Ultimately, a lot of the votes on this will be about non-compliance and/or GP politics. I just wanted to leave a little drafting advice here because you have a lot of research but I think we have narrative problems.
People from TWP, Karma, and Halo's other regions like Halo. They don't just like him, they
really really really like him -- like he walks on water and everything he touches turns gold. Like, I've never been involved in those regions, so I couldn't tell you if it's true or not, but people make it sound like he's basically the singular greatest person and player ever and he's just the most inviting, positive, mentoring, proactive, involved, energetic, community-oriented, amazing person ever.
And given that, and the amount of emotion that is clearly on display from those communities whenever the original resolution, its subsequent repeal, and now this draft are discussed, the resolution you write needs to pack some of that punch. Your intro clause is sort of getting somewhere establishing a framework for the Commendation ("region-building") but the rest of it is fairly dry, just lists a (admittedly impressive) resume, and doesn't really do justice to the community-building elements. It's hard for me to tell you
how to do that, but this isn't it, imo.
One thing to consider might be redoing your organization. Right now, it's pretty straight forward -- the TWP FA stuff, the TWP culture stuff, the TWP "other" stuff, Karma stuff, and "random stuff". I think you could afford to scramble around and play with the order within the TWP sections and -- if necessary -- cut back on or eliminate the stuff outside of TWP and Karma in order to make space for more narrative work.
Giovanniland wrote:playing a critical role in establishing a platform for TWP nations' representatives to report on national happenings, publish information about their lore, and handle situations of international importance, later successfully promoting it for residents to join;
I think that you could incorporate the "later successfully promoting it for residents to join" component into an earlier part of the clause if you want to save space. Try:
"playing a critical role in establishing and promoting a platform for TWP nations' representatives to report on national happenings, publish information about their lore, and handle situations of international importance;"
Giovanniland wrote:authoring multiple articles and editing early editions of The West Pacifican, the regional newspaper later renamed into The Western Post that publishes monthly issues with stellar reputation;
"Stellar reputation" is a bit of a meaningless phrase - although, I agree The Western Post is one of the better publications in the game lately. Anything specific Saint Mark did to set the standard on The West Pacifican/The Western Post writing/publication standards?
Giovanniland wrote:Admiring Saint Mark's efforts to preserve and improve the foreign relations of TWP by:
Is there a theme to how Saint Mark improved TWP's FA? This sort of makes it read like "Saint Mark did normal FA-boss stuff but he did it well" which... may be the case... but you could better create a narrative about the nominee if there was a way to characterize Saint Mark's approach to diplomacy was connected to his other work. If region-building is the theme of the resolution, maybe include something in here about cultural work done in building/sustaining these FA connections (and maybe move the Osi/TWP Prom and Balder event clause here?)
Giovanniland wrote:spearheading the détente with
The South Pacific to reduce years-long tensions and promote a friendlier relation;
What did this accomplish/where did it go/why was it good?
Giovanniland wrote:rejuvenating the Ministry of Foreign Affairs by boosting diplomat numbers, improving the monthly reports used to keep the region aware of public foreign happenings, and authoring guides for ambassadors on how to conduct themselves and interact with their assigned regions;
This is an area we could perhaps milk it for more region-building language/focus
Giovanniland wrote:working behind the scenes to seek an end to the conflict between Lazarus, Osiris, and
The Pacific, during which the latter two were treatied allies of TWP, by contacting their leaders and promoting peaceful diplomacy;
If you're not going to be able to go through and explain what happened in these talks (which is understandable) then maybe slim down the clause a bit -- details like how many of the parties were TWP allies at the time or that it was done "by contacting their leaders" are not particularly helpful.
Giovanniland wrote:their still-ongoing term as Chancellor of the University, in which they encourage new nations to enroll, welcome them, and help the classes happen smoothly, in order to fulfill the University's goal of creating new generations of regional leaders;
Are there examples of how they've created new generations of regional leaders? Universities in NS, in my experience, are a bit eh. So I want to be sold that TWP's actually works and that it works because of Saint Mark.
Giovanniland wrote:being the first Guru of Diplomacy, and in this position starting Karma's foreign relations, guiding diplomats to represent it abroad, and negotiating the treaty with
Caer Sidi to further the friendship between the signatories;
I think you can shave down characters here.
Giovanniland wrote:recruiting many nations to the region and encouraging them to complete the Path of Enlightenment, in which a nation must conclude a task known as "bodhi" and be approved by the Sages to participate in The Sangha, Karma’s legislative body;
Could this clause be combined with the one about Karma lore?