The Roman Empire

[Mostly Benevolent Tyranny]

Brilliant!

[Plagentine]

The Roman band IX Inch Nails performs for the soldiers after a good raid

Barbarians treated like swine
As Rome goes by
Traded away
Well you might say
They lost a fortress
Being forced out and trapped
Given terms to save tthemselves

Outside
The Gaullic warriors can say farewell
Outside
The Gaullic warriors can say farewell
Outside
The Gauls can say farewell

Less concerned
About protecting the world
Your world, that is
'cause barbarians don't really matter
Any more
No, they don't really matter
Any more
None of them really matter
Any more

Yes we came from Rome
Built them up and gave them clothes
Brought back some to sell
All according to our laws
Because Gaul was never really real
To begin with

You just made it up
To hurt myself
You just made it up
To hurt myself
You just made it up
To hurt myself
And it worked
Yes it did

There is no you
There is only Rome
There is no you
There is only Rome
There is no fucking you
There is only Rome
There is no fucking you
There is only Rome

Only only only

Well the tiniest little town caught my eye
And i rode over to slash and stab
And I had this funny feeling
Like I was doing bad

I just couldn't leave them alone
I slashed and stabbed
They had a gateway and tried to seal it shut
But I climbed through

Now I am somewhere
Where they surround me
And I can see things I know
I really shouldn't see

And now I know why
Now I know why
Gauls aren't as pretty
On the inside

There is no you
There is only Rome
There is no you
There is only Rome
There is no fucking you
There is only Rome
There is no fucking you
There is only Rome

Only only only only only only?


Roman eques trying to make it through the tight triggers

Troops involved:
Emperor Plagentine
Legatus Kyorgia
Decurion Hired Contractor II

Regions civilized:
the united nations of ech
quiet kingdom
medwedian alliance
the greater union of korea
the benoisian federation
mughal empire
nova Thracia
southeastern confederacy
unitys alliance
lincoln high school
empire of tamriel
loki
plounge commonwealth
xenallia
ahoalan
the unicorn brigade
the tc of b
league of elements
the united nations of frakala
degenerate bureaucrats
a good region
the deutsches kaiserreich
Horizon Islands
the christian states
peoples union of new saturn
the empire of russian myudre
association of independent states
land of the living memes
the scis
Southern Cavendar
terin
Orlais
the threequeerateers
the middle of everywhere
alternis mundi
tranquility sphere
deathwatch

Ave Roma!

[Plagentine]

The Roman storm moves swiftly through the landscape, tearing up villages and building cities

"Hey everyone, my name's Plagentine, welcome to the Latin Weather Report! Some of you barbarians may be panicking due some strong winds that you've been getting today, but this is only due to a massive storm which will be heading through your lands very soon. Our information indicates that the storm has already moved through most of Gaul, and is on it's way to Britannia, after which it will completely shift it's path and go through the Mediterranean sea and to Egypt, where it will finally turn the Client Kingdom into a province of Rome.

The current speed of the storm is 64 regions per update and it's also bringing a lot of rain and laws, so you may notice some slight flooding and the Latinization of your neighbors. We realize this may be an inconvenience for you, but the people in Egypt will have a good chance to move their trailer pyramids out of tornado country while the storms fights itself and evolves from an oligarchy into a autocracy.

That's all for today, folks! And now back to the news."


[screen switches to Hired Contractor behind a desk]

"Thank you, Plagentine. Today has been mostly a regular day, as the major update still can't decide how long it wants to be, and the feeder breaks feel like breaks between two separate updates. A Jew was caught running an underground fish and bread mafia gang and is allegedly armed with a whip and considered extremely dangerous. Recent testing shows that 2/3 Imperial Tribunes are traitorous cosmopolitans, and due to completely unrelated circumstances Praefects Festavo and Noble have been seen as the Praetorian guard dragged them out of their villas and into iron cages. That's all for now, more news at VIII."

News Crew:
Emperor Plagentine
Decurion Hired Contractor II
Signifier Asturias and Leon
Lieutenant Cicero the Creative from The Galactic Order
Ensign Marristaria from The Galactic Order

64 regions stormed:
the assembly of the people
the reformed russian union
second karpati pact
republic of morsenia
The First Annals of Dankous Memeous
dubai india
New Lippz Zimiris
agare veryt
killara
Southern Africa
tettw
calusahatchi
Truly Anarchy
union of the people
The Slavic Ruler of The Forest
union of eurasia
every villain is lemons
conconlinksspanien
LGBTQIA
Perrito Louis
Western Sea
the marxist leninist union
Alternate New World
green is for freedom
federation of european republics
commonwealth of the pcmr
the ruling powers of the northen edge
holyland
Intellect
the star wars universe
The Appalacia Pact
federation epsilon indi system
international confederation of nations
nova colony
east caribbean
land of green mountains
World Conference Puppet Storage
new worlds
tranquillum covenant
greater sealand
the lumpy sith lords of rock
the snowy islands
star trek united federation of planets
Iosian Econosphere
onomatopia
nuditopia
allies of evil
great value
true korea
The Jessrond Army
void
the quinnun empire
spicy bois
refounded islands
skwuadteria
thenetherregions
zemilid
the league for national socialists
Necrontyr
imperial commission
united celtic nations
kald verden
eayama
central blessed trinity

Ave Roma!

[Vincent Drake]

64 is quite impressive, congrats! Where are my fastbois, we didn't win anything tonight

[The Noble Thatcherites]

O.o Great job TRE.

[Fauxia]

That’s more hits in one update than all the ones I’ve seen from any raiders combined in all the updates I’ve ever shown at (I haven’t in quite a while, and was never too active, but I have a few under my belt). Impressive. Good job

[Reventus Koth]

That’s more hits in one update than all the ones I’ve seen from any raiders combined in all the updates I’ve ever shown at (I haven’t in quite a while, and was never too active, but I have a few under my belt). Impressive. Good job

Not to shit on TRE's excellent night, but you clearly have not seen a lot of updates if you think this is some sort of record.

[Fauxia]

That’s more hits in one update than all the ones I’ve seen from any raiders combined in all the updates I’ve ever shown at (I haven’t in quite a while, and was never too active, but I have a few under my belt). Impressive. Good job

Not to shit on TRE's excellent night, but you clearly have not seen a lot of updates if you think this is some sort of record.

No, I haven’t. I’ve also seen the reports of people getting like 150. But I’m not used to active updates on the unusual occasions I show up. That was part of the joke

[Reventus Koth]

Not to shit on TRE's excellent night, but you clearly have not seen a lot of updates if you think this is some sort of record.

No, I haven’t. I’ve also seen the reports of people getting like 150. But I’m not used to active updates on the unusual occasions I show up. That was part of the joke

You didn't present your post as a joke, but I'll post a laughing emoticon anyway.

[Fauxia]

No, I haven’t. I’ve also seen the reports of people getting like 150. But I’m not used to active updates on the unusual occasions I show up. That was part of the joke

You didn't present your post as a joke, but I'll post a laughing emoticon anyway.

Oh, that wasn’t exactly what I meant. It was a self-mockery within the post. I wouldn’t make a joke post making fun of a region for 64 tags. It’s a very good night. Jeez, I’m honestly confusing myself too

[Vulturret]

Another raid, another funny report. Good job and congrats to Plagentine and the crew. I really love what y'all are doing here!

[Festavo the Enigma]

(The Emperor lays his head after conqeuring each region to ensure that they becomes Rome. Please enjoy this sculpture made by a team of scared Romans who can't seem to make an update to save their lives.)

Raider, Legionary
Invader, Bully
Call me what you will

But I'll jump on GO anywhere
Free to plant my flag anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere

Anywhere is Rome
Where I lay my head is Rome

...and the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
Under changing times I've grown
By myself but not alone
I ask no one

..and my hits are quick and clean
The less weight the more I gain
On the tagfield I reign

With the raid as his bride, a satisfied Emperor took to the field with two Legionaries to show the world that Rome is where the Emperor is. 39 regions became Rome last night and all of it happened before the average peasant woke up for their morning prayer to the gods. This once again proves that nothing can get in the way of our determined and universally loved Emperor and his elite legions. Call us what you will, but as of yesterday 39 more regions will be calling us "Sir", "Master", and even "Daddy" for eternity. Ave Roma!

The Roaming Romans:
Emperor Plagentine
Centurion Thorn1000
Decurion Hired Contractor II

The Freshly Minted Romes
avstraliya_i_yeye_territorii
hoggynesian_peninsula
clyde
campbelltown
arrakis
eastern_soviet_union
the_marxist_leninist_union
invictum_imperium
omero
we_do_what_we_want
cisborne
united_soviet_socialist_dictatorships
neogehenna
libertas_foederatio
lonely
remfeet
the_shattered_isles
circular_quay
nyazik_mergen
the_med
segis_pytol_majora
minerva_planet
cruise_to_victory
the_oasis_scientific_collective
war_filled_islands
newbia
union_of_catholic_countries
the_neverlight_empire
the_remnant
ramennudler
a_late_updater
united_national_socialist_nations
mediterranean_coastal_states
the_plains_of_journalsim
stealistan
the_empire_of_true_vengeance
herland
quitman_mississippi_world_region
union_star

[Vulturret]

Congrats, TRE.

[Plagentine]

This is a completely accurate depiction of myself. I put a great amount of effort into cultivating my macaroni hair, and it feels good to finally get some appreciation for it.

[Vulturret]

This is a completely accurate depiction of myself. I put a great amount of effort into cultivating my macaroni hair, and it feels good to finally get some appreciation for it.

Appreciates. . It is a great pic though.

[Festavo the Enigma]

(Roman Legionaries on horseback riding for many hours)

On a long and lonesome roadway, spreading Roman law
You can listen to the barbarians moanin' out their crying song
You can think about the village, or the town you burned the night before

But your thoughts will soon be wandering the way they always do
When you're switching 40 frickin times and you wish one pup would do
And you don't feel much like switching, you just wish the raid was through

Say, here I am, on a raid again
There I am, up with the Plage
Here I go, playing the point again
There I go, follow the Plage

The Legion was at it again for two major updates led by the beloved and wise Emperor and a youthful and skilled Decurion. The Empire took 44 villages and towns and burned them to the ground so they can be rebuilt anew as a colony of Rome. It is always a joyous occasion when more barbarians can be enlightened about the superior culture and ways of the Romans. Ave Roma!

Plage and Followers
Emperor Plagentine (trigger 1st update)
Decurion Hired Contractor II (trigger 2nd update)
Legatus Kyorgia
Centurion Thorn1000
Legionary The supreme Lord plageko
Munifex The Orwellian Regions
Munifex kfcium

More Conquered Regions
telemarketia
the backdoor
nfield
federation sol system
nordic model
depression
shinobi world
collective of nationalist states
team mediocrity
nsm 2
this is just kinda here bc im lazy
kingdom of sahrailia
union of ussr sovereign nations
mauldonia
the garbage bois
freedom and liberty
southern Queensland
serrovia
antifa Luxembourgist communist collective
cog nation
saviours_hope
the_greater_imperial_realm
the_outlands_3
kevlands_allies
the_dantes_inferno
the_democratic_union
asian_alliance
the_city_of_rapture
the_royal_dictators_union
grecia
union_of_central_free_states
commonwealth_of_socialists
united_national_socialist_legion
the_empire_union
star_trek_united_federation_of_planets
federation_of_lone_star_states
neutral_zone
atlantida
bed
intergalactic_federation
struckennbergher_reef
united_nations_of_libertaria
advanced_human_federation

[Plagentine]

The frightening and prestigious imperial standard of festive Rome

All the little elves with their armor of gold
Captured barbarians, to be bought and sold
In one third of an update, hastily set
They got 11 hits in their Christmas hats
They sacked the villages and burned the grain
So that no army could ever pass there again
All the natives and fendas and all of their pals
Can be sure of one thing behind their stone walls
As they glimpse through their towers and look down
They'll see the Romans burning their town


Spreaders of joy:
Santa Plagentine
Elf Pageko
Elf The Knights of Julius

Happy places:
Maria is cool
the lost isles
neutral zone
The Carac Destrian Union
torumin
International RolePlay Region
the hall of souls
Aletaxa Front
the untied democratic nation tudn
rogue
morbekia

Ave Roma!

[Escade]

The Gingerbread Man....delicious....

"bold little elves with their armors of gold"...I want to try this (rhyming poems)

It's interesting now some of the regions that are hit a lot (looking at maria is cool) are becoming familiar names

[Plagentine]

The Gingerbread Man....delicious....

It's interesting now some of the regions that are hit a lot (looking at maria is cool) are becoming familiar names

I've grown close personal relationships with a lot of region names from the trigger/target setting. They're not your regions anymore, they're mine now!

[Roavin]

I've probably defended and/or detagged Deziat a hundred times by now.

[Tim-Opolis]

I've probably defended and/or detagged Deziat a hundred times by now.

If I could never see Deziat again, it'd be too soon.

[Escade]

The Gingerbread Man....delicious....

It's interesting now some of the regions that are hit a lot (looking at maria is cool) are becoming familiar names

I've grown close personal relationships with a lot of region names from the trigger/target setting. They're not your regions anymore, they're mine now!

Challenge Accepted

[Centristy]

The Neutral Zone accepts your request for an embassy. Just be aware this doesn't necessarily mean the Neutral Zone is a province of the Empire.

[Plagentine]

Plog Ploginson having a heated bargain with the fendas

“I’m Plog Ploginson, and this is my raid shop.
I raid here with my old man and my son, Big Hired.
Everyone in here has a gladius and a shield.
One thing I’ve learned after 1453 years– you never know WHAT thorn is gonna fuck up next."

[rai walks into the shop]

"Hey, Plog, are you guys free Saturday major to support TBH?"

"Hey, that's a nice operation you have there, is it a copy or real?"

"W-what...it's real? I think?"

"Oh, see, whoever owned it before you washed it, but that ruins the market value since the buyers want the as-was condition."

"What are yo- are you free or not?"

"Hmm, I'm going to have to get a buddy of mine who's an expert on operations. Can you come back later today so he can check it out?"

"Is this real? Is this really happening"

"Alright, great, see you later today."

[later that day]


Tali, an old operation collector

"Oh, hey Tali, glad you had the time to make it. So this guy just brought in an old operation and I'm wondering if it's authentic."

"Kleo we've met two years ago"

[tali inspects the operation thoroughly, then rubs his chin while in deep thought]

"Hmmmm, quite. See those marks on the edges? That's because back in the 40s when they were making these operations they had to use pencils to mark up where to cut them later during production. But the thing is the pencils they were using were very specific and tasted like WA immobility, and you can't find pencils like that anymore."

"So it's genuine?"

[tali licks the operation]

"Hm, yes. I'd have to say it is. And it's in a great condition as well, where'd you find it?"

"I...we set it up"

[rai looks at the camera with agony]

"Alright, great. Yeah, I'll give you three switchers for the operation. So, Tali, does this mean you'll be there too?"

---

Pawn Stars:
Emperor Plagentine
Centurion Thorn1000 - op assist only
Decurion Hired Contractor II

47 items pawned:
the colonial federation
helvati union
ravencrest
the subtropic desert of aydinia
burnemke
workersparadise
aion
wild birch forest
unitednations under the new constitution
Anubis
Regime of Hell
seawater
ohaymarque
paradigm city
ns dates
kyronius
militia ii
the marxist leninist union
the second union of atlantic nations
isle of esa
central asian union
trash
dragonkin
treppenwitz
laboratory 17
Freedonia
eustrea
the free and equal league
Agoran training grounds
commonwealth of zakron
Circular Quay
war free zone
entente
Unovathalamuss
ainlandia
the proletarian union
idiots
region of sovereign catholic states
united commonwealth of alternate nations
tree otter land
the united treehuggers
the surge historia region
thors thunder
serrovia
anteiku cafe
monkey
defendants of civilian peace

Operation assisted:
Philippines

Ave Roma!

[Raionitu]

[rai looks at the camera with agony]

Might have to use that as the title of my autobiography XD
A beautiful raid report, as expected of the Romans.