[Submitted] A Badly Named Issue

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

A few days ago, just before local elections were due to run, a ruffian named Muhammad Lee was imprisoned for petty crimes. As per policy, this excluded him from the right to vote, but due to some sort of administrative error others of the same name - a whole battalion of Muhammad Lees across the nation which is now kicking down your door - also found themselves blocked at the polling stations.

validity: nations that are democratic and deny prisoners the right to vote

[option] "It isn't right!" cries unlikely voting rights advocate Muhammad Lee, normally a prominent @@MAJORINDUSTY@@ lobbyist,"I have committed no crime save sharing the prisoner's name, but I have been denied my basic democratic rights! We must implement a Voter-ID system based on foolproof measures: passports, social security numbers, fingerprints and iris-identification. Identity confusion cannot be allowed to happen again!"
[effect] high-tech voter recognition software might deny a citizen of the vote if they have a different haircut

[option] "I have a better idea," contributes Muhammad Lee, a peanut gallery connoisseur," How about giving prisoners the right to vote? Then this whole fiasco wouldn't happen in the first place."
[effect] the single-issue Chocolates for Convicts Party recently won several council seats

[option] "This whole voting thing really is a pain," says your heavily tattooed cousin, Muhammad Lee, once again," just seize power and be dictator of @@NAME@@. You know they will just keep voting for you over and over and over again, so why not just formalize it with this final move. Bonus points for the fact that there will be no more issues about names and voting rights."
[effect] democracy was repealed after a bizarre names fiasco

[option] "No need to be that drastic," notes @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, one of your aides," but it must be noted that 'Muhammad Lee' is a very popular name among certain minorities that don't vote for you. Maybe if you made sure that people with the same name as a criminal couldn't vote, you'd secure a bigger margin of victory next election. Just saying."
[effect] expectant parents extensively research old court records before naming their child

[Trotterdam]

Any sensible nation should already have ways to distinguish between multiple people with the same name, otherwise you'd either have people unable to vote when someone else with the same name has already voted, or have rampant voter fraud from individuals pretending to be multiple people.

Social security numbers (or whatever you want to call passport IDs) are a good way to implement it. (Those could even be your names if you picked the wacky option on #258...)

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Agree here. It's a funny premise, but stretches verisimilitude.

Data errors can happen, of course, and it might be believable if we were to introduce an intern carrying out a data-entry error that accidentally excludes everyone by that name from voting. That way, systems are in place, its just that they went wrong.

[Gnejs]

In any case too few of the characters are named John Smith!

[Australian rePublic]

John Smith implies that the nation is in the Anglosphere

[Candlewhisper Archive]

You could use @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ of course, but there's no way to repeat the same random choice later in the text.

One trick you can do is go @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@ Smith, and then subsequently refer to him as "Mr. Smith".

[Australian rePublic]

Smith is the part that implies Anglosphere. John is pretty common throughout most European languages. George is even more common, and popular even outside of Europe. Yurri is Russian for George, and I know South Americans and Middle Easteners named George. Mother in every language starts with M, so it's pretty safe to say M is quite universal to use as a surname. But M doesn't give you the full name
A different approach, Mohammed is the most popular first name in the world, Lee is the most popular surname
If you use Mohammed Lee, that will not only be very likely name, it would also be a pop-culture reference
I am refering to the episode of The Big Bang Theory where Howard asks his friends to guess who is going to space and Sheldon yells "Mohammed Lee" thinking it would give him a mathematical edge

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I have to admit, that's a fantastic argument for Mohammed Lee.

[Australian rePublic]

Anothe problem-For nations without compulsory voting, this is a contradiction to it
Also, you could have some left field statistician being very happy because you compare results with all the John Smiths voting, vs results without the John Smiths

[Katalaysia]

After ruffian John Smith was locked up for petty crimes days before local elections, a battalion Not an edit, just wanting to mention how much I love the idea of a battalion of anything. of John Smiths across the nation were furious that their right to vote was denied.

validity: nations that are democratic and deny prisoners the right to vote

[option] "It isn't fair!" cries unlikely voting rights advocate John Smith, normally a lobbyist for a @@MAJORINDUSTY@@ group,"I didn't go around doing bad things, I didn't get arrested, so why am I denied the right to vote? You need to implement a voter ID law based on foolproof measures, such as fingerprints and iris identification. That way this confusion cannot happen again!"
[effect] polling booths are very technologically advanced.

[option] "I have a better idea," contributes @@RANDOMNAME@@, a peanut gallery connoisseur, "How about giving prisoners the right to vote? Then this whole fiasco wouldn't happen in the first place."
[effect] the single-issue PlayPlatforms for Prisoners Party won several council seats

[option] "This whole voting thing really is a pain," says your heavily tattooed cousin, once again This may be the first issue someone gets that has your cousin in it., "Just seize power and be the dictator of @@NAME@@. You know they will just keep voting for you over and over and over again, so why not just formalize it with this final move? Bonus points for the fact that there will be no more issues about names and voting rights."
[effect] democracy was repealed after a bizarre names fiasco

[option] "No need to be that drastic," notes @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your aides, "But it must be noted that "John Smith" is a very popular name among certain minorities that don't vote for you. Maybe if you made sure that people with the same name as a criminal couldn't vote, you'd secure a bigger margin of victory next election. Just saying."
[effect] expectant parents extensively research old court records before naming their child

Mainly just a couple of grammar checks, but also consider having them do something whilst they complain at you.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

So far 5 of Leader's cousins are mentioned in issues, just for the record.

[Trotterdam]

Agree here. It's a funny premise, but stretches verisimilitude.

Data errors can happen, of course, and it might be believable if we were to introduce an intern carrying out a data-entry error that accidentally excludes everyone by that name from voting. That way, systems are in place, its just that they went wrong.

The real problem is that if it's just one person messing up, it wouldn't really be a political issue worthy of @@LEADER@@'s attention - or if it were, it'd be about how to deal with government workers who make mistakes, not so much about the specific mistake that happened to be made this time.

One trick you can do is go @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@ Smith, and then subsequently refer to him as "Mr. Smith".

How would that help? "Smith" is still clearly English, and using Mr. instead of repeating the first name, a common typographical element used to suggest "you know this guy", runs afoul of that you don't know this guy, because it's someone else with the same name, not who we were talking about before.

Smith is the part that implies Anglosphere. John is pretty common throughout most European languages.

Names sharing an etymology with John, sure. That exact spelling? I don't think so.

Mother in every language starts with M,

...Don't be ridiculous.

It's very common for an "M" to feature prominently in the word for "mother", but it's not the case for every language. Also sometimes the "M" is the second letter rather than the first.

so it's pretty safe to say M is quite universal to use as a surname.

..."Mother" isn't a surname in English. Or at least not one I've ever heard.

A different approach, Mohammed is the most popular first name in the world, Lee is the most popular surname
If you use Mohammed Lee, that will not only be very likely name,

Hmm, is it? I remember an old joke:

"The most common first name in the world is Mohammed. The most common last name in the world is Chang. Imagine how many people must be named Mohammed Chang!"

(The joke, of course, being that first and last names are not uncorrelated, since one name is Arabic and one is Chinese, so the chances of someone having both names, probably requiring a multicultural background, are rather slim.)

Maybe whoever said that fudged that statistics a bit to make the joke work, or maybe the statistics have since changed. Wikipedia's lists are unhelpfully (for this use case) sorted by country, but ...apparently it was never completely true at all, even in China (look at the Wade-Giles romanization, it's number 3).

The numbers for "Lee" seem to get inflated by the existence of multiple names in different cultures that coincidentially happen to be pronounced similarly, although the Chinese version is properly spelled "Li" ("Lee" feels quite characteristically English).

Also, having someone get in trouble for being named Muhammed might suggest Islamophobia rather than simply a name mix-up.

So far 5 of Leader's cousins are mentioned in issues, just for the record.

How can you tell which are the same or different cousins?

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

Suggested edits implemented. Name has been changed to "Mohammed Lee" due to that Big Bang Theory episode. While Trotterdam's reservations on the use of the name "Mohammed" has been noted, variations on that name are still by a gigantic margin the most popular first name in the world, adding an extra layer of reasons to be put it in.

Verisimilitude may be stretched, but infamously this exact scenario happens in some states in the USA (helping to sway the 2000 election in particular) so it should be worthy as an issue.

Anothe problem-For nations without compulsory voting, this is a contradiction to it
Also, you could have some left field statistician being very happy because you compare results with all the John Smiths voting, vs results without the John Smiths

That is a very tempting possibility to incorporate into option 4, or make as another option. I'll think about it.

So far 5 of Leader's cousins are mentioned in issues, just for the record.

Where did you get that number? I'm very interest to see.

In any case too few of the characters are named John Smith!

Good call. All the issue advocates except the last one have been changed to being named Mohammed Lee (the name I've decided to replace John Smith with [even though, interestingly, variations on "John Smith" rank very highly across Europe, the Middle East, Oceania, America and Russia]).

[Katalaysia]

The first option still has John Smith, just to let you know.

[Maljaratas]

Might I suggest that the "Mohammed Lee" in the second option be the prisoner that started the whole thing.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 1-People who aren't on social security would not have social security numbers

[Australian rePublic]

Totterdam, that bloody hypocrite, he tells me I'm not allowed to inform people of my trademark of writing "ISSUE IDEA", but he's allowed to copyright the entire name Mohammed?

Anyway, you can't copyright Mohammed, it's in the list of RANDOMNAMES

Also, Sheldon neither specified a spelling of Mohammed nor Lee. You can use any spelling you desire. When you break it down into all the possible spellings, it's probably not any more common than any other name

[Trotterdam]

Totterdam, that bloody hypocrite, he tells me I'm not allowed to inform people of my trademark of writing "ISSUE IDEA", but he's allowed to copyright the entire name Mohammed?

I don't know what this "Totterdam" did, but I'm pretty sure I have nothing to do with it.

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

The first option still has John Smith, just to let you know.

Oops. Editing now.

Option 1-People who aren't on social security would not have social security numbers

Hm, a valid criticism but I'll keep it as it is for now. Since Social Security is just one item listed in one of many different things, I think people will get the general idea of what the issue is about.

Totterdam, that bloody hypocrite, he tells me I'm not allowed to inform people of my trademark of writing "ISSUE IDEA", but he's allowed to copyright the entire name Mohammed?

Anyway, you can't copyright Mohammed, it's in the list of RANDOMNAMES

Also, Sheldon neither specified a spelling of Mohammed nor Lee. You can use any spelling you desire. When you break it down into all the possible spellings, it's probably not any more common than any other name

Totterdam, that bloody hypocrite, he tells me I'm not allowed to inform people of my trademark of writing "ISSUE IDEA", but he's allowed to copyright the entire name Mohammed?

I don't know what this "Totterdam" did, but I'm pretty sure I have nothing to do with it.

Please no arguing in this thread, thanks. If you HAVE to feud somewhere, might I suggest a field, 2 flintlock pistols and an impartial judge to preside?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

So far 5 of Leader's cousins are mentioned in issues, just for the record.

Where did you get that number? I'm very interest to see.

Raw data for the live issues. Ctrl+F. Cousin. 14 instances of the word.

Then I looked through and counted how many times we were referring to Leader's cousin.

You can do the same thing from the spoiler thread, as all the mentions are in options, not effects,

[Troperia]

So far 5 of Leader's cousins are mentioned in issues, just for the record.

Raw data for the live issues. Ctrl+F. Cousin. 14 instances of the word.

Then I looked through and counted how many times we were referring to Leader's cousin.

You can do the same thing from the spoiler thread, as all the mentions are in options, not effects,

Okay then...how many times has the leader's many many brothers appeared in the issues?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Please no arguing in this thread, thanks. If you HAVE to feud somewhere, might I suggest a field, 2 flintlock pistols and an impartial judge to preside?

I'd love to volunteer, but suspect Totterdam would be aiming at me.

Coming back to the text:

A few days ago, just before local elections were due to run, a ruffian named Mohammed Lee was imprisoned for petty crimes. As per policy, this excluded him from the right to vote, but due to some sort of administrative error others of the same name - a whole battalion of Mohammed Lees across the nation - also found themselves blocked at the polling stations.

validity: democracy, has prisons, no votes for prisoners,

A lobbyist ought to be quite coherent and persuasive, I think, and would likely speak of government policy in a "we're in it together" sort of way:

[option] "It isn't right!" cries unlikely voting rights advocate Mohammed Lee, normally a prominent @@MAJORINDUSTY@@ lobbyist,"I have committed no crime save sharing the prisoner's name, but I have been denied my basic democratic rights! We must implement a Voter-ID system based on foolproof measures: passports, social security numbers, fingerprints and iris-identification. Identity confusion cannot be allowed to happen again!"
[effect] polling booths are very technologically advanced.

That effect line has a nice gist, but there has to be a more entertaining or mocking way of saying that. Maybe something like:

[effect] citizens must submit to earlobe symmetry biometric identification before they're allowed into the polling station
[effect] voters have to remember a fifteen-digit PIN in order to access the polling booth
[effect] high-tech voter recognition software might deny a citizen his vote if he has had too drastic a haircut

[option] "I have a better idea," contributes Mohammed Lee, a peanut gallery connoisseur," How about giving prisoners the right to vote? Then this whole fiasco wouldn't happen in the first place."
[effect] in a recent election the single-issue PlayPlatforms for Prisoners Party won several local council seats

I love how random "peanut gallery connoisseur" is. Bravo.

I get the effect line, and it made me laugh, but wonder if out of context PlayPlatform might be hard to understand. Variations on real life company names are an NS thing, but generally exist within a narrative context to make it clear what they are: something that is hard to do within an effect line.

Maybe some other party name that doesn't vary a trademark? Luxuries for Lifers? Chocolates for Convicts?

Porn For Prisoners? Okay, maybe not that last one.

[option] "This whole voting thing really is a pain," says your heavily tattooed cousin twice-removed, Mohammed Lee, once again," just seize power and be dictator of @@NAME@@. You know they will just keep voting for you over and over and over again, so why not just formalize it with this final move. Bonus points for the fact that there will be no more issues about names and voting rights."
[effect] democracy was repealed after a bizarre names fiasco

Possibly an unnecessary option. Not every democracy issue needs a tyranny option.

[option] "No need to be that drastic," notes @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your aides," but it must be noted that 'Mohammed Lee' is a very popular name among certain minorities that don't vote for you. Maybe if you made sure that people with the same name as a criminal couldn't vote, you'd secure a bigger margin of victory next election. Just saying."
[effect] expectant parents extensively research old court records before naming their child

Really clever that: a crazy corrupt option, but with a lot of humour. Obviously would need a textual edit if you dropped option 3.

As a style guide, if you use inverted commas within speech, use ' rather than ".

This issue is shaping up nicely, I look forward to seeing it in the pool.

[Australian rePublic]

I love the repeats of Mohammed Lee

[Candlewhisper Archive]

The title is a B- for me at the moment. Apt, but not particularly giggleworthy or clever.

Let's brainstorm on that one.

Stop, In The Name of The Lawbreaker
Elections All Locked Up
The Virtual Prison

No, nothing connecting yet. Any ideas?

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

The title is a B- for me at the moment. Apt, but not particularly giggleworthy or clever.

Let's brainstorm on that one.

Stop, In The Name of The Lawbreaker
Elections All Locked Up
The Virtual Prison

No, nothing connecting yet. Any ideas?

No ideas yet. I rather liked the one I had; accurate and snappy. But yeah, not giggleworthy.

Also, thanks for the "ghostwrite". Very nice suggests and most have been implemented.

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Anything else?