August 21, 2017 – Confusion broke out this week as Funkadelia and his cronies attempted to smear Llamas as a hypernationalist with no loyalty to any region.
“What… what the hell?” said one passerby who was asked to comment. “How does that even work?”
Indeed, after a rousing sermon in which Llamas pleaded with the international community to recognize the plight of Lazarus and support its struggle for liberty, Funkadelia recognized this threat to their oppressive regime for what it was and attempted to perform damage control.
Unfortunately, however, they found it impossible to do so even remotely cogently.
“This is the same thing Nazi Europa is doing, this is a blatant attempt at creating an aura of zealotry and nationalism within your ranks,” said one poster.
Because obviously, participating in NSGP politics out of a commitment to democracy is the exact same thing as supporting a vicious ideology calling for the violent extermination of particular races of people. To even
begin to argue otherwise would result in bewildered looks and gasps of incredulity.
Meanwhile, Cormac tried a different track: Accusing former Vice-Delegate Llamas of being a foreigner with no connection to Lazarus simply seeking to gain more power for himself.
Yeah.
Cormac tried that. I swear to god I’m not joking.
If you need the quote to believe it: “The idea that these people [Llamas and Ikania] are committed to Lazarus or anywhere else is absurd. They're committed to power grabs, plain and simple.”
Clearly, if there’s one person you can believe in this world, though, it’s Cormac, the
Independent Defender Imperialist Raider whatever will get him elected today from
Lazarus the West Pacific TRR TSP Europeia every notable region ever Osiris. There’s nobody I’d rather have guarding my baby than Cormac. Other than a dingo. Or maybe a pack of dingos. Perhaps I could call them “Lone Dingos United.” That sounds like a good, not-at-all oxymoronic name.
As for the claims that Funkadelia is a tyrannical dictator? “I absolutely am not,” said Funkadelia between banjections.
Truly the words of someone who is definitely not a dictator.
The Bisemitriweekly Report airs a+bi times a fortnight, assuming Llamas gets drunk enough to spout such idiotic bullshit. Or maybe earlier. I’m an italicized text, not a clock.