[PASSED] Condemn A Bloodred Moon

[Lenlyvit]

As far as content is concerned, I believe Jo's role in the historic raids on A Liberal Haven, during which Maineiacs lost his 2,000 day residency streak, along with his role organizing combatting the siege of The Mystical Council, the first major refound in (a long time). Should be noted in his Condemnation.

I'll consider adding ALH, if I can fit it in there and find the facts for it. However, can you expand upon TMC? If he helped the TMC raid I'd rather not include it, because The Brotherhood of Malice is extremely controversial at this time and could sink the proposal.

[Quebecshire]

I would advise against including TMC. From an impartial perspective, I think A Liberal Haven is more suitable. It was a strategically brilliant initial hit (pointed a member of LWU no less), and while technical mishaps occurred that make it hard to know exactly how it would have ended otherwise, it is more notable than TMC for that significance.

In addition to the concerns Lenly has also raised (which I think are extremely valid for the sake of his proposal), TMC was a big step in Koth, Souls, and co ripping the raider faction out from under Jo and Mira despite those two being the ones who actually earned the victory at ALH and subsequent credit (whether either, especially Mira, are willing to admit this in public or not) before going on their rampage of sending it straight down the drain reputation wise. Despite my problems with ALH and conduct towards the natives during it, the initial operation is worthy of mention if you want to include something recent like that. TMC is not. Despite my political reservations about glory-badges, ALH was global chaos-raising in an effective and calculated way. TMC was just arrogance and the cementing the ushering in of bad culture and similarly uninvited traits, not something that deserves such recognition.

[Honeydewistania]

I do not think ALH would be a wise mention in any case anyway because 1) NS servers deserve the bulk of recognition for that and 2) their conduct to the natives, even if they’re the bad guy raiders, is just lame.

[Comfed]

2) their conduct to the natives, even if you’re the bad guy raiders, is just lame.

If this is the case in SC proposals we may as well repeal all condemns for all raiders right now.

[Honeydewistania]

2) their conduct to the natives, even if you’re the bad guy raiders, is just lame.

If this is the case in SC proposals we may as well repeal all condemns for all raiders right now.

You say that like it’s a bad thing

[Quebecshire]

If this is the case in SC proposals we may as well repeal all condemns for all raiders right now.

I think it's more a question of whether certain specific behaviors are something we want to recognize people for their part in. Specifically, antagonism on the RMB, and poor taste behavior like this.

[Lenlyvit]

Alright, I've added A Liberal Haven and ultimately decided against TMC to leave the draft still viable to passing.

[Refuge Isle]

It may be stylistically preferential to only nation-link A Bloodred Moon in its first and last appearances in the draft. For other links, to only link them the first time they appear.

[Lenlyvit]

It may be stylistically preferential to only nation-link A Bloodred Moon in its first and last appearances in the draft. For other links, to only link them the first time they appear.

I probably will. To be honest, I prefer that style myself and it cuts down the character count.

[Lenlyvit]

It may be stylistically preferential to only nation-link A Bloodred Moon in its first and last appearances in the draft. For other links, to only link them the first time they appear.

I probably will. To be honest, I prefer that style myself and it cuts down the character count.

As an update, I've made this stylistic change. It dropped the character count from 4,600+ to just over 4,500 so that's not too bad.

[Cappedore]

Cappedorite World Assembly Delegate Anthony King sips a cup of tea in approval.

"This is fabulous. My government is currently in the middle of creating a community of nations set on defending sovereign regions from raiders. Ultimately, this has our backing. It would be good to see another raider condemned in these halls."

[Debussy]

Jo is cool. For.

[Lenlyvit]

Some changes were made with a few suggestions from Hulldom and to bring the ALH clause closer to what it should be.

[Lenlyvit]

I'm going to submit this on Saturday more than likely, maybe earlier than that. I'm still looking for more feedback from everyone just to make sure it's buttoned up.

[Hulldom]

You have a “fro” where you mean to have a “for” in the penultimate clause.

[Lenlyvit]

You have a “fro” where you mean to have a “for” in the penultimate clause.

And this is why you look extra closely when doing it on a phone, thanks Hulldom. Fixed.

[Quebecshire]

"May" should be capitalized in the first sub-clause under "Listing"

[Lenlyvit]

"May" should be capitalized in the first sub-clause under "Listing"

Thanks Quebec, fixed.

[Saint Tomas and the Northern Ice Islands]

In the ALH clause, it's hand -> its hand

Otherwise, looks good.

[Zukchiva]

I think the resolution is solid in content, but the narration needs work. Most of the resolution feels like a calm observer noting "Jo was bad because he did X, Y, and Z". There are some good bits, like "Distraught over the amount of chaos and destruction that A Bloodred Moon has wrought throughout the multiverse" or "destroyed by the will of the gods", but most of it feels almost clinical in its analysis of Jo's career. Which is fine for a proposal I guess, but I think this would be a much better resolution if it truly made us feel that Jo was a real and true threat in tone, as it does with argumentation.

One example of what I mean would be Condemn Golgoth. Words like "terror", "sadistic", "disturbing", etc. are used throughout this resolution to establish a personal feeling of "oh, Golgoth is a really bad & terrifying IC place". I feel like this resolution could benefit a lot if it wholly re-written from that aspect - from a more personal vantage point like this nation is a terrifying threat, its deeds are malicious, truly this nation deserves universal scorn and condemnation, rather than being a more neutral resolution that aims to just reward Jo for his work.

I had some feedback I was typing, but I can't really focus right now, so I just spoilered what I wrote. Here it be:

Believing that Security Council resolutions such as Condemnations and Commendations are used to highlight either the bad deeds or good deeds of nations, and act as a historical record passed into law by the international community of World Assembly nations;

Arguing that there is a nation in existence that the international community of World Assembly nations should condemn for its actions and that this nation, known as A Bloodred Moon, is truly despicable and heinous in its deeds throughout the multiverse;

This is not bad, but I would suggest trying to personify this more to Jo and him being a raider. As it is, this reads kind of generic in terms of narration, as its saying "The SC condemns bad nations, and we believe Jo is bad because of the stuff they did".

For the Believing clause, I'd suggest trying to spin it a bit different. Maybe make it something about how it is the duty of the SC to condemn raiders? Tie it more into the resolution from the get-go.

For the Arguing clause, I'd try to be more specific with Jo's deeds. I.e., provide a one-clause summary of what makes jo condemnable. This will help the resolution be more impactful.

Acknowledging the fact that the people of A Bloodred Moon had their beginnings within the nation of Armaros, which resides in the region of Unknown, and that within the region of Unknown they learned both military and government tactics which allowed them to succeed and lead in other regions of ill-repute;

I'd suggest rewriting this somehow so you don't mention Unknown twice - reads a bit clunky. Also, governance may be a better word than government.

Noting that the main region of ill-repute A Bloodred Moon has chosen to lead has been the one known as Lone Wolves United, a region that has been condemned by this council once before, and that their leadership has resulted in the resurrection of this said region from virtual inactivity beyond the capability of any other regional leader within this region;

The part after "beyond" reads weird, would suggest rewriting.

Listing A Bloodred Moon's accomplishments within Lone Wolves United to be many, including the following:

This clause is a bit narrativingly lacking. Would suggest trying to rewrite it to be more emotive. Also, treat it more like a condemn than a neutral affair, I suggest.

"ensuring" bit is just a bit of narrative flair, not important

[Lenlyvit]

In the ALH clause, it's hand -> its hand

Otherwise, looks good.

Thanks, I fixed it.

I think the resolution is solid in content, but the narration needs work. Most of the resolution feels like a calm observer noting "Jo was bad because he did X, Y, and Z". There are some good bits, like "Distraught over the amount of chaos and destruction that A Bloodred Moon has wrought throughout the multiverse" or "destroyed by the will of the gods", but most of it feels almost clinical in its analysis of Jo's career. Which is fine for a proposal I guess, but I think this would be a much better resolution if it truly made us feel that Jo was a real and true threat in tone, as it does with argumentation.

One example of what I mean would be Condemn Golgoth. Words like "terror", "sadistic", "disturbing", etc. are used throughout this resolution to establish a personal feeling of "oh, Golgoth is a really bad & terrifying IC place". I feel like this resolution could benefit a lot if it wholly re-written from that aspect - from a more personal vantage point like this nation is a terrifying threat, its deeds are malicious, truly this nation deserves universal scorn and condemnation, rather than being a more neutral resolution that aims to just reward Jo for his work.

I had some feedback I was typing, but I can't really focus right now, so I just spoilered what I wrote. Here it be:

Believing that Security Council resolutions such as Condemnations and Commendations are used to highlight either the bad deeds or good deeds of nations, and act as a historical record passed into law by the international community of World Assembly nations;

Arguing that there is a nation in existence that the international community of World Assembly nations should condemn for its actions and that this nation, known as A Bloodred Moon, is truly despicable and heinous in its deeds throughout the multiverse;

This is not bad, but I would suggest trying to personify this more to Jo and him being a raider. As it is, this reads kind of generic in terms of narration, as its saying "The SC condemns bad nations, and we believe Jo is bad because of the stuff they did".

For the Believing clause, I'd suggest trying to spin it a bit different. Maybe make it something about how it is the duty of the SC to condemn raiders? Tie it more into the resolution from the get-go.

For the Arguing clause, I'd try to be more specific with Jo's deeds. I.e., provide a one-clause summary of what makes jo condemnable. This will help the resolution be more impactful.

Acknowledging the fact that the people of A Bloodred Moon had their beginnings within the nation of Armaros, which resides in the region of Unknown, and that within the region of Unknown they learned both military and government tactics which allowed them to succeed and lead in other regions of ill-repute;

I'd suggest rewriting this somehow so you don't mention Unknown twice - reads a bit clunky. Also, governance may be a better word than government.

Noting that the main region of ill-repute A Bloodred Moon has chosen to lead has been the one known as Lone Wolves United, a region that has been condemned by this council once before, and that their leadership has resulted in the resurrection of this said region from virtual inactivity beyond the capability of any other regional leader within this region;

The part after "beyond" reads weird, would suggest rewriting.

Listing A Bloodred Moon's accomplishments within Lone Wolves United to be many, including the following:

This clause is a bit narrativingly lacking. Would suggest trying to rewrite it to be more emotive. Also, treat it more like a condemn than a neutral affair, I suggest.

"ensuring" bit is just a bit of narrative flair, not important

I made some of these changes, but as to your comment about the narrative I didn't do anything. It's my own personal writing style I use, and not everything needs to be written with such flair. Sometimes clinical is perfectly okay! Thanks for the suggestions:)

[Fachumonn]

This has been approved.

[Lenlyvit]

This has been approved.

Thank you, and this has been submitted.

[Refuge Isle]

This has been approved.

Thank you, and this has been submitted.

Full support for a decent draft and deserving target.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Thank you, and this has been submitted.

Full support for a decent draft and deserving target.

Agreed with that. Will be happy to vote for this.