Goodbye NationStates

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

Take care of yourself.

We're inducting you into TEP's Hall of Heroes, I wish you could see it.

However, I wish you the best in your future affairs.

Goodbye, X.

[Chinevion]

I may never have had the experience meeting you in game or rping with you, but what happened is unacceptable. I hope you have good luck in all future endeavors, and I am sad to see a NSGr go. Good luck, and Fairwell.

[Segral]

Good luck Xor. I hope you eventually find happiness and hey, who knows, one day, you may come back to NS.

[Xoriet]

I was going to just walk away after that, but I then discovered that some people were worried that I was possibly going to harm myself or find an inclination to suicide. I have no intentions of harming myself and I have no inclinations to suicide.

From this ordeal I walked away a stronger person. If I lost two years of my life to this, I resolved that I would take my life back and never let this happen to me again. So far I have succeeded in this, because I am happier, healthier, and am doing well in both school and work. I have made friends IRL and spend time with them. My life is immeasurably better because I prioritized my own health.

As NES and Topid said, the reason I shared this story is not because I want attention or pity, although I cannot tell you how much the well-wishing does mean to me coming from a community I loved immensely when I was playing. Some people here already knew about this story, some in more detail than others. Raven and Asta were two of those who helped me through this, and there were few who tried as hard as they did to protect me. Without Severisen, as I said, I might not be here right now making these posts. He saved my life, that I believe. NES and Guy have been people I talked to intimately on this matter so much because they were willing to help me in my ultimate NS goal.

In 2014, around the time I was truly active and this was going on, harassment and abuse were handled when they came up, but it was not a topic that was actively discussed. New victims were referred to people with experience quietly, and that was that. If it was dealt with on a regional level, the international community did not speak of it like the problem it was. Perhaps this is because victims at the time were either accused of politicizing issues or because it was simply not realized to be the problem it is. The ex-player I mentioned in my story was not the only one who gave me trouble, only the worst and the one who left me with real problems. I have also taken stands regarding them on my journey in NS. In 2015, I decided to take a stand and make this an issue, to make sure that, despite my feelings of not wanting to be seen as a victim by the community, that my experiences would be used to help NationStates, both past and future generations.

I want this to be an insight for all of you as to what can happen when one player takes advantage of another. What I want you to take from this is that the danger is not just in how it affects the experiences of a player of the game, but that it can affect them in real life.

Abuse and harassment are as a real online as they are in person.

For the rest of my time here, I fielded many cases of harassment and abuse, of every variety. People came to me for advice and help, and I put my heart into it. The effort was taxing and emotional (and emotionally taxing), but to see players freed from the same trap I was in was rewarding and I was never happier than when I could successfully protect someone. I was discouraged when I saw that cause used politically or for character assassination, but I was determined to protect the victims of the present and future, and to be a voice for those in the past who have never spoken up.

I used my farewell to pass a message to those victims, and I used it to pass a message to everyone else that first and foremost, the well-being of the community comes before politics and the game.

There is a fully justified fear that this cause is used for politics and personal spite, and I know for a fact that this is true. I have been mislead into believing someone I trusted to the point that I did not look at evidence the way I should have. I have apologized to the player who was negatively affected by my lapse in judgment. If I fought for victims, I fought against those who thought to use what I strove to create to wreak havoc and stir dissent.

Those who do that disgust me. There are real people suffering from this, and for every person who uses this cause to falsely discredit another, they make it all the less likely that true victims are going to be treated with the care and sincerity they deserve. To those who do that, shame on you. I know that this game is emotionally investing, which is one reason I quit, but that is not a reason to make small of someone else's trauma.

To those who wonder how it is possible to be this affected over the internet, believe me, at one point I would have seen it your way. I did not believe it was possible. Even IRL I never believed it could happen to me. I was naive, and that naivety led to me placing trust in the wrong person. I have even had my judgment on latter friendships questioned because of my early choices of people to trust. I don't want to say that you can't trust anyone, but I do want everyone to know that trust can be misplaced. Trust can be betrayed, trust can be used against you. Even so, don't let that knowledge ruin the real friendships you have made here. Don't be naive and blind about trust, but do not be afraid to trust those who deserve it.

I am aware that the ex-player I have mentioned is very likely to read this thread and this post at some point, because the last time I posted here about the topic of abuse and harassment in a general essay form he appeared and asked around about me to see if I was sharing this story and making him look bad, but I care more about those I vowed to fight for than I do for that. My personal comfort comes second when I know that even though I have left, there are people left here who are potentially subject to what I went through.

I am going to overcome this, and to everyone who is or will go through it, or even to those going through problems unrelated to this issue, so will you. To give up is to lose, and I have chosen not to give up.

Thank you again, everyone. I loved and still love so many of you, and I hope that I have managed to achieve even some small thing with the decision to share this in detail publicly.

[Greyghost]

Xormom,

Ever since I met you you had unfortunately been going through this and for the longest time I hadn't the slightest clue. When you did share some of what was going on, as much as I was in shock and wanted nothing more than to help you in any way I could, seeing how you decided to deal with it as it came and not give up showed me how strong you truly were. Little did I know how much this would later be of aid to me. Watching you even now doing everything you can to heal and move forward has helped me- and many more- in ways you can't even imagine. I understand making these posts took a lot and could leave you at risk. I think In light of this, I can safely say all those who have read this whom you have helped at some point are immensely grateful for you doing this. I hope we are able to help others as you have helped us. I'm glad you're doing well and are in a much better part in your life; It was an honor to play alongside you the time that I did and I wish nothing but the best for you as you leave this community. Love you, Xor <3

~Grey

[Eluvatar]

Thank you for sharing. Both for me, and for NationStates.

There isn't much I can add to what has already been said, but there are a couple of things I still want to say. I wish you the very best, and believe you have the capacity and the will to build an incredible future for yourself.

[Scardino]

Miss you.

First he added me on Facebook without asking or even my knowledge, and that alarmed me a little, but I thought it was harmless enough.

Oops. I did pretty much the same thing. Sorry if that was out of line.

[Mallorea and Riva]

Xoriet I wish the best for you out in the real world, I am so thankful that a few coincidences many years ago resulted in you becoming friends with Sev.

More broadly this is a reminder that this problem, while certainly not confined to NS, does happen here. To the extent that it happens onsite, or you suspect it is occurring onsite, immediately file a GHR detailing the concern. If it is happening offsite then please contact the relevant offsite administrators/moderators, and also contact us. While we cannot act solely based on offsite information we may discover onsite evidence of wrongdoing using such offsite material as a starting point.

Keep in mind for those of you who do nothing to help because an individual is not obviously seeking help themselves that such a person may be paralyzed by fear or another emotion. Simply because someone does not report a problem to us or another offsite authority does not mean that they are ok with what is happening. Help each other, and protect each other. Just as this problem does not confine itself solely to NS, this message about how to deal with the problem can extend more broadly as well.

[The Atlae Isles]

Xoriet, I don't believe we ever had the chance to meet, which is quite a shame, since I looked up to you for quite some time.

Although it is unlikely you'll ever read this, I'd like to say I'm with everybody else with here, and you're not alone in all this.

[Vaculatestar64]

Wow, I am sorry that all of this happened to you, I was completely unaware, if I'm perfectly honest. You were a good friend to me for quite a few years. I wish you the best Xor, if you're ever around visiting hmu. <3

[Adytus]

I do not know you but from what I have heard, however, Goodbye!

[The Federation of Kendor]

I never know you in NS. However, I'm sorry for the abuses you have to endure. I hope you can rebuild your life.

Anyway, good bye

Also, a side note. Is said player DEAT'ed or DOS'ed already by the mods?

[Astarial]

Also, a side note. Is said player DEAT'ed or DOS'ed already by the mods?

Fun fact: He is not! He gets to keep playing the game. Isn't that just wonderful for him?

Meanwhile, our wonderful, kind, beloved Xoriet bears not only the mental scars from what he put her through, but also his consequences as well. She has to leave NS, and stay gone, because if she does not he will continue to find her.

I'll give you three guesses as to why.

Want a hint?

we cannot act solely based on offsite information

[Segral]

Also, a side note. Is said player DEAT'ed or DOS'ed already by the mods?

Fun fact: He is not! He gets to keep playing the game. Isn't that just wonderful for him?

Meanwhile, our wonderful, kind, beloved Xoriet bears not only the mental scars from what he put her through, but also his consequences as well. She has to leave NS, and stay gone, because if she does not he will continue to find her.

I'll give you three guesses as to why.

Want a hint?

we cannot act solely based on offsite information

This system isn't flawed at all...

[Miporin]

Fun fact: He is not! He gets to keep playing the game. Isn't that just wonderful for him?

Meanwhile, our wonderful, kind, beloved Xoriet bears not only the mental scars from what he put her through, but also his consequences as well. She has to leave NS, and stay gone, because if she does not he will continue to find her.

I'll give you three guesses as to why.

Want a hint?

This system isn't flawed at all...

Thus why the situation is as it is now.
Nope, nothing wrong here.

[Roland Prime]

Xoriet,

In my long time on NationStates, I've never had the oppurtunity to meet you, and I'm now very regretful about that. I've heard many positive things about you, and I'm sure, you're a very great person. I'm not trying to sound like everyone else, but I think a lot of great condolences have already been brought up. What you had to face every time you logged in and even when you weren't are absolutely horrible. I am absolutely and genuinely appealed by the behavior of the indiviuals mentioned. The fact that the person is still allowed to play this game is frustrating. NationStates has created an incredible community of dedicated, helpful, and genuinely nice people. The community we have forged through kindness and welcoming always seems to be messed up by awful people. It's deeply troubling that these assholes can mess up your time on this great game. Despite these horrible actions, our resolve as a community of this game isn't broken.

Several people who have been harassed on this game have came forward recently, and I think this is great. Moderators continue to suggest filing a GHR, but I understand that doing so doesn't always help and that the moderation team can't always help you with off-site issues. We as community on NationStates and its many off-site platforms need to always be on the lookout for people trying to take advantage of players on the game. Our resolve musn't be broken, and we must always be on the watch, and we must always stand up to these site abusers. We, as a community on this game, MUST be strong.

[Escade]

Also, a side note. Is said player DEAT'ed or DOS'ed already by the mods?

Fun fact: He is not! He gets to keep playing the game. Isn't that just wonderful for him?

Meanwhile, our wonderful, kind, beloved Xoriet bears not only the mental scars from what he put her through, but also his consequences as well. She has to leave NS, and stay gone, because if she does not he will continue to find her.

I'll give you three guesses as to why.

Want a hint?

we cannot act solely based on offsite information

That's not fucked up at all. That totally doesn't lead to blaming the victim or shaming them or otherwise silencing them.

That totally doesn't have any connections to things like the Stanford rapist and his health and well being seeming more important to the judge than the health and well being and justice of his victim.

As long as you can get the victim to be the one who has to hide and feel shame and leave, well I guess you don't have to care right.

[Serpenteum]

"i have chosen not to give up" so will you leave NS or... not? i'm confused

[Morx Ortok]

I don't want to be an ass, but why did you choose the literal worst way to deal with some asshole online?

[Argentinstan]

Goodbye :(

[Guilaza]

O few, for a sec I thought the site was ending

[Tim-Opolis]

I don't want to be an ass, but why did you choose the literal worst way to deal with some asshole online?

"I don't want to be an ass but I'm gonna be an ass"

You clearly don't have an understanding of the situation, and can take your commentary elsewhere.

[The Noble Thatcherites]

And here come the trolls >_>

[Morx Ortok]

I don't want to be an ass, but why did you choose the literal worst way to deal with some asshole online?

"I don't want to be an ass but I'm gonna be an ass"

You clearly don't have an understanding of the situation, and can take your commentary elsewhere.

*sigh*
I guess the heightened levels of emotion in the common folk really does take a toll. All she needed to do was block him, but alas, she suffered for years in a torture pit of her own making.

[Atkemri]

I have never met you but I am so sorry for what you had to go though. No one should have to deal with that. I wish you the best in your life.