NationStates

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:54 am**

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Submitted Draft (Edited for character count)

The Security Council:

Recognizing that Severisen has contributed to NationStates in many ways and that not all of them have been known or recognized by the community abroad in the over fourteen years as a nation.

Revealing that their contributions to the world did not begin with The Black Hawks:

Understanding that, as a native of the region of Catholic, they were a long-term resident for those fourteen years. For twelve years, Severisen, as Devoted Decons, worked tirelessly for the protection and activity of this community. This includes:

• Being part of a resistance against the occupation of Catholic by DEN and The Black Hawks in 2012.
• Working tirelessly to aid defenders in their efforts to liberate the region from the enemy by rallying the region and its inhabitants against their invasion.
• Serving as Delegate for a year and further improving security during this time.
• Serving as Counselor, a position tasked with getting people to ratify the Constitution and endorse the Delegate as a matter of safety, from 2009 to 2011.
• Monitoring the communities of raiders in order to look out for the region by searching in their midst for any threats aimed at Catholic.
• Repealing SC Proposal #80: Liberate Catholic in order to restore the ability of natives to defend themselves against future invader incursions.
• At last taking up the role of the Founder nation, Saint Michael The Archangel, after the region was refounded by Devoted Decons and the other natives.

Illuminating that the nation, which then came to be known as Severisen, later spread their contributions beyond Catholic and took up such high military positions in larger regions as Marshal General of the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris, Amiral of the Jomsvikings of Balder, and Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army of The East Pacific.

Explaining that Severisen in those positions contributed to a diverse array of operations that benefited in some cases the regions, and in others the entirety of the international community. Such operations to benefit the community involved liberating regions under occupation by raiders and fascists. An operation of note was the defense of the European Union from an invasion by The Black Hawks, The Black Riders, the Europeian Republican Navy, and the United Imperial Armed Forces.

Acknowledging that Severisen’s contributions to regions after a span of ten years in Catholic alone began in The Black Hawks, where they served as a member of the Council of Hawks. Their work in The Black Hawks over the years includes training and recruitment and, later, intelligence and security.

Recalling that Severisen also was part of an effort to uncover the return of a banished nation to The Black Hawks in late 2014. They contributed to revealing that same nation's attempt to infiltrate The East Pacific.

Furthing recalling that Severisen also served as Il-Khan for Lone Wolves United in the same capacity under the name Abenthy.

Emphasizing that one of Severisen’s greatest achievements was their tenure in Osiris over a period of over four years as Detective Figs, serving most particularly as a member of Osiris’ Security Council after the formation of the first Osiris Fraternal Order before taking the helm in 2014 as Delegate and Pharaoh in a time of need in Osiris.

Demonstrating that their time spent as Pharaoh became a defining moment in the Osiris Fraternal Order’s history, their work as the leader of Osiris contributing immensely to Foreign Affairs and internal stability, as they were undoubtedly the most successful and active Delegate of the Osiris Fraternal Order at that time.

Observing that under Severisen, a treaty between Osiris and The East Pacific as well as a non-aggression pact with The Rejected Realms were negotiated and signed. Good relations with all existing allies were maintained under Severisen’s reign.

Mindful that Severisen has served as a mediator between many nations and regions in times of conflict, spreading peace across the NationStates community through their reliability, trustworthiness, and competence. Such mediation resulted in the reestablishment of cooperation between nations in their times of conflict, and in such diplomatic feats as the aforementioned contribution to a non-aggression pact between two ideologically polar regions: Osiris and The Rejected Realms.

Underlining that Severisen’s mediation skills contributed in negotiations between ideologically different parties during the discussion on terms of cooperation in regards to the liberation of Anne Frank from Nazi Europa.

Wishing to correct a common community oversight as to contributions from less flashy nations by many by bringing to light the full nature of Severisen’s work for communities for well over a decade.

Hereby Commends Severisen.

The Security Council:

Recognizing that Severisen has contributed to NationStates in many ways and that not all of them have been known or recognized by the community abroad in the over fourteen years as a nation.

Revealing that their contributions did not begin with The Black Hawks;

Understanding that, as a native of the region of Catholic, they were a long-term resident for those fourteen years. For twelve years, Severisen, as Devoted Decons, worked tirelessly for the protection and activity of this community. This includes:

- Being part of a resistance against the occupation of Catholic by DEN and The Black Hawks in 2012.
- Working tirelessly to aid defenders in their efforts to liberate the region from the enemy by rallying the region and its inhabitants against their invasion.
- Serving as Delegate for a year and further improving security during this time.
- Serving as Counselor, a position tasked with getting people to ratify the Constitution and endorse the Delegate as a matter of safety, from 2009 to 2011.
- Monitoring the communities of raiders in order to look out for the region by searching in their midst for any threats aimed at Catholic.
- Repealing SC Proposal #80 Liberate Catholic in order to restore the ability of natives to defend themselves against future invader incursions.
- At last taking up the role of the Founder nation, Saint Michael the Archangel, after the region was refounded by Devoted Decons and the natives.

Illuminating that the nation, which then came to be known as Severisen, later spread their contributions beyond Catholic and took up such high military positions in larger regions as Marshal General of the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris, Amiral of the Jomsvikings of Balder, and Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army of The East Pacific.

Explaining that Severisen in those positions contributed to a diverse array of operations that benefited in some cases the regions, and in others the entirety of the international community. Such operations to benefit the community involved liberating regions under occupation by raiders, and removing heavy fascist influences in regions. One particular operation of note was the defense of the European Union from an invasion by major powers in the invader sphere: The Black Hawks, The Black Riders, the Europeian Republican Navy, and the United Imperial Armed Forces.

Acknowledging that Severisen’s contributions to regions after a span of ten years in Catholic alone began in The Black Hawks, where they served as a member of the Council of Hawks in one of the golden ages of the region. Their work in The Black Hawks over the years includes training and recruitment and, later, intelligence and security.

Recalling that Severisen also was part of an effort to uncover the return of a banished nation to The Black Hawks whose ultimate motives were not benevolent in late 2014. They contributed to revealing that same nation's attempt to infiltrate The East Pacific shortly after.

Furthing recalling that, later, Severisen would also serve as Il-Khan for Lone Wolves United for a year in the same capacity under the name Abenthy. They contributed immensely to security and stability in every region in which they were involved.

Emphasizing that one of Severisen’s greatest achievements was their tenure in Osiris over a period of over four years, serving most particularly as a member of Osiris’ Security Council after the formation of the first Osiris Fraternal Order before taking the helm in 2014 as Delegate and Pharaoh in a time of need in Osiris.

Demonstrating that their time spent as Pharaoh became a defining moment in the Osiris Fraternal Order’s history, their work as the leader of Osiris contributing immensely to Foreign Affairs and internal stability, as they were undoubtedly the most successful and active Delegate of the Osiris Fraternal Order up to that point in time.

Observing that under Severisen, the treaty between Osiris and The East Pacific as well as the non-aggression pact with The Rejected Realms were negotiated and signed. Good relations with all existing allies were maintained at that point in Osiran history under Severisen’s reign.

Mindful that Severisen has served as a mediator between many nations and regions in times of conflict, spreading peace across the NationStates community through their reliability, trustworthiness, and competence. Such mediation resulted in the reestablishment of cooperation between nations in their times of conflict, and in such diplomatic feats as the aforementioned contribution to a non-aggression pact between two ideologically polar regions: Osiris and The Rejected Realms.

Underlining that Severisen’s mediation skills contributed in negotiations between conflicting, ideologically different parties during the discussion on terms of cooperation in regards to the liberation of Anne Frank from Nazi Europa and their allies.

Wishing to correct a common community oversight as to contributions from less flashy nations by many by bringing to light the full nature of Severisen’s work for communities for over a decade.

Hereby Commends Severisen.

The Security Council:

Recognizing that Severisen has contributed to NationStates in many ways and that not all of them have been known or recognized by the community abroad over fourteen years as a nation.

Revealing that their contributions did not begin with The Black Hawks, but rather as a native of the region of Catholic, as a long-term resident for those fourteen years. For eleven years, Severisen, as Devoted Decons, worked tirelessly for the protection and activity of this community. This includes being part of a resistance against the occupation of Catholic by DEN and The Black Hawks in 2012, working to aid defenders in their efforts to liberate the region from the invading forces.

Noting that the subject of this resolution in their nation Devoted Decons served in many positions over the years, notably Delegate for the space of one year, and Counselor, in their time in Catholic. Also during this time, while the region had only a Delegate as protection, Devoted Decons worked to ensure that raiders did not take advantage of the vulnerable state of the region by monitoring the communities of raiders in their best capacity. Devoted Decons contributed to the authoring of SC Resolution #80, which was the repeal of the Liberation of their region, which had been liberated from DEN and The Black Hawks. Devoted Decons took up the additional name Saint Michael the Archangel and became the sentinel of the region, a contribution to their security that continues to this day.

Illuminating that the nation, which came to be known as Severisen, later spread their contributions beyond Catholic and took up such high military positions as Marshal General of the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris, Amiral of the Jomsvikings of Balder, and the position of Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army of The East Pacific. Severisen in those positions contributed to a diverse array of operations that benefited in some cases the regions, and in others the entirety of the international community. Such operations to benefit the community involved liberating regions under occupation by raiders, and removing heavy fascist influences in regions. One particular operation of note was the defense of the European Union from an invasion by The Black Hawks, The Black Riders, the Europeian Republican Navy, and the United Imperial Armed Forces.

Acknowledging that Severisen’s contributions to regions after a span of ten years in Catholic alone began in The Black Hawks, where they served as a member of the Council of Hawks in one of the golden ages of the region. Their work in The Black Hawks over the years includes training and recruitment and, later, intelligence and security. Severisen also was part of an effort to uncover the return of a banished nation to The Black Hawks whose ultimate motives were not benevolent in late 2014. They contributed to revealing that same nation's attempt to infiltrate The East Pacific shortly after. Later, Severisen would also serve as Il-Khan for Lone Wolves United for a year in the same capacity under the name Abenthy. They contributed immensely to security and stability in every region in which they were involved.

Emphasizing that one of Severisen’s greatest achievements was their tenure in Osiris over a period of over four years, serving most particularly as a member of Osiris’ Security Council after the formation of the first Osiris Fraternal Order before taking the helm of Osiris in 2014 as Delegate and Pharaoh in a time of need in Osiris. Their time spent as Pharaoh became a defining moment in the Osiris Fraternal Order’s history. Severisen’s work as the leader of Osiris contributed immensely to Foreign Affairs and internal stability, as they were undoubtedly the most successful and active Delegate of the Osiris Fraternal Order up to that point in time. Under Severisen, the treaty between Osiris and The East Pacific as well as the non-aggression pact with The Rejected Realms were negotiated and signed. Good relations with all existing allies were maintained at that point in Osiran history under Severisen’s reign.

Understanding that Severisen has served as a mediator between many nations and regions in times of conflict, spreading peace across the NationStates community through their reliability, trustworthiness, and competence. Such mediation resulted in the reestablishment of cooperation between nations in their times of conflict, and in such diplomatic feats as the aforementioned contribution to a non-aggression pact between two ideologically polar regions: Osiris and The Rejected Realms. Another example of this was Severisen’s work in contributing to the liberation of Anne Frank from Nazi Europa and their allies, when the parties involved were working on terms of cooperation.

Wishing to correct a common community oversight as to contributions from less flashy nations by many by bringing to light the full nature of Severisen’s work for communities for over a decade.

Hereby Commends Severisen.

First proposal, so not entirely certain how well it fits the writing standard of the SC despite having read a ton of proposals over a period of five or six years, but here we go anyway. Anyone who has fixes or corrections with grammar/information/format is welcome to help improve the standard of the proposal so that it suits the candidate in the most effective way.

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:58 am**

Looks pretty good at first glance, the only thing I would suggest at the moment is splitting up some the clauses into more clauses and/or lists (I can make specific suggestions to that end).

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:00 am**

Lord Dominator wrote:Looks pretty good at first glance, the only thing I would suggest at the moment is splitting up some the clauses into more clauses and/or lists (I can make specific suggestions to that end).

That would be helpful. They look kind of bulky as they are.

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:02 am**

Xoriet wrote:
Lord Dominator wrote:Looks pretty good at first glance, the only thing I would suggest at the moment is splitting up some the clauses into more clauses and/or lists (I can make specific suggestions to that end).

That would be helpful. They look kind of bulky as they are.

Will do, hold on a moment

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:18 am**

I apologize beforehand for the inherent roughness of this (removed formatting tags to do this easier)

Xoriet wrote:The Security Council:

Recognizing that Severisen has contributed to NationStates in many ways and that not all of them have been known or recognized by the community abroad over thirteen years as a nation.

nods

Revealing that their contributions did not begin with The Black Hawks,

Splitting this out so you can have a big 'ol list of Catholic stuff

but rather as a native of the region of Catholic for fourteen years, eleven of them as Devoted Decons, and worked tirelessly for the protection and activity of this community

Should work as a header for a list

- being part of a resistance against the occupation of Catholic by DEN and The Black Hawks in 2012
- working to aid defenders in their efforts to liberate the region from the invading forces.
- Delegate for a year
- Counsellor [what is this & length in office might be good)
- Monitoring the communities of raiders in order to look out for the region
- Repealing SC#80 Liberate Catholic in order to improve the region's security
- Taking up the Founder nation (including refound I presume?)

Really rough list of Catholic stuff, kinda split off a bunch off stuff you probably want as additional descriptors.

Illuminating that the nation, which came to be known as Severisen, later spread their contributions beyond Catholic and took up such high military positions as Marshal General of the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris, Amiral of the Jomsvikings of Balder, and the position of Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army of The East Pacific. Severisen in those positions contributed to a diverse array of operations that benefited in some cases the regions, and in others the entirety of the international community.

Can easily turn these upper-level positions into a list and the rest into a descriptive clause of them before/after

Such operations to benefit the community liberating regions under occupation by raiders, and removing heavy fascist influences in regions. One particular operation of note was the defense of the European Union from an invasion by The Black Hawks, The Black Riders, the Europeian Republican Navy, and the United Imperial Armed Forces.

Pretty good, aside from my wrecking of its structure in stealing pieces for other things

Acknowledging that Severisen’s contributions to regions after a span of ten years in Catholic alone began in The Black Hawks, where they served as a member of the Council of Hawks in one of the golden ages of the region. Their work in The Black Hawks over the years includes training and recruitment and, later, intelligence and security.

Severisen also was part of an effort to uncover the return of a banished nation to The Black Hawks whose ultimate motives were not benevolent in late 2014. They contributed to revealing that same nation's attempt to infiltrate The East Pacific shortly after. Later, Severisen would also serve as Il-Khan for Lone Wolves United for a year in the same capacity under the name Abenthy.

They contributed immensely to security and stability in every region in which they were involved.

This is a very trash splitting up, but hopefully you get my general idea

Emphasizing that one of Severisen’s greatest achievements was their tenure in Osiris over a period of over four years, serving most particularly as a member of Osiris’ Security Council after the formation of the first Osiris Fraternal Order before taking the helm of Osiris in 2014 as Delegate and Pharaoh in a time of need in Osiris. Their time spent as Pharaoh became a defining moment in the Osiris Fraternal Order’s history. Severisen’s work as the leader of Osiris contributed immensely to Foreign Affairs and internal stability, as they were undoubtedly the most successful and active Delegate of the Osiris Fraternal Order up to that point in time. Under Severisen, the treaty between Osiris and The East Pacific as well as the non-aggression pact with The Rejected Realms were negotiated and signed. Good relations with all existing allies were maintained at that point in Osiran history under Severisen’s reign.

A list or splitting this up into 2-3 clauses should break the bulkiness up pretty well.

Understanding that Severisen has served as a mediator between many nations and regions in times of conflict, spreading peace across the NationStates community through their reliability, trustworthiness, and competence. Such mediation resulted in the reestablishment of cooperation between nations in their times of conflict, and in such diplomatic feats as the aforementioned contribution to a non-aggression pact between two ideologically polar regions: Osiris and The Rejected Realms.

Another example of this was Severisen’s work in contributing to the liberation of Anne Frank from Nazi Europa and their allies, when the parties involved were working on terms of cooperation.

Split these two up I think, maybe shorten the wording on the former part

Wishing to correct a common community oversight as to contributions from less flashy nations by many by bringing to light the full nature of Severisen’s work for communities for over a decade.

Hereby Commends Severisen.

Good ending

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:30 am**

I will revise edits next time I reach a computer, but I wasn’t sure you could use the term founder in proposals.

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:42 am**

Xoriet wrote:I will revise edits next time I reach a computer, but I wasn’t sure you could use the term founder in proposals.

It's legal, I just checked to be sure

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 12:30 pm**

This looks like quite a well-written proposal. There are a few minor things in it (I'll point those out as soon as I get to a computer again, not even trying from mobile) but they're really small. Over all a good proposal

EDIT: is Amiral the Balderan title, or is it admiral? I know nothing of Balderan ranks, but the words are kinda similar so..

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 12:38 pm**

Armaros wrote:This looks like quite a well-written proposal. There are a few minor things in it (I'll point those out as soon as I get to a computer again, not even trying from mobile) but they're really small. Over all a good proposal

EDIT: is Amiral the Balderan title, or is it admiral? I know nothing of Balderan ranks, but the words are kinda similar so..

I’m told it was Amiral at the time.

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 12:46 pm**

Xoriet wrote:
Armaros wrote:This looks like quite a well-written proposal. There are a few minor things in it (I'll point those out as soon as I get to a computer again, not even trying from mobile) but they're really small. Over all a good proposal

EDIT: is Amiral the Balderan title, or is it admiral? I know nothing of Balderan ranks, but the words are kinda similar so..

I’m told it was Amiral at the time.

In that case, it might very well have been Amiral. As said, I don't know Balderan titles.

Reading over it again, I have only one comment:

Noting that the subject of this resolution in their nation Devoted Decons served in many positions over the years, notably Delegate for the space of one year, and Counselor, in their time in Catholic.

"In their nation" reads a little meh to me. Maybe edit that to "under the name of"? It's not bad or amything, just kinda reads weird to me.

(Sorry if that comes over as anmoying and pointing out veeery small details, but it's the only thing I have a question about)

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:02 pm**

For obvious reasons I can't support this, but it is pretty well written. LD has already said what I would have said, mainly that some of the clauses could be split up, shortened, or turned into lists. Remember there's a 5,000 character limit, so if you can accomplish more with less words (where a list comes in handy, minus using the bbcode for it) that would be better.

Posted: **Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:40 pm**

I concur with both Kuriko and LD, splitting up the paragraphs into shorter lists and clauses would be better. It could also help in spotting any illegalities in the text. I don’t think there are any from what I could see and overall it looks a well-written proposal.

Not going to comment on the substance of the proposal as I don’t know anything about Severisen or their history - I’ll leave that to others.

Posted: **Mon Mar 18, 2019 9:30 am**

Kuriko wrote:For obvious reasons I can't support this, but it is pretty well written.

As the proposal illustrates, Sev has been a native and/or defender for far longer than he was a raider, so not sure why it wouldn't be supported.
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While I find it a little funny that the proposal discusses his work to combat TBH as well as his work in TBH, Sev is a rockstar player and deserves the commendation. One could argue there's enough content for two commendations.

Posted: **Mon Mar 18, 2019 10:04 am**

Second draft is up. And Jakker, I put in both because he helped build up TBH's internal success and security as a region, but he also defended other regions from TBH's military. Contributing to TBH's successful internal structure is commendable, even though the raiding aspect may not have been. Which is, of course, why it isn't in there.

Posted: **Mon Mar 18, 2019 7:39 pm**

Jakker wrote:
Kuriko wrote:For obvious reasons I can't support this, but it is pretty well written.

As the proposal illustrates, Sev has been a native and/or defender for far longer than he was a raider, so not sure why it wouldn't be supported.
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While I find it a little funny that the proposal discusses his work to combat TBH as well as his work in TBH, Sev is a rockstar player and deserves the commendation. One could argue there's enough content for two commendations.

Three letters: LWU. I can't support a proposal commending someone for doing work in a region we're officially at war with still, but I can say that I like the way this is written. I would even ask my superiors if we can support it, but with the ammount of Raider content in the proposal it's unlikely.

Posted: **Tue Mar 19, 2019 7:06 am**

Adjusted some preambulatory clauses for better flow with advice from LD.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:22 pm**

I believe that I personally will vote against, even liking the way its written. I've approached our command and chief executive for their opinions, so we'll see where that goes. As it is, if it didn't have any mention of raider actions I would, and maybe XKI as a whole would, definitely support a commendation. However, that being said work in a raider region is not commendable. Working to invade others is not something you commend a nation for, it is something that you condemn a nation for. If the SC starts commending a nation for raiding, of all things, what's next?

Edit: This is nothing against Severisen, and nothing against Xoriet. Both are great people, and like I said before I would definitely support a commendation with no raider content.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:26 pm**

Kuriko wrote:Snip

It's been done before. I don't see the harm in commending a raider.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:28 pm**

Marilyn Manson Freaks wrote:
Kuriko wrote:Snip

It's been done before. I don't see the harm in commending a raider.

If you're refering to the commendation of Evil Wolf, he wasn't commended for raiding. He was commended for combating coups of GCRs and work done there. It's something else rather than this.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:36 pm**

Kuriko wrote:
Marilyn Manson Freaks wrote:
It's been done before. I don't see the harm in commending a raider.

If you're refering to the commendation of Evil Wolf, he wasn't commended for raiding. He was commended for combating coups of GCRs and work done there. It's something else rather than this.

It actually doesn’t support raiding. It shows that he helped keep communities secure and active, never actually praising the raiding itself. That was the point of including TBH and LWU in there, not as a nod to raiding history, but to working for the betterment of regions internally.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 9:18 pm**

This was tough to vote against, but I can't support a commendation that makes such heavy mention of the target's activity in, and contributions to raiding organizations. Had it just left that out, I may have voted for purely based on thier contributions to Catholic.

as it reads currently, it almost seems like a way for the raiders to flex thier delegate muscle and have a giggle at getting a commendation past everyone.

Posted: **Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:19 pm**

Nation does not meet minimum qualifying standards for commendation by the United States of Americanas Foreign Relations Ministry.

As per law any nation or region must have good civil rights, good economy and good political freedoms at minimum to even be considered for commendation.

A vote against has been registered.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:16 am**

Kuriko wrote:<snip>

It doesn't bring up raiding very much, it's mostly commending him for helping the communities of TBH & LWU.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:57 am**

Sounds like this guy's an ex-defender turned raider. Me no like raiders.

AGAINST.

Posted: **Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:21 am**

Severisen has been making positive contributions to NationStates for years, longer than many people realized. Whatever my disagreements with the author and her region, I'm glad to make voting for this commendation the last vote I'm likely to cast in the Security Council before retiring as Delegate of Pacifica.

That said, I should emphasize that it's the only personal vote I've taken as Delegate, and it doesn't represent the views of our regional government. I respect the government's views and I appreciate them giving me the leeway to vote how I wish on this on my way out of office.

NationStates

[PASSED] Commend Severisen

[PASSED] Commend Severisen