[PASSED] Commend Grays Harbor

[Ransium]

I have a couple grammatical observations, which I will try to make this weekend. I encourage you to seek out a couple more nations with a careful eye for grammatical detail.

[Sargon Reman]

I have a couple grammatical observations, which I will try to make this weekend. I encourage you to seek out a couple more nations with a careful eye for grammatical detail.

I noticed some myself but was going to wait till submission to edit them. I welcome the perusal of my work by you like you have done for me before.

[Frisbeeteria]

I noticed some myself but was going to wait till submission to edit them.

I'm sorry, but that may be one of the dumbest things I've ever read here. The whole point of a Draft thread is to correct mistakes before submitting, while there is still an opportunity for others to comment on your corrections. If I were Ransium, I wouldn't bother with any commentary unless you fixed the obvious stuff first.

[Yohannes]

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I skimmed through the thread because I saw Grays Harbor’s name. When I was an uninformed N&I RP writer in 2010, Grays Harbor was one of the few roleplayers writing with me. GH was very kind to me. I remember people’s kindness (Please feel free to check our Forum Posts history)

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There’s no such thing as “long time contribution.” Replace “long time contribution” with “long-term contribution” or “long-run contribution.” Personally, I’d go for “long-term contribution”

in that regions history

Should be:

in that region’s history

I would add a comma here:

for a period of 885 days and that The Heartland enjoyed

for a period of 885 days, and that The Heartland enjoyed

Will edit this post later

Edit:

while residing in The Heartland and that while Delegate The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic relationships

This is how I would rephrase it:

while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties

I replaced my previous suggestion “their” (above) to “its” (for country). My apologies!

Edit2:

INSPIRED by the 15 years of government support for the dedication and skill displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for Texas and The Heartland, including an world map which they created for Texas through a regional bureaucracy dubbed the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,

I’d change to:

INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas through the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,

Edit3:

GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments”: repealed a flawed GA resolution which had numerous errors

I’d change to:

GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors

Edit 4:

GA resolution 73 International Postal Union: created an international postal system for the coordination of postal services among member state's and the safe delivery of parcels

I’d change to:

GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels

GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution”: repealed an economically and environmentally disastrous resolution that allowed for an agency to have unchecked power in moving water between member state's in an effort to create a universal water system and denied compensation to members

I’d change to:

GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power

Should be “a universal,” not “an universal,” because “a” should be used with words some words that begin with “u” or “eu” (such as a “European” lady)

[Sargon Reman]

I noticed some myself but was going to wait till submission to edit them.

I'm sorry, but that may be one of the dumbest things I've ever read here. The whole point of a Draft thread is to correct mistakes before submitting, while there is still an opportunity for others to comment on your corrections. If I were Ransium, I wouldn't bother with any commentary unless you fixed the obvious stuff first.

That was extremely rude. I see you are from Texas like the nominee. Instead of using this thread to be rude you could actually say something more constructive about the resolution or nominee themselves instead of engaging in behavior unbecoming of a moderator. Your post is one of the most ridiculous I have ever seen created by a moderator. I don't deserve the lecture and in your rush to insult my intellect you missed the other part of what I said to Ransium about their perusal of my draft for grammatical errors.

[Sargon Reman]

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I skimmed through the thread because I saw Grays Harbor’s name. When I was an uninformed N&I RP writer in 2010, Grays Harbor was one of the few roleplayers writing with me. GH was very kind to me. I remember people’s kindness (Please feel free to check our Forum Posts history)

---

There’s no such thing as “long time contribution.” Replace “long time contribution” with “long-term contribution” or “long-run contribution.” Personally, I’d go for “long-term contribution”

in that regions history

Should be:

in that region’s history

I would add a comma here:

for a period of 885 days and that The Heartland enjoyed

for a period of 885 days, and that The Heartland enjoyed

Will edit this post later

Edit:

while residing in The Heartland and that while Delegate The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic relationships

This is how I would rephrase it:

while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties

I replaced my previous suggestion “their” (above) to “its” (for country). My apologies!

Edit2:

INSPIRED by the 15 years of government support for the dedication and skill displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for Texas and The Heartland, including an world map which they created for Texas through a regional bureaucracy dubbed the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,

I’d change to:

INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas through the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,

Edit3:

GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments”: repealed a flawed GA resolution which had numerous errors

I’d change to:

GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors

Edit 4:

GA resolution 73 International Postal Union: created an international postal system for the coordination of postal services among member state's and the safe delivery of parcels

I’d change to:

GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels

GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution”: repealed an economically and environmentally disastrous resolution that allowed for an agency to have unchecked power in moving water between member state's in an effort to create a universal water system and denied compensation to members

I’d change to:

GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power

Should be “a universal,” not “an universal,” because “a” should be used with words some words that begin with “u” or “eu” (such as a “European” lady)

Thank you I will work on these tonight.

[Yohannes]

Thank you I will work on these tonight.

You're welcome my friend! By the way, I agree with Frisbeeteria. I'd recommend to wait for a wee while before submislsion. Good luck!

[Sargon Reman]

Thank you I will work on these tonight.

You're welcome my friend! By the way, I agree with Frisbeeteria. I'd recommend to wait for a wee while before submislsion. Good luck!

Well I am as I have indicated to Ransium. I don't know why everyone is overlooking the entirety of what I said to them.

[Sargon Reman]

I have added the proposed edits of Yohannes.

[WayNeacTia]

I'm sorry, but that may be one of the dumbest things I've ever read here. The whole point of a Draft thread is to correct mistakes before submitting, while there is still an opportunity for others to comment on your corrections. If I were Ransium, I wouldn't bother with any commentary unless you fixed the obvious stuff first.

That was extremely rude. I see you are from Texas like the nominee. Instead of using this thread to be rude you could actually say something more constructive about the resolution or nominee themselves instead of engaging in behavior unbecoming of a moderator. Your post is one of the most ridiculous I have ever seen created by a moderator. I don't deserve the lecture and in your rush to insult my intellect you missed the other part of what I said to Ransium about their perusal of my draft for grammatical errors.

It was also completely true. Issues were pointed out and all we got was "I'll fix them later when I submit". If you don't want feedback, don't post a thread.

[Yohannes]

I have added the proposed edits of Yohannes.

You did not follow my recommendation to replace your second colons with commas. I understand if you feel like my recommendation was wrong, but please do not say you follow my proposed edits. When other people see your grammar mistakes, they will blame me for it. Thank you. And again, good luck with the proposal

[Sargon Reman]

I have added the proposed edits of Yohannes.

You did not follow my recommendation to replace your second colons with commas. I understand if you feel like my recommendation was wrong, but please do not say you follow my proposed edits. When other people see your grammar mistakes, they will blame me for it. Thank you. And again, good luck with the proposal

Yes I did. The resolutions mentioned have commas instead of colons. That was the only place where colons were.

[Yohannes]

You did not follow my recommendation to replace your second colons with commas. I understand if you feel like my recommendation was wrong, but please do not say you follow my proposed edits. When other people see your grammar mistakes, they will blame me for it. Thank you. And again, good luck with the proposal

Yes I did. The resolutions mentioned have commas instead of colons. That was the only place where colons were.

Love you! It’s better now.

I’ve done this (it’s a vast improvement over my previous suggestion). I’ve tried to keep it as close as possible to your (preferred) writing style. Feel free to copy and paste and use it

The Security Council,

NOTING the long-term contribution and presence of the delegation of Grays Harbor since December 2002,

OBSERVING that as Delegate of The Heartland, Grays Harbor served the longest tenure in that region’s history for a period of 885 days, and that during Grays Harbor’s delegacy The Heartland enjoyed its highest historical population level,

COGNIZANT that Grays Harbor served as Delegate four separate times while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties with Wysteria and Texas, fostering the longest continuous inter-regional relationship in the world known as the Triumvate since before official embassies were introduced in 2003,

RECOGNIZING the delegation of Grays Harbor for their seasoned authorship, which includes:

a. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,

b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and

c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

PLEASED that the delegation of Grays Harbor has consistently tried to improve the quality of General Assembly proposals by helping other member states’ delegations choose the right criteria for their proposed resolutions,

RECALLING that Grays Harbor is a seasoned Defender and was one of the first defenders involved in the First Defense of Japan and the First Defense of Ireland, and that as a member of the Texas Defense Forces, Grays Harbor has held the rank of Senior Non-Commissioned Officer since 2004,

AWARE that Grays Harbor played an instrumental role in the survival of The Heartland in 2003, cementing a coalition with Texas and Wysteria to protect The Heartland from invasion by the Farkers and liberating the region to preserve it for future generations,

INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas by the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,

SEEKING to record this legacy as an example for future generations,

HEREBY commends Grays Harbor.

The changes were:

1. I’ve removed the [nation] code to only the first mention of Grays Harbor ( NOTING the long-term ... ) and the last (HEREBY commends ... )

2. Yes, “since before” is not wrong (and I did it to follow your preferred writing style). For instance, see https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/thre ... nce-before.

3. I’ve kept the first colons only, but then commas after. For instance,

GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed ...

GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution ...

4. I’ve changed the list of resolutions to stick to only -ing. For instance,

-GA Resolution 71 Repeal “Protection Of Monuments”, which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,

-GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels

-GA resolution 101 Repeal “The Clean Water Resolution”, revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

To

a. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,

b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and

c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

5. I’ve added “and” here to separate “b.” and “c.”

b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and

c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

6. Put the commas inside the quotation marks. For instance,

“Protection Of Monuments,” which ...

Not

“Protection Of Monuments”, which ...

You can actually do it both ways. But if you’re going to choose one style for your opening sentence, you must do the same for the rest (always put commas inside quotation marks, or always put commas after the quotation marks)

7. And some other things, while still trying to keep your writing style

Good luck!

[Sargon Reman]

Yes I did. The resolutions mentioned have commas instead of colons. That was the only place where colons were.

Love you! It’s better now.

I’ve done this (it’s a vast improvement over my previous suggestion). I’ve tried to keep it as close as possible to your (preferred) writing style. Feel free to copy and paste and use it

The Security Council,

NOTING the long-term contribution and presence of the delegation of Grays Harbor since December 2002,

OBSERVING that as Delegate of The Heartland, Grays Harbor served the longest tenure in that region’s history for a period of 885 days, and that during Grays Harbor’s delegacy The Heartland enjoyed its highest historical population level,

COGNIZANT that Grays Harbor served as Delegate four separate times while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties with Wysteria and Texas, fostering the longest continuous inter-regional relationship in the world known as the Triumvate since before official embassies were introduced in 2003,

RECOGNIZING the delegation of Grays Harbor for their seasoned authorship, which includes:

a. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,

b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and

c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

PLEASED that the delegation of Grays Harbor has consistently tried to improve the quality of General Assembly proposals by helping other member states’ delegations choose the right criteria for their proposed resolutions,

RECALLING that Grays Harbor is a seasoned Defender and was one of the first defenders involved in the First Defense of Japan and the First Defense of Ireland, and that as a member of the Texas Defense Forces, Grays Harbor has held the rank of Senior Non-Commissioned Officer since 2004,

AWARE that Grays Harbor played an instrumental role in the survival of The Heartland in 2003, cementing a coalition with Texas and Wysteria to protect The Heartland from invasion by the Farkers and liberating the region to preserve it for future generations,

INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas by the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,

SEEKING to record this legacy as an example for future generations,

HEREBY commends Grays Harbor.

The changes were:

1. I’ve removed the [nation] code to only the first mention of Grays Harbor ( NOTING the long-term ... ) and the last (HEREBY commends ... )

2. Yes, “since before” is not wrong (and I did it to follow your preferred writing style). For instance, see https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/thre ... nce-before.

3. I’ve kept the first colons only, but then commas after. For instance,

GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” which repealed ...

GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution ...

4. I’ve changed the list of resolutions to stick to only -ing. For instance,

-GA Resolution 71 Repeal “Protection Of Monuments”, which repealed a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,

-GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, which created an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels

-GA resolution 101 Repeal “The Clean Water Resolution”, revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

To

a. GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,

b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and

c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

5. I’ve added “and” here to separate “b.” and “c.”

b. GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and

c. GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

6. Put the commas inside the quotation marks. For instance,

“Protection Of Monuments,” which ...

Not

“Protection Of Monuments”, which ...

You can actually do it both ways. But if you’re going to choose one style for your opening sentence, you must do the same for the rest (always put commas inside quotation marks, or always put commas after the quotation marks)

7. And some other things, while still trying to keep your writing style

Good luck!

Alright I believe I got everything. I fixed a minor mistake on the mention of the Texas military. Thank you very much for your feedback.

[Yohannes]

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The Relief Office of Sargon Reman
21 minutes ago
-Removed to protect Sargon Reman’s privacy

Reposting here for copy and paste purposes just in case the telegram sent had coding problems. I checked the proposal preview. This should work fine!

Edit: And I’m not supporting/voting for or against this proposal. Let’s see if Grays Harbor is a fine candidate for World Assembly commendation (or not). Sargon Reman, good luck!

---

The Security Council,

NOTING the long-term contribution and presence of the delegation of Grays Harbor since December 2002,

OBSERVING that as Delegate of The Heartland, Grays Harbor served the longest tenure in that region’s history for a period of 885 days, and that during Grays Harbor’s delegacy The Heartland enjoyed its highest historical population level,

COGNIZANT that Grays Harbor served as Delegate four separate times while residing in The Heartland, and that during its delegacy The Heartland enjoyed strong diplomatic ties with Wysteria and Texas, fostering the longest continuous inter-regional relationship in the world known as the Triumvate since before official embassies were introduced in 2003,

RECOGNIZING the delegation of Grays Harbor for their seasoned authorship, which includes:

• GA Resolution 71 Repeal: “Protection Of Monuments,” repealing a flawed GA resolution with numerous errors including that personal property was not listed as a protected class of property for historical monuments and that monuments could not be owned privately or by non-profits,
  
• GA resolution 73 International Postal Union, creating an international postal system for member states to ensure the safe delivery of parcels, and
  
• GA resolution 101 Repeal: “The Clean Water Resolution,” revoking a resolution to create a universal water system which denied compensation to member states and gave agencies unchecked power,

PLEASED that the delegation of Grays Harbor has consistently tried to improve the quality of General Assembly proposals by helping other member states’ delegations choose the right criteria for their proposed resolutions,

RECALLING that Grays Harbor is a seasoned Defender and was one of the first defenders involved in the First Defense of Japan and the First Defense of Ireland, and that as a member of the Texas Defense Force, Grays Harbor has held the rank of Senior Non-Commissioned Officer since 2004,

AWARE that Grays Harbor played an instrumental role in the survival of The Heartland in 2003, cementing a coalition with Texas and Wysteria to protect The Heartland from invasion by the Farkers and liberating the region to preserve it for future generations,

INSPIRED by the 15 years of dedication and skills displayed by the artists of Grays Harbor in the creation of military decorations for the governments of Texas and The Heartland, including a world map created for Texas by the Grays Harbor Design Bureau,

SEEKING to record this legacy as an example for future generations,

HEREBY commends Grays Harbor.

[Sargon Reman]

Thank you Yohannes! I will be putting the resolution in the que in the next day or so unless anyone else has some feedback.

[McMasterdonia]

Nice work on this resolution. I have submitted it for discussion via The North Pacific's World Assembly Ministry and so far the feedback has been positive (albeit brief). I have approved this now that you've introduced it. Good luck!

[Sargon Reman]

Nice work on this resolution. I have submitted it for discussion via The North Pacific's World Assembly Ministry and so far the feedback has been positive (albeit brief). I have approved this now that you've introduced it. Good luck!

Thank you very much!

[Numero Capitan]

AWPs delegate has approved, great work!

[Marxist Germany]

OOC: Good luck Sargon!

[Sargon Reman]

Thank you both!

[East Meranopirus]

Remember to change the title from "DRAFT" to "SUBMITTED"

[Sargon Reman]

Remember to change the title from "DRAFT" to "SUBMITTED"

I did. Busy in RL and forgot, thank you.

[Great Algerstonia]

"Opposed. This doesn't really list much big accomplishments in my view..."

~Algerstonese Ambassador.

[Fendetalia]

I'm not comfortable voting in favor of a commendation for someone whose main contribution to the General Assembly before being elevated to a staff position is an unending spew of toxicity in the Silly Illegals GA proposal thread. GH has spent a decade of spewing this bile towards other players.

The primary contribution of this activity has been the repeated and continued alienation of new or prospective players from the GA game. Taking shots at new authors who don't have any indication of being unwilling to learn is not a particularly commendable pastime.

Other than that, the nominee's resolution record seems to me mediocre and broadly of little impact. It should be at least a little telling that when recapping this record, the proposal author does not get to choose the best resolutions, but has to parade the whole record to pad it out.

The proposal itself seems also to me some kind of way of just rewarding someone for being elevated to the Secretariat. I don't see that as particularly much of an achievement. Precedent on GA commendations has to do with contributions to the game, not just holding a staff position. I suppose that commendation could be granted OOC for particular inventiveness with GA rules litigation (though given the esoteric and perverse nature of it, I would doubt its worth in the public eye) but even if that were a burden, I see no real contribution to GA rules since appointment.

I fully intend to vote against this proposal. I will not be disclosing my main for fear of possible retribution on proposal legality questions. Similarly, I won't be proposing a repeal of this resolution, but if anyone were to send one in, I would happily vote for it.