[PASSED] Commend Bran Astor

[Twertis]

Perhaps, to an extent, you could treat your resolution as though you're telling a story.

[Team Leo]

Get the hint y'all, Bran Astor did nothing commendable. All he just did was serve TWP as a delegate. I bet most of the information found here is fake or has no meaning. Guys we needa understand this, and TWP is one of the most hated regions in NationStates. What we should be concerned about is commending raiders.

[Aenglaland]

TWP is one of the most hated regions in NationStates.

Really? Because all I've seen so far was "hate" from newbies who got a free ticket for TRR for not respecting their rules. Though I believe they couldn't care less about such "hate".

[Team Leo]

TWP is one of the most hated regions in NationStates.

Really? Because all I've seen so far was "hate" from newbies who got a free ticket for TRR for not respecting their rules. Though I believe they couldn't care less about such "hate".

TWP hates regions for no wrong. BBD hates us for no wrong. Gio hates us for no wrong. I believe we should be worrying about keeping them out!

[Aenglaland]

Really? Because all I've seen so far was "hate" from newbies who got a free ticket for TRR for not respecting their rules. Though I believe they couldn't care less about such "hate".

TWP hates regions for no wrong. BBD hates us for no wrong. Gio hates us for no wrong. I believe we should be worrying about keeping them out!

I feel we're going off-topic, so apologies for the others here in advance, but who exactly is "us"?

[Platoon of Peace]

nope, I'm wrong.

[Team Leo]

TWP hates regions for no wrong. BBD hates us for no wrong. Gio hates us for no wrong. I believe we should be worrying about keeping them out!

I feel we're going off-topic, so apologies for the others here in advance, but who exactly is "us"?

People who actually have a purpose in NationStates

[Team Leo]

I feel we're going off-topic, so apologies for the others here in advance, but who exactly is "us"?

He's trying to speak for the raiders.

No I'm not. Don't speak for me.

[Platoon of Peace]

He's trying to speak for the raiders.

No I'm not. Don't speak for me.

Ok, I apologize for trying to speak for you. But us "people who have a purpose in nationstates" don't exactly hate TWP. I'm fine with them, personally.

Anyways, I support this.

[Aenglaland]

I feel we're going off-topic, so apologies for the others here in advance, but who exactly is "us"?

He's trying to speak for the raiders.

I see. Thanks for clarifying. Well, as an indie who sympathizes more with the raider side, assuming you're right and if they actually hate raiders... why would that be a problem? I see Defenders showing hate for Raiders all the time, and vice-versa. Never really bothered me. Does it stop you from raiding? Does it personally get to you? Then I'm afraid it's not their problem.
Edit: apparently that's not the reason.

People who actually have a purpose in NationStates

So they hate, like, 90% of all players? Because most have a purpose, be it nation-building, region-building, politics, R/D, RP... You're free to dislike TWP, or any other region, but saying they hate people who have a purpose in NS is kind of a vague statement. But that's a discussion for somewhere else, not on this specific thread.

[WayNeacTia]

I feel we're going off-topic, so apologies for the others here in advance, but who exactly is "us"?

People who actually have a purpose in NationStates

Then you must be wrong about them hating you….

[Team Leo]

No I'm not. Don't speak for me.

Ok, I apologize for trying to speak for you. But us "people who have a purpose in nationstates" don't exactly hate TWP. I'm fine with them, personally.

Anyways, I support this.

Ah I see, you're one of them...

He's trying to speak for the raiders.

I see. Thanks for clarifying. Well, as an indie who sympathizes more with the raider side, assuming you're right and if they actually hate raiders... why would that be a problem? I see Defenders showing hate for Raiders all the time, and vice-versa. Never really bothered me. Does it stop you from raiding? Does it personally get to you? Then I'm afraid it's not their problem.
Edit: apparently that's not the reason.

People who actually have a purpose in NationStates

So they hate, like, 90% of all players? Because most have a purpose, be it nation-building, region-building, politics, R/D, RP... You're free to dislike TWP, or any other region, but saying they hate people who have a purpose in NS is kind of a vague statement. But that's a discussion for somewhere else, not on this specific thread.

Tell that to The West Pacific.

[Guess and Check]

Get the hint y'all, Bran Astor did nothing commendable. All he just did was serve TWP as a delegate. I bet most of the information found here is fake or has no meaning. Guys we needa understand this, and TWP is one of the most hated regions in NationStates. What we should be concerned about is commending raiders.

Speaking purely objectively here, Bran's career in TWP has, based on the resolution, established things that define a unique culture in TWP. I mean half the things in the draft are things I associate purely with TWP, and I was purely shocked to learn they were from Bran.

Its difficult for leaders to make change, especially in GCRs. Its even more difficult to make change that both lasts and defines the culture of a region.

Go ahead and be against for your agendaposting, but no one can deny that, solely based on the resolution, Bran is a commendable regionalist, probably more than most commended regionalists out there.

Also, if TWP was the most hated region then they wouldnt have embassies with some of the most reputable regions in the game. Js.

[Platoon of Peace]

Ok, I apologize for trying to speak for you. But us "people who have a purpose in nationstates" don't exactly hate TWP. I'm fine with them, personally.

Anyways, I support this.

Ah I see, you're one of them...

One of what, may I ask?

[Twertis]

Just ignore him, PoP. Yeesh.

[Team Leo]

Get the hint y'all, Bran Astor did nothing commendable. All he just did was serve TWP as a delegate. I bet most of the information found here is fake or has no meaning. Guys we needa understand this, and TWP is one of the most hated regions in NationStates. What we should be concerned about is commending raiders.

Speaking purely objectively here, Bran's career in TWP has, based on the resolution, established things that define a unique culture in TWP. I mean half the things in the draft are things I associate purely with TWP, and I was purely shocked to learn they were from Bran.

Its difficult for leaders to make change, especially in GCRs. Its even more difficult to make change that both lasts and defines the culture of a region.

Go ahead and be against for your agendaposting, but no one can deny that, solely based on the resolution, Bran is a commendable regionalist, probably more than most commended regionalists out there.

Also, if TWP was the most hated region then they wouldnt have embassies with some of the most reputable regions in the game. Js.

I could do all of those things. I have benefitted regions and made their culture the way it is.

Ah I see, you're one of them...

One of what, may I ask?

Those people who support regions like TWP

Just ignore him, PoP. Yeesh.

Nobody is ignoring me! Do not say that ever again! And I have a name, read the national name!

[Altai Almas]

Praising Bran Astor’s work through their satellite state Illahee in founding The Sasquatch Republic (TSR), a vibrant community where they celebrate with friends and companions, and organize activities such as:
TSR’s Country Fair, a festival where nations can enter activities such as a rodeo, featuring themed poetic and artistic competitions, and
TSR Curling, a sports competition where nations submit teams to design flags and other competitive events,
TSR’s Friendship Tartan, where participating nations select their own patterns that are all combined at the end to form a colorful tartan,

Just for more context on the TSR side

I believe there is a mistake here about the "Friendship Tartan". The Friendship Tartan is a contest run in tandem with the annual Tartan Contest in which residents of friendly/partner regions submit a single tartan design, of which one will be chosen and displayed. The tartans are not combined, but rather presented as they are. You may have been confused with another community favourite activity, the Community Quilt which does feature each individual's design combined together in a grid (in order of residency).

TSR curling is made up of the interregional bonspiel and the domestic curling league (which if memory serves culminates in The Brambles Bonspiel),

[WayNeacTia]

Just ignore him, PoP. Yeesh.

Nobody is ignoring me! Do not say that ever again! And I have a name, read the national name!

Or What Leo? What are you possibly going to do about it?

[Varanius]

Alrighty! Draft 2 is up. Unfortunately the FA clause didn’t really work as one combined clause, so it’s still a list. Moved a few clauses, expanded on a few things here and there, removed some things, so here we are. It might be a little early for a second draft, but I’m still open to any and all suggestions!

[Twertis]

I like this a lot more. At first glance (maybe I'll look over it some more at one point), why would you be "astonished" at their other cultural achievements? Or "enthralled" by their establishment of a university? This all seems like poor word choice to me.

I took a look through the thesaurus and Google to find a few words you could use in case you're having trouble finding ones that fit: "enthused", "swayed by", "citing further", "recognizing", "taking into consideration", "appreciating, "satisfied by", and "approving of".

If you'd like some more, search "pre-ambulatory phrase".

Also, I don't like the usage of the word "multiverse". How is NS a multiverse? Why not simply say "most unique in NationStates" (yes, that's legal).

[Twertis]

Also, I think NS' site and the forums render lists with a small space underneath them, so you need not have an empty line yourself (it creates an ugly double gap).

[Zukchiva]

While I cannot make any promise of support at present, the resolution is a good start. It covers the basics of what Bran has done in his career, which is quite a lot.

However, I think you need to work more on is being more specific. There's a couple of areas where you fail to state why something matters (like TWP's roleplay or why Bran hosting TSR's events matters at all) or don't really detail what Bran did and therefore don't make a feasible argument for why certain things are noted here (UTWP, reviving Today in the West). These are rhetorical issues which weaken the argument of commandability you're trying to make.

Also, I think your resolution can do better in general with narration. The resolution is alright, but it wouldn't give me a strong sense of "holy crap, bran did all this?" if I didn't already have prior knowledge on some of these things. One example, if you wish to improve the resolution's narration, is Commend Karp - a resolution that similarly suffers from "too commendable", yet has a narrative that really drives home the resolution's entire argument (and frankly, is one of the best SC res's I've ever seen personally). Try having your writing seem like you're praising/in awe of Bran's work, rather than reviewing it. (Not saying you arent in awe of what Bran has done, just gotta show it via writing)

What I'd suggest is looking at your resolution again, as a whole, and seeing if you can structure it in a different way beyond trying to list every other prominent event Bran has hosted. I feel trying to list all those events is eating at your characters and, therefore, is harming the narrative potential your resolution has as well as your ability to resolve the more serious rhetorical issues. Maybe try taking a different narrative frame point - from "Bran's hosted a shitton of innovative events and fosters bonds" to "Bran has single-handedly defined the culture of two regions by:", maybe? IDK, just a suggestion >.<

Feedback:

Realizing that the nation of Bran Astor has been a longtime contributor to The West Pacific (TWP) as well as their own region of The Sasquatch Republic (TSR)and has largely constructed the current cultural and foreign affairs infrastructure of both regionsTWP;

I'd suggest making the clause about both regions if you're going to mention TSR here.

Applauding Bran Astor’s development of Today in the West in 2018, an ongoing program to encourage Regional Message Board (RMB) activity by providing TWP’s RMB with daily updates on regional activities, holidays, and celebrations, including Haikuesday and Thank You Thursday, partially through the revival of the Regional Guides Program, this has ultimately played an undeniable role in shaping TWP’s RMB culture to become one of the most unique in the multiverse;

This is a bit run-on and confusing with all those commas and phrases, would suggest reworking this. Would also try focusing on making this flow better.

Noting Bran Astor’s creation of TWP’s nation simulation program, a program which he continues to maintainand oversee to this day , includingby managing the program's application processdeciding who [Strike]is and is not eligible[/Strike], continuously updating the initiative's mapfor said simulation, and encouraging participants to be more engaged engagement;

I'd insert when bran created the RP to give a sense of time and dedication. Would also simplify this clause.

Astonished at Bran Astor’s other cultural contributions to TWP, among which are:

You need to state here why we should be astonished. It's great Bran ran these events, but you should summarize what these events generally did for TWP in a short phrase here. Additionally, I'd reword these clause because you don't make clear in the festival descriptions themselves what exactly Bran did. It may be necessary to remove some events so you can elaborate a bit more on what Bran did generally for all these festivals.

• TWPride Month, a month long event in which the region honors andcelebrates the history of the region’s LGBTQ+ community, offering and thereby offers support to LGBTQ+ citizens of the West,

When you have limited characters, it's always a good idea to remove "Xs and Ys".

The revival of The Western Post through the active recruitment of additional writers, which allowed The Western Post to flourish and prosper into one of the highest quality monthly publications in the multiverse, with consistent updates on regional events, comics, and satirical articles;

I'd make this its own clause, don't think it fits in here even if its a part of regional culture in a sense. I'll be honest and say I don't think just recruiting people for an initiative is commendable in on itself - you need to elaborate more on what Bran did besides recruiting to revive The Western Post. Because I'm sure he didn't just gather recruits and tell them to do what they wished

Impressed by the cultural expertise demonstrated by Bran Astor in their dedication to strengthening bonds between regions through festivals and celebrations of community developed largely or entirely by their hand, the encompassing creative direction and often single-handed visual design of events are typified by the prominent annual events of: the Burning Marsupial,(a bohemian celebration of art and camaraderie featuring unique high-concept graphical visions), and the Festival of the Perfections,the (along-standing exposition event where states display their cultures through art, poetry, and literature);

I'd reword the part before the colon as its way too run-on.

Enthralled by Bran Astor’s establishment of the University of The West Pacific, where new students are taught about the World Assembly, foreign affairs, and international warfare, thereby cultivating generations of informed and educated Westerners;

Just because someone established something doesn't mean much - they could establish it then do absolutely nothing to develop it. I'd either elaborate on what Bran did to help UTWP become what it is today, or nix this.

Admiring Bran Astor’s improvement of TWP’s foreign affairs through the development of treaties with:

If possible, would also summarize what these treaties b rought to TWP. Tighter cultural bonds? Innovation? At least one thing to give us a glimpse of what the list details.

• The Pacific, continuing the legacy of the Holy Principality of Saint Mark and ultimately leading to an increase in cultural and World Assembly cooperation, solidifying the bond between these historically friendly regions, and

I'd directly state a treaty was written here, because as it is it implies there was an already existing treaty and Bran just did some extra activities, which I believe is not what you're going for.

Karma, with the treaty’s informal style starting a legacy of “casual” TWP treaties, a trend which promoted an emphasis on cultural ties andaccessibility and made, making foreign affairs more accessible to new nations -andallowing these relationships to prosper into true friendships rather than merely strategic decisions;

Would reword to make it sound better, left a suggestion or a few. Honestly not sure if this works well in this clause because with TP you stated directly what the relationship bought TWP, with Karma you don't mention what the specific bond brought to TWP but rather speak of a general beneficial trend it brought.

Not sure how to resolve this, but I think it may be prudent to re-think how you're detailing Bran's FA contributions.

Praising Bran Astor’s work through their satellite state Illahee in founding TSR, a vibrant community full of celebration and camadarie where they celebrate with friends and companions, and organizing regional organizeactivities such as:

It may be possible to reword this to show that the fact Bran runs all these events plays a role in TSR being a friendly and celebratory community. If so, would usggest doing so.

[*]TSR’s Friendship Tartan, where participating nations create their own patterned tartans for submission with a winner decided by an impartial judge from another universe, and

Would elaborate more on this if possible as I personally think this is a pretty unique event.

[*]TSR’s Regional Quilt, an activity in which participating nations select from a variety of available patterns, with all selections are ultimately combined to form a large quilt - signifying the unity and diversity of TSRwhich are all combined in the end to form a large quilt, signifying both the diversity and unity of the community;[/list]

Slight re-work.

Inspired by Bran Astor’s cultural expertise and innovative approach to foreign affairs, alongside the degree of effort they have dedicated to both inThe West Pacific and the region they themselves founded;

fixes

[Varanius]

I like this a lot more. At first glance (maybe I'll look over it some more at one point), why would you be "astonished" at their other cultural achievements? Or "enthralled" by their establishment of a university? This all seems like poor word choice to me

This is again, probably my fault. The cultural contributions of Bran to TWP essentially formed modern TWP culture, and these particular ones were an important part of that. These admittedly smaller events (with the exception of the newspaper and pride month) are fairly small. But the consistency in the fact that he does all of them, all the time, that I find astonishing. The university perhaps, could use some rewording. Thanks!

[Varanius]

Draft 3 has been added!

[Team Leo]

Draft 3 has been added!

Do NOT submit!