The Great ContestEver since we founded the Order in 2016, we have been obsessed with discovering the answer to a question. The question being "who among us is the best at killing darkspawn?" The debate that has consumed us since our earliest days has lead to the creation of the Darkspawn Kill Point system. Each month you get a chance to prove your worth and reach for the ultimate bragging right of being named DKP Champion. This contest is open to all who wish to enter and participation is assumed for anyone who joins the Order.
“You have to bear witness and understand why it is so important to stop them. The Joining, the Calling...it's all worthwhile if it holds back the darkspawn. Once you understand what they are.” ―Sekah, Warden-Recruit from the Hossberg Circle of Magi
In February, we had the honor and the privilege of holding one of our contests within enemy territory. Sword and ax met shield, demonic ichor was spilled and spells were cast. When the dust settled, there was a clear champion among us.
The first wave of enemies faced were genlocks of the classic variety with a few archers thrown in lead by a singular alpha. Ball won the honor of being the first to fell a darkspawn by firing a crossbow bolt before our magi finished their buffing spells. As the genlock hit the ground with a satisfying thud, Ball turned to their fellow warriors and exclaimed
"I've done my part, now let me be off!" before departing the Deep Roads and making way to Orlais. Not to be outdone, our own Indo-Malaysia fired a single arrow dramatically in the direction of the swarm of darkspawn before turning around and heading to the cooking fires. He had made his way mostly through the crowd of eager warriors before his bolt found its target. Now that the coolest among us had inspired our ranks, we charged into battle in, emboldened by their example.
Those who had bested ten or fewer foes were asked to assist Indo with the feast preparations.
The remaining contestants were then challenged by a more diverse group of genlocks that included additional archers, a few emissaries and several alphas to command them. In a terrific showing for the Rejected Realms Army, members formed a smaller hunting party and worked together in this round, making efficient work of a cluster of archers and an alpha. Frattastan lead the group, bashing his shield into the alpha and drawing the attention of the archers, while Cat dispatched them from afar. Kyo managed to sneak his way behind the few genlocks smart enough to take cover and Sarah reminded everyone how cool it looks when you dual-wield blades.
The elite few that scored at least 50dkp advanced to the next round, while the rest started digging into the hors d'oeuvres.
Hold onto your waning interest! The hurlocks make their debut. While still darkspawn, hurlocks are a decent bit taller and tougher than genlocks. Lighter armor gives way to metal as the smell of death and blight fill the tunnels. In this round where mostly legends remain, the competitors start to show off their talents. Surprise contender, Bowzin, levied hard politics toward the alphas until their less-than-intelligent subordinates changed allegiances and bolstered Bowzin's charge to the front of the pack. Unfortunately, for Commander Deadeye Jack and Numero Capitan, hurlocks are not nearly intelligent enough to abstain from attacking anyone outside of Bowzin's party. The pair would spend the entirety of this round defending one another from their new frenemies.
First Warden Benevolent Thomas, Chamberlain Haku and Commanders Vincent Drake and the one whose friends call him "Tim?" were locked in a smaller contest of their own over who could kill darkspawn the fastest. The clear and obvious answer is Vinny and Haku are the fastest in all of Thedas, but Thomas refused to allow his aging combat style to fall too far behind. Tim launched fireballs seemingly at random, lucking into a partial cave-collapse that wiped out a few hurlocks and crippling one other as his mana wore out. He was led off the battlefield by High Constable Merlin and Frattastan who were shouting their kill counts to one another like they were in their own little Helm's Deep.
The Final Round is upon us. Anyone who has felled less than 85 darkspawn have been relegated to the banquet area, unamused at the lack of remaining snacks. Tim downed a flask of mana potion before downing a flask of whiskey prior to draining a pint of mead, before making his way to Orzammar's finest wines.
Shrieks fill the cavern as the newest wave of darkspawn approach. The appropriately nick-named "Shireks" have come to stealthily lead a final desperate charge to reclaim lost territory. The remaining contestants are well-spent, creating a chance for Haku, Chamberlain of TGW, to show his quality. As his counterparts struggle to hold back the desperate forces of evil, Haku plunges forward, bashing untold dozens with his shield. His handsome blade brilliantly dancing through the horde as a knackered Bowzin starts to compose a ballad. Merlin runs low on mana as Fratt's charisma finally wanes. The pair shake hands, griping one another's forearm, before making their way to the banquet. The quietly deadly p.rata of A World Power, downs a few last opponents while escorting Bowzin from the field, leaving just Haku left to rack up an unprecedented kill count.
Chamberlain Haku is our Champion!They will be rewarded with the
S-RANK role on our discord server. Three cheers for a truly dedicated Warden!