[DEFEATED] Commend Kyorgia

[Minskiev]

Revamped the military and artwork sections, looking to submit this week.

[Guess and Check]

last minute feedback

Thrilled by Kyorgia’s substantial boost of the voting power of TRR through impressive communication between the region and its member states; in Kyorgia’s December 2015 to April 2016 term as Outreach Officer of TRR (the Officer responsible for increasing the Delegate’s endorsement count), TRR Delegate Libetarian Republics saw a 90% increase from its endorsement count at the beginning of Kyorgia’s term and from the endorsement count of the Delegate before (from 111 to 211), showcasing Kyorgia’s immense talent with engaging its region and increasing its region’s influence in the world stage,

This doesn't really explain what Kyorgia did exactly to produce such an effect - it just explains the effect itself. Would recommend being more specific on Kyorgia's impressive communications.

Appreciating Kyorgia’s two terms as Speaker of TRR's Assembly, starting from July 2017, where it oversaw the passage of a quarter of non-Constitutional TRR Law, including both the Hall of Fame Act and the Government Accountability Act in TRR, honoring past Rejects of the highest caliber and keeping the actions of TRR’s executive transparent respectively,

Just to clarify, did Kyorgia author these acts or just hold the votes for them?

solidified TRR's relationship with [region=the North Pacific] (TNP) by signing the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties, thereby allying itself with a powerful region and a robust military power;

Could mention how it helped TRR's security explicitly

Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state Arastaoir) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder], ensuring stability during a transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs and keeping the government in check, communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, and government approval polls,

What does the transitional period mean? It just sounds like Kyorgia was elected and served after someone else resigned. Dependent on what "transitional period" means, it may not be noteworthy that Kyorgia just kept things chugging on if they were already occurring before his term.

I feel you could switch the argument here to something more on the lines of Kyorgia improving Balder's on-site presence and thereby making the region more inclusive, rather than saying he kept stability in vague a transitionary period. Also, feel it's a more impactful argument to make.

Inspired by Kyorgia's rich military history and dedication to military affairs, although deeply regretting its dark ages where the top brass was seemingly mind-controlled (one possible suspect is known only as "E-girl serum") into unwilling participation in invader organizations. Among these invader organizations is the colorful [region=Canterlot] which Kyorgia's captors co-founded on behalf of it, intent on "spreading the colors of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world" through the abhorrent occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of native nations.

During Kyorgia's darkest hour, however, it saw the warm, bright light of defending; looking with disgust upon the suffering the unchecked wrath of evil brings, Kyorgia turned its back on invaders when it was needed most by them and converted into a full-time diligent member of the RRA, further showing its dedication to TRR and its ideals. Its military (referred to as E-girls are ruining my life) has sieged the occupations of notable regions such as [region=Boston], [region=South Pacific], and [region=Christmas],

Split this into two clauses. A paragraph is too clunky to read through.

Also I don't think Canterlot is notable, but I also know you're steadfast in including it so js and moving on-

Did Kyorgia participate in these sieges, or lead them?

Also, you never mention what the RRA is, its full name, or its connection to TRR - best to explain that.

[Clorinda]

Walrus, I’ll vote against this if “e-girl serum” is included.

And to answer your question, Zuk, Kyo oversaw the votes (posted them and closed them in his capacity as Speaker.

[Minskiev]

Okay, cleaned it up a fair bit. Happier with it, although that doesn't mean much because I'm god-awful at the SC. Anything else?

[Cheesy Tots]

Walrus, I’ll vote against this if “e-girl serum” is included.

And to answer your question, Zuk, Kyo oversaw the votes (posted them and closed them in his capacity as Speaker.

Okay, cleaned it up a fair bit. Happier with it, although that doesn't mean much because I'm god-awful at the SC. Anything else?

If Kyo just oversaw votes and did nothing else to improve the Speaker's office - say changed any form of proceedures, increased Assembly activity, etc., then his speakership isn't notable and should be removed. Just holding votes punctually, while always awesome in such a position, is the expected norm.

But if Kyo's Speakership term saw so much legislation being passed... maybe there's something Kyo did there to help facilitate that beyond doing his minimum job - that should be explored more if so.

[Apatosaurus]

Walrus, I’ll vote against this if “e-girl serum” is included.

And to answer your question, Zuk, Kyo oversaw the votes (posted them and closed them in his capacity as Speaker.

Okay, cleaned it up a fair bit. Happier with it, although that doesn't mean much because I'm god-awful at the SC. Anything else?

If Kyo just oversaw votes and did nothing else to improve the Speaker's office - say changed any form of proceedures, increased Assembly activity, etc., then his speakership isn't notable and should be removed. Just holding votes punctually, while always awesome in such a position, is the expected norm.

But if Kyo's Speakership term saw so much legislation being passed... maybe there's something Kyo did there to help facilitate that beyond doing his minimum job - that should be explored more if so.

I second this. You really should emphasise Kyo's work more, rather than just being "overseeing" the passage of some legislation, e.g. in Commend DYP, "during their leadership activity in the Emerald Council* grew and many important issues were debated, notably a change in constitutions resulting in Mandate 6, and various legislative changes to increase general activity in the region".

*The Emerald Council was the Lazarene legislature at the time.

Possible rewrite:

Appreciating that from July 2017, Kyorgia served two terms as Speaker of TRR's Assembly, during which its leadership skills resulted in significant growth in activity in the Assembly and the passage of a quarter of current non-Constitutional TRR law, such as the Hall of Fame Act, honouring past Rejects of the highest caliber, and the Government Accountability Act, ensuring transparency in TRR's executive,

[Clorinda]

I don’t even see the point in even mentioning his Speakership. These items were going to go to vote regardless of if he was Speaker or not. He did not propose the Hall of Fame Act or contribute to its discussion. Much love to Kyo but to reference putting up votes for two pieces of legislation in this manner would only serve to confuse readers.

[Minskiev]

Removed their speakership, going to submit by the end of January

[Apatosaurus]

This is vastly improved from how it was initially. Giving it a read through, I can still see some things that could be changed, but otherwise I think this does a decent job of explaining Kyo's Commendability.

Wisdom of the Crowds where delegations participated in a competition surrounding the theory that the median of many guesses is more accurate than one guess,

I really don't like this framing. What was this festival apart from testing some theory?

Thrilled that, in Kyorgia’s December 2015 to April 2016 term as Outreach Officer of TRR (the Officer responsible for increasing the Delegate’s endorsement count), TRR Delegate Libetarian Republics saw a 90% increase from its endorsement count at the beginning of Kyorgia’s term and from the endorsement count of the Delegate before (from 111 to 211), showcasing Kyorgia’s immense talent with communicating between the region and its member states and increasing its region’s influence in the world stage through endorsement campaigns,

This would read better if you reworked this to emphasis Kyo's work, e.g.

Thrilled that, in its December 2015 to April 2016 term as Outreach Officer of TRR, through its tireless work and talent in communicating between the region and its member states and increasing the region's influence in the world stage, Kyorgia managed to create a 90% increase of then-TRR Delegate Libetarian Republics's endorsement count throughout Kyorgia's term, from 111 to 211,

which Kyorgia viewed as legitimate.

Kyo didn't just "view it as legitimate", it objectively was. :P Try this:

the legitimate government of the region,

Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state Arastaoir) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder] in 2015, ensuring stability during a tumultuous transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs and keeping the government in check, communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, and government approval polls, thereby improving the government's outreach to its regional nations and helping make Balder more inclusive,

Rework:

Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state Arastaoir) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder] in 2015, ensuring stability during a tumultuous transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs, keeping the government in check and improving communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, as well as government approval polls, thereby improving the government's outreach to its regional nations and helping make Balder more inclusive,

Inspired by Kyorgia's rich, 7-year military history and dedication to military affairs; seeing such an industrious military powerhouse, nefarious raiders mind-controlled the Kyorgian top brass (one possible suspect is known only as "E-girl serum") into unwilling participation in invader organizations. Among these invader organizations is the colorful [region=Canterlot] which Kyorgia's captors co-founded on behalf of it, intent on "spreading the colors of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world" through the abhorrent occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of native nations.

Personal issues with this aside, this is so messy. Try something like this:

Inspired by Kyorgia's rich, 7-year military history and dedication to military affairs; seeing such an industrious military powerhouse, nefarious raiders mind-controlled the Kyorgian top brass (one possible suspect is known only as "E-girl serum") into participation in the invader sphere and in their darkest hour co-founding [region=Canterlot], an invader organisation intent on "spreading the colors of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world" through the occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of native nations;

[Greater Cesnica]

---

The Europeian Ministry of World Assembly Affairs recommends a vote AGAINST the Security Council Resolution, "Commend Kyorgia".
Its reasoning may be found here.

---

[Onder Kelkia]

Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state Arastaoir) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder] in 2015, ensuring stability during a tumultuous transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs and keeping the government in check, improving communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, and government approval polls, thereby improving the government's outreach to its regional nations and helping make Balder more inclusive,

Kyorgia's (relatively undistinguished) terms as Statsminister were in 2016, not 2015.

[RiderSyl]

Kyorgia's (relatively undistinguished) terms as Statsminister were in 2016, not 2015.

The error was really a ploy to get you to finally post again on the forums

[Apatosaurus]

> Onder posts

It isn't an Onderwall?

[Xeknos]

Man, people really don't like this.

[Moondinao]

Why are we voting against this

[Goolistan]

Why are we voting against this

I don't get it either. Mob mentality? A lot of people voted against to begin with so a lot of people followed? Dunno.

[FNR WA Office]

The Free Nations Region has voted FOR "Commend Kyorgia":

We believe that Kyorgia's work in building the community of the Rejected Realms and foreign affairs-related contributions therein, their work as a Featured Region Follower, contributions to the region of Balder, and military-related contributions, are worthy of Commendation, achievements covered and detailed well within the proposal.

[Clorinda]

Why are we voting against this

The proposal has some factual errors.

[Minskiev]

Why are we voting against this

The proposal has some factual errors.

What you're referring to isn't a factual error, haha. It's just deftly worded.

Oh, and for the 2016 thing. Oops.

[WayNeacTia]

> Onder posts

It isn't an Onderwall?

(Image)

Obviously you haven't heard that it isn't wise to poke the bear?

[Amerion]

The South Pacific's World Assembly Delegation has cast the Coalition's vote AGAINST this proposed resolution, Commend Kyorgia, and warmly encourages fellow member regions to vote AGAINST.

[Outer Sparta]

Why are we voting against this

I don't get it either. Mob mentality? A lot of people voted against to begin with so a lot of people followed? Dunno.

Nope, maybe for a start try reading the voting recommendations that have been posted in this thread to get a sense of why it's being shot down. My view of this is that it doesn't expand on their achievements, adds filler in other places, and overall doesn't make its case that the nominee is commendable.

[Tinhampton]

"Commend Kyorgia" was defeated 11,837 votes to 2,578. (17.88% support)

For: 2,578: Wischland (463), Diviciacus (177), Andusre (139), Apatosaurus II (104), Lesser Velutaria (101), The Glorious Hypetrain (94), The Salaxalans (61), Tinhampton (39), Garchyland (36), Boane (35), Battadia (29), NewTexas (26), Alesina (25), Kingdom of Englands (23), Morover (16), The Unified Pumaxi (14), Swiftlandian Peoples Republic (12), Tarkov (12), Draganisia (10), The Voltarum (9), Seludong (9), Loush Land (9), Maplestan (9), Axorian (9), The Candy Of Bottles (8), Angladen (7), Alonzavia (7), 15th Scottish Highlanders Division (7), Karliat (7), Orca and Narwhal (6), Klean Kanteen (6), Libertarian Communist Planets (6), Trovons (6), GoodKingWenceslas (6), The Age of Utopia (5), Oxfordheim (5), The Infernal Steakhouse (5), Xagea (5), The Democratic Unionist Cool Kids (5), Auxorii (4), Puppiverse (4), Andalush (4), The Georgeian Empire (4), Barak Khalad (3), Baophenx Dynasty (3), Krezenel (3), The Tritonian Empire (3), Jawsrael (3), The way to wiggle wiggle wiggle (3), China SCR (3), Quebec and Labrador (3), His Excellency (3), Herby (3), Littjara (3), The Ancient World (2), Egalitarian Falkands (2), Oldenmark (2), Davelands (2), Ravko (2), Rosa Ciulia (2), Drawkland (2), Lacmhacarh (2), Ostatlantik (2), Jacobopolus (2), Rahulistan (2), President Pro Tempore (2), The Neolithic German Empire (2), Goatia (2), Desertiania (2), Mackiland (2), Banaria (2), Kadth (2), Lorila (2), Verlos (2), New Koreaboo Order (2), Wisea (2), The Andoran Empire ELARIA (2), Usual People In Life (2), Free Asudo Drustyistan (2), Islands Of Ventro (2), The Grand Republic of New Prussia (2), The Great Camelots (2), Foreignaid (2), and (919) individual member nations.

Against: 11,837: Madjack (1,035), Amerion (780), Albrook (756), Giovanniland (579), North East Somerset (284), Primorye Oblast (267), Treadwellia (262), Duby (258), Luna State (201), Super Awesome Fun Times (187), Ruinenlust (126), Bearded Dragones (114), Tevaris (112), ShrewLlamaLand (104), Sylh Alanor (95), Thousand Branches (92), South Boston Irishmen (78), Penguin Dictators (69), Enlais (62), Mikeswill (61), Student Loan Debt (58), Candensia (49), Technocratic Terra (47), Yodle (44), Octal (44), Particle (37), Josephtan (37), Roma Sparta (35), Dabberwocky (34), Dominion of Acielon (34), Herya (33), The Free Northern Isles (31), Toonela (28), Sanctaria (28), Fachumonn (28), Hagramma (26), One Small Island (25), Castle Federation (24), Vinslott (24), Potenzia (24), Friskalandia (23), Owswaldia (23), Aynia Moreaux (23), Orioni 2 (23), Cruciland (21), Sailiopia (19), Americatain (19), Ecclestia (18), Baloo Kingdom (18), The Civitas Islands (16), Fjellstad (16), Calnodia (15), Ordivus (14), Greater Cuba (14), Tarakachia (13), Lawid (13), Azgoghk (12), FNU (12), Vegaga (11), Isaris (11), The Bolivian Socialist Falange (11), Candanadium (11), Oi Barbaroi (11), Hajirah (9), Russiania (9), Valator (9), Hydroponic Nation (9), Aftenheim (9), Chodean Kal (8), Yermaney (8), Otaku Stratus (8), Brocklandia (8), Santa Thereza (8), Orennica (8), The Greastest Nation (7), South Sulphur (7), Penetration Nation (7), Yorkshire and its colonies (7), Lamoni (7), Uponda (7), Libonesia (7), Golanchia (7), New Delfos (7), The Palentine (7), So Pep (7), Anglerland (7), Gloriuous Mother Russia (6), Wadelhelpia (6), Mardata (6), Antrun (6), SorAZ (6), All Glory to God (6), Smiley Bob (6), Rary (6), Chap Ven (6), The Soviet state of Svalbard (6), Eggtowne (6), The Finntopian Empire (5), Greater Bahland (5), Nordors (5), Tuandle (5), Reultan (5), Wobbegong (5), San Lumen (5), Gatchina (5), Zeiling (5), Russia Major (5), ColdHeartedBastards (5), The Order of Makai (5), Eastern Kodiak (4), Bayin (4), Voxija (4), Denathor (4), Wabacha (4), Exzilian State (4), Baccalieu (4), Willtechia (4), Dow Salold Islands (4), United Abellexy (4), Neru (4), Hadistan (4), Farindallia (4), Ze Faderland (4), Communo-Slavocia (4), Gombia (3), Flor-Fina (3), Nerf Miner (3), Transylvania Company (3), Hokaidoi (3), Rapon (3), Kigasan (3), Onocarcass (3), Harmony Cafe (3), Xaviet empire (3), Skonlanda (3), America 3D (3), United Corporate States (3), Republica Democratica Ianomami (3), Free Woritanarbio Islands (3), 11 Templar Knights (3), East Thule (3), Minlask (3), Amenistani Empire (3), Arab Darussalam (3), Quentania (3), The Union of Scandinavian Syndicates (3), Kinkerland (3), The Germanic States of Europe (3), Heromerland (3), Kernstrom (3), The Mtn Dew (3), Prussia-Saxon (3), New Heaple Womels (3), Rhondels (3), Jeradise (3), Agife (3), Polandorus (3), United Dependencies (3), Fickonong (3), Republic of Washinton (3), Eolandi (3), Madrocea (3), Alexandriya (2), Atreidean Arrakis (2), GraySoap (2), Raccquesi (2), Schworgistan (2), The United Hyvanian States (2), Sollenyatrov (2), Tzarkonian (2), Antamaran (2), Fantoche pax (2), Siochania (2), Chiakki (2), Zemlya Lenina (2), FORKTASTICSTAN (2), Aurvia (2), Barrow Cove (2), Graet (2), Acorns Foxes (2), Sedgistan (2), Screw Capitalism I Hate Capitalism (2), Fsdh E (2), West Bathwick (2), New Michael Federation Republic (2), Leiustedec (2), Arkkine (2), Imperial Felchah (2), Menorca and Southeast Spain (2), The United Remnants of America (2), Vaarland (2), Greater Eireann (2), Copmanpeople (2), United Lammunist Republic (2), Philadelippines (2), RB8 (2), New Amoni (2), Ontarra (2), The Democratic Nordic Countries (2), Spaviland (2), The Akasha Colony (2), Almerdonia (2), Gabeonovia (2), Making Catgirls Real (2), KurentSlavija (2), Shaenus (2), The Hazar Amisnery (2), The Free Bobilandia (2), Lehqhbraot (2), Shnrubton (2), Ghall (2), Polar-regions (2), Saint Archaeo (2), The Amtrak Corporation (2), The Rising Aura (2), Supreme Argentum (2), The Poor Peoples Republic (2), Zecrond (2), Fillipopolis (2), Leafblowers (2), YOUR MINE (2), NinjitsUtopia (2), Nebulisia (2), The United Countries of the Americas (2), Zombiedolphins (2), North Mack (2), The papal county of Derbyshire (2), Brazil FS (2), Taki Calxur (2), Gonzlandia (2), Vitaeprosperum (2), Southeast Marajarbia (2), Czechostan (2), Leavens (2), Tsaivao (2), Wallstone (2), Romulus III (2), Pol Pot Thought (2), GEN COPE (2), Whitemore (2), Novaya Ukraina (2), Adeiatic (2), CRGC (2), and (4,619) individual member nations.