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[PASSED] Condemn The Black Riders

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:39 am
by Jefferson and Paul
PASSED



Condemn The Black RIders

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RECOGNIZING The Black Riders attempts to terrorize and invade other nations which contradict or challenge their ideology or power,

DISGUSTED by The Black Riders recent "Operation Marathon", where The Black Riders raided and forcibly took control of over 26 regions,

FEARFUL of the frequent invasions conducted weekly by The Black Riders, which lead to more cultural genocide and terror,

APPALLED by The Black Riders encouragement of other allied raiders, raider regions, anti-WA establishments and attitudes,

ALARMED by The Black Riders complete defacement of regions when forcibly assuming the role of regional delegate,

ANGERED by The Black Riders forced removal of those nations which are native to the regions they conquer and in some cases putting in place secret passwords leading the regions to an undeniable downfall such as the passwording of Region of reunited muslim states and 32 day oppressive and horrific seize that followed,

HEREBY condemns The Black Riders

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:41 am
by Paper Flowers
Is there some particular reason we need a third draft on this rather than you working with one of the other two authors to improve their proposals?

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:53 am
by Jefferson and Paul
Paper Flowers wrote:Is there some particular reason we need a third draft on this rather than you working with one of the other two authors to improve their proposals?


Well, the first was removed from the floor and the author seemed to have abandoned it. I have attempted to contact the second author, until I hear back, I will continue with my own draft.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:21 am
by Sedgistan
You can't use "who" to refer to nations. Try "which" or "that" as replacements.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:27 am
by Jefferson and Paul
Sedgistan wrote:You can't use "who" to refer to nations. Try "which" or "that" as replacements.


Gotcha.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:55 am
by Tim-Opolis
Your entire proposal is mostly based around our big tagging raid last night.

Add some stuff about RORMS, Lost, and Stargate... Some others too....

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 12:54 pm
by Astrolinium
Must we keep giving the raiders shiny badges?

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 1:07 pm
by Socialist Ecuador
I swear, what is with this forum? That's 3 defeated/drafted condemnations for us on the first page.

Either way, I support, because we're evil merciless thugs.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 1:21 pm
by Skyrim Diplomacy
TL;DR. Remove about half of those region tags then we can talk.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 1:55 pm
by Feuer Ritter
Looks like there's a TBR condemnation spam :lol: , there are 4 on the first page

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 3:28 pm
by Jefferson and Paul
Tim-Opolis wrote:Your entire proposal is mostly based around our big tagging raid last night.

Add some stuff about RORMS, Lost, and Stargate... Some others too....


Done.

Feuer Ritter wrote:Looks like there's a TBR condemnation spam :lol: , there are 4 on the first page


Two were shot down. Only mine and Muslim Nation's remain, we hope to be collaborating shortly and potentially combining into one.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:31 pm
by Little Tralfamadore
boy. condemn them. That will teach them. No doubt they will wear it as a badge of honor. Perhaps they will use it to recruit people to their banner.

Condemn them

Sounds about as good as the American president Carter's response to Russia's invasion of Afghanistan where he declared that the US would not participate in the Olympics that year. Wow. Really struck the Russians hard.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:26 pm
by Damanucus
This entire post is OOC.

Jefferson and Paul wrote:
CONCERNED by The Black Riders secretive forum which is inaccessible to those who are not members of The Black Riders being advertised on the fact-books of the regions they conquer,


This is the only concern I have about the condemnation. I'm not certain, but something about this line makes me think that it may be against SC submission rules. Can someone clarify for me?

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:43 pm
by New Heathera
CONCERNED by The Black Riders secretive forum which is inaccessible to those who are not members of The Black Riders being advertised on the fact-books of the regions they conquer,


Why does that matter. Every region has a right to privacy. What nations and regions suspect another region may secretly be planning to do has no weight. I'm for the condemnation, just not THAT part of it.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:58 pm
by Crushing Our Enemies
While I'm in favor of condemning The Black Riders (the evil bastards, may they all rot in hell!) this isn't the kind of proposal you can submit after half a day of drafting. It'll probably get removed for rules vio- yep, that's what happened.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:24 pm
by Mallorea and Riva
Resolution writing is a marathon, not a sprint. Take the time to draft it now, and you will be rewarded later. Rush it, and it'll collapse early and get laughed off the docket.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:29 pm
by Skyrim Diplomacy
*comes back to check proposal*

Still all those nasty region tags? That thing is UGLY. Seriously, at least remove all but the first instance of the tag on TBR. That will remove some of the grotesque formatting going on.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:31 am
by Jefferson and Paul
Mallorea and Riva wrote:Resolution writing is a marathon, not a sprint. Take the time to draft it now, and you will be rewarded later. Rush it, and it'll collapse early and get laughed off the docket.


Yep, put another draft up.
Changed "who" to "which/that" and "on" to "in"..

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 6:26 am
by Drop Your Pants
Still full of region tags...looks horrible.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:01 am
by Skyrim Diplomacy
Drop Your Pants wrote:Still full of region tags...looks horrible.

See, I'm not the only one!

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 10:59 am
by Drop Your Pants
CONCERNED by The Black Riders secretive forum which is inaccessible to those which are not members of The Black Riders being advertised in the fact-books of the regions they conquer,

Register an account and you can see more ;)

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:23 pm
by Jefferson and Paul
I'm leaving the tags to help members visualize really how much damage TBR have done.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:28 pm
by Mallorea and Riva
Jefferson and Paul wrote:I'm leaving the tags to help members visualize really how much damage TBR have done.

Those regions will be detagged by the time you submit this. Leaving the region tags will only bring readers to regions which appear to be fine.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:34 pm
by Jefferson and Paul
Mallorea and Riva wrote:
Jefferson and Paul wrote:I'm leaving the tags to help members visualize really how much damage TBR have done.

Those regions will be detagged by the time you submit this. Leaving the region tags will only bring readers to regions which appear to be fine.


What do you suggest? Should I just remove the [region] tags or should I remove the regions altogether?

PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:36 pm
by Mallorea and Riva
Jefferson and Paul wrote:
Mallorea and Riva wrote:Those regions will be detagged by the time you submit this. Leaving the region tags will only bring readers to regions which appear to be fine.


What do you suggest? Should I just remove the [region] tags or should I remove the regions altogether?

Personally I would include some examples, ideally the more prominent regions, but remove the rest. There is no need for all 26, and if you reduce it down to only a few the proposal will flow better.