[PASSED] Commend Kuriko

[Morover]

Honestly, this is a well-written draft that focuses on the community-building and maintaining that Kuriko thrives at. I would give my unreserved support if it weren't for one thing.

This line.

Noting that among nations who are successful in many different facets of NationStates, Kuriko and any subsidiaries or aliases thereof are incredibly prominent,

My response to this can be encapsulated in a single meme.

This is a commend, we don't need a line stating this, if this wasn't the case there would be no resolution at all. A small nitpick, to be sure, but I feel like it's filler, and I don't like starting any legislation or resolution with filler. To the casual reader it doesn't set a good tone for the rest of the work.

Admittedly, this is a flaw of mine - I never know how to start an SC proposal. I like to give a little establishment of what specifically the c/c will be about, which is what that line is - I don't think it works without it. I'm open to suggestions of rewording it so that I can take it out, but I feel like as-is, it needs to stay in order to maintain the flow of the proposal.

[Syberis]

Honestly, you could probably start it with the following change to your second line

Celebrating, first off, the success of Kuriko as founder and active member of The Hole To Hide In, which continues to hold one of the largest and most well-documented geopolitical communities,

Or something quite similar. Diving in isn't terrible here, and this line already naturally helps begin what I jokingly call a "slippery slope of praise" which I rather like in a commendation. I wouldn't copy/paste that exactly, as it's something I threw together in a moment as an idea, but as long as that line touches on Kuriko before the region, the line as a concept flows well as an introduction.

[Yokiria]

Full support. I hope unrelated matters don't sink this.

[Morover]

Changed the beginning a bit. @Syberis, does this live up to your standards?

Also, I'm going to try to submit this as soon as the repeal of the current commendation passes, unless any other feedback is needed before that point.

[North American Imperial State]

Full Support

[Wallenburg]

Wallenburg will oppose any commendation celebrating the illegal 2020 Secretary-General "election". We recognize the fearsome Catherine Gratwick as the sitting and sole legitimate Secretary-General of the World Assembly.

[North American Imperial State]

Wallenburg will oppose any commendation celebrating the illegal 2020 Secretary-General "election". We recognize the fearsome Catherine Gratwick as the sitting and sole legitimate Secretary-General of the World Assembly.

ohh hell no

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

First of all let me say that I am happy to support a well researched and well written Commendation for Kuriko. However, the first two clauses of this draft are really not that great. In the first one I understand what you’re trying to say, but it doesn’t come across particularly well.

The second clause is just too long and unwieldy. By the time I reached the end of it I’d forgotten what the start was. You really need to break it up or shorten it.

The rest of the draft looks high quality, but those first two clauses, in my mind, detract from the whole.


Edit: I would normally offer some specific suggestions for improvement, but I’m currently surrounded by packing boxes - I’m in the middle of a house move.

[South Asians]

Praising the furtherance of the regional defender movement at large, both through the organization of independent or collaborative defender military forces in order to liberate ransacked regions, or as a leader of peacekeeping forces, as best exemplified through their service as Secretary of Defense in The Free Nations Region, one of the Commanders of Solidarity, Warden Commander of The Order of The Grey Wardens, Second in Command of the Lazarene Celestial Armada, and many more high-ranking positions in various armed forces organizations,

However, the section would be improved if you specified what Kuriko did in those positions. What about her tenure as Secretary of Defense in FNR was so impactful?

She Founded FNDA (Free Nations Defense Association) as the Secretary of Defense. The regional military of The Free Nations Region that is still in existence and continuously supports and participates in Defense ops. I think you can mention that. Also full support to this.

[Morover]

I hear both of the above comments - I’m very busy irl right now, but I will hold off on submission for a bit so as to get the highest quality draft I can get out there. Thanks for the feedback!

[Team Leo]

Wallenburg will oppose any commendation celebrating the illegal 2020 Secretary-General "election". We recognize the fearsome Catherine Gratwick as the sitting and sole legitimate Secretary-General of the World Assembly.

Do we think we give a shit about an election that happened months ago?

[North American Imperial State]

Wallenburg will oppose any commendation celebrating the illegal 2020 Secretary-General "election". We recognize the fearsome Catherine Gratwick as the sitting and sole legitimate Secretary-General of the World Assembly.

Do we think we give a shit about an election that happened months ago?

Same old BS crying

[Team Leo]

Do we think we give a shit about an election that happened months ago?

Same old BS crying

Lmao

[Witchcraft and Sorcery]

Dropping in to offer my full support on this. Glad to see the commendation is getting an update, and I'm very excited to vote for this. Thanks for being amazing Kuri. A lot of places in this game are better for your having been a part of them.

[Electrum]

re: above - Catherine Gratwick is the old roleplay character that took the role of Secretary General before elections were a thing (she also appears in quite the number of issues)

<side note: i'm not a gameplayer>

Here's some of my feedback. As always, you can take them or leave them.

First clause - needs a space between of and Kuriko. Also it's the first clause, so no need for "first off". I think the middle/second half of the first clause is a bit messy too. For example, you could reword it as:

Celebrating Kuriko's exemplary success in founding and maintaining The Hole To Hide In region, which has been and continues to be one of the largest and most well-documented geopolitical communities,

(You can add a bit more to this clause as to how Kuriko maintained the region, and maybe some elaboration as to how it is one of the largest and most well-documented geopolitical communities -- actually, I don't really know what well-documented really means, could you elaborate here?)

Second clause - It took me a while to realise that Kuriko was the nation that was "[furthering] the regional defender movement at large" -- add the subject to say that Kuriko furthered the cause! Also the clause itself is a bit too long -- like all the stuff related to Solidarity can be its own additional clause, then you can expand that second clause to explain/list some of those high ranking positions.

Third clause - "not the least impressive of which are:" is a bit of a mouthful to read. Could this last bit be rephrased?

Fourth clause - comma between States and enriched.

Fifth clause - Can be rephrased. You say they improved foreign relations twice, and reference "the region" when the very beginning already talks about 10000 Islands. I would suggest "Thanking Kuriko for their contributions specifically to 10000 Islands, in which they set a historic record for time spent as Delegate, and where they ushered in a new era of international relations and culture, as can be shown..."

Sixth clause - Suggested rephrasing: "being one of the few authors to have ever passed a double-digit number of resolutions in this chamber, surpassing all other author delegations"

Seventh clause - You say recognition three different times in slightly different forms, which is a little bit repetitive. Could this be rephrased?

Otherwise well done, this resolution just shows the magnitude of Kuriko's accomplishments.

[Honeydewistania]

I don't like the SecGen line - it feels a bit like a commending for an award that people are so up in arms about over there in the Commend Altino thread. In an IC sense, commending someone for being elected to office, even if it took a lot of effort, seems strange. Oh, and the legitimate SecGen is Catherine Gratwick

[Outer Sparta]

I don't like the SecGen line - it feels a bit like a commending for an award that people are so up in arms about over there in the Commend Altino thread. In an IC sense, commending someone for being elected to office, even if it took a lot of effort, seems strange. Oh, and the legitimate SecGen is Catherine Gratwick

Weren't there plenty of Commend Caelapes propsals that got shot down in the aftermath of the first SecGen election?

[The Stalker]

Support.

[Mallorea and Riva]

Hold off on submitting. The substance is there, but a number of these clauses need to be reworked. They're quite clunky. Example:

Celebrating, first off, the success ofKuriko, such as that which is exemplified through the success of the region they founded and maintained The Hole To Hide In, which continues to hold one of the largest and most well-documented geopolitical communities,

"such as that which is exemplified"? Why not just say: "Celebrating the success of Kuriko as Founder of the region The Hole to Hide In, a region which consists of one of the largest and most well-documented geopolitical communities in the [multiverse or whatever term you want for world here],"

The very next clause is a massive run on sentence. Break it down into comprehensible sections. Just take another pass at it. Printing it out and marking it up by hand is a surefire way to get the flow corrected.

[Honeydewistania]

I don't like the SecGen line - it feels a bit like a commending for an award that people are so up in arms about over there in the Commend Altino thread. In an IC sense, commending someone for being elected to office, even if it took a lot of effort, seems strange. Oh, and the legitimate SecGen is Catherine Gratwick

Weren't there plenty of Commend Caelapes propsals that got shot down in the aftermath of the first SecGen election?

And some condemns

[All Wild Things]

*Smacks Morover across the head with a 96-word sentence*
That would have hurt you less if you'd broken it up into smaller parts!

Other than sentence length, I object to the commending the destruction of the SC's first resolution (one can write up a nice history without destroying historical artefacts), and I object to the inclusion of Boston (ejecting a community, however suspicious, from a native-less region, then later burning down the city and salting the ground to spite raiders doesn't seem commendable to me.) Can we save these two for a Condemn?

Otherwise, it looks good to me & I support!

[Morover]

I see this feedback and this is still on my list - hopefully I'll be able to get to this over the weekend. Thanks for your patience, y'all.

[Morover]

Commenting here so that I actually do it - this is 100% getting done this weekend.

[Morover]

this has been updated.

re Electrum: I tried to add as many suggestions of yours as I could. A lot of the things you wanted elaboration on I'd be happy to do, if only there was a larger character limit. I have to make this as concise as I can without going over 5000 characters. I'm currently at 4723, which leaves us with 277 to work with. Also, I feel that an elaboration of THtHi would be better served in a commendation for the region, rather than shoehorned into a Kuriko commendation. Thanks for the feedback.

Also, the "recognition" word vomit was intentionally repetitive, poking fun at the aspect of the Security Council. Given as it probably didn't shine through as I would've liked it to, I have changed that.

re Honeydew: From an IC perspective, it makes sense to commend the actual person (note: not the nation) for winning the election. Controversy is irrelevant imo. And Catherine Gratwick was not rightfully elected! Down with the treachery! We shall ri-

re Outer Sparta: If the only thing you take away from this was "she's the secgen" then you probably should read it over again.

re Wild Things: While there are other examples to use, I feel that the current composition showcases a better range of c/c's and liberations than any other set of resolutions would, sentimentality aside. I do appreciate what you're saying, I just don't think it's worth sacrificing the substance for something that is trivial at best. While I think it would be funny for Kuriko to get the commend/condemn duo, I don't think that anybody really thinking straight really foresees that happening.

-

Still not perfect, probably - I'm rusty! Feedback appreciated. I'll try and submit this by the end of the month.

[Honeydewistania]

ICly, why Commend someone for winning an election? It’s commending someone for having a position of power. What they did as SecGen (I.e. nothing) is what should be commendable. There’s many things commendable about Kuriko but winning an Aprils Fools Election isn’t one

Thanking Kuriko for their contributions specifically to 10000 Islands, in which they have more time than any other as Delegate,

This read clumsily, you should fix it