FRA Expose', Unibot Jealous of TSP's limelight. Does this mean war?Unibot giving a rousing speech to one cell phone camera, 3 paid spectators and a couple of cats.FRA Juice Bar, The South Pacific: In a spark of pique unseen since Numero Capitan last discovered that his precious pink looking-glass had been stolen, rendering him unable to admire himself for his daily 90 minute routine, Unibot has made a ringing statement that has all of Nationstates mildly a'twitter.
"The South Pacific is stealing our thunder, no more! I'm tired of only seeing the local TV station reporters outside my door when I wake up - I want all the networks back! I hereby resolve that The South Pacific shall have its old delegate returned to it. For the, uh, greater good - of course."
His impassioned speech drew wondrous applause, or would have had the applause track not been eaten by the tape-player of Cocodian's vintage '84 Impala. The crowd seemed impressed; but this reporter has not been able to verify if they were responding to Unibot, or watching highlights from the earlier Canucks VS Sharks game that was silently playing on an HD TV strategically placed on a riser behind the speaker's podium.
FRA establishments have been empty, since all attention has been focused on The South Pacific.Several high profile members
(well, two, that's all there is) of The South Pacific's old regime were seen wandering into the FRA:TSP Juice Bar, security seemed not to be a problem as nobody has visited the place in at least two days. The FRA had stormtroopers, appropriately dressed in go-go boots, blocking all reporters from stepping inside to view the proceedings: but an inside source at the FRA has confirmed that Southern Bellz, Lady Rebels and FRA representatives are haggling over Royalty rights from a 'TSP Girls Gone Wild' calendar that the FRA is rumored to be planning.
It has been said that negotiations are fierce. The fallen regime of The South Pacific is widely thought to require the money to restock its wine cellars, if the rebels are ever removed from the region. The FRA would need the money both to fund the massive cost of the upcoming Ranger invasion, and to recover lost revenue after the new Delegate of The South Pacific dispatched guards to prevent FRA thugs in collecting protection money from cookie-selling girl scouts.
No Girl Scouts could be found for comment on the newly returned freedom they enjoy under the new Delegate, Devonitians, but several suspected Girl Scout mothers were seen racing pickups full of cookie boxes across town. "Make hay while the sun shines!" one was recorded yelling out an open window. For the record, the last recorded public sale of cookies in The South Pacific was just over a year ago ago, though sales had declined for years with the progressive apathy of the region.
Example propaganda recruitment poster hung in pool halls and tattoo parlors across the countryWhen this reporter did manage to corner Unibot for comment, all the Arch-Chancellor had to say relating to the subject was: "This new fangled delegate will fall, it's only a matter of time." He waxed nostalgic for a few minutes on the awesome power of his Organization, before he started to drool and bump repeatedly into walls. This reporter did manage to overhear one of Unibot's aids whisper "You forgot to take your meds again, didn't you sir?" as he was whisked away into parts of the FRA Compound unknown.
Even more interesting than this juicy situation is the mass of propaganda posters that have suddenly gone up in bars, tattoo parlors, pool halls and YWCAs across the Nationstates world. The FRA has suddenly kicked up its recruitment drive; though nothing is said about a possible war in The South Pacific, the recruitment posters promise plunder, glory and vacations in tropical places to any that apply.
The FRA's Public Image department was unavailable for comment. As our readers know, this is not a surprise, they're usually quite busy in the field performing duties unknown.
Biyan war correspondent with the 2nd Division, South Pacific Army.It is unknown at this time if the FRA actually has a will to fight, or if they are simply posturing in an attempt to steal the limelight back. But there are new developments every ten minutes, you can rest assured that Biyan reporters will be in the field ready to bring you every juicy tid-bit as they happens.
Stay tuned for details!
UPDATE!FRA Soldiers, killing time, having been evicted from The South Pacific.Soldiers from The FRA attempted to Invai--Liberate The South Pacific last night while this news story was being edited. This reporter has it on good authority that Unibot had Sedge and Crazygirl, both of TRR and NS Mod Fame, removed from the FRA's juice bar planning center without a word or explanation. This seems especially odd, as Sedge was once Unibot's boss and mentor, and CG can still scare an Invader with one solidly placed glare.
Even more odd, both are senior members of The Rejected Realms and had every right to be there, according to official documents. Sedge was quoted, as he left the premises, with saying: "The buggers probably forgot which Feeder they were going to attack!"
CG was asked for comment, but no response was recorded as this reporter ran for his life at her very realistic animal growl.
Air Raid alarms in The Rejected Realms went off for hours as the Citizens there prepared for a possible FRA strike. Naivetry, the delegate of The Rejected Realms, refused to give comment; but was seen laughing quite merrily as she prepared brochures and care packages in the TRR Welcome Center, it is this reporters opinion that she was quite unconcerned about an attack en-force by FRA forces. When asked for comment, the general consensus of the RRA Soldiers seems to be that the FRA, who couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper box anyway, would probably strike out for TSP and end up in TRR due to bad navigation.
Unsurprisingly, FRA troops did indeed find their way to The Rejected Realms. What was surprising, however, was that they were all shipped to TRR in neat containers with bows on top, compliments of Devonitians. The FRA had found The South Pacific in the dead of night, and had marched in with heads proudly held high at their accomplishment - straight into air-freight containers thoughtfully provided by the new South Pacifician Army.
One FRA soldier, ChinChillas, was seen scratching his head and muttering, "Wait, weren't we supposed to shoot? I distinctly remember someone saying we were supposed to shoot. Why didn't training cover when we were supposed to shoot!?"
Biyan reporters have camped out on Devonitian's front lawn, waiting for the first official word from the new South Pacifican government regarding this incursion. So far, no officials have been available for questioning.
Stay tuned for more breaking news in this fascinating story!
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Under the Bus: A syndicated Biyan infotainment column. Posted in the TRR Mop and Pail.
Copyright 2011, Biyan News Enterprises.
Edit: [center] apparently does not work, edited it out.