Araraukar wrote:OOC: From the sleepy land of the braindead...
Welcome back!
Were you going to edit the preamble? Because it doesn't quite spell out why you think the existing disaster preparedness resolution doesn't do what you want to get done, as per this particular disaster type?
Hmm. Maybe I'll do some changes to it.
Defined term is used just once. "Volcanic activity" is used so many times that you might want to define that instead, if you felt the need to define something. Not sure if either needs to be defined (though I can totally see a nation deciding to classify all earthquakes as earthquakes, even if they were caused by a volcano's magma chamber filling prior to eruption, to avoid having to add anything this proposal wants into their earthquake preparedness menu). Come to think of it, you might want to define a volcano while you're looking for something that looks bleedingly obvious to define; what IS a volcano? Like, answer me in a reply, don't copy off of some text book but just tell me what you think a volcano is. I'll then give you a list of five things you didn't think are volcanoes...
Alright, I'll define both.
2.a. What does "address" mean here?
To clean up debris and fix infrastructure from past volcanoes, lay plans out for future volcanic activity, prevent loss of life and property damage during volcanic activity, etc. Although this is an often asked question, so maybe I'll need to clarify...hm.
2.b. Remove "predicted or unpredicted by the World Assembly Disaster Bureau" as it doesn't add anything to the subclause and instead spell out the committee name in 2.c. Also, again, what does "liaise" mean here? And how do you combat volcanic activity?
Sure for first suggestion, makes sense to me. Liaise means to work with other nations to cooperatively evacuate the surrounding area, etc. If you minimize the damage caused by volcanic activity, you better combat it.
2.d. Drop this in the shredder and burn the remains. Don't mandate splurging on predictions when they're not the point. If you want this to be Safety instead of scientific advancement or whatever, then focus on how to make the general public more safe. Predictions are all very fine but spending money on them is money not spent on, say, warning systems, evacuation systems, portable shelters and so forth.
I see what you're saying. Looking back on it, I think 4abc covers it anyway. Very good point.
2.e. This is too complicated to be a simple subclause. Remove from under main clause 2, think if you really need it (see above about what you're supposed to be focusing on) and if you think so, then make it into its own main clause.
Another good point. We could probably do without.
Clause 3 and the proposal in its entirety still needs the modifier "nations in which volcanic activity happens or is a reasonably credible future event" or something like that. I don't in RL need to know what happens in an earthquake either, because the ones around here are caused by the bedrock bouncing back after the last ice age, and are not usually big enough to be noticeable (especially away from the coasts). Nor do I need to know what to do if a volcano erupts, or a tsunami happens, unless I travel somewhere where those are a hazard. If you don't need to worry about hypothermic death for half the year - which is a real annual hazard around here - you don't need to know how to stop windchill, what to wear and what not to wear and what to do IMMEDIATELY if you at all get your clothes wet in certain kind of weather, etc. Hazards that are not applicable to your area are not something your nation should be spending tons of money to educate you about or spend even more money to prepare for. Snow-plows are unlikely to be needed in Hawaii anytime soon.
Alright, alright, I'll work on this.
3.b. Again, what does "combat volcanic activity" mean?
Answered previously.
Clause 4 in its entirety should be rewritten as something for nations to do, and you could move 2.c. into it, then, to use the committee as the distributor and compiler only. As it should be. Remember, committee actions are paid by all nations, including ones not getting anything usable out of the money spent. So make the nations with volcanoes do the costly stuff.
Fine.
5.a. Is STILL unnecessary.
Sure.
5.b. Should be moved to under main clause 3.
Alright.