[DEFEATED] Commend the Rejected Realms

[Chimes]

In regards to the your part about the Osi-TRR non agression, its redundant and has been superseeded, and for the record as far as my memory serves, TRR was never at war with Osiris, relations were tense yes, but that’s all there is too it really. Regardless, I think that section of the proposal is unnecessary.

Regardless, against. As much as I love TRR, I can’t support a commend.

[Greater Cesnica]

I can’t support a commend.

That's alright.

In regards to the your part about the Osi-TRR non agression, its redundant and has been superseeded, and for the record as far as my memory serves, TRR was never at war with Osiris, relations were tense yes, but that’s all there is too it really. Regardless, I think that section of the proposal is unnecessary.

So would you say remove it from the draft?

[Chimes]

That’s down to yourself really. Sure, the clause looks nice in theory (peacemaking etc), but personally to me it doesn’t seem that noteworthy, relations for regions go up and down all the time after all. I’d recommend more research, though you’re combing of the super archive is a good start, i’d recommend looking at the old tapatalk forum as well if you’re serious about pursuing this, as some material got lost when we changed forums.

[Greater Cesnica]

That’s down to yourself really. Sure, the clause looks nice in theory (peacemaking etc), but personally to me it doesn’t seem that noteworthy, relations for regions go up and down all the time after all. I’d recommend more research, though you’re combing of the super archive is a good start, i’d recommend looking at the old tapatalk forum as well if you’re serious about pursuing this, as some material got lost when we changed forums.

Yeah I'm thinking about making myself some coffee while I look through the tapatalk forum.

P.S: Just curious why you don't support a commendation of TRR? That's a sentiment a lot of people share, but just curious to know the reasoning behind it.

EDIT: Combing the Super Archive on Tapatalk. This has some good stuff in it.

EDIT TWO: I heeded your advice and looked through the archives. No record of an actual war with Osiris, just really high tensions and World Assembly counter-voting. As such I've amended that point.

EDIT THREE: Replaced the word 'Addressing' with the word 'Cognizant'.

[Greater Cesnica]

UPDATE: I have made grammatical corrections to the Draft from feedback received by IA.

[Valerievna]

Observing further The Rejected Realms' numerous treaties with other regions to have significantly bolstered international peace and unity, of which notable examples include:

-The 2014 XYZ Treaty, which is a treaty between TRR, Mordor, and Renegade Islands Alliance intended to promote cohesion between, bolster existing military ties, and strengthen the signatory defender regions,
-The 2018 January Accords, which is a treaty between TRR, the South Pacific, and the East Pacific intended to form an alliance between three of the most powerful regions in the world as well as to renew the 2014 TRR-TSP Treaty of Peace and Amity; an alliance that significantly eased tensions in the Greater Pacific region,
-The 2018 TRR-Forest Treaty of Harmony and Friendship, which is a treaty between TRR and Forest intended to promote cultural harmony between the two time-tested regions,
-The 2018 Unicorn Star Accord, which is a treaty between TRR and the North Pacific intended to further ease tensions in the Greater Pacific Region following the successful passage of the January Accords passed earlier that year, and a treaty intended to consolidate existing ties and connections between TRR and the largest region in the world, and
-The 2015 Non-Aggression Pact between Osiris and The Rejected Realms, which is a treaty between TRR and the invader region Osiris intended to bring an end to a long-lasting feud between them; a treaty which successfully eliminated tensions and animosity between two powerful regions on opposite sides of the ideological spectrum and brought significant relief and peace to the international community.

Maybe put them in chronological order? Idk if you put them in that order for a reason, but would look a bit neater to me if in chronological order.

Also with TRR/Osiris relations, Osi and TRR recently upgraded their NAP to The Lost and Found Accords if that matters to you at all.

[Greater Cesnica]

Observing further The Rejected Realms' numerous treaties with other regions to have significantly bolstered international peace and unity, of which notable examples include:

-The 2014 XYZ Treaty, which is a treaty between TRR, Mordor, and Renegade Islands Alliance intended to promote cohesion between, bolster existing military ties, and strengthen the signatory defender regions,
-The 2018 January Accords, which is a treaty between TRR, the South Pacific, and the East Pacific intended to form an alliance between three of the most powerful regions in the world as well as to renew the 2014 TRR-TSP Treaty of Peace and Amity; an alliance that significantly eased tensions in the Greater Pacific region,
-The 2018 TRR-Forest Treaty of Harmony and Friendship, which is a treaty between TRR and Forest intended to promote cultural harmony between the two time-tested regions,
-The 2018 Unicorn Star Accord, which is a treaty between TRR and the North Pacific intended to further ease tensions in the Greater Pacific Region following the successful passage of the January Accords passed earlier that year, and a treaty intended to consolidate existing ties and connections between TRR and the largest region in the world, and
-The 2015 Non-Aggression Pact between Osiris and The Rejected Realms, which is a treaty between TRR and the invader region Osiris intended to bring an end to a long-lasting feud between them; a treaty which successfully eliminated tensions and animosity between two powerful regions on opposite sides of the ideological spectrum and brought significant relief and peace to the international community.

Maybe put them in chronological order? Idk if you put them in that order for a reason, but would look a bit neater to me if in chronological order.

Also with TRR/Osiris relations, Osi and TRR recently upgraded their NAP to The Lost and Found Accords if that matters to you at all.

Thank you for that information. I will include it in the second sublist.

EDIT: I decided to add the Lost and Found Accords into the sublist and keep the NAP in there as well to show the additional progression and consolidation of international ties built by TRR.

UPDATE: I'm removing the NPO clause and the Congratulating clause, and will submit.

EDIT THREE: Pulled for grammatical change, will resubmit shortly.

[Eumaeus]

The Security Council,

Recognizing The Rejected Realms for its contributions to the international community through the Rejected Realms Army (RRA), one of the oldest and most successful defender armies in history,

This fist clause felt a bit awkward to me, so I tried switching some words up.

Acknowledging that the untold contributions of The Reject Realms to the Alliance Defense Network (ADN) and later the Founderless Regions Alliance (FRA)⁠— both influential defender organizations that engaged in combat with the various insidious invader forces of the world,

That should be an em dash instead of a hyphen.

Thanking The Rejected Realms for their assistance and leadership of numerous missions to defend and liberate regions in distress, including but not limited to:

I would change the order of "liberate and defend". Liberating is a heightened form of defending and should listed second so as to build up the clause's strength in a more organic flow, plus typically liberating occurs chronologically after defending (or failure to defend I guess). Also, there should be a comma there.

a. Japan, a region of tremendous historical importance whose culture and historical artifacts would have been obliterated during Ireland's invasion had the RRA not intervened,

I rephrased this clause a bit.

b. The South Pacific, the second largest region in the world whose internally-launched coup by then-delegate Milograd would have forever changed the course of world history for the negative,

c. Hogwarts, another historical region of high cultural significance whose takeover would have decimated a significant number of historical artifacts and erased an entire culture, and

d. Lazarus, the eighth largest region in the world whose takeover by the New Lazerene Order and the New Pacific Order would have erased the accomplishments of the plethora of nations that reside in it from the record of history,

Honestly, each of these clauses uses this weird passive voice-ish writing style that makes my skin crawl. I understand what you're trying to do here, making it read as a single sentence, but the execution is not doing it for me.

Applauding The Rejected Realms' role in the successful defense of 10000 Islands against the Empire of Power in 2003; by the end of this conflict the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO) rose from the ashes of war and went on to become one of the greatest defender military organizations of all time, with over 3000 military victories against invader organizations,

I made a couple edits to this clause.

Observing that The Rejected Realms' numerous interregional treaties with other regions to have significantly bolstered international peace and unity, notable examples of which include:

More minor edits.

a. The 2014 XYZ Treaty, which is a treaty between TRR, Mordor, and Renegade Islands Alliance intended to promote cohesion between, bolster existing military ties of, and strengthen the signatory defender regions,

b. The 2015 Non-Aggression Pact between Osiris and The Rejected Realms, which was a treaty between TRR and the invader region Osiris intended to bring an end to a long-lasting feud between them; a treaty which successfully eliminated tensions and animosity between two powerful regions on opposite sides of the ideological spectrum and brought significant relief and peace to the international community,

c.The 2018 TRR-Forest Treaty of Harmony and Friendship, which is a treaty between TRR and Forest intended to promote cultural harmony between the two time-tested regions,

d. The 2018 January Accords, which is a treaty between TRR, the South Pacific, and the East Pacific intended to form an alliance between three of the most powerful regions in the world as well as to renew the 2014 TRR-TSP Treaty of Peace and Amity; an alliance that significantly eased tensions in the Greater Pacific region,

e. The 2018 Unicorn Star Accord, which is a treaty between TRR and the North Pacific intended to further ease tensions in the Greater Pacific Region following the successful passage of the January Accords passed earlier that year, and a treaty intended to consolidate existing ties and connections between TRR and the largest region in the world, and

f. The 2019 Lost and Found Accords, which is a treaty between TRR and Osiris intended to further consolidate existing ties created following the passage of the earlier 2015 Non-Aggression Pact between the two regions; a treaty that underscored the strength and inviolability of the existing connections between the two powerful regions and initiated an alliance between the two powers,

At certain points in this list it starts to sound like the focus is on what the treaties did for TRR or the regions they've allied with, rather than what they did for the rest of the world. It may be worth revising some of this with that in mind.

Establishing The Rejected Realms as a unique region due to the various forms of media it communicates to its members and outsider nations including its periodic regional newspaper The Rejected Times, which documents and records events across the expanse of the world for the purposes of the dissemination of knowledge and archival of history, its official radio program Rejected Radio, which discusses interregional politics and world history, and its maintenance and continued use of its two archive libraries, the Library of Spurned Knowledge and the Super Archive respectively, of which both catalogue the unique history and cultural lore of The Rejected Realms and other regions and nations around the world for use by future generations of nations,

I feel like the the part about the archive libraries may deserve a separate clause, with further elaboration of their benefits to the international community. The part saying "and other regions and nations around the world" sounds like a tacked on afterthought.

Believing that The Rejected Realms does deserve official recognition from this esteemed body for its efforts to improve the global community and promote interregional harmony, and

This is more of a subjective opinion than an objective fact, and I think "believing" is a better verb than "cognizant".

Knowing that with the passage of this resolution that The Rejected Realms will continue to strive for success in its pursuit of international peace and unity, hereby

The use of "will" implies that TRR has a choice and chooses to do this, whereas "can only" implies that it is some sort of duty. Saying that TRR does not have to do this but chooses to anyways has more rhetorical force than saying that it is obligated to.

Edit: also, you should probably add region tags.

[Ransium]

If you withdraw this version and send another campaign TG in the next week or so you will get a warning for spamming and have your TG’s removed. I have no idea why you’re always in such a rush.

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

This proposal has so many mistakes, it's not even funny. I recommend you withdraw this and join TRR's Discord if you want more accurate and refined clauses.

Discord Link

[Greater Cesnica]

I have decided to withdraw the proposal again (I know right, make up your mind!). I'm gonna wait a while now and get more feedback before I attempt to submit this again.

UPDATE: New draft has been given major edits for cohesiveness and overall improvement of quality.

[ValdekEnterprises]

If they are rejected it’s probably for a reason. Why should the rest of us be bothered by it. We have our own nations to tend to

[Greater Cesnica]

If they are rejected it’s probably for a reason. Why should the rest of us be bothered by it. We have our own nations to tend to

So you were turned away by the region's name?

[Borovan entered the region as he]

If they are rejected it’s probably for a reason. Why should the rest of us be bothered by it. We have our own nations to tend to

If you r rejected its probably for no reason at all for some people. Because there r some 12 year olds thinking it's funny to ban ppl or get overprotective of the region

[Greater Cesnica]

If they are rejected it’s probably for a reason. Why should the rest of us be bothered by it. We have our own nations to tend to

If you r rejected its probably for no reason at all for some people. Because there r some 12 year olds thinking it's funny to ban ppl or get overprotective of the region

People are often quick to judge a region or nation by name alone. That's actually quite sad.

[Greater Cesnica]

So I've waited about a week. I'll submit.

EDIT: Prior to submission I removed from the second sublist the bullet about the NAP.

EDIT TWO: Has been proposed: https://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_vi ... 1562560742

[East Meranopirus]

So I've waited about a week. I'll submit.

EDIT: Prior to submission I removed from the second sublist the bullet about the NAP.

EDIT TWO: Has been proposed: https://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_vi ... 1562560742

sigh...So TRR themselves, as well as multiple prominent SCers, told you the proposal is full of errors, and you just wait a week doing nothing and submit it again?

[Greater Cesnica]

So I've waited about a week. I'll submit.

EDIT: Prior to submission I removed from the second sublist the bullet about the NAP.

EDIT TWO: Has been proposed: https://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_vi ... 1562560742

sigh...So TRR themselves, as well as multiple prominent SCers, told you the proposal is full of errors, and you just wait a week doing nothing and submit it again?

On the contrary I actually went into the TRR discord and as a result numerous changes were made to the proposal that made it satisfactory to the TRR. I have already addressed the concerns of IA and others.

[Alkasia]

My thoughts from a cursory glance I took in class,

There is a noted omission of the XKI-TRR Treaty of Friendship in your list of treaties. Why have you included some treaties but not others? Furthermore, is it really necessary to list all the treaties out like this? Couldn't it be limited to an acknowledgement of all the treaties TRR has signed that have helped deepen international ties and friendship?

You mention TRR as the body that participated in all those defenses and liberations when technically it was the RRA, a body independent from the government that was only mentioned briefly by name in this proposal. I'm not sure how important this is to other Rejects but I thought it was worth bringing up.

I also think that if this proposal is going to be this military-heavy, I think it would benefit from highlighting TRR's welcoming nature/composition of people of all R/D alignments.

As a final point, I don't think there's any need to wax poetic about the achievements of TITO in a TRR commendation. While it could very well be valid to mention TRR's role in defending XKI, I think it's a bit overboard to talk about the number of defenses TITO has and how they're one of the greatest defender organizations ever. This isn't a commendation for TITO or XKI.

[Greater Cesnica]

My thoughts from a cursory glance I took in class,

There is a noted omission of the XKI-TRR Treaty of Friendship in your list of treaties. Why have you included some treaties but not others? Furthermore, is it really necessary to list all the treaties out like this? Couldn't it be limited to an acknowledgement of all the treaties TRR has signed that have helped deepen international ties and friendship?

You mention TRR as the body that participated in all those defenses and liberations when technically it was the RRA, a body independent from the government that was only mentioned briefly by name in this proposal. I'm not sure how important this is to other Rejects but I thought it was worth bringing up.

I also think that if this proposal is going to be this military-heavy, I think it would benefit from highlighting TRR's welcoming nature/composition of people of all R/D alignments.

As a final point, I don't think there's any need to wax poetic about the achievements of TITO in a TRR commendation. While it could very well be valid to mention TRR's role in defending XKI, I think it's a bit overboard to talk about the number of defenses TITO has and how they're one of the greatest defender organizations ever. This isn't a commendation for TITO or XKI.

For your first point: I wanted to select a few notable treaties that would back up the strength of the Commendation . I apologize if my omission of the XKI-TRR Treat of Friendship caused offense in any manner. When I gave regards to the RRA it was because I interpret the RRA as among the greatest contributions TRR has put out to the NSG community.

Second point: I felt I had to underscore TRR's stature as a formidable Defender Region. Originally I was going to include a clause applauding their diversity of thought and culture but was advised to remove it.

Third point: My intention with the TITO clause was to show that had 10000 Islands fallen in 2003 they wouldn't have gone on to achieve success through TITO, underscoring the importance of this particular defense.

[Ilefeb]

The Rejected Realms are full of nations that have been ejected and banned from other regions. Many of these nations are trolls, fascists, and racists. Yet, we need to commend this region? I fail to understand.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I quite like TRR... I personally think that if none of your nations have ever landed there, then you're not making enough of a splash in the game. The Rejected Realms are the home of those who defy mediocrity, who offer acceptance to the unacceptable, and refuge for for homeless.

Anyway, I commend the idea of commending the Rejected Realms, but can't help but notice that this draft has been roundly and rightly ridiculed by multiple SC luminaries. And honestly, even to my untrained eye, it's just one big mess of unfounded assertions and unsought verbosity.

For that reason, very much against this proposal, but would very much like to see a better commendation of this fine region.

[Borovan entered the region as he]

The Rejected Realms are full of nations that have been ejected and banned from other regions. Many of these nations are trolls, fascists, and racists. Yet, we need to commend this region? I fail to understand.

No one said the rejected realms was a prison meant for delinquents. Your comment are very misleading and fails to account the different reasoning a person or player bans ppl.

[Ayeinc]

Hello! I’m looking for a summary on the people who are voting FOR and people who are voting AGAINST the commendation. Just one person from each side. I am personally FOR it. I’m wondering why people FOR or AGAINST. Thank you!

[Borovan entered the region as he]

Hello! I’m looking for a summary on the people who are voting FOR and people who are voting AGAINST the commendation. Just one person from each side. I am personally FOR it. I’m wondering why people FOR or AGAINST. Thank you!

I would personally be voting against because despite the content described in the proposal it is nevertheless far insufficient because no matter how much a region accomplishes, if there is even one native or should say person who has been banned without cause or trial and would not have comparably as the same skin as most ordinary ppl, it is bad and would underscore griefing.