[SUBMITTED] An Urbanised Issue

[Australian rePublic]

This is based on a real life proposal to ban immigrants to Australia from living in select major cities for the first few years of their migration, and current schemes which reward visa holders who live and work in rural areas

Third Draft

Title:
An Urbanised Issue

Description:
As widespread urbanisation is causing major cities to become overcrowded, and rural areas to have a desperate labour shortage, there have been many proposals to try to solve this issue. The latest of which is very popular, the proposal, to restrict immigrants from living in major cities

Validity:
Nations that allow migration

Options:
[option] “Have ya’been to tha city @@LEADER@@?” asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, says the owner of a farm, whilst milking his cows “It’s so polluted that ya’ can’t bloody breath, and so crowded that ya’ can’t move nowhere, and you want to let the problem get worse? Now that people wanna go to this place, me farm ain’t got no workers. I say them foreign folk should come out here for a year or two, where there’s nice clean air and we need the labour! After all they come to live in @@NAME@@, and me farm is in @@NAME@@”

[effect] @@DEMONYM@@ crops are worked by immigrants expelled from the nation's cities

[option]"Please @@LEADER@@” pleads @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, an immigrant from Maxtopia “Please let me live in the @@CAPITAL@@ with other Maxtopian! I learn the @@NAME@@ language, I learn the @@NAME@@ anthem, and I learn more about the @@NAME@@, um, geography than most people born in @@NAME@@, I have become true @@DENONYM@@, so why can’t I live in @@CAPITAL@@? I become true @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@” she walks out holding the @@ANIMAL@@ bones on her traditional dress
[effect] farms struggle to find workers while city dwellers struggle to find work


[option]"Why are we all thinking inside the box?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a random citizen of no significance “We could solve the problem. Why don’t we force all farms to move to the outskirts of town? That way, we can have farms very close to the city, that people can live in the city and work in the farms. I say that we can have our cake and eat it!”
[effect] suburbanites must drive through acres of farmland to reach the city limits

Title:
An Urbanised Issue

Description:
As widespread urbanisation is causing major cities to become overcrowded, and rural areas to have a desperate labour shortage, there have been many proposals to try to solve this issue. The latest of which is very popular, the proposal, to restrict immigrants from living in major cities

Validity:
Nations that allow migration

Options:
[option] “Have ya’been to tha city @@LEADER@@?” asks @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, says the owner of a farm, whilst milking his cows “It’s so polluted that ya’ can’t bloody breath, and so crowded that ya’ can’t move nowhere, and you want to let the problem get worse? Now that people wanna go to this place, me farm ain’t got no workers. I say them foreign folk should come out here for a year or two, where there’s nice clean air and we need the labour! After all they come to live in @@NAME@@, and me farm is in @@NAME@@”

[effect] the government dictates where foreigners must live in their first year of migration, down to their residential address

[option]"Please @@LEADER@@” pleads @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, an immigrant from Maxtopia “Please let me live in the @@CAPITAL@@ with other Maxtopian! I learn the @@NAME@@ language, I learn the @@NAME@@ anthem, and I learn more about the @@NAME@@, um, geography than most people born in @@NAME@@, I have become true @@DENONYM@@, so why can’t I live in @@CAPITAL@@? I become true @@DENONYMADJECTIVE@@” she walks out holding the @@ANIMAL@@ bones on her traditional dress
[effect] 90% of @@NAME@@’s population lives in 10% of the nation’s area


[option]"Why are we all thinking inside the box?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a random citizen of no significance “We could solve the problem. Why don’t we force all farms to move to the outskirts of town? That way, we can have farms very close to the city, that people can live in the city and work in the farms. I say that we can have our cake and eat it!”
[effect] the entire nation’s population lives in two cities

Title:
Where to migrate

Description:
As widespread urbanisation is causing major cities to become overcrowded, and rural areas to have a desperate labour shortage, there have been many proposals to try to solve this issue. The latest of which is very popular, the proposal, to restrict immigrants from living in major cities

Validity
Only valid for nations with widespread migration

Options:
[option] “Have ya’been to tha city @@LEADER@@?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, the bearded owner of a farm “It’s so polluted that ya’ can’t bloody breath, and so crowded that ya’ can’t move nowhere, and you want to let the problem get worse? Now that people wanna go to this place, me farm ain’t got no workers. I say them foreign folk should come out here for a year or two, where there’s nice clean air and we need the labour! After all they come to live in @@NAME@@, and me farm is in @@NAME@@”
[effect] the government dictates where foreigners must live in their first year of migration, down to their residential address

[option]"Please @@LEADER@@” pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@, a migrant from Gris “Please let me live in the @@CAPITAL@@ with other Griks! I learn the @@NAME@@ language, I learn the @@NAME@@ anthem, and I learn more about the @@NAME@@, um, geography than most people born in @@NAME@@, I have become true @@DENONYM@@, so why can’t I live in @@CAPITAL@@?”
[effect] 90% of @@NAME@@’s population lives in 10% of the nation’s area

[option]"Damned migrants ruining everything!” complains @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ who found the opportunity to preach his anti-migration message “If we banned migration, we need not worry about in which part of @@NAME@@ migrants live. Whilst we’re at it, why not ban country people from moving to the city? Maybe that way we don’t have to deal with our roads becoming carparks
[effect] country people are forbidden from holidaying in the cities

[Candlewhisper Archive]

to restrict immigrants from living in major cities

What has happened to the world?

I'm going to turn off NS for a while and stare at the wall, pondering what happened to that bright spirit of community, multiculturalism and acceptance that we seemed to be aiming for until five years ago.

[Roosevetania]

and regional areas to have a desperate labour shortage,

Should be rural

[The United Providences of Perland]

This is based on a real life proposal to ban immigrants to Australia from living in select major cities for the first few years of their migration, and current schemes which reward visa holders who live and work in rural areas

Title:
Where to migrate

Description:
As widespread urbanisation is causing major cities to become overcrowded, and regional areas to have a desperate labour shortage, there have been many proposals to try to solve this issue. The latest of which is very popular, the proposal, to restrict immigrants from living in major cities

Validity
Only valid for nations with widespread migration

Options:
[option] “Have ya’been to tha city @@LEADER@@?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, the bearded owner of a farm “It’s so polluted that ya’ can’t bloody breath, and so crowded that ya’ can’t move nowhere, and you want to let the problem get worse? Now that people wanna go to this place, me farm ain’t got no workers. I say them foreign folk should come out here for a year or two, where there’s nice clean air and we need the labour! After all they come to live in @@NAME@@, and me farm is in @@NAME@@”
[effect] the government dictates where foreigners must live in their first year of migration, down to their residential address

[option]"Please @@LEADER@@” pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@, a migrant from Gris “Please let me live in the @@CAPITAL@@ with other Griks! I learn the @@NAME@@ language, I learn the @@NAME@@ anthem, and I learn more about the @@NAME@@, um, geography than most people born in @@NAME@@, I have become true @@DENONYM@@, so why can’t I live in @@CAPITAL@@?”
[effect] 90% of @@NAME@@’s population lives in 10% of the nation’s area

[option]"Damned migrants ruining everything!” complains @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ who found the opportunity to preach his anti-migration message “If we banned migration, we need not worry about in which part of @@NAME@@ migrants live. Whilst we’re at it, why not ban country people from moving to the city? Maybe that way we don’t have to deal with our roads becoming carparks
[effect] country people are forbidden from holidaying in the cities

Interesting concept, I like it.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, its a good issue. Well written.

[Australian rePublic]

Well, its a good issue. Well written.

Wow, you haven't said that about anybof my first drafts, I must be getting better thank you for your kind words

[Australian rePublic]

and regional areas to have a desperate labour shortage,

Should be rural

Changed to rural

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, its a good issue. Well written.

Wow, you haven't said that about anybof my first drafts, I must be getting better thank you for your kind words

Credit where it's due. I might not like the political idea behind the issue, but I can't deny it makes for an interesting issue.

So let's tune it up:

Title:
A little too descriptive. See if you can come up with some funny play on words or double meaning here. A good trick, I find is to google "synonym for ----" with key words (like migrate, rural, placement), and then google "phrases including the word ----" with the results. You'll often find a good title emerges.

Description:
Nice and to the point. Optionally, you could add more story to it, but I don't think that's necessary in this case.

Vaidity:
Just "nations that allow immigration" will be plenty.

option 1:
"bearded owner of a farm" is a really weird description. I'd suggest thinking about what the owner could be doing or wearing that might be symbolic, hypocritical, apposite or ironic. For example, have him be holding a branding iron and a whip, as he directs his steers into the pasture.

Option 2:
Gris and Griks is terrible. Use an existing NPC nation unless there is a strong reason to introduce a new one.
For example, when Drasnia introduced Daguo, it was because the game lacked a China analogue. Gris is too close to the original nation name, and there's no need for this issue to introduce it when any nation would work as well.
Also, again, try to make some humour here. Perhaps the migrant could say something like "I can fit in easily!" but describe him as wearing the traditional bone clogs and feather-jacket of his homeland.

Option 3:
While banning migration might seem like a needed option, it really isn't. Look at the overall split here: you've got one restrictive option, and one liberty-based option. Knowing that liberty-based options are more popular, a third option should not be a restrictive one.
Consider replacing this with some off-the-wall or innovative third approach. For example, bringing the work to the cities by turning city parks and designated sections of the city centre into farmland, so people can work in the city centre AND help the agricultural labour shortage.
Ideas that sound sensible till you think about them for more than three seconds are classic third-option territory.

[Australian rePublic]

Wow, you haven't said that about anybof my first drafts, I must be getting better thank you for your kind words

Credit where it's due. I might not like the political idea behind the issue, but I can't deny it makes for an interesting issue.

So let's tune it up:

Title:
A little too descriptive. See if you can come up with some funny play on words or double meaning here. A good trick, I find is to google "synonym for ----" with key words (like migrate, rural, placement), and then google "phrases including the word ----" with the results. You'll often find a good title emerges.

Description:
Nice and to the point. Optionally, you could add more story to it, but I don't think that's necessary in this case.

Vaidity:
Just "nations that allow immigration" will be plenty.

option 1:
"bearded owner of a farm" is a really weird description. I'd suggest thinking about what the owner could be doing or wearing that might be symbolic, hypocritical, apposite or ironic. For example, have him be holding a branding iron and a whip, as he directs his steers into the pasture.

Option 2:
Gris and Griks is terrible. Use an existing NPC nation unless there is a strong reason to introduce a new one.
For example, when Drasnia introduced Daguo, it was because the game lacked a China analogue. Gris is too close to the original nation name, and there's no need for this issue to introduce it when any nation would work as well.
Also, again, try to make some humour here. Perhaps the migrant could say something like "I can fit in easily!" but describe him as wearing the traditional bone clogs and feather-jacket of his homeland.

Option 3:
While banning migration might seem like a needed option, it really isn't. Look at the overall split here: you've got one restrictive option, and one liberty-based option. Knowing that liberty-based options are more popular, a third option should not be a restrictive one.
Consider replacing this with some off-the-wall or innovative third approach. For example, bringing the work to the cities by turning city parks and designated sections of the city centre into farmland, so people can work in the city centre AND help the agricultural labour shortage.
Ideas that sound sensible till you think about them for more than three seconds are classic third-option territory.

Thanks

[Australian rePublic]

The new draft is up

[Ransium]

I really like this issue too, and I think you should take some time to focus on it a bit more.

I think you should continue working on the title. I've thought a bit about suggestions and I'm drawing a blank, but it's not all that interesting to me still.

Description:
Here's my rewrite, not totally happy with it but tweak as you will.
A wide spread demographic shift from rural to urban areas has caused cities to become overcrowded and rural areas to have desperate labour shortages. One proposal which is getting growing support across @@NAME@@ is to restrict immigrants from living in major cities.

Option 1:
I don't quite understand why the cleanness of the rural areas is being emphasized. The farmer should only want laborers and not really care about their quality of life one way or another (although he might give leader lip service to the quality of life, but that should be written as obvious lip service). I also think some hint at the poor wages of farm workers should be made. I think you focus on the negatives of city overcrowding too much as well you've already established that in the opening, and a farmer wouldn't really care about city life.

Option 2:
I think they should want to live in Little Maxtopia/Maxtopia Town with the other Maxtopians
I know Candle suggested the end but it didn't work for me as written I suggest re-writing

I have to end it here for now, but I suggest another draft and I'll try to comment again

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Work on these effect lines. Right now they just describe the decision taken, when it'd be better if they were amusing consequences resulting from that decision.

Also, #3's effect line just makes no sense.

[Australian rePublic]

bump for third draft

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I refer the right honourable gentleman to my recent comment.

[Australian rePublic]

I refer the right honourable gentleman to my recent comment.

I honestoy can't think of any bettsr effect lines, but any other feedback, I would orobably be able to incorporate

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, I guess don't submit it till you get there. It'd be a shame to reject it on those grounds.

[Australian rePublic]

Well, I guess don't submit it till you get there. It'd be a shame to reject it on those grounds.

Do you have any ideas?

[Aclion]

How about;

For option 1; @@DEMONYM@@ crops are worked by immigrants expelled from the nation's cities.

For 2; farms struggle to find workers while city dwellers struggle to find work.

For 3; suburbanites must drive through acres of farmland to reach the city limits. (The current one is alright as it is, I think, but I thought I'd give an option that will be valid even for clean nations.)

[Zombie Swarms]

to restrict immigrants from living in major cities

What has happened to the world?

I'm going to turn off NS for a while and stare at the wall, pondering what happened to that bright spirit of community, multiculturalism and acceptance that we seemed to be aiming for until five years ago.

Times change.

[Australian rePublic]

How about;

For option 1; @@DEMONYM@@ crops are worked by immigrants expelled from the nation's cities.

For 2; farms struggle to find workers while city dwellers struggle to find work.

For 3; suburbanites must drive through acres of farmland to reach the city limits. (The current one is alright as it is, I think, but I thought I'd give an option that will be valid even for clean nations.)

Thanks. I like all of those effectseffects except for the tird one. There are nations out there where the suburbs qualify as part of the city limits (I live in one of those nations)

[Aclion]

How about;

For option 1; @@DEMONYM@@ crops are worked by immigrants expelled from the nation's cities.

For 2; farms struggle to find workers while city dwellers struggle to find work.

For 3; suburbanites must drive through acres of farmland to reach the city limits. (The current one is alright as it is, I think, but I thought I'd give an option that will be valid even for clean nations.)

Thanks. I like all of those effectseffects except for the tird one. There are nations out there where the suburbs qualify as part of the city limits (I live in one of those nations)

Yaay helping.

Yes that was supposed to be deliberately ambiguous as to whether they were within the city trying to leave or outside trying to get to the city.

[Australian rePublic]

Any further suggestions?