[PASSED] Condemn Omigodtheykilledkenny

[Reseda Island]

do we have too? I mean I know I should but there so long and boring usually.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Uhuh, and this is good, how, might I ask? Because their behavior is 'different'? You know who else are different? Serial killers who masturbate using vegetables and think they're reincarnations of pop singers who aren't even dead yet.

There is a loud commotion at the rear of the chamber as the doors to the main entrance crash open and a crazed lunatic howls: "Fucking goat-fuckers!!" Excited murmurs rumble through the assembly as the attending diplomats notice who the intruder is; his last visit to the Security Council had left quite an impression. This time, however, he had elected to adopt a more professional look, sporting a smart business suit and wielding a briefcase. As he angrily storms down the aisle toward the long-since abandoned Kennyite desk, however, the latch on the briefcase breaks, and out flies a blood-smeared knife, a cucumber smothered with baby oil, and a Hannah Montana wig. The newcomer's eyes shift nervously from one end of the assemblage to the other.

What are y'all staring at?! I have a cooking class later...er, a cross-dressing cooking class...uhh...yeah...

(Clears throat.) At any rate, I am here to express my outrage at this ill-conceived and perversely punitive condemnation! Oh sure, the Unibotians can sit there so smugly and stare down their noses at what some of this condemnation's opponents seem to think is some two-bit Banana Republic masquerading as a democracy, and scorn the Creative Solutions Agencies for exploiting loopholes to badly crafted legislation, but they fail to spot a fatal flaw in their little defamatory exercise. It doesn't go far enough!

Yes, it seems the Kennyites have been mighty selective about the resolutions they choose to evade. If it's environmental regulations or a weapons ban, they can't weasel their way out of it fast enough, but if it's an alarmingly oppressive and discriminatory mandate against freedom fighters, like the hilariously titled "Counter-'terrorism' Act," it's all "international obligations" and "vital to global security"! And the manner in which the Unibotians have turned such a callously blind eye to the oppression of my Xt'Tapolopaquetl brothers in this document makes me think they're in on the global plot against us! And that pisses me off! It makes me want to--

At this point Susa reaches ominously into his suit jacket, prompting the members of the assembly gasp in horror and attempt to shield themselves; some dive under their desks. He glares strangely back at them as he produces a single folded sheet of paper.

--read you a letter I received from the CSA some months ago, so you all can hear the agency's arrogance and insensitivity for yourselves:

"Dear Ambassador Batko-Yovino,

"Please stop sending angry letters threatening to blow us up unless we agree to reconsider our stance vis a vis Resolution #25: WA Counterterrorism Act. You have to know that after so many botched and failed attempts at martyrdom, most government officials would tend to view these ultimatums of yours as an extremely idle threat.

"We have made our position on World Assembly anti-terror laws abundantly clear: international terrorism poses a grave and gathering threat to the civilized world, and any attempts to circumvent WA laws to prevent it would be profoundly irresponsible. Therefore, your request to redefine 'armed forces or police' as 'any idiot carrying a gun,' thereby deeming nearly every Kennyite as a non-civilian and thus fair game for terrorist mischief, is denied.

"We have also denied your request to revisit our stance on Resolution #8: Prevention of Torture, so that you and Commander Chiang can continue to indulge in your depraved sexual exploits without fear of violating WA conventions -- and frankly, the detailed descriptions of the activities you apparently enjoy and would like to be allowed under CSA findings really make us sick.

"Finally, please stop enclosing powdered sugar in the letters you send to our office. We know it's not anthrax powder, retard!" --I really ought to report these CSA fuckers to the Ardchoillean Civility Police for that one!-- "And incidentally, the secretaries who have taken to using your correspondence to sweeten their morning coffee have subsequently contracted a rare form of herpes, so you really ought to trot down to your local VD clinic and have yourself checked out."

...So, uhh, yeah. Take that. We will now yield the floor to accept groveling apologies from the authors and the supporters of this so-called "condemnation."

[James Bluntus]

I ask the Unibotian WASC Mission Ambassador. Why are you wasting the SC's Time with this? Why are we condemning Kenny? Yes I have read the proposal.

[Unibotian WASC Mission]

(Clears throat.) At any rate, I am here to express my outrage at this ill-conceived and perversely punitive condemnation! Oh sure, the Unibotians can sit there so smugly and stare down their noses at what some of this condemnation's opponents seem to think is some two-bit Banana Republic masquerading as a democracy, and scorn the Creative Solutions Agencies for exploiting loopholes to badly crafted legislation, but they fail to spot a fatal flaw in their little defamatory exercise. It doesn't go far enough!

Pascal S. Wager grabbed his pipe and sat down at his desk, this is going to be a long day, he thought as he rested his feet up on the furniture to get comfortable -- not noticing how frighteningly close his feet were to knocking over the fishbowl on his desk, though it didn't really matter to him, the bowl was full of dead fish anyway.

"Nice wig, Ambassador Batko-Yovino" Pascal said, while hardly containing a smile. "Wait... you tried to blow our headquarters up, didn't you?" Wager said, slowly writing down a note for his secretary/proposal writer/stenographer/exotic belly-dancer to include that into the condemnation.

"Its a good thing that the engineers of the building prevented the structure from a pancake collapse, by carefully lining its interior with syrup. Next time however, if you're going to leave the scene of an explosion that you caused, I wouldn't do it by way of the monorail, which everyone evacuating uses ... I personally made sure that I sent a aide to coordinate a tacital team to punch you in the face. Bastard. My entire collection of relic scriptures from "A Hard Day's Night" to "Let it Be" were burned in that fire, I had to turn to pirating! And yes, I mean the scurvy, one legged, beparroted kind of pirating!"

[Bloodthirsty Dolphins]

Water sloshing from its joints, the mobile tank-suit carrying the Special Representative from The Rogue Pod of Bloodthirsty Dolphins trundled slowly down the aisle, leaning dangerously on its caterpillar treads due to the excessively sharp angle of the poorly constructed disability ramps found within the Security Council chambers, these having apparently been designed by some sick pervert who enjoyed the sound of shattering bone as wheelchair users lost their grip and slammed helplessly into the base of the podium below.

The Special Representative moved up to a microphone where he could speak in Delphin and some poor bastard in the galleries far above could destroy their hearing in an attempt to understand it en route to providing interpretation for the rest of the delegates. Later, when the time came, another poor sacrificial lamb of an interpreter would destroy their vocal cords trying to speak in the shrill keening pops of Delphin so that the Special Representative could hear the ensuing debate.

In other words, sick pay disbursements at the World Assembly were about to go through the roof.

"The Rogue Pod of Bloodthirsty Dolphins, a proud member of the Antarctic Oasis, condemns this proposal for its lies and inaccuries. In particular, we can attest that the region's beloved founders, the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilled-kenny, absolutely do not hate dolphins! Not only did they pay us generously to come here and tell you that, but they are on very good terms with our pod, and show particular encouragement for our cultural practice of bitch-slapping our cows into submission. If it weren't for the Kennyites support, those damned feminists would have our cows going to school or something instead of staying bare-flippered, pregnant, and right in the middle of the mackerel schools, where they belong!

"Plus we love Kennyite women for being so smooth!

"Defeat this resolution! Don't condemn the Kennyites! Commend them!"

There was a moment of silence as the delegates waited for the Special Ambassador to sit down; then some undoubtedly realized that he couldn't sit down, since neither his mobile suit nor his body could articulate properly in order to do that.

[Unibot]

Pascal was speechless, he looked over at his linguistics aide, who put up his arms in befuddlement.

Frowning at the worthlessness of his assistants, Wager began to address the aquatic diplomat, making random squeals.. hoping to Lucy, that he wasn't saying something inherently obscene or inflammatory in dolphin.

And then.. thank Lucy, and her scintillating heavens... Pascal thought to himself, as Eduard Heir, an ambassador on a perpetual pilgrimage of alternity through time and space, randomly exploded from thin air with a puff of purple smoke. Eduard's figure was surrounded by an actiniform aura of radioactivity, however he didn't seem to notice.

Eduard obviously hadn't taken the time to shave in 2005, which was.. five minutes ago for him.

"Let me handle this..." Eduard said, assuring Pascal as he walked over to the diplomat, "after my sabbatical to the Arctic Amazons of Apazon, I'm fully fluent in dolphin, the tongue of the walrus, and well experienced in recreational seal procreation."

Heir bowed his imaginary flipper, and handed over a nutritional errands-boy to the ambassador as a gesture of good faith.

Heir began to squeal, "Does it not frighten you that your culture has been turned against feminists, or are all special interest and charitable groups, including feminists, endangered wildlife, homeless people and treehuggers, pitted against each other in competition for people's love and charitable donations!? Clearly, Omigodtheykilledkenny is up to something, by exploiting the hatred of feminists by aquatic life... I wanna know what sort of devious coup they're arranging in that Antartic Oasis of theirs!! The scriptures worn us Unibotians of an apocalyptic march of the Hindu penguins looking for primary education.. and we all know that's coming... if Dr. Castro has anything to say about it..."

[Unibotian WASC Mission]

Bump de Bump Bump. Redraft!

[Unibot]

Assuring ambassadors that the hallowed halls of the Security Council will be monitored relentlessly by the World Assembly Intelligence Committee to assure the utmost security in future discussions as clearly the Security Council cannot waste its time with these so-called concerns of 'security',

Does this line make the resolution, illegal? A secretariat ruling would be lovely, I understand if it breaks the multifunction rule, or is metagaming. I'd just like to assure delegates that Omigodtheykilledkenny won't get another suicide bomber into the SCHQ, so they don't have to fear them in a debate.

[A mean old man]

I don't know, it seems like one of those "trying to do more than the proposal can do" clauses.

Of course, it's sort of RPed, so who knows.

[Ardchoille]

Assuring ambassadors that the hallowed halls of the Security Council will be monitored relentlessly by the World Assembly Intelligence Committee to assure the utmost security in future discussions as clearly the Security Council cannot waste its time with these so-called concerns of 'security',

Does this line make the resolution, illegal? A secretariat ruling would be lovely, I understand if it breaks the multifunction rule, or is metagaming. I'd just like to assure delegates that Omigodtheykilledkenny won't get another suicide bomber into the SCHQ, so they don't have to fear them in a debate.

OOC: This is difficult to RP, as Dicey is a member of the Secretariat, but she thinks the SC delves into rather off-colour magic and doesn't go near it; whereas Ardchoille's SC delegate would not have time to play any part in the Secretariat, he being too busy with Lodge business. So you'll have to take this as coming from an anonymous Secretariat spokesman:

IC: It makes it damn confusing. As I recall, security at the WA -- which is to say, in all chambers of the WA -- is organised by the Building Management (see World Assembly Headquarters, GA #8). So there's no reason to be letting any other organisation, such as this suspiciously named World Assembly Intelligence Committee, which in my opinion is an oxymoron ... yes, well, no reason to be letting any other organisation provide it. Consequently, I'd say, drop it. *mutters* we're quite sure Mme Gratwick is still incommunicado? This is just the sort of thing she'd pull.

OOC and modly: Congratulations, Unibot. I'd assumed it was impossible to metagame in the SC, since it was created to deal with Gameplay events. But you've (I think) gifted a Gameplay function, the WAIC, which sniffs out UN multis and notes the actions of Regional Delegates, with an RP existence in which it provides building security, despite the previous existence of another body providing security ... I'm calling it metagaming, mainly because words fail me. It also limits what the SC can be RPd doing, since it says that the SC can't waste its time with security, so maybe it's some sort of blocker as well. Plus, it's godmoding, since you're preventing Kenny from RPing a bomber if he wants to. And it's assuming a function exists before the proposal establishing it is passed, since only when the proposal is passed will the bit about the security be actually in force -- that's probably metagaming too, but the word I'm going with is "MIGRAINE".

If you drop the reference to a specific agency providing security and just keep to a vanilla reassurance that security will continue to be provided, you might be okay ... ish. It would depend on your wording. The simplest way out would be to RP the increased security in your posts if/when the At Vote debate starts, leaving the possibility open for others to RP evading it.

As for the "multifunction rule" (sorry, that name makes me think of my new microwave), that gets a hammering in your final clause. Just condemn Omigodtheykilledkenny and get it over with already, don't throw any extra (illegal) features into the killer clause. Besides, you've already belted the CSA in your DEPLORING clause.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Condemn Omigodtheykilledkenny
Category: Condemnation | Nominee (Nation): Omigodtheykilledkenny | Proposed by: Unibotian WASC Mission

The Security Council,

Timidly Delving into the undisclosed, very hush-hush profile of Omigodtheykilledkenny found in the darkest depths of the Security Council’s dossiers,

Publicly disclosing the necessary articles of said document which are worthy of mention -- though sparing the public of the harsh, brutal and possibly nauseating details,

Rendered Speechless by Omigodtheykilledkenny’s complete disregard for human rights and the environment, as well as a disturbing hatred of dolphins,

Deploring its development and continued funding of the “Creative Solutions Agency”,

Shuddering to Recall that the CSA has creatively exploited these so-called ‘loopholes’ and logical fallacies in General Assembly resolutions for years,

Revealing that these “creative solutions” included malpractice lawsuits against abortionists, curtailing same-sex marriage legislation, ridiculing a ban on chemical weapons, and suggesting that the nation should increase its fossil-fuel emission rates by 1,000 percent in a year,

Understanding that a Kennynite ambassador, Susa Batko-Yovino, recently detonated explosives in the newly built headquarters of the Security Council,

Noting that although there were no fatalities other than Susa Batko-Yovino, the suicide bomber -- the incineration of the prismatic headquarters cost a sizable fortune to replace, and risked the lives of thousands of dishonest, futile and vile politicians who are adamant about punishing whoever committed such a horrific act, so long as the commendation council is adamant about commending whoever punishes the committer of such a horrific act,

Appalled that delegates have applauded the corrupt activities of the CSA, and even hired them on occasion,

Fearing such corruption, terrorism and disregard for the spirit of the law may spread throughout the World Assembly if the actions of such a harbinger of nefariousness are left uncriticized by the Security Council,

Certain that publicly deploring these activities to a crowd full of curious, bushy-tailed delegates is the best method for silencing them,

Assuring ambassadors that the hallowed halls of the Security Council will be monitored relentlessly by the World Assembly Intelligence Committee to assure the utmost security in future discussions as clearly the Security Council cannot waste time by concerning itself with such ideals as 'security',

Hereby condemns Omigodtheykilledkenny and the ghastly deliberations of its Creative Solutions Agency.

"Aw, hell no!" came the immediate interjection from the Kennyite section, where foreign minister Sammy Faisano had just committed a rare breach of decorum. He stood and turned to the Unibotian delegation with a glare of astonishment:

"You honestly expect us to sit idly by while a cheesy reality show accuses us of supporting terrorism? I realize, Mr. Wager, you are relatively new to this business and may not be fully informed about foreign delegations to this body, but let's get a few things straight: 1) Omigodtheykilledkenny does not and has never supported terrorism in any form; 2) we've actually been accused of violating anti-torture statutes in order to prevent future acts of terror; 3) we've even illegally invaded nations on the grounds that they might support terrorists; and 4) Ambassador Batko-Yovino's assault on this despicable wannabe world government is actually the only commendable act to be committed within the territory of this "festering snakepit" in a very long while -- probably the only commendable thing Mr. Batko-Yovino has ever done. Sometimes overbearing power-hungry diplomats need to be taken down a peg, especially those who would subject thousands of WA nations to the jurisdiction of an unaccountable world court, or force said same nations to accept anyone desiring to enroll in primary education.

"So why are we purporting to condemn noble acts of defiance against such arrogance? We should be commending Mr. Batko-Yovino for his uncharacteristic heroism in the face of reckless global irresponsibility. Your delegation will have a lot to answer for indeed if it tries to move forward on this misguided attempt to denounce civil disobedience against WA tyranny, especially considering the GA's decisive defeats of measures to expand said tyranny."

P.S. "What is a 'Kennynite,' anyway?"

[OOC: It does sort of make the entire condemnation a little long and confusing -- like trying to squish two different condemnations into the same proposal. I'd wash the whole Susa thing and just focus on the CSA stuff.]

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

OOC: My morbid curiosity as to whether voting on an SC and a GA resolution at the same time would actually destroy the entire WA leads me to suggest that this be edited and submitted as soon as possible.

[Ardchoille]

OOC: While I can only deplore rushed proposals, I, too, am infected with said morbid curiosity. But Max knows ... what he's ... do...ing ... well, I mean, it stands to reason ...

[Unibotian WASC Mission]

OOC and modly: Congratulations, Unibot. I'd assumed it was impossible to metagame in the SC, since it was created to deal with Gameplay events. But you've (I think) gifted a Gameplay function, the WAIC, which sniffs out UN multis and notes the actions of Regional Delegates, with an RP existence in which it provides building security, despite the previous existence of another body providing security ... I'm calling it metagaming, mainly because words fail me. It also limits what the SC can be RPd doing, since it says that the SC can't waste its time with security, so maybe it's some sort of blocker as well. Plus, it's godmoding, since you're preventing Kenny from RPing a bomber if he wants to. And it's assuming a function exists before the proposal establishing it is passed, since only when the proposal is passed will the bit about the security be actually in force -- that's probably metagaming too, but the word I'm going with is "MIGRAINE".

If you drop the reference to a specific agency providing security and just keep to a vanilla reassurance that security will continue to be provided, you might be okay ... ish. It would depend on your wording. The simplest way out would be to RP the increased security in your posts if/when the At Vote debate starts, leaving the possibility open for others to RP evading it.

As for the "multifunction rule" (sorry, that name makes me think of my new microwave), that gets a hammering in your final clause. Just condemn Omigodtheykilledkenny and get it over with already, don't throw any extra (illegal) features into the killer clause. Besides, you've already belted the CSA in your DEPLORING clause.

*bows*

*playfully chants "Uni found metagaming, Uni found metagaming!!"*

I'm removing those clauses so it shalt be a problem in the future, and I'll address the last clause. Thank you the timely advice, comments, and whatnot.

Now, I'm definitely going to have to use the phrase, Multifunction rule.

[Unibotian WASC Mission]

Okay, a quick redraft has been made. Please, take a look, ambassadors.

[The Republic of Lanos]

I rejoined the WA and have reclaimed my SC spot.
now get out of my office.

[Unibotian WASC Mission]

I rejoined the WA and have reclaimed my SC spot.
now get out of my office.

Pascal grabbed his lamp, his eight ball and his pet giraffe.

"If anyone wants me, I'll be in my old office" Pascal said, grumpily.

As the ambassador left, his aide step forth and whispered ... "He means the monorail, and by the way, welcome back!"

[A mean old man]

He'll never get his printer back.

[Philimbesi]

Or his stapler.

[A mean old man]

Greetings! You have called upon the services of the grammar police. And the thought police, though I'll leave that aspect of my job out of this...

...and, since you've specifically mentioned grammar to me, I'm going to be a real stickler.

Condemn Omigodtheykilledkenny
Category: Condemnation | Nominee (Nation): Omigodtheykilledkenny | Proposed by: Unibotian WASC Mission

The Security Council,

Timidly Delving into the undisclosed, very hush-hush profile of Omigodtheykilledkenny found in the darkest depths of the Security Council’s dossiers,

Publicly disclosing the necessary articles of said documents which are worthy of mention -- though sparing the public of the harsh, brutal, and possibly nauseating details,

Comma added.

Rendered speechless by Omigodtheykilledkenny’s complete disregard for human rights and the environment, as well as a his disturbing hatred of dolphins,

Awkwardness edited.

Deploring its development and continued funding of the “Creative Solutions Agency”,

I don't know what exactly this clause is saying. I think it's jumbled. Do you mean "Deploring the development and continued funding (funding?) of the "Creative Solutions Agency," (comma inside the quotations) ?

Shuddering to recall that the CSA has creatively exploited these so-called "loopholes" and logical fallacies in General Assembly resolutions for years,

Consistency in quotation fashion edited.

Revealing that these “creative solutions” included malpractice lawsuits against abortionists, curtailing same-sex marriage legislation, ridiculing a ban on chemical weapons, and suggesting that WA member nations should increase their fossil fuel emission rates by 1,000 percent in a year,

Strangeness modified.

EDIT: I also got rid of the dash between "fossil fuel."

Appalled that in its apparent zeal to defy WA conventions on terrorism, the nation would actually appoint a known terrorist as ambassador to the World Assembly,

Equally Appalled that delegates have applauded the corrupt activities of the CSA, and have even hired them on occasion,

Just for consistency in tenses.

Fearing such corruption, terrorism and disregard for the spirit of the law may spread throughout the World Assembly if the actions of such a harbinger of nefariousness are left uncriticized by the Security Council,

Not a real word. Probably doesn't matter in the long run.

Certain that publicly displaying these deplorable activities to a crowd full of curious, bushy-tailed delegates is the best method for curtailing them,

Hereby condemns Omigodtheykilledkenny.

"Publicly deploring" is a bit odd. Publicly hating?

Anyway, those are my suggestions for the writing of the proposal.

I do believe I could support this. From what I have heard of kenny's organization, they've done some pretty evil (and hilarious!) things with UN/WA resolutions.

[Sedgistan]

Rendered speechless by Omigodtheykilledkenny’s complete disregard for human rights and the environment, as well as a his disturbing hatred of dolphins,

Awkwardness edited.

I believe the resolution is referring to 'Omigodtheykilledkenny' the nation, not the player, hence referring to it in the way it did.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

OOC: Which probably explains AMOM's confusion regarding these clauses:

Deploring its development and continued funding of the “Creative Solutions Agency”,

I don't know what exactly this clause is saying. I think it's jumbled. Do you mean "Deploring the development and continued funding (funding?) of the "Creative Solutions Agency," (comma inside the quotations) ?

Revealing that these “creative solutions” included malpractice lawsuits against abortionists, curtailing same-sex marriage legislation, ridiculing a ban on chemical weapons, and suggesting that WA member nations should increase their fossil fuel emission rates by 1,000 percent in a year,

Strangeness modified.

For the record, the language as currently expressed is clear to anyone who understands this is supposed to be an in-character condemnation of a nation. Because really, Uni probably has plenty good reason to condemn me the player, but I lack the Stripper Commandos and the Thessadorian "assets" necessary to make the floor debate bearable.

[A mean old man]

Hmm. This IC + SC business is confusing. I still think the "a disturbing hatred of dolphins" sounds a bit odd, though.

[Unibot]

Because really, Uni probably has plenty good reason to condemn me the player

Nah!

Okay, AMOM, I'll see what I can do about updating those edits, thanks.

[Unibotian WASC Mission]

Its been submitted!

It'll probably will be in the queue behind "Condemn the North Pacific", which sadly will probably turn people off condemnations because they seem to have a low tolerance for repeat categories... but whatevers!