Next up, results for the Magic Quill writing contest! Participants were asked to write about a fantasy world of their choice, and we got some really amazing and high-quality entries. They're posted here along with comments from the judges, Nakari, HumanSanity and Sarah Bread. We judged each story on creativity, how convincingly immersive it was, and the quality of the writing. Every participant got 10 house points, and 100 points were up for grabs for the winner!
Music and the Mines, by an anonymous Slytherin
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C. Clarke.
The symphony of cells that enabled you to scan these lines, are they not sufficient? The hand, however slight a role it may think itself playing, conducts the words in the physical world towards the next stage. The eye takes diffuse light and fuses into into the experience of sight. The brain, filled with trillions of firing neurons, processes the products of the mines of sensation. Altogether, the parts sing to bring an organism, a me, an identity, into being. Biology, is it not breathtaking - and fantastic?
Nakari:
I love this! It’s very simple, but very evocative of the machinery of life. It draws attention to the magic of everyday life through the metaphors of body part and magic. I’d like to have read more of it though!
Sarah Bread:
This was interesting. It was cute, but left me wanting more. Would be interesting to see where it goes.
HumanSanity:
The detailed description of how different parts of the body work together, magically, is very well done. However, taken together, it left me asking some “why” questions -- wasn’t entirely sure the take away the reader was supposed to have.
A poem by Indian Genius of Slytherin
How great do they fly, the gallant players over the brooms;
How great do they cheer, the supporters over the seats;
How great does it flee, the golden snitch as it zooms;
How great do they knock, the bludgers as it yeets;
The sky is blue, the day is nice, the ground is energetic,
The snitch does zoom, the firebolts boom, the bludgers go athletic;
There went the quaffle, through the hoops it went,
There goes the seeker, seeking for the snitch - hell-bent.
So, go the excellent Quidditch players, go for the glory!
Across the ages of Quidditch history, your names will inspire future -
You might get some bruises, some wounds - but don't worry,
That's just part of the game you know
Nakari:
I can totally imagine the crowd at a Quidditch match singing their own version of this - it has that kind of casual immersion in the world. Also, love the usage of ‘yeet’.
Sarah Bread:
yeets I enjoyed that word play. It's casual but also you get a real feel for the sports of it
HumanSanity:
A fun poem/song about the sport of Quiddich with good consistent cadence/tempo throughout.
Portals, by Astropuff of Hufflepuff
The realm of fantasy is ruled by kings.
The phoenix soars with its majestic wings.
Mages duel in a battle of fates,
While dragons and giants are known as greats.
Yet this kingdom does not reward
The faithful servants who aid their lord.
A mirror does not receive any prize,
Yet it sends us to a place
Where pixies dance under the night skies
And fairies fly with incredible grace.
What is a whirlpool to do,
But just send travelers through?
The wardrobe must be resigned,
To only transport people, as it was designed.
Poor portals, forever trapped in reality.
They are the doorways to magic, but are unable to enjoy the fantasy.
Nakari:
This takes a really interesting new perspective on fantasy: the point of view of the tools used to make fantasy happen. I wish it had looked more at the portals themselves than on the fantasy worlds as the worlds presented were quite stereotypical and didn’t capitalize on what made the concept different.
Sarah Bread:
This was an interesting perspective I would like to explore more. It's something people don't often think about, and I appreciated all the different fantasy worlds coming together.
HumanSanity:
A lot about the concept was appealing to me. Some things that left me confused included how the first three stanzas felt disconnected from the last two (e.g., prior to the fourth stanza, the portals hadn’t really been introduced) and the lack of concrete understanding of the role of fantasy.
With Quiet Wings they Fly, by Wischmeluck of SlytherinWith quiet wings they fly up high,
Carrying messages through the sky.
Bringing news across wizarding lands:
Packages, briefs, letters written by hand.
Whether horned or snowy, all deserve a commend,
For owls are a wizard’s best friend.
Nakari:
This poem is adorable, especially the presentation as if it was itself being delivered by an owl. It kind of reminds me of that poem about the night train bringing messages, and the message of the importance of connectivity.
Sarah Bread:
This is so cute! I love the letter and the details. It was an extra touch that really brought it home. The poem was short and sweet, but effective.
HumanSanity:
This poem is best for its presentation and adorability--being owl delivered with the handwritten version of the poem is an excellent creative and immersive touch.
A Magical Cover of The Good Life by Weezer, by Benevolent Thomas of Slytherin
When I look in Erised, I can't believe what I see
Tell me who's that magic dude staring back at me?
Broken, beaten Wand, can't even get around
without my old broom, I fall and hit the ground
outside the wizarding world, I'm bitter and alone
Excuse the witchin', I shouldn't complain
I should have obliviate, 'cause remembering is pain
As everything I need is denied me
And everything I want apparates from me
But who do I got to blame? Nobody but me
And I don't want to be a muggle anymore
Its been a year or four since I left Hogwarts
Jinxing Pixies, stunnin' boggarts all the night
Its time I got back to the magic life
Its time I got back, Its time I got back
And I don't even know how I Floo off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!
Screw his curse, I've had it. I ain't no Lockhart
I'm a Griff, I'm a skrewt, so 'scuse me if I fart
I ain't gonna hex nobody, ain't gonna cause a scene
Just need to admit that I want butter in my beer
Hear me? Hear me? I want butter in my beer
And I don't want to be a muggle anymore
Its been a year or four since I left Hogwarts
Jinxing Pixies, stunnin' boggarts all the night
Its time I got back to the magic life
Its time I got back, Its time I got back
And I don't even know how I Floo off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!
I wanna go back, I wanna go back
And I don't even know how I Floo off the track
Its time I got back, Its time I got back
And I don't even know how I Floo off the track
I wanna go back, yeah!
And I don't want to be a muggle anymore
Its been a year or four since I left Hogwarts
Jinxing Pixies, stunnin' boggarts all the night
Its time I got back to the magic life
Its time I got back, Its time I got back
And I don't even know how I Floo off the track
Its time I got back, Its time I got back
And I don't even know how I Floo off the track
I wanna go back
I wanna go back
Nakari:
I love the puns in this, and the creative way the lyrics are altered - ‘floo off the track’ is great! I can totally imagine the Weird Sisters playing this (and any non-muggleborns being very confused by how much the muggleborns are enjoying it).
Sarah Bread:
Oooh I enjoyed this! A neat take and you managed to get farts in there. For funsies. Maybe my age is also showing, but I enjoyed this.
HumanSanity:
Super creative, your age is definitely showing here, but you seem to have done a good job with meshing the lyrics onto the song.
And so from heav'n to deepest hell, by Catiania of RavenclawIt was a perfect day in paradise. It always was. That’s why it’s paradise.
The sky was the bluest that blue could be, dotted with small fluffy clouds. The sun gleamed off the wings of the butterfly girls swooping and twirling with the sparrow boys. Spread out below was the village, where Sophie’s wonderful friends lived. The forest, filled with magic and wonder that not even the owls could explain. The lake, still and clear and beautiful, and she could almost almost make out the mermaids jumping and diving. It was a perfect day in paradise.
(click here to read the full entry - our reviews have spoilers!) Nakari:
This story starts out like an overly optimistic fairy tale, which is well written but had me looking for the twist fairly quickly. The twist however is well enough written to conceal what’s actually going on even when the world begins to break apart and to allow the reader to slowly figure it out. The end is a bit unclear but really promising.
Sarah Bread:
It started out so nice and fluffy you're like "okay, where's the poop". It was an interesting story, but it left me wanting more. I didn't fully understand what was happening in the end. I'm left with questions.
HumanSanity:
I was most impressed by the quality of the writing and the dialogue, and the twist midway through helped complete that vision.
Sundered Soul, by thechurchofsatan of GryffindorWith the advent of magic, humanity underwent a historic change. Society made the transition from being ruled by blood and fear to being guided by scholars and knowledge. This change was not made easily, however. Warlords, tribal leaders, and killers would not embrace this new way of life. They banded together and resisted. Their alliance of death ravaged the countryside as they wiped out villages across Kutuphane. Mages, devastating as they were, were few in number. With less than thirty mages to defend the borderland people of Kutuphane, they faced an insurmountable battle against the neighboring scavengers. The soldiers of Kilic, Mizrac, and Sabah Yildizi marched forth leaving no life in their wake. By the time the war had reached Bilgi, the last remaining village of Kutuphane, only five mages lived. The five mages, Alev of Burning Interest, Su of Flowing Verse, Tohum of Growing Mind, Toprak of Worldly Wisdom and Hayat of Vibrant Soul. With still thousands of troops approaching, the remaining mages had devised one final means of saving Kutuphane. One that they hoped they would never have to use. They stood outside Bilgi facing the vast ocean of troops approaching them, chanting their spell, raising their runic staves, and making their gestures. As they did, the mountains began to tremble and the ground beneath the soldier's feet began to crumble. From the cracks, an ominous green light seeped into the horde of warriors, pulling them under as if the light itself were reaching out. When the attackers had sunk beneath the rocks and the chanting had ceased, ever so slowly, the rumbling had stopped. The mountainside lay in ruins, ravaged by the terrifying spell the mages had cast. From that day on the land where the mountains once resided remained barren, forever lifeless. Plants would not grow. Animals could not eat. The birds even avoided the sky above it. This world-shattering event was given the title "The Null". The soulless land that remained was known by many as The Badlands.
(click here to read the full entry - our reviews have spoilers!) Nakari:
This was high quality writing with a fairly detailed new world. I kind of wish it had focused more on presenting the world through the experiences of the main character as at times in the story portion, the exposition felt a bit unnatural. However I definitely found the presented world different and interesting.
Sarah Bread:
It felt like I needed more information to really feel what was going on in the world, but there was definitely a lot of potential. It was neat seeing her fight back and how that played into her spell seemingly being more powerful than expected.
HumanSanity:
I would say my biggest thing is that you overreached given the limited amount of space you had -- a lot of the background story felt… incomplete and like you didn’t fully have time to develop. Perhaps space could have been saved by attempting to integrate that development into experiences of the main character, instead of omniscient narration. I honestly think I may have rathered a piece less about the character and more about the backstory of the world you’d built, because the two didn’t feel like they actually complemented each other that much.
After Vienna, by Mzeusia of Ravenclaw“Are you listening, or has your attention span been blown across all of Vienna, along with your cover?”
I managed a glance in the man’s direction. He had turned away from the window on the other side of the room and was scowling at me, setting down the wineglass he had been holding, on the small table in front of him. The surface of the white wine barely moved as he did so. Next, he reached inside a grey overcoat and drew forth a cream envelope with a green wax seal. I suppose he didn’t intend to stay long, as he had not deigned to remove his coat. As soon as I had walked into the room, an odd effect had happened. My gaze was drawn to seemingly random things in the room and my concentration was flagging in an unjustified way. Hadn’t I felt refreshed when waking up this morning? That felt like a week ago now.
“Do the events of the last week not concern you?” He cocked his head. “I realise that for a woman of your reputation, this is a rare upset in your otherwise immaculate career, but that does not negate the seriousness of what happened.”
(click here to read the full entry - our reviews have spoilers!) Nakari:
I really enjoyed this as a story, especially the way that the background and the world were very slowly revealed through the perspective of the narrator. I think it might have benefitted from the perspective being slightly closer to the narrator - there’s a moment where it switches into omnipotent voice, which was a bit jarring but to be fair it was quite a funny image. I enjoyed the mix of our world but with enough differences to keep the reader constantly working out how this world differed. Overall I enjoyed it though and would have loved to have read more.
Sarah Bread:
Really intriguing concept, it feels like a world I want to explore. Shadow hunter vibes, and I don't mind that at all. Really interesting take!
HumanSanity:
I liked the way the main character was existing in a world that was both different than my own but also somewhat based in it--this allowed me to connect more to the storyline. The idea of a spy/agent causing chaos and disruption on the orders of a foreign government, brought to magic, has a lot of appeal.
And finally, the winner...
thegoodkaiser of RavenclawPoisonous green fire dripped from his outstretched hand, his fingers turning black with decay. My eyes quickly moved down his darkening arm before meeting the Breathless' own. Jagged cracks glowed across his gaunt, corpse-like face and neck. All trailing back to the blazing pits that masqueraded as eyes. They were not the eyes of any man or beast this earth had ever known. A sickly fire blazed in those abyssal pools. They held within a color I did not know, the closest perhaps could be green but not a green of this world. There was sickness to it, the pungent strength of rot. Wisps of limp black hair clung to his skull. From between his grave-thinned lips dripped a viscous liquid as pale as the new moon yet as dark as aged silver.
(click here to read the full entry - our reviews have spoilers!)Nakari:
I really enjoyed the metaphors here - they were really creative and added to the horror elements of the story. The writing style went into high detail in a way that reminded me of the way time seems to freeze in situations of terror like in the story. I’d like to know more about this world but I think this works pretty well as a stand-alone story. It suggests the rest of the world while leaving a lot up to the imagination.
Sarah Bread:
Oooooh oh this was fascinating. I really enjoyed the use of language(s) here. I enjoyed the despair in the end. All around, capturing read.
HumanSanity:
I thought this was excellent and generally well developed. The immersion in terms of the monsters/entities the character encounters and spells the character uses is fantastic, however the immersion in terms of the purpose of what the character is doing and the world they are in is limited (likely in part due to length). Detail in the writing is also fantastic.