The new sheriff is in town.
This story was reported earlier today, but its publication was delayed until Krulltopia had at least partially recovered from his most recent bender.
Francograd, The Pacific. Scandal broke out across The Pacific this morning as zombie bureaucrats and citizens learned that esteemed Delegate Krulltopia was found intoxicated and sleeping in a ditch, and that a new leader is at the helm of the Banject Button. While it has been rumour on the street that the Delegate allegedly had notorious parties in the Fortress of Solitude for some time now, it seems that this time, it became too much for the leader.
Countless people have attempted to snatch the power of the Delegacy from Krulltopia and his predecessors over the years. Who, then, has the tenacity and the gusto to out-wit the near omnipresent mind that is Krulltopia?
He is called many names, from the Village Idiot to Supreme Ayatollah, from John Ashchroft Land to Durkadurkiranistan. One name will not do for this, the most capable of leaders, and that is Late for Dinner.
Following a late-evening meeting with his Senators regarding loosening restrictions on jackboot exports to The West Pacific, Krulltopia started his soirée with his favorite mistress in Warrior Thorin's Hot Tub. After several rounds of drink and BBQ babies, and with his mood worsening, the Delegate found himself sitting beside his Telegram machine, pondering his next move and reflecting on his lengthy, and increasingly tedious, Delegacy.
Details are limited, but insiders in the Fortress have stated anonymously that Krulltopia wrote a telegram with the password to his nation. With a glass of the best wine in the Fortress in one hand, he then fired this one telegram to a random citizen. After realizing the potential for complete disaster, Krulltopia is alleged to have consumed another tankard of smuggled TNP Rum, before going out for a stroll. He was later found in a ditch outside of Beavers, the infamously sexualized restaurant near Senator Gaspos mansion.
An hour later, Durkadurkiranistan arrived at the Fortress of Solitude, clutching the telegram he received through his randomly-selected puppet, ready to collect his prize.
"What makes a region great?" Durk said to this reporter just after his arrival to the Fortress. "Your mom, ha. DAYUM. Jk; it starts with the strength of character of a Delegate, to rule his subjects with an open mind and a firm fist. LOL jk. He must be prepared to start anew, to build the foundations of a new age for the region. He must be ready to set fire to the entire structure, for the sake of purification. Thats what she said. Anyone, from the smallest to the largest, must be tested in their will and determination to further the goals of the selfless Delegate who must shake the world. And this Delegates motto is simple: #YOLO"
Following intense conversations with the Senate of The Pacific, Durk is hereby appointed Co-Delegate and Senator of Foreign Affairs, Responsible for Your Mom. He is also appointed Minister of Education and and Meteorology. An anonymous official in the Ministry of Education expects that, under Durkian Thought, your child has a better chance of exceeding expectations in snow forecasting and possibly some bizarre form of mathematics, yet, children in this model have a greater percentage of lacking proper communication skills nor social desirability, accompanied by an unwashed and unsightly hippy-look.
When pressed for details on his plans for The Pacific, the new leader noted that "Pink Miatas will be the official car of The Pacific."
After a few minutes of incoherent babbling about snow and how he misses it, His Holiness Supreme Rabbinical Ayatollah El Commissar Generalissimo of the Federal Union of Community Kingdoms (insert acronym here) Durk decreed that "Francograd will be now known as Jalingrad, bitches." He took a shot of some strange Montanan-backwoods brew, and giggled.
"I'm a Balder founding father, and a really important figure in The Pacific or whatever bs you want to call it today. I hate that italics The. Bold it, make it big. lulz. I was in charge of Anti-Pacifican Affairs, back in the day! I kept the zombies and Nasis out, even though I defected to the zombies and Nasis later! But thats ok, because its only me! roflcopter. Also, hate the game, not the playa. Out."
We went to the streets for reaction to this situation. However, due to the on-going zombie outbreak created by several demented backwoods science students who pretend to be tenured professors of science over in anti-SovCon nations, few, if any, comments dissented the cry for braaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiinnnssss from the crowd.
Durks final comment before sitting down for his inauguration dinner at Red Lobster was to note that "the purges will begin shortly."
Well done.
