Feedback:
350+ days in a foundered UCR isn't noteworthy, at least not by itself. People have maintained longer delegacies in unstable GCRs and Warzones.Noting that Llorens was the Delegate of The Leftist Assembly for a total period of 350 days, being the longest serving delegate in the region's history and also had access to the Leftist Assembly founder nation and maintains decorum in the region by proper supervision.
You need to explain what Llorens did in their Delegacy that made it commendable, like Praeceps said.
This clause makes the previous "Designing" one redundant. Would suggest deleting the designing clause.Designing the majority of the region's government system, also contributing to the growth of the region by introducing different remarkable legislations.
Proposing countless remarkable legislation such as proposing a new simplified Constitution and Code of Laws, the Judicial Separation Act which established the Supreme Court of the region, the Military Removal Act which abolished the region's dormant and inactive military among many others,
Why is this good? Explain that here.Hosting the first-ever quarterly regional census to track the demographics of the region’s citizens,
Add a comma here at the end.Establishing the highly successful ambassador program and the region's Diplomacy Hub, both of which greatly improved the region's foreign relations
What does this mean? It isn't clear.Documenting the regional history by incorporating elements of both government and community developments,
Creating is a notable thing, but did they do anything beyond creating it? Did they help maintain it? Did they create articles for it? Etc. If they just created it and did absolutely nothing else, I would suggest not mentioning this.Creating the highly factual and regularly updated TLAwiki which contains regional information such as election details, legislative proposals, cultural and sporting events among others,
add commaLaunching the immensely successful Revolutionary Support Exchange (RoSE) program, which is credited with significantly increasing the region's power in the World Assembly.
This could be reworded to "Acknowledging the fact that Llorens served The Leftist Assembly as the Secretary for a regional record of four terms, wherein they empowered the region and made it one of the largest leftist communities in Nationstates. They also created the major legal system during their time as Secretary."Acknowledging the fact that Llorens served The Leftist Assembly as the Secretary for a regional record of four terms empowering the region, making it one of the largest leftist communities in Nationstates. They created the major legal system while they were in power.
Beyond grammar, this clause needs work. How did they empower the region as secretary? Also if their work in creating "the major legal system" was in your "proposing clause", then I would delete the "major legal system" sentence from this secretary clause. It's redundant and doesn't add anything, if my interpretation of your writing is right.
If I'm wrong, then specify on the legal changes they made while being Secretary.
This is a bit of a run-on, try to split it up.Understanding that Llorens was the Chief Executive Officer of Nationstates Today, which is a widely circulated newsletter in Nationstates and has also served the writing community of Nationstates Today by being an Executive in different boards of the organisation including:
What specifically did they do in these positions? If you can't mention that, then remove these. Position listing does not help your draft.They were appointed the Chief Executive Officer of NSToday twice.
They were appointed to the posts of Chief Content Officer, Chief Publishing Officer, Editor, Governor and Chairperson in NSToday.
It may help to make a summary of the articles Llo wrote. Beyond the WA shift (which you mentioned right after this), what general articles did they write? Would add some color to this clause.They have over eighty articles in the Nationstates Today Newsletter and has the record of having the most number of articles written in NST.
Add commaThey established the Public Relations and Human Resource Departments in the organisation, which ensures the collaboration and recruitment between regions or nations.
I would remove the "they X" parts of the sentence. Start with the -ing verbs instead.They were appointed the Chief Executive Officer of NSToday twice.
They were appointed to the posts of Chief Content Officer, Chief Publishing Officer, Editor, Governor and Chairperson in NSToday.
They have over eighty articles in the Nationstates Today Newsletter and has the record of having the most number of articles written in NST.
They also wrote the Shift Series in Nationstates Today which analyses the World Assembly and its growth, the series helps others with comparing statistics regarding the growth of different regions in the world assembly.
They established the Public Relations and Human Resource Departments in the organisation which ensures the collaboration and recruitment between regions or nations.
I wouldn't mention the Green Heart Award, or if I did I would say something like "and was awarded the Green Heart Award by Spiritus for their service". Focus more on their specific role during that N-Day. Also mention that Potato came back from a negative score to second.Astonished by the fact that Llorens has played a major role as the Potato General of the N-Day5 Faction “An Alliance of Potatoes” which finished second in the table, and was awarded the Green Heart Award which is meant for those nations who has been a exceptional service to the community of Spiritus through "An Alliance of Potatoes" faction.
would reword to this: "Amazed by the fact that Llorens hosted The International Association of Football Federation World Cup (IAFF World Cup) as an invitational inter-regional soccer championship, which empowered various regions to take part in Nationstates Sports by providing a different championship for regions to participate in.[/quote]Amazed by the fact that Llorens hosted The International Association of Football Federation World Cup (IAFF World Cup) as an invitational inter-regional soccer championship that varied from the majestic Nationstates World Cup and empowered various regions to take part in Nationstates Sports.
This should be in its own clause. It should also explain what exactly were these reforms.Llorens was also one of the leaders who spearheaded major reforms including the ‘2019’ reforms to improve efficiency and coordination in the organisation.
I agree with you that this final clause is a bit dry. Unfortunately, I'm out of creative juice right now Maybe look at recent commends for ideas on how to word this?Concluding that the presence and contributions of Llorens has brought The Leftist Assembly and the Nationstates Today to a better position in the multiverse;
May be a good idea to state Llo is an example of some sort to other nations wishing to regionbuild, or something.