Prologue
Bartholomew Stroeken, Senior Vice President of Unibot II was having a pleasant nap in the daily Board of Directors meeting when he was interrupted by his secretary...
"Sir, here are the recent WA proposals submitted by the Unibotian WA Mission to the floor for drafti-- " the secretary said before being abruptly cut off by the sullen bureaucrat; he grunted at her and waved her to be gone.
Stroeken glanced over the pages with glossy eyes.
Ulaş, the Executive Vice President hollered down the table of chairmen at Stroeken, "anything interesting?"
Stroeken shook his head, "nope, some General Assembly proposal to decriminalize suicide and one of those useless condemnation thingies."
"Who is Eduard condemning?" Ulaş asked casually.
Stroeken reread the name off the proposal, "erm Automagfreek; ring any bells?"
Sgt. Ewoud Middleton, a bemoustached military chief sitting across from Stroeken, spit out a mouthful of coffee at the utterance of such a name, "Automagfreek? That pinko-socialist freak is trying to condemn Automagfreek? What the hell is he planning to do? Get us all killed!?"
Stroeken looked over the proposal and mumbled to himself, "I can only presume this is another condemnation of some eccentrically violent totalitarian customer of Heir Industries...".
The Senior Vice President read on and his facial expression changed to a pale white, "threatened to.. total ruin.. for ..disrespecting.." he mumbled incoherently as he read the proposal worryingly.
Stroeken stood up from his chair and held the proposal high in the air to yell at this secretaries, "WHY IN GAWD'S NAME WASN'T I TOLD ABOUT THIS EARLIER!? Eddy is proposing to condemn a loose cannon for gawd's sake -- the biggest collection of nut-wing barbaric flesh-eating mongrels he could find and he's doing it under our name! He's needs to be cut off immediately; remove his diplomatic access and stop this Death Warrant for Unibot from ever hitting the floor for drafting immediately, do I make myself clear?"
His secretary shook her head, crying and protesting, "sir.. a proposal in queue for drafting can't be removed, it's going to be read out tomorrow on the floor."
Stroeken was now red-faced, he bullishly shouted, "then bribe the gnomes!"
Ulaş squinted and shook his head, "the gnomes? You want to bribe the gnomes!? You don't bribe a gnome. Don't worry Bart, we'll think of something, we always do.".
Condemn Automagfreek
December 8th, 2011. 7:00 AM.
A small gnomish figure from the Secretariat emerged onto the stage and read out the following proposal; the Board of Directors for Unibot were nervously watching via a television monitor. The chairmen noted happily that there were not that many delegations around -- early mornings was the time-slot designated for condemnations for nations beginning with "A". Most ambassadors were still asleep or in bed with their mistresses.
CONDEMN AUTOMAGFREEK
A resolution to express shock and dismay at a nation or region.
Category: Condemnation | Nominee: Automagfreek | Proposed by: Unibotian WA Mission
The Security Council,
Recognizing Automagfreek as one of the most destructive and violent nations present in international incidents since its creation on March 24th, 2003,
Noting that the history of Automagfreek as led by its “Supreme Warlord” is full of needless warmongering and genocidal activity that reveals two overarching motifs in Automagfreek’s behavior: a need to assert and continually reaffirm its superiority through bloodshed and violent religious beliefs,
Understanding that the unjustified invasion of Sharfghotten was regarded as a way for Gholgoth, Automagfreek’s region, to “re-assert itself as an international powerhouse” and was deemed “The Great Crusade”,
Similarly understanding that the former head of Automagfreek suggested, in private, that the nation's invasion of the Grand World Order was to “re-establish the Freekish Empire's standing in the world”,
Bearing in mind that Automagfreek often threatens nations for trivial reasons. Automagfreek blatantly threatened to “smash all that [Prekonate] held dear into total ruin” and later invaded Prekonate after receiving a diplomatic message it found “disrespectful”; similar threats were made against Kulverint and Sharfghotten,
Further bearing in mind that Automagfreek has threatened to destroy members of organizations for sharing the same name as organizations it has founded (i.e., NATO, NWO) and threatened other bidders in a United Gordonopia oil field auction,
Recalling that Automagfreek often declares war simply for the purpose of human sacrifice (often demanding an absurd number of sacrifices, e.g. “ten billion souls”) for its god of war,
Noting with regret that Automagfreek has taken a violent stance against Christianity domestically and internationally; (1) Automagfreek has ordered local Christian priests to be mutilated with swords or dragged by vehicles through urban areas, (2) Automagfreek invaded Free Missouri because of the widespread practice of Christianity within the nation, (3) Automagfreek involved itself with the Nordic Civil War to commit genocide against a Christian uprising,
Shocked by Automagfreek’s brutal torture of Father David Marcellus, a Freekish Christian leader, and of Queen Cecilia of British Londinium in the nation’s infamous torture chamber, “The Halls of the Dead;” Reports suggest that Queen Cecilia’s skull was displayed on a stake in front of the Freekish Great Hall and her body ground into dog food,
Recognizing that Automagfreek has attempted to dominate smaller nations through the establishment of the Brimstone Pact, which, through its deceptive and devious wording and hierarchical system (designed to keep smaller nations bound by the Pact but out of its administrative positions), organized a large group of superpowers to defeat smaller imperialist nations and attempted to force new alliances to register in order to keep them within the superpowers' sphere of influence,
Mindful of the fact that, for similar reasoning, Automagfreek targeted commercial and civilian maritime traffic in and threatened to rain “suffering and death” upon member nations of “The United League of Nations” (ULN), an alliance of seventy-seven smaller nations dedicated to mutual defence, providing disaster relief, and combating terrorism,
Disgusted by Automagfreek’s “Flesh for Fuel” program that used dead enemy soldiers to fuel Automagfreek military vehicles,
Convinced that, with Automagfreek’s recent decision to capture and enslave horsefolk for collecting resources, the World Assembly can no longer disregard Automagfreek’s flagrant violations of fundamental rights,
Hereby Condemns Automagfreek.
Co-authored by A Mean Old Man.
Delegations murmured with excitement as a hawkish bureaucratic stood up to represent the Unibot-II-ian WA Mission, a newly established delegation that represented Unibot II; whereas previously Unibot II had always shared its representation with Unibot via the Unibotian WA Mission.
"OPPOSED!" shouted the bureaucrat, to the council's mild amusement.
There were some rumblings at the door; Eduard, head of the Unibotian WA Mission, was wrestling with gnomish security, "let go of me, you fools!" he said in frustration.
"FOR!" Eduard bellowed before being tackled to the ground and pepper-sprayed.
"Sir, I am going to have to detain you and take you down the hall to the ICMP for prosecution unless you can tell me what delegation you work for," the gnome guard said aggressively.
"I already told you; I represent Unibot. I'm the head of the Unibotian WA Mission," Eduard said with his eyes closed and tears flowing from his eyes.
"Sorry sir, but that delegation was discontinued as of last night and the nation you represent has not be recognized by the World Assembly for months; you're going to have to come with me," the gnome said coldly.
References
- The First Impressions of June (Semi-Open)
- Endgame [Semi-closed. ATTN: Vorgoth, Waldenburg + allies]
- Large Oil Field Discovered (I dare you BC)
- Lord Dreadfire to rally all dictators
- Let The Killing Begin (ATTN: Prekonate)
- The Dechristianization of Automagfreek
- Black Seeds Of Vengeance [The Great Crusade, Part 1]
- Gholgoth Issues Declaration Of Intent To The World
- Annihilation Of The Wicked [Open] (ATTN: Grand World Order)
- The Nephilim Rising [Open]
- Our Cruelty Knows No Limits [Open]
- World Government (alliance, MT)
- New Alliance! (New Associated Torture Organization)
- Automagfreek - Rise of the Republic [Open]
- Show of Force (MT, Semi-closed)
- United League of Nations
- Automagfreek announces new 'flesh to fuel' program
- AMF orders strikes on ULN shipping [Attn: ULN]
- The Brimstone Pact [MT/PMT]
- Brimstone Pact institutes registration for new alliances
- Into Cold Darkness [Semi-Open]
If anyone would like a link to "The Puritania and British Londinium's queen", a roleplay that features the torture of Queen Cecilia mentioned in this resolution, contact me via telegram and I will send you a link. It is currently banned from the site for being too gruesome.