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[PASSED] Commend Shizensky Prime

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Ostrovskiy
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[PASSED] Commend Shizensky Prime

Postby Ostrovskiy » Fri Mar 03, 2023 2:33 pm

Edit April 19: submitted, please approve here.

Hello, Security Council! Today, I want to recognize one of the most influential people in the history of NS. They've defended, they've region-built, and most importantly, they mentored many of today's most influential defenders. I'm talking, of course, about Shizensky (Or rather, Shizensky Prime, as he no longer owns the nation of Shizensky).

My coauthors are Arnelle, who's new to the SC but helped with many aspects of the draft, especially with research, and Bestinor Westinor, who helped with everything and was generally responsible for probably like half of this proposal.

The character count is 4729, which leaves us quite a bit of space.

The Security Council,

Praising those who dedicate their time to the silent and thankless cause of elevating and bringing together the loudest voices and the brightest minds, a necessary precursor to the greatest acts of each generation, and knowing perhaps no better exemplar of this vision than Shizensky Prime (Shizensky),

Admiring the work of Korallia, Shizensky’s satellite state, in 10000 Islands (XKI), where it worked with Ananke II to revive the Foreign Affairs department and re-establish connections with several key historically defender allies such as Texas, The United Kingdom, and The Council Of Narnia, as well as helped coordinate several refounds with the help of natives, including USA and The Skeleton Army,

Honoring Shizensky’s creation of the Renegade Islands Alliance (RIA) in 2004 following the fall of its predecessor, the Rogue Islands Alliance, an eminent defender region that, time and time again, pushed against the tides of invading forces that sought to bring communities to the ground. Under Shizensky’s leadership, the RIA blossomed as a pillar of defender ideals and a hub of cultural activity, with the creation of its constitution and the development and maintenance of its regional infrastructure being spearheaded under their tenure as Chief Executive, even after its destruction at the hands of the rogue operative Meridianland,

Praising Shizenky’s work in building up and leading the RIA Special Forces (RIASF), which sailed proudly alongside defenders through a multitude of conflicts on the high seas and was renowned as an efficient and robust military force largely as a product of Shizensky’s countless contributions to its development and operations as its leader, captaining the charge into many key battles including the defenses of The North Pacific in 2005, as well as Middle Earth, and St Abbadon,

Impressed by Shizensky’s unique approach to defender relations, furthering the emphasis on connections and respect as a leading member of defenderdom by playing the crucial role of intermediary between key defender organizations like the United Defenders League and XKI and working around apprehensive relations to facilitate united defender responses that proved pivotal to the defense of countless regions,

Noting that through the crest and troughs of its existence, Shizensky steadfastly righted the RIA’s course time after time, eventually captaining it to a new dawn in its shockingly vibrant comeback in 2013, where they worked to re-establish the RIA as a powerhouse at home and abroad by:
  • revamping its constitution and regional economy and introducing new cultural activities, as well as breathing new life into its membership and seeing an impressive rise of almost 350 nations in its regional population within eight months,
  • assembling its impressive foreign relations network, including the construction of the XYZ treaty with Mordor and the Rejected Realms, which solidified strong relationships between regional giants of culture and ensured their mutual defense, and the development of relations with a wide swath of regions like Lazarus and Spiritus,

Lauding Shizensky’s place as a founding member of [region]Fort Triumph[region], which stood as a shining star in the midst of a dark night for defenderdom, where they helped to solidify the structure of Fort Triumph with the creation of its regional forums and worked to define Fort Triumph’s culture with the creation of a regional economy and a casino,

Thanking Shizensky for their role in the development of NSBreeze, a ubiquitous defender tool which, like its successor Breeze++, provides crucial information on military movements and facilitates tactical displacements in a manner that has made it synonymous with the art of defending for many years, as well as working with Vincent Drake to make sure Breeze++ was accessible to people who may have otherwise been unable to serve defenderdom,

Acclaiming Shizensky's mentorship of the firebrands and quiet giants who would come define the next generation of defending, many of whom were cast adrift from their former homes and given a second chance by Shizensky, from HumanSanity and Benevolent Thomas to Falconias and Timothia, tempering and sharpening each with their infinite patience and wisdom,

Concluding that though many are attributed with the positive impact of a multitude of communities, few have done so with the aura of respect, kindness, and ability as Shizensky, whose footsteps have paved the path for the leaders of the next generation to follow,

Hereby commends Shizensky Prime

Coauthors: Arnelle, Westinor
Last edited by United Calanworie on Tue May 09, 2023 7:17 pm, edited 14 times in total.
Reason: Title, unsticky.

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Ostrovskiy
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Postby Ostrovskiy » Fri Mar 03, 2023 2:33 pm

The Security Council,

Praising those who dedicate their time to the silent and thankless cause of elevating and bringing together the loudest voices and the brightest minds, a necessary precursor to the greatest acts of each generation, and knowing perhaps no better exemplar of this vision than Shizensky Prime (Shizensky),

Admiring the work of Korallia, Shizenksy’s satellite state, in 10000 Islands (XKI), where it worked with Ananke II to revive the Foreign Affairs department and re-establish connections with several key historically defender allies such as Texas, The United Kingdom, and The Council Of Narnia, as well as helped coordinate several refounds with the help of natives, including USA and The Skeleton Army,

Honoring Shizensky’s creation of the Renegade Islands Alliance (RIA) in 2004 following the fall of its predecessor, the Rogue Islands Alliance, an eminent defender region that, time and time again, pushed against the tides of invading forces that sought to bring communities to the ground. Under Shizensky’s leadership, the RIA blossomed as a pillar of defender ideals and a hub of cultural activity, with the creation of its constitution and the development and maintenance of its regional infrastructure being spearheaded under their tenure as Chief Executive, even after its destruction at the hands of the rogue operative Meridianland,

Praising Shizenky’s work in building up and leading the RIA Special Forces (RIASF), which sailed proudly alongside defenders through a multitude of conflicts on the high seas and was renowned as an efficient and robust military force largely as a product of Shizensky’s countless contributions to its development and operations as its leader, captaining the charge into many key battles including the defenses of The North Pacific, Middle Earth, and St Abbadon,

Impressed by Shizensky’s unique approach to defender relations, choosing to promote a culture of civility on the battlefield among enemies and allies alike, as well as furthering the emphasis on connections and respect as a leading member of defenderdom by playing the crucial role of intermediary between key defender organizations like the United Defenders League and XKI and working around apprehensive relations to facilitate united defender responses that proved pivotal to the defense of countless regions,

Noting that through the crest and troughs of its existence, Shizensky steadfastly righted the RIA’s course time after time, eventually captaining it to a new dawn in its shockingly vibrant comeback in 2013, where they worked to re-establish the RIA as a powerhouse at home and abroad by:
  • revamping its constitution and regional economy and introducing new cultural activities, as well as breathing new life into its membership and seeing an impressive rise of 317 nations in its regional population within eight months,
  • assembling its impressive foreign relations network, including the construction of the XYZ treaty with Mordor and the Rejected Realms, which solidified strong relationships between regional giants of culture and ensured their mutual defense, and the development of relations with a wide swath of regions like Lazarus and Spiritus,

Lauding Shizensky’s place as a founding member of [region]Fort Triumph[region], which stood as a shining star in the midst of a dark night for defenderdom, where they helped to solidify the structure of Fort Triumph with the creation of its regional forums and worked to define Fort Triumph’s culture with the creation of a regional economy and a casino,

Thanking Shizensky for their role in the development of NSBreeze, a ubiquitous defender tool which, like its successor Breeze++, provides crucial information on military movements and facilitates tactical displacements in a manner that has made it synonymous with the art of defending for many years, as well as working with Vincent Drake to make sure Breeze++ was accessible to people who may have otherwise been unable to serve defenderdom,

Acclaiming Shizensky's mentorship of the firebrands and quiet giants who would come define the next generation of defending, many of whom were cast adrift from their former homes and given a second chance by Shizensky, from HumanSanity and Benevolent Thomas to Falconias and Timothia, tempering and sharpening each with their infinite patience and wisdom,

Concluding that though many are attributed with the positive impact of a multitude of communities, few have done so with the aura of respect, kindness, and ability as Shizensky, whose footsteps have paved the path for the leaders of the next generation to follow,

Hereby commends Shizensky Prime

Coauthors: Arnelle, Westinor


The Security Council,

Praising those who dedicate their time to the silent and thankless cause of elevating and bringing together the loudest voices and the brightest minds, a necessary precursor to the greatest acts of each generation, and knowing perhaps no better exemplar of this vision than Shizensky Prime (Shizensky),

Admiring the work of Korallia, Shizensky’s satellite state, in 10000 Islands (XKI), where it worked with Ananke II to revive the Foreign Affairs department and re-establish connections with several key historically defender allies such as Texas, The United Kingdom, and The Council Of Narnia, as well as helped coordinate several refounds with the help of natives, including USA and The Skeleton Army,

Honoring Shizensky’s creation of the Renegade Islands Alliance (RIA) in 2004 following the fall of its predecessor, the Rogue Islands Alliance, an eminent defender region that, time and time again, pushed against the tides of invading forces that sought to bring communities to the ground. Under Shizensky’s leadership, the RIA blossomed as a pillar of defender ideals and a hub of cultural activity, with the creation of its constitution and the development and maintenance of its regional infrastructure being spearheaded under their tenure as Chief Executive, even after its destruction at the hands of the rogue operative Meridianland,

Praising Shizenky’s work in building up and leading the RIA Special Forces (RIASF), which sailed proudly alongside defenders through a multitude of conflicts on the high seas and was renowned as an efficient and robust military force largely as a product of Shizensky’s countless contributions to its development and operations as its leader, captaining the charge into many key battles including the defenses of The North Pacific in 2005, as well as Middle Earth, and St Abbadon,

Impressed by Shizensky’s unique approach to defender relations, choosing to promote a culture of civility on the battlefield among enemies and allies alike, as well as furthering the emphasis on connections and respect as a leading member of defenderdom by playing the crucial role of intermediary between key defender organizations like the United Defenders League and XKI and working around apprehensive relations to facilitate united defender responses that proved pivotal to the defense of countless regions,

Noting that through the crest and troughs of its existence, Shizensky steadfastly righted the RIA’s course time after time, eventually captaining it to a new dawn in its shockingly vibrant comeback in 2013, where they worked to re-establish the RIA as a powerhouse at home and abroad by:
  • revamping its constitution and regional economy and introducing new cultural activities, as well as breathing new life into its membership and seeing an impressive rise of almost 350 nations in its regional population within eight months,
  • assembling its impressive foreign relations network, including the construction of the XYZ treaty with Mordor and the Rejected Realms, which solidified strong relationships between regional giants of culture and ensured their mutual defense, and the development of relations with a wide swath of regions like Lazarus and Spiritus,

Lauding Shizensky’s place as a founding member of [region]Fort Triumph[region], which stood as a shining star in the midst of a dark night for defenderdom, where they helped to solidify the structure of Fort Triumph with the creation of its regional forums and worked to define Fort Triumph’s culture with the creation of a regional economy and a casino,

Thanking Shizensky for their role in the development of NSBreeze, a ubiquitous defender tool which, like its successor Breeze++, provides crucial information on military movements and facilitates tactical displacements in a manner that has made it synonymous with the art of defending for many years, as well as working with Vincent Drake to make sure Breeze++ was accessible to people who may have otherwise been unable to serve defenderdom,

Acclaiming Shizensky's mentorship of the firebrands and quiet giants who would come define the next generation of defending, many of whom were cast adrift from their former homes and given a second chance by Shizensky, from HumanSanity and Benevolent Thomas to Falconias and Timothia, tempering and sharpening each with their infinite patience and wisdom,

Concluding that though many are attributed with the positive impact of a multitude of communities, few have done so with the aura of respect, kindness, and ability as Shizensky, whose footsteps have paved the path for the leaders of the next generation to follow,

Hereby commends Shizensky Prime

Coauthors: Arnelle, Westinor
Last edited by Ostrovskiy on Sat Mar 11, 2023 9:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Hulldom
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Postby Hulldom » Fri Mar 03, 2023 3:07 pm

I'll leave others to the commentary, but full support.
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Fort Concord
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Postby Fort Concord » Fri Mar 03, 2023 3:10 pm

You have some borked code for the mention of RIA, but otherwise I believe all my commentary so far was addressed before this hit the forms.

Full support, of course.
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Kanglia
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Postby Kanglia » Fri Mar 03, 2023 3:11 pm

A very long time ago I had a start of a draft to commend Shiz. If I can happen to find that(which might be unlikely tbh, but I'll look) I'll post anything else that might be noteworthy from it. But full, full support. Shz has long deserved a commendation.
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Ostrovskiy
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Postby Ostrovskiy » Fri Mar 03, 2023 3:12 pm

Fort Concord wrote:You have some borked code for the mention of RIA, but otherwise I believe all my commentary so far was addressed before this hit the forms.

Full support, of course.

Fixed lmao

I proofread this twice. How did that get past me?

Smh i can't write
Last edited by Ostrovskiy on Fri Mar 03, 2023 3:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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The Ice States
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Postby The Ice States » Fri Mar 03, 2023 3:16 pm

Full support, naturally.
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Drew Durrnil
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Postby Drew Durrnil » Fri Mar 03, 2023 3:22 pm

Full support.
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Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:What can I say? I do know how to improve this out of all measure though. Firstly, print out your draft on some nice paper. Secondly, take your draft out for a healthy walk in the country. Next find a field of cows and feed the draft to them. Finally just wait - the improved end product will come out of their ends so to speak.

But seriously this is just another in a long line of poorly researched, badly written, lazy attempts.

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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Fri Mar 03, 2023 4:28 pm

Good fucking luck. You'll need it. Can't wait to get back from holiday, see this resolution has a day and three hours left on the clock and I've gotten twelve mass telegrams about this, ten of which are back-and-forth campaigns about this proposal and the other two of which are requests to approve Commend Southeast Marajarbia and Repeal "Clean Water Act" respectively.

Naturally, I have ideas for rewording, and a lot of them 4,647 characters excluding co-author notice (which doesn't count towards the 5k limit, it being game-embedded since November 2021). I haven't put myself down as a coauthor, but would not object to you doing so if you think that my rewrite is sufficiently nifty to warrant that.
The Security Council,

Praising those who dedicate their time to the undernoticed and thankless cause of elevating and bringing together the loudest voices and the brightest minds in the greatest societies - a necessary precursor to the finest hours of each generation - and knowing perhaps no better exemplar of this loftiest goal within the world of defending than the government of Shizensky, which moved their offices many moons ago to Shizensky Prime,

Honoring Shizensky’s creation of the Renegade Islands Alliance (RIA) in 2004 after the old Rogue Islands Alliance fell; under Shizensky’s leadership, the RIA blossomed as a hub of defenderism on the battlefield and culture off it: they laid the groundwork for a regional constitution, and spearheaded the development and maintenance of its regional infrastructure while serving as Chief Executive even after its destruction at the hands of the rogue operative Meridianland,

Praising Shizensky’s work in building up the RIA Special Forces, which sailed proudly alongside defenders through a multitude of battles against the immense tides that sought to sink native communities; it was largely thanks to Shizensky's leadership of the Special Forces (they captained its charge into many key battles, including the defenses of The North Pacific, Middle Earth, and St Abbaddon), and their innumerable contributions to its development, that it became renowned as one of the strongest and most robust defender powers,

Impressed by Shizensky’s unique approach to defender relations: they emphasised strong, respectful, and civil connections between key defender organizations such as the United Defenders League and 10000 Islands by serving in a crucial mediatory role, working around relations that could occasionally be fractious to facilitate united defender responses that proved pivotal to the defense of countless regions,

Recognising that Korallia - which was actually founded before Shizensky became a nation, but is now considered its satellite state - worked in 10000 Islands to restore the Foreign Affairs department alongside Ananke (hence re-establishing connections with such allies as Texas, The United Kingdom, and The Council of Narnia), and supported the natives of regions such as USA and The Skeleton Army in refounding their regions,

Noting that Shizensky steadfastly righted the RIA’s course whenever it ran aground on troubles and general neglect, eventually steering it to a new dawn when they took the initiative to refound the region in August 2013 and then worked to re-establish it as a powerhouse:
  • at home: revamping its constitution, strengthening its economy, restoring the regional culture, and directly helping the region surge from a small handful of nations in late August to almost 350 in May 2014, and
  • abroad: reassembling an impressive foreign relations network which deepened ties with many of the great defender regions of the period, and agreeing the XYZ Treaty for military, cultural and political support alongside Mordor and the Rejected Realms,

Lauding Shizensky’s foundational status of Fort Triumph, which emerged over the winter of 2014-15 as defenderdom was beset by crises within and without, helping solidify its structure (by establishing its regional forums) and define its culture (by inventing an entire macroeconomic system out of almost nothing),

Thanking Shizensky for their critical role in the development of NSBreeze, which helped defenders learn about and execute military movements in a manner that made it synonymous with the art of defending for many years until it was superceded by Breeze++ - itself developed by Vincent Drake, but (naturally) with some assistance by Shizensky aimed at empowering those who otherwise may have otherwise been unable to serve defenderdom to do so,

Acclaiming Shizensky's guidance of many who would come to define the generations of defending after them - HumanSanity, Benevolent Thomas, Falconias, Timothia; the list could go on - some of whom were firebrands, some of whom were more reserved, more than a few of whom had been cast adrift from their former homes, but all of which nonetheless had their skills sharpened and their attitudes tempered by Shizensky in their eternal patience and wisdom,

Concluding that while many have made laudatory contributions to multitudinous communities, few have done so with Shizensky's aura of respect, kindness, and capability - an aura that has lit the path for the leaders of the generations of defenderss after them to follow,

Hereby commends Shizensky Prime.

Coauthors: Arnelle, Westinor

My rewording only tinkers with what you've written. It changes a factual inaccuracy that was present in Magecastle's 2022 attempt (and, rather incredibly, understates Shizensky's efforts), for instance, and generally makes this draft less like that one.

I also changed the description of Korallia because I am unconvinced it was a serious "forerunner" of Shizensky Prime - and Magecastle ascribed a similar term to them in his iteration - when their work with Ananke appears to have taken place in 2010ish, and the nation was founded about four weeks before Shizensky itself (in which time it surely could not have done anything of note).

In particular, I'd like more elaboration of when they defended TNP, inter-defender mediation efforts, how they helped out the RIA and Fort Triumph economies, what noteworthy cultural activities they organised in new-skool RIA, and why their contributions to Breeze++ are notable - for instance. Do this and I will be truly impressed. Do not and I will consider this to be a cheap, if passable, copy of the Magecastle cut.
The Self-Administrative City of TINHAMPTON (pop. 329,537): Saffron Howard, Mayor (UCP); Lydia Anderson, WA Delegate-Ambassador

Authorships & co-authorships: SC#250, SC#251, Issue #1115, SC#267, LGA#484, LGA#491, LGA#533, LGA#540, LGA#549, SC#356, LGA#559, LGA#562, LGA#567, LGA#578, SC#374, LGA#582, SC#375, LGA#589, LGA#590, SC#382, SC#385, LGA#597, LGA#607, SC#415, LGA#647, LGA#656, LGA#664, LGA#671, LGA#674, LGA#675, LGA#677, LGA#680, Issue #1580, LGA#682, LGA#683, LGA#684, LGA#692, LGA#693, LGA#715, LGA#757, SC#526, LGA#763, LGA#788, LGA#791, LGA#792, LGA#798, LGA#799, LGA#800, LGA#807, LGA#814, LGA#817
The rest of my CV: Cup of Harmony 73 champions; Torchbearer of Aeternum; fourth-most-prolific WA author of all time; proclaimer of WZTC's move to Palmetto
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Ostrovskiy
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Fri Mar 03, 2023 5:11 pm

Naturally, I have ideas for rewording, and a lot of them 4,647 characters excluding co-author notice (which doesn't count towards the 5k limit, it being game-embedded since November 2021). I haven't put myself down as a coauthor, but would not object to you doing so if you think that my rewrite is sufficiently nifty to warrant that.
The Security Council,

Praising those who dedicate their time to the undernoticed and thankless cause of elevating and bringing together the loudest voices and the brightest minds in the greatest societies - a necessary precursor to the finest hours of each generation - and knowing perhaps no better exemplar of this loftiest goal within the world of defending than the government of Shizensky, which moved their offices many moons ago to Shizensky Prime,

Honoring Shizensky’s creation of the Renegade Islands Alliance (RIA) in 2004 after the old Rogue Islands Alliance fell; under Shizensky’s leadership, the RIA blossomed as a hub of defenderism on the battlefield and culture off it: they laid the groundwork for a regional constitution, and spearheaded the development and maintenance of its regional infrastructure while serving as Chief Executive even after its destruction at the hands of the rogue operative Meridianland,

Praising Shizensky’s work in building up the RIA Special Forces, which sailed proudly alongside defenders through a multitude of battles against the immense tides that sought to sink native communities; it was largely thanks to Shizensky's leadership of the Special Forces (they captained its charge into many key battles, including the defenses of The North Pacific, Middle Earth, and St Abbaddon), and their innumerable contributions to its development, that it became renowned as one of the strongest and most robust defender powers,

Impressed by Shizensky’s unique approach to defender relations: they emphasised strong, respectful, and civil connections between key defender organizations such as the United Defenders League and 10000 Islands by serving in a crucial mediatory role, working around relations that could occasionally be fractious to facilitate united defender responses that proved pivotal to the defense of countless regions,

Recognising that Korallia - which was actually founded before Shizensky became a nation, but is now considered its satellite state - worked in 10000 Islands to restore the Foreign Affairs department alongside Ananke (hence re-establishing connections with such allies as Texas, The United Kingdom, and The Council of Narnia), and supported the natives of regions such as USA and The Skeleton Army in refounding their regions,

Noting that Shizensky steadfastly righted the RIA’s course whenever it ran aground on troubles and general neglect, eventually steering it to a new dawn when they took the initiative to refound the region in August 2013 and then worked to re-establish it as a powerhouse:
  • at home: revamping its constitution, strengthening its economy, restoring the regional culture, and directly helping the region surge from a small handful of nations in late August to almost 350 in May 2014, and
  • abroad: reassembling an impressive foreign relations network which deepened ties with many of the great defender regions of the period, and agreeing the XYZ Treaty for military, cultural and political support alongside Mordor and the Rejected Realms,

Lauding Shizensky’s foundational status of Fort Triumph, which emerged over the winter of 2014-15 as defenderdom was beset by crises within and without, helping solidify its structure (by establishing its regional forums) and define its culture (by inventing an entire macroeconomic system out of almost nothing),

Thanking Shizensky for their critical role in the development of NSBreeze, which helped defenders learn about and execute military movements in a manner that made it synonymous with the art of defending for many years until it was superceded by Breeze++ - itself developed by Vincent Drake, but (naturally) with some assistance by Shizensky aimed at empowering those who otherwise may have otherwise been unable to serve defenderdom to do so,

Acclaiming Shizensky's guidance of many who would come to define the generations of defending after them - HumanSanity, Benevolent Thomas, Falconias, Timothia; the list could go on - some of whom were firebrands, some of whom were more reserved, more than a few of whom had been cast adrift from their former homes, but all of which nonetheless had their skills sharpened and their attitudes tempered by Shizensky in their eternal patience and wisdom,

Concluding that while many have made laudatory contributions to multitudinous communities, few have done so with Shizensky's aura of respect, kindness, and capability - an aura that has lit the path for the leaders of the generations of defenderss after them to follow,

Hereby commends Shizensky Prime.

Coauthors: Arnelle, Westinor


Thanks for the suggested rewrite, I'll think about it.

My rewording only tinkers with what you've written. It changes a factual inaccuracy that was present in Magecastle's 2022 attempt (and, rather incredibly, understates Shizensky's efforts), for instance, and generally makes this draft less like that one.

Probably just dumb, but which factual inaccuracy?

I also changed the description of Korallia because I am unconvinced it was a serious "forerunner" of Shizensky Prime - and Magecastle ascribed a similar term to them in his iteration - when their work with Ananke appears to have taken place in 2010ish, and the nation was founded about four weeks before Shizensky itself (in which time it surely could not have done anything of note).

Yeah, satellite sounds better. Fixed.
In particular, I'd like more elaboration of when they defended TNP, inter-defender mediation efforts, how they helped out the RIA and Fort Triumph economies, what noteworthy cultural activities they organised in new-skool RIA, and why their contributions to Breeze++ are notable - for instance. Do this and I will be truly impressed. Do not and I will consider this to be a cheap, if passable, copy of the Magecastle cut.

Will be working on this, thank you. They liberated TNP in 2005, if anyone cares. Their contributions to Breeze++ are notable because of their work to help visually impaired NSers become good defenders.
Last edited by Ostrovskiy on Fri Mar 03, 2023 5:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Tinhampton
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Posts: 16166
Founded: Oct 05, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Tinhampton » Fri Mar 03, 2023 5:18 pm

Ostrovskiy wrote:
My rewording only tinkers with what you've written. It changes a factual inaccuracy that was present in Magecastle's 2022 attempt (and, rather incredibly, understates Shizensky's efforts), for instance, and generally makes this draft less like that one.

Probably just dumb, but which factual inaccuracy?

Population numbers! :P
The Self-Administrative City of TINHAMPTON (pop. 329,537): Saffron Howard, Mayor (UCP); Lydia Anderson, WA Delegate-Ambassador

Authorships & co-authorships: SC#250, SC#251, Issue #1115, SC#267, LGA#484, LGA#491, LGA#533, LGA#540, LGA#549, SC#356, LGA#559, LGA#562, LGA#567, LGA#578, SC#374, LGA#582, SC#375, LGA#589, LGA#590, SC#382, SC#385, LGA#597, LGA#607, SC#415, LGA#647, LGA#656, LGA#664, LGA#671, LGA#674, LGA#675, LGA#677, LGA#680, Issue #1580, LGA#682, LGA#683, LGA#684, LGA#692, LGA#693, LGA#715, LGA#757, SC#526, LGA#763, LGA#788, LGA#791, LGA#792, LGA#798, LGA#799, LGA#800, LGA#807, LGA#814, LGA#817
The rest of my CV: Cup of Harmony 73 champions; Torchbearer of Aeternum; fourth-most-prolific WA author of all time; proclaimer of WZTC's move to Palmetto
Tinhampton the player: 50yo Tory woman w/Asperger's; Cambridge graduate; currently reading nothing (I'm too busy)

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Ostrovskiy
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Fri Mar 03, 2023 5:23 pm

Tinhampton wrote:
Ostrovskiy wrote:Probably just dumb, but which factual inaccuracy?

Population numbers! :P

Fixed lmao. Thanks a lot! :)

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The Church of Satan
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Ex-Nation

Postby The Church of Satan » Sat Mar 04, 2023 3:27 am

Full support, and well earned. Some of the best times I've had on NS was in RIA working alongside the likes of Shizensky. His influence on NS is undeniably positive.
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Ostrovskiy
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Founded: Nov 01, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Tue Mar 07, 2023 9:11 am

A little /bump

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Mar 08, 2023 1:01 am

Ostrovskiy wrote:Thanks for the suggested rewrite, I'll think about it.

Note that Tin has form for campaigning against authors who ignore their rewrites.

Mind you I think you’ve done a pretty good job without the need for any verbal feng shui.
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The Ice States
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Founded: Jun 23, 2022
Ex-Nation

Postby The Ice States » Fri Mar 10, 2023 9:38 pm

Ostrovskiy wrote:Admiring the work of Korallia, Shizenksy’s satellite state...

You seem to have a typo here ;)
Last edited by The Ice States on Fri Mar 10, 2023 9:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Ostrovskiy
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Founded: Nov 01, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Fri Mar 10, 2023 9:59 pm

The Ice States wrote:
Ostrovskiy wrote:Admiring the work of Korallia, Shizenksy’s satellite state...

You seem to have a typo here ;)

Fixed

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Guess and Check
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Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Guess and Check » Sat Mar 11, 2023 9:21 pm

Looks really good, two nitpicks:
Impressed by Shizensky’s unique approach to defender relations, choosing to promote a culture of civility on the battlefield among enemies and allies alike, as well as furthering the emphasis on connections and respect as a leading member of defenderdom by playing the crucial role of intermediary between key defender organizations like the United Defenders League and XKI and working around apprehensive relations to facilitate united defender responses that proved pivotal to the defense of countless regions,
If you could, I suggest rewriting this so it isn't as windy. It's grammatically correct as far as I can tell, but it's a bit difficult to read since it almost seems like a run-on even if it isn't one.

[*]assembling its impressive foreign relations network, including the construction of the XYZ treaty with Mordor and the Rejected Realms, which solidified strong relationships between regional giants of culture and ensured their mutual defense, and the development of relations with a wide swath of regions like Lazarus and Spiritus,[/list]
Were Laz and Spiritus embassy relations? If so, I'd recommend trying to charactize the general reasoning as to why Shiz formed relations with laz/spritius and other regions to showcase why doing this had an impact on RIA.
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Ostrovskiy
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Founded: Nov 01, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Sat Mar 11, 2023 9:31 pm

Guess and Check wrote:Looks really good, two nitpicks:
Impressed by Shizensky’s unique approach to defender relations, choosing to promote a culture of civility on the battlefield among enemies and allies alike, as well as furthering the emphasis on connections and respect as a leading member of defenderdom by playing the crucial role of intermediary between key defender organizations like the United Defenders League and XKI and working around apprehensive relations to facilitate united defender responses that proved pivotal to the defense of countless regions,
If you could, I suggest rewriting this so it isn't as windy. It's grammatically correct as far as I can tell, but it's a bit difficult to read since it almost seems like a run-on even if it isn't one.

Rewrite made.

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Ostrovskiy
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Founded: Nov 01, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Thu Mar 16, 2023 8:41 am

bumpity bumpity /bump

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Ostrovskiy
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Founded: Nov 01, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Mon Mar 20, 2023 7:24 pm

/bump

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Ostrovskiy
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Founded: Nov 01, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Sat Mar 25, 2023 3:01 pm

/bump

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New Anarchisticstan
Chargé d'Affaires
 
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Founded: Dec 01, 2020
Democratic Socialists

Postby New Anarchisticstan » Sat Mar 25, 2023 3:09 pm

WA purgatory too? Is there a Verdant in here?
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Ostrovskiy
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Founded: Nov 01, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Ostrovskiy » Wed Mar 29, 2023 7:29 am

Pls tell me something lmao :(

/bump

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Lile Ulie Islands
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Founded: Nov 09, 2021
Ex-Nation

Postby Lile Ulie Islands » Wed Mar 29, 2023 7:33 am

Hi Ostro. Not much else to say here but support. Nicely written and good job :clap:
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