanatic general walks in.

your most trigger-happy general walks in.

to make room for a glorious Beach hou- Beach Airbase, yes. That's what I meant. For massive rag- Massive Spy Warship building. Yeah."

"to make room for a glorious Beach hou- Beach Airbase, yes. That's what I meant. For a huge private bea- Erm, privately-owned bomb factory? Yeah."

effect: The Military often starts Military Coups just for vacation spots.

@@NATION@@ brings in tourists by annexing tropical beaches.

[Australian rePublic]

Nice idea!
*NITPICKER MODE primed and ready*

Description:
Recently, a small tropical island nation called Porta Nopa has sent a message to you. They are offering to join your nation in return for you paying off a massive debt owed to Blackacre and protection against their long-time rivals: Coasta Yepo. This has sent a bizarre conglomeration of Tour Guides, Financial Advisors, and Soldiers to your office.

"Recently, the government of a small tropical island nation called Porta Nopa has sent a message to you. They are offering be annexed under @@NATION@@ in return for you paying off a massive debt owed to Blackacre. This has sent a bizarre conglomeration of tanned tourists, flustered financial planners, and gregarious generals to your office."

(The protection part isn't really used; so we should just get rid of it)

1. "Crikey! This is a wonderful opportunity!" says Steve @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a tour guide from Porta Nopa.

1. "Slithering Snakes! This is a wonderful opportunity!" says Steve @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a tour guide from Porta Nopa.

Nevermind the massive debt by George!"

"Of course, there's an eentsy debt that needs to be paid off, but by Violet, are you going to let a few @CURRENCY@ stand in the way of this exquisite opportunity?", he implores, handing out travel brochures to your aides.

effect: Tourists often disembark from ten-hour flights to discover they're in the same country.

Tourists going to beautiful tropical islands disembark from ten-hour flights to discover they're in the same country.

2. "Hey! Stop in the name of @@CURRENCY@@!"

"STOP! Stop in the name of @@CURRENCY@@!"

It's absolutely massive! They've taken out massive loans that need to be repaid, and their infrastructure is crumbling!

"It's absolutely massive! They've taken out gigantic loans that need to be repaid, and their infrastructure is in worse shape than their finances!" He shudders,

We need to stop paying other nation's problems off. Who cares what other people think of that?

"We've got to stop footing the bill for other nation's problems! Who cares about those disease-infested tropics anyways?"

effect: Other nations have started a campaign to teach @@NAME@@ that other people have feelings too.

effect: @@REGION@@ has started a campaign to teach @@NAME@@ that other nations have feelings too.

3. Suddenly, @@RANDOMNAME@@

...

It is an insult," @@SHE@@ spits "

Should be @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@

, your most fanatic general walks in.

your most trigger-happy general walks in.

to make room for a glorious Beach hou- Beach Airbase, yes. That's what I meant. For massive rag- Massive Spy Warship building. Yeah."

"to make room for a glorious Beach hou- Beach Airbase, yes. That's what I meant. For a huge private bea- Erm, privately-owned bomb factory? Yeah."

effect: The Military often starts Military Coups just for vacation spots.

@@NATION@@ brings in tourists by annexing tropical beaches.

What's wrong with Crikey?

[Drasnia]

1. "Crikey! This is a wonderful opportunity!" says Steve @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a tour guide from Porta Nopa.

1. "Slithering Snakes! This is a wonderful opportunity!" says Steve @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@, a tour guide from Porta Nopa.

Just to reiterate Aussie, what's wrong with Crikey? It's shorter and conveys info to the reader better than Slithering Snakes.

Nevermind the massive debt by George!"

"Of course, there's an eentsy debt that needs to be paid off, but by Violet, are you going to let a few @CURRENCY@ stand in the way of this exquisite opportunity?", he implores, handing out travel brochures to your aides.

Long, unnecessary, and breaks the flow of the writing, IMO. Multiple interruptions need to be used sparingly and smartly.

3. Suddenly, @@RANDOMNAME@@

...

It is an insult," @@SHE@@ spits "

Should be @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@

No, it should be @@HE@@

to make room for a glorious Beach hou- Beach Airbase, yes. That's what I meant. For massive rag- Massive Spy Warship building. Yeah."

"to make room for a glorious Beach hou- Beach Airbase, yes. That's what I meant. For a huge private bea- Erm, privately-owned bomb factory? Yeah."

I like the original better

[Volitopia]

*snip*

Ok

[Sphinxatopd]

Alright, lots of good responses and ideas. Here's what I'm going to try and implement:


1. Rewordings of some of some of the options to make them flow better.

2. Split option one into two options: one that buys Porta Nopa for the tourism, and another that takes it for the minerals

3.Reword option three so that it mentions Blackacre and Coasta Yepo and how we need a stronghold near them.

4. Change the title.

So yeah. Going to do that soonish.

[Sphinxatopd]

Alright, new draft is up. What do you guys think?