Tinhampton wrote:Some minor stylistic corrections and suggestions:
"over numerous years" ---> "over numerous years, having previously"
An addition after "over numerous years" sounds like a good idea, I agree.
The only problem with it being that the past tense doesn't apply to the office of President of the Union, which is listed below this sentence, as Apulita is currently serving as such.
Tinhampton wrote:"Apulitans" ---> either "Apulita's" or "Apulitan"
"Apulitia" ---> "Apulita"
I will change these two to "Apulitan" and "Apulita", thank you for the corrections!
Tinhampton wrote:"appealed" ---> either "appealed to" or "urged"
I personally like the way it's written but not being a native speaker, I'm not fully sure how correct it is.
Would "Apulita appealed to the Warzone communities to cooperate" be a more correct way of writing it?
"Encouraged" could probably work as well.
Tinhampton wrote:Almost full support:
1. What was EuroState?
2. It's obvious that Apulita's Longest Delegacy wasn't his first because you said earlier that he first took office in 2013, and it's obvious that he served as Delegate later because you talk about his service to WZEU in the Federation era.
Well, first, thanks for the support!
[Short Name of the Warzone]State was the name given to Federal States of the Warzone Federation. Head of State was a de facto honorific office that was initially given to the Delegates that signed the Constitution, the title seems noteworthy as the Federation was pretty centralized in its early days so not many persons had this kind of titles.
The draft doesn't indicate the period over which lasted the Longest Delegacy of Apulita (Middle of 2014 to late 2016), only how long it lasted (823 days), both their first and Longest Delegacies happened under the same government though, which was the Dominion of Warzone Europe. So I'm not sure there is anything making their first Delegacy obvious in other clauses.
As for their latter Delegacies, only offices and titles are mentioned and while some of them does indicate that they served as Delegate again (Grand Duke of the Realm, President of the Union, Head of EuroState), there were also times under the Federation when Apulita wasn't serving as a regional leader and still remained Delegate, this being because a law reform removed the necessity for the President of the Federation to serve as Delegate of Warzone Europe and keeping Apulita as Delegate was helpful with regional security.