Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2022 4:13 pmRevamped the military and artwork sections, looking to submit this week.
This doesn't really explain what Kyorgia did exactly to produce such an effect - it just explains the effect itself. Would recommend being more specific on Kyorgia's impressive communications.Thrilled by Kyorgia’s substantial boost of the voting power of TRR through impressive communication between the region and its member states; in Kyorgia’s December 2015 to April 2016 term as Outreach Officer of TRR (the Officer responsible for increasing the Delegate’s endorsement count), TRR Delegate Libetarian Republics saw a 90% increase from its endorsement count at the beginning of Kyorgia’s term and from the endorsement count of the Delegate before (from 111 to 211), showcasing Kyorgia’s immense talent with engaging its region and increasing its region’s influence in the world stage,
Just to clarify, did Kyorgia author these acts or just hold the votes for them?Appreciating Kyorgia’s two terms as Speaker of TRR's Assembly, starting from July 2017, where it oversaw the passage of a quarter of non-Constitutional TRR Law, including both the Hall of Fame Act and the Government Accountability Act in TRR, honoring past Rejects of the highest caliber and keeping the actions of TRR’s executive transparent respectively,
Could mention how it helped TRR's security explicitlysolidified TRR's relationship with [region=the North Pacific] (TNP) by signing the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties, thereby allying itself with a powerful region and a robust military power;
What does the transitional period mean? It just sounds like Kyorgia was elected and served after someone else resigned. Dependent on what "transitional period" means, it may not be noteworthy that Kyorgia just kept things chugging on if they were already occurring before his term.Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state Arastaoir) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder], ensuring stability during a transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs and keeping the government in check, communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, and government approval polls,
I feel you could switch the argument here to something more on the lines of Kyorgia improving Balder's on-site presence and thereby making the region more inclusive, rather than saying he kept stability in vague a transitionary period. Also, feel it's a more impactful argument to make.
Split this into two clauses. A paragraph is too clunky to read through.Inspired by Kyorgia's rich military history and dedication to military affairs, although deeply regretting its dark ages where the top brass was seemingly mind-controlled (one possible suspect is known only as "E-girl serum") into unwilling participation in invader organizations. Among these invader organizations is the colorful [region=Canterlot] which Kyorgia's captors co-founded on behalf of it, intent on "spreading the colors of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world" through the abhorrent occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of native nations.
During Kyorgia's darkest hour, however, it saw the warm, bright light of defending; looking with disgust upon the suffering the unchecked wrath of evil brings, Kyorgia turned its back on invaders when it was needed most by them and converted into a full-time diligent member of the RRA, further showing its dedication to TRR and its ideals. Its military (referred to as E-girls are ruining my life) has sieged the occupations of notable regions such as [region=Boston], [region=South Pacific], and [region=Christmas],
Also I don't think Canterlot is notable, but I also know you're steadfast in including it so js and moving on-
Did Kyorgia participate in these sieges, or lead them?
Also, you never mention what the RRA is, its full name, or its connection to TRR - best to explain that.
