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by Ransium » Fri Oct 25, 2019 10:17 am
by Sargon Reman » Fri Oct 25, 2019 11:36 am
Ransium wrote:I have a couple grammatical observations, which I will try to make this weekend. I encourage you to seek out a couple more nations with a careful eye for grammatical detail.
by Frisbeeteria » Fri Oct 25, 2019 4:48 pm
Sargon Reman wrote:I noticed some myself but was going to wait till submission to edit them.
by Yohannes » Fri Oct 25, 2019 4:55 pm
Sargon Reman wrote:in that regions history
in that region’s history
Sargon Reman wrote:for a period of 885 days and that The Heartland enjoyed
for a period of 885 days, and that The Heartland enjoyed
Sargon Reman wrote:while residing in The Heartland and that while Delegate The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic relationships
while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties
Sargon Reman wrote:INSPIRED by the 15 years of government support for the dedication and skill displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for Texas and The Heartland, including an world map which they created for Texas through a regional bureaucracy dubbed the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,
INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas through the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,
Sargon Reman wrote:GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments”: repealed a flawed GA resolution which had numerous errors
GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors
Sargon Reman wrote:GA resolution 73 International Postal Union: created an international postal system for the coordination of postal services among member state's and the safe delivery of parcels
GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels
Sargon Reman wrote:GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution”: repealed an economically and environmentally disastrous resolution that allowed for an agency to have unchecked power in moving water between member state's in an effort to create a universal water system and denied compensation to members
GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power
by Sargon Reman » Fri Oct 25, 2019 7:18 pm
Frisbeeteria wrote:Sargon Reman wrote:I noticed some myself but was going to wait till submission to edit them.
I'm sorry, but that may be one of the dumbest things I've ever read here. The whole point of a Draft thread is to correct mistakes before submitting, while there is still an opportunity for others to comment on your corrections. If I were Ransium, I wouldn't bother with any commentary unless you fixed the obvious stuff first.
by Sargon Reman » Fri Oct 25, 2019 7:20 pm
Thank you I will work on these tonight.Yohannes wrote:
I skimmed through the thread because I saw Grays Harbor’s name. When I was an uninformed N&I RP writer in 2010, Grays Harbor was one of the few roleplayers writing with me. GH was very kind to me. I remember people’s kindness (Please feel free to check our Forum Posts history)
---
There’s no such thing as “long time contribution.” Replace “long time contribution” with “long-term contribution” or “long-run contribution.” Personally, I’d go for “long-term contribution”Sargon Reman wrote:in that regions history
Should be:in that region’s history
I would add a comma here:Sargon Reman wrote:for a period of 885 days and that The Heartland enjoyedfor a period of 885 days, and that The Heartland enjoyed
Will edit this post later
Edit:Sargon Reman wrote:while residing in The Heartland and that while Delegate The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic relationships
This is how I would rephrase it:while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties
I replaced my previous suggestion “their” (above) to “its” (for country). My apologies!Edit2:Sargon Reman wrote:INSPIRED by the 15 years of government support for the dedication and skill displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for Texas and The Heartland, including an world map which they created for Texas through a regional bureaucracy dubbed the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,
I’d change to:INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas through the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,
Edit3:Sargon Reman wrote:GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments”: repealed a flawed GA resolution which had numerous errors
I’d change to:GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors
Edit 4:Sargon Reman wrote:GA resolution 73 International Postal Union: created an international postal system for the coordination of postal services among member state's and the safe delivery of parcels
I’d change to:GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcelsSargon Reman wrote:GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution”: repealed an economically and environmentally disastrous resolution that allowed for an agency to have unchecked power in moving water between member state's in an effort to create a universal water system and denied compensation to members
I’d change to:GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power
Should be “a universal,” not “an universal,” because “a” should be used withwordssome words that begin with “u” or “eu” (such as a “European” lady)
by Yohannes » Fri Oct 25, 2019 7:35 pm
Sargon Reman wrote:Thank you I will work on these tonight.
by Sargon Reman » Fri Oct 25, 2019 7:44 pm
by Sargon Reman » Fri Oct 25, 2019 9:22 pm
by WayNeacTia » Sat Oct 26, 2019 12:55 am
Sargon Reman wrote:Frisbeeteria wrote:I'm sorry, but that may be one of the dumbest things I've ever read here. The whole point of a Draft thread is to correct mistakes before submitting, while there is still an opportunity for others to comment on your corrections. If I were Ransium, I wouldn't bother with any commentary unless you fixed the obvious stuff first.
That was extremely rude. I see you are from Texas like the nominee. Instead of using this thread to be rude you could actually say something more constructive about the resolution or nominee themselves instead of engaging in behavior unbecoming of a moderator. Your post is one of the most ridiculous I have ever seen created by a moderator. I don't deserve the lecture and in your rush to insult my intellect you missed the other part of what I said to Ransium about their perusal of my draft for grammatical errors.
RiderSyl wrote:You'd really think that defenders would communicate with each other about this. I know they're not a hivemind, but at least some level of PR skill would keep Quebecshire and Quebecshire from publically contradicting eac
wait
by Yohannes » Sat Oct 26, 2019 7:29 am
Sargon Reman wrote:I have added the proposed edits of Yohannes.
by Sargon Reman » Sat Oct 26, 2019 7:34 am
Yes I did. The resolutions mentioned have commas instead of colons. That was the only place where colons were.Yohannes wrote:Sargon Reman wrote:I have added the proposed edits of Yohannes.
You did not follow my recommendation to replace your second colons with commas. I understand if you feel like my recommendation was wrong, but please do not say you follow my proposed edits. When other people see your grammar mistakes, they will blame me for it. Thank you. And again, good luck with the proposal
by Yohannes » Sat Oct 26, 2019 12:51 pm
Sargon Reman wrote:Yes I did. The resolutions mentioned have commas instead of colons. That was the only place where colons were.Yohannes wrote:
You did not follow my recommendation to replace your second colons with commas. I understand if you feel like my recommendation was wrong, but please do not say you follow my proposed edits. When other people see your grammar mistakes, they will blame me for it. Thank you. And again, good luck with the proposal
The Security Council,
NOTING the long-term contribution and presence of the delegation of Grays Harbor since December 2002,
OBSERVING that as Delegate of The Heartland, Grays Harbor served the longest tenure in that region’s history for a period of 885 days, and that during Grays Harbor’s delegacy The Heartland enjoyed its highest historical population level,
COGNIZANT that Grays Harbor served as Delegate four separate times while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties with Wysteria and Texas, fostering the longest continuous inter-regional relationship in the world known as the Triumvate since before official embassies were introduced in 2003,
RECOGNIZING the delegation of Grays Harbor for their seasoned authorship, which includes:a. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,
b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and
c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
PLEASED that the delegation of Grays Harbor has consistently tried to improve the quality of General Assembly proposals by helping other member states’ delegations choose the right criteria for their proposed resolutions,
RECALLING that Grays Harbor is a seasoned Defender and was one of the first defenders involved in the First Defense of Japan and the First Defense of Ireland, and that as a member of the Texas Defense Forces, Grays Harbor has held the rank of Senior Non-Commissioned Officer since 2004,
AWARE that Grays Harbor played an instrumental role in the survival of The Heartland in 2003, cementing a coalition with Texas and Wysteria to protect The Heartland from invasion by the Farkers and liberating the region to preserve it for future generations,
INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas by the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,
SEEKING to record this legacy as an example for future generations,
HEREBY commends Grays Harbor.
GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed ...
GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution ...
-GA Resolution 71 Repeal “Protection Of Monuments”, which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,
-GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels
-GA resolution 101 Repeal “The Clean Water Resolution”, revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
a. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,
b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and
c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and
c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
“Protection Of Monuments,” which ...
“Protection Of Monuments”, which ...
by Sargon Reman » Sat Oct 26, 2019 10:46 pm
Yohannes wrote:Sargon Reman wrote:Yes I did. The resolutions mentioned have commas instead of colons. That was the only place where colons were.
Love you! It’s better now.
I’ve done this (it’s a vast improvement over my previous suggestion). I’ve tried to keep it as close as possible to your (preferred) writing style. Feel free to copy and paste and use itThe Security Council,
NOTING the long-term contribution and presence of the delegation of Grays Harbor since December 2002,
OBSERVING that as Delegate of The Heartland, Grays Harbor served the longest tenure in that region’s history for a period of 885 days, and that during Grays Harbor’s delegacy The Heartland enjoyed its highest historical population level,
COGNIZANT that Grays Harbor served as Delegate four separate times while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties with Wysteria and Texas, fostering the longest continuous inter-regional relationship in the world known as the Triumvate since before official embassies were introduced in 2003,
RECOGNIZING the delegation of Grays Harbor for their seasoned authorship, which includes:a. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,
b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and
c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
PLEASED that the delegation of Grays Harbor has consistently tried to improve the quality of General Assembly proposals by helping other member states’ delegations choose the right criteria for their proposed resolutions,
RECALLING that Grays Harbor is a seasoned Defender and was one of the first defenders involved in the First Defense of Japan and the First Defense of Ireland, and that as a member of the Texas Defense Forces, Grays Harbor has held the rank of Senior Non-Commissioned Officer since 2004,
AWARE that Grays Harbor played an instrumental role in the survival of The Heartland in 2003, cementing a coalition with Texas and Wysteria to protect The Heartland from invasion by the Farkers and liberating the region to preserve it for future generations,
INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas by the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,
SEEKING to record this legacy as an example for future generations,
HEREBY commends Grays Harbor.
The changes were:1. I’ve removed the [nation] code to only the first mention of Grays Harbor ( NOTING the long-term ... ) and the last (HEREBY commends ... )
2. Yes, “since before” is not wrong (and I did it to follow your preferred writing style). For instance, see https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/thre ... nce-before.
3. I’ve kept the first colons only, but then commas after. For instance,GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed ...GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution ...
4. I’ve changed the list of resolutions to stick to only -ing. For instance,-GA Resolution 71 Repeal “Protection Of Monuments”, which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,
-GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels
-GA resolution 101 Repeal “The Clean Water Resolution”, revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
Toa. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,
b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and
c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
5. I’ve added “and” here to separate “b.” and “c.”b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and
c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,
6. Put the commas inside the quotation marks. For instance,“Protection Of Monuments,” which ...
Not“Protection Of Monuments”, which ...
You can actually do it both ways. But if you’re going to choose one style for your opening sentence, you must do the same for the rest (always put commas inside quotation marks, or always put commas after the quotation marks)
7. And some other things, while still trying to keep your writing style
Good luck!
by Yohannes » Mon Oct 28, 2019 3:32 pm
The Relief Office of Sargon Reman
21 minutes ago
-Removed to protect Sargon Reman’s privacy
by Sargon Reman » Mon Oct 28, 2019 3:39 pm
by McMasterdonia » Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:34 pm
by Sargon Reman » Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:54 pm
by Numero Capitan » Sat Nov 02, 2019 11:51 am
by Marxist Germany » Sat Nov 02, 2019 1:01 pm
by Sargon Reman » Sat Nov 02, 2019 2:27 pm
by East Meranopirus » Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:17 pm
by Sargon Reman » Sat Nov 02, 2019 9:09 pm
I did. Busy in RL and forgot, thank you.East Meranopirus wrote:Remember to change the title from "DRAFT" to "SUBMITTED"
by Great Algerstonia » Mon Nov 04, 2019 10:24 am
Resilient Acceleration wrote:After a period of letting this discussion run its course without my involvement due to sheer laziness and a new related NS project, I have returned with an answer and that answer is Israel.
by Fendetalia » Mon Nov 04, 2019 12:28 pm
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