CANADA INVADED
Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2023 12:08 pmBREAKING: CANADA INVADED
[Deep with the Malicious Vault, plotting brews]
“Night Father, Vampire King – we have a problem.” The Ever-Wanderer looked unusually concerned, even for an anxiety-ridden wretch. “It’s – it’s the lamp oil! The world is running out of lamp oil. Based on my projections, the world will go dark in …about 2 months. And while the whole “night is actually dark” thing will make assassinations easier, it’ll also making reading and book-keeping after dark nigh on impossible. What are we supposed to do – use candles? Like Barbarians??”
“Whoa, whoa, slow down there – lamp oil?” The Night Father swirled his decanter of bourbon before pouring another glass.
“Yes – it’s a finite resource, and suddenly quite finite. I have an idea, though! There’s a peaceable kingdom to the north known as ‘Canada,’ that some of our scouts have been, well, scouting, each with a Hawk by their side for a second pair of eyes. They have a large national reserve of lamp oil. And good food. Cute animals too, might be able to make some money from the furs on the side even. But mostly lamp oil.”
The Vampire King leaned back. “So, you propose we invade and seize this strategic lamp oil reserve?”
“Yes, especially before the Defender Menace can do so! We’ll all be going after it soon enough, and therefore we must invade before they do, or even just burn it to prevent them from getting it. ‘Better embers than Defenders,’ as the saying goes. But it might not come to that either – our artificers found these funny hot rocks that they say can power some sort of mechanized armor they’ve designed. With a legion of Powered Combat Armor Specialists, we’re sure to win, even if er, you can’t see who’s under the armor. By invading Canada, we can make sure that Defenders burn out of lamp oil first…especially with all the midnight oil they’ll have to burn against us.”
“I trust you,” says the Night father before downing the rest of his glass. “Let’s fucking GOOOO then. Let’s call up our friends, covertly stage some forces in the border region, and then strike in a way that empowers your scouts.”
“We’ll have to keep an eye out for Defender-backed dissidents within as well,” adds the Vampire King.
The Ever-Wanderer grinned. “Oh don’t worry, I’ve already contacted our allies and begun making a list…”
On the minor update of March 29th, 2023, twenty-four stealthy ne'er-do-wells from The Brotherhood of Malice, The Black Hawks, Lone Wolves United, and Lily struck swiftly into Canada, overwhelming the border security with the might of their Powered Armor, and raising to power preplaced agents of Malice and...Hawkishness?
With additional forces from Osiris, Sparkalia, and Ijaka marching in on their heels, and other reinforcements staging, they set to work securing Canada's lamp oil and watching for agents of the Defender Menace.
The units involved in this action have been recorded, but now is the time for protecting the great white north
