[ACCEPTED] Take A Hike!

[A Humanist Science]

Been thinking about this one for a while too:

Sixth and Final Draft:

Name

Take A Hike!

Description

While you were conducting an operational inspection of a new @@DENONYMNOUN@@ National Guard search and rescue helicopter, dispatch received a distress signal from a Personal Locator Beacon -- a GPS-enhanced device wilderness adventurers use to request life-saving help. The helicopter immediately raced to the scene, setting down in a remote sun-baked meadow. Unfortunately, the distressed hiker refused rescue because "my stubbed toe is feeling better now."

Validity

existent law enforcement AND/OR existent military; environmentally stunning nations; greater than 0% "lost in wilderness" among leading causes of death; relatively high information technology industry

The Debate

[option]@@RANDOMNAME@@, a National Guard rescue operative, is exasperated. "This situation is intolerable, @@LEADER@@! In a genuine emergency, these beacons save lives. But now that they're so cheap, more and more people are using them as a crutch to attempt dangerous hikes they aren't prepared for. And, as you can see, we have to carry the huge risks and costs! Beacon users should have to register with the government, so we know who to fine for false alarms."
[effect]search and rescue forces now accept cheques and all major credit cards
[stats]law enforcement increases, compassion decreases, death rate decreases, tourism decreases, taxation increases

[option]The helicopter crew patches an incoming call through to your headset. "Hello?" asks famed luxury safari hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@ III, Esq. "You know, my friend's business makes satellite phones that can allow rescuers to contact hikers and assess the situation before calling out the cavalry. Sure, the service subscriptions are pricey, and your signa**SSHBZZZTPSSHFTZZPFT**ways get through, but they'll reduce false alarms. And they're great for checking your stock portfolio from any summit! Requiring hikers to buy and carry sat-phones will save a lot of lives."
[effect]the hills are alive with the sound of ringtones
[stats]charmlessness increases, corruption increases, information technology industry increases, business subsidization increases, inclusiveness decreases, income equality decreases, tourism decreases

[option]By this point, you've been standing in the sun for a while, and a mild heat stroke is setting in. Wait -- is that bear wearing a tie? "You know, expensive fines and equipment will only discourage people seeking help when they really need it," says the bear while munching a stolen packet of Honey Burr-Berry cereal. "That'll cost lives too. The better solution is to increase funding to national parks, with safe trails, visitor centers, and campsites. Then the common @@DENONYMNOUN@@ can enjoy our natural treasures without worry. It's smarter than the average policy!"
[effect]park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets
[stats]charmlessness decreases, compassion increases, death rate decreases, inclusiveness increases, income equality increases, tourism increases, taxation increases.

Name

Take A Hike!

Description

While you conduct an operational inspection of a new @@DENONYMNOUN@@ National Guard search and rescue helicopter, dispatch receives a distress signal from a Personal Locator Beacon -- a GPS-enhanced device wilderness adventurers use to request life-saving help. The helicopter immediately races to the scene, setting down in a remote sun-baked meadow. Unfortunately, the distressed hiker refuses rescue as "my stubbed toe is feeling better now."

Validity

existent law enforcement AND/OR existent military; environmentally stunning nations; greater than 0% "lost in wilderness" among leading causes of death; relatively high information technology industry

The Debate

[option]@@RANDOMNAME@@, a National Guard rescue operative, is exasperated. "This situation is intolerable, @@LEADER@@! In a genuine emergency, these beacons save lives. But now that they're so cheap, more and more people are using them as a crutch to attempt dangerous hikes they aren't prepared for. And, as you can see, we have to carry the huge risks and costs! Beacon users should have to register with the government, so we know who to fine for false alarms."
[effect]search and rescue forces now accept cheques and all major credit cards
[stats]law enforcement increases, compassion decreases, death rate decreases, tourism decreases, taxation increases

[option]The helicopter crew patches an incoming call through to your headset. "Hello?" asks famed luxury safari hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@ III, Esq. "You know, my friend's business makes satellite phones that can allow rescuers to contact hikers and assess the situation before calling out the cavalry. Sure, the service subscriptions are pricey, and your signa**SSHBZZZTPSSHFTZZPFT**ways get through, but they'll reduce false alarms. And they're great for checking your stock portfolio from any summit! Requiring hikers to buy and carry sat-phones will save a lot of lives."
[effect]the hills are alive with the sound of ringtones
[stats]charmlessness increases, corruption increases, information technology industry increases, business subsidization increases, inclusiveness decreases, income equality decreases, tourism decreases

[option]By this point, you've been standing in the sun for a while, and a mild heat stroke is setting in. Wait -- is that bear wearing a tie? "You know, expensive fines and equipment will only discourage people seeking help when they really need it," says the bear while munching a stolen packet of Honey Burr-Berry cereal. "That'll cost lives too. The better solution is to increase funding to national parks, with safe trails, visitor centers, and campsites. Then the common @@DENONYMNOUN@@ can enjoy our natural treasures without worry. It's smarter than the average policy!"
[effect]park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets
[stats]charmlessness decreases, compassion increases, death rate decreases, inclusiveness increases, income equality increases, tourism increases, taxation increases

Changelog:

1) changed option 1 effect
2) some editing / rewording all round for slightly more brevity

Name

Take A Hike!

Description

While you conduct an operational inspection of a new @@DENONYMNOUN@@ National Guard search and rescue helicopter, the unit dispatcher receives a distress signal from a Personal Locator Beacon -- a GPS-enhanced device wilderness adventurers use to request life-saving help. As every second counts, the helicopter immediately races to the scene, setting down in a remote sun-baked meadow. Unfortunately, the distressed hiker refuses rescue as "my stubbed toe is feeling better now."

Validity

existent law enforcement AND/OR existent military; environmentally stunning nations; greater than 0% "lost in wilderness" among leading causes of death; relatively high information technology industry

The Debate

[option]@@RANDOMNAME@@, a National Guard rescue operative, is exasperated. "This situation is intolerable, @@LEADER@@! In a genuine emergency, these beacons save lives. But now that they're so cheap, more and more people are using them as a crutch to attempt dangerous hikes they aren't prepared for. And, as you can see, we have to carry the huge risks and costs! Beacon users should have to register with the government, so we know who to fine for false alarms."
[effect]novice ramblers stick to well manicured nature trails
[stats]law enforcement increases, compassion decreases, death rate decreases, tourism decreases, taxation increases

[option]The helicopter crew patches an incoming call through to your headset. "Hello?" asks famed luxury safari hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@ III, Esq. "You know, my friend's business makes satellite phones that can allow rescuers to contact hikers and assess the situation before calling out the cavalry. Sure, the service subscriptions are pricey, and your signaPSSSHBZZZTPSSH...ways get through, but they'll reduce false alarms. And they're great for checking your stock portfolio from any summit! If you required hikers to buy and carry a sat-phone, you'd save a lot of lives."
[effect]the hills are alive with the sound of ringtones
[stats]charmlessness increases, corruption increases, information technology industry increases, business subsidization increases, inclusiveness decreases, income equality decreases, tourism decreases

[option]By this point, you've been standing in the sun for a while, and a mild heat stroke is setting in. Wait -- is that bear wearing a tie? "You know, expensive fines and equipment will only discourage people seeking help when they really need it," says the bear while munching a stolen packet of Honey Burr-Berry cereal. "That'll cost lives too. The better solution is to increase funding to national parks, with safe trails, visitor centers, and campsites. Then the common @@DENONYMNOUN@@ can enjoy our natural treasures without worry. It's smarter than the average policy!"
[effect]park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets
[stats]charmlessness decreases, compassion increases, death rate decreases, inclusiveness increases, income equality increases, tourism increases, taxation increases

Changelog:

1) Removed previous option 2.
2) Changed current option 2 effect line to slightly modified version of Candlewhisper Archive's suggestion.
3) Reworded option 3 slightly.

Name

Take A Hike!

Description

While you conduct an operational inspection of a new @@DENONYMNOUN@@ National Guard search and rescue helicopter, the unit dispatcher receives a distress signal from a Personal Locator Beacon -- a GPS-enhanced device wilderness adventurers use to request life-saving help. As every second counts, the helicopter immediately races to the scene, setting down in a remote sun-baked meadow. Unfortunately, the distressed hiker refuses rescue as "my stubbed toe is feeling better now."

Validity

existent law enforcement AND/OR existent military; environmentally stunning nations; greater than 0% "lost in wilderness" among leading causes of death; relatively high information technology industry

The Debate

[option]@@RANDOMNAME@@, a National Guard rescue operative, is exasperated. "This situation is intolerable, @@LEADER@@! In a genuine emergency, these beacons save lives. But now that they're so cheap, more and more people are using them as a crutch to attempt dangerous hikes they aren't prepared for. And, as you can see, we have to carry the huge risks and costs! Beacon users should have to register with the government, so we know who to fine for false alarms."
[effect]novice ramblers stick to well manicured nature trails
[stats]law enforcement increases, compassion decreases, death rate decreases, tourism decreases, taxation increases

[option]"Ya'll get off my claim, ya hear?," yells grizzled backcountry resident @@RANDOMNAME@@ while hobbling up to the group. "More government regulations? At taxpayer expense, no doubt! Good @@ANIMAL@@, NO! People who cannot rely on their wits and a basic knowledge of wilderness survival have no business going where they don't belong. I say pull yourself up by your own bootlaces! Abolish search and rescue, and ban all that techno-gadget beacon nonsense. The smarter yuppies can stay in the city, and nature will deal with the rest."
[effect]distressed hikers are on their own
[stats]law enforcement decreases,compassion decreases, death rate increases, inclusiveness decreases, information technology industry decreases, tourism decreases, taxation decreases, environmental beauty increases

[option]The helicopter crew patches an incoming call through to your headset. "Hello?" asks famed luxury safari hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@ III, Esq. "You know, my friend's business makes satellite phones that can allow rescuers to contact hikers and assess the situation before calling out the cavalry. Sure, the service subscriptions are pricey, and your signaPSSSHBZZZTPSSH...ways get through, but they'll reduce false alarms. And they're great for checking your stock portfolio from any summit! If you required hikers to buy and carry a sat-phone, you'd save a lot of lives."
[effect]only the wealthy can afford to enjoy the great outdoors
[stats]corruption increases, information technology industry increases, business subsidization increases, inclusiveness decreases, income equality decreases, tourism decreases

[option]By this point, you've been standing in the sun for a while, and a mild heat stroke is setting in. Wait -- is that bear wearing a tie? "You know, expensive fines and equipment will only discourage people seeking help when they really need it," says the bear while munching a stolen packet of Honey Burr-Berries cereal. "That'll cost lives too. The better solution is to increase funding to national parks, with safe trails, visitor centers, and campsites. Then the common @@DENONYMNOUN@@ can enjoy our natural treasures without worry. It'll be smarter than the average policy!"
[effect]park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets
[stats]charmlessness decreases, compassion increases, death rate decreases, inclusiveness increases, income equality increases, tourism increases, taxation increases

Name

Searchers Say "Get Lost!"

Description

As the average price of Personal Locator Beacons -- GPS-enhanced radio beacons allowing wilderness adventurers to signal for life-saving help -- falls, more inexperienced hikers are using them in non-emergency situations. After a colleague is seriously injured locating a person who then refused assistance because "my feet aren't so sore now," search and rescue workers descend on your office:

Validity

existent law enforcement AND/OR existent military; environmentally stunning nations; greater than 0% "lost in wilderness" among leading causes of death; relatively high information technology industry

The Debate

[option]@@RANDOMNAME@@, a mountain rescue operative with the @@NAME@@ National Guard, is carried in on a stretcher. "This situation is becoming intolerable, @@LEADER@@. In a genuine emergency, these beacons save lives. But now that they're so cheap, more and more people are using them as a crutch to attempt dangerous hikes they aren't prepared for. And we have to bear the huge risks and costs! Help promote the safety of search and rescue workers with heavy fines against those responsible for false alarms."
[effect]rescue workers are immobilizing other people's spines for a change
[stats]law enforcement increases, compassion decreases, death rate decreases, tourism decreases, taxation increases

[option]"The threat of fines will only discourage people seeking help when they really need it," retorts park ranger @@RANDOMNAME@@ while building a campfire with your desk. "And that's going to cost lives too. The better solution is to increase funding to our national parks, so we can build nice and safe trails, ranger stations, and visitor centers. Then the common @@DENONYMNOUN@@ can enjoy our natural treasures without having to be survival experts. Surely that's worth a slight boost to the tax rate?"
[effect]wilderness rescue crews are reassigned to campground crowd control
[stats]charmlessness decreases, compassion increases, death rate decreases, inclusiveness increases, income equality increases, tourism increases, taxation increases

[option]You answer your ringing telephone. "Hello?" asks famed luxury safari hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@ III, Esq. "You know, my friend's business makes satellite phones that can allow rescuers to contact hikers and assess the situation before calling out the cavalry. Sure, the service subscriptions are pricey, and your signaPSSSHBZZZTPSSH...ways get through, but they'll reduce false alarms. And they're great for checking your stock portfolio from any summit! If hikers were required to buy and carry a sat-phone, you'd save a lot of lives."
[effect]only the wealthy can afford to enjoy the great outdoors
[stats]corruption increases, information technology industry increases, business subsidization increases, inclusiveness decreases, income equality decreases, tourism decreases

[option]Grizzled backcountry resident @@RANDOMNAME@@ carefully sets a small-game snare made of your shoelaces. "Government fines and fees? Campgrounds? Even more flatlander garbage infesting the wilderness? Good @@ANIMAL@@, NO! People who cannot rely on their wits and a basic knowledge of wilderness survival have no business going where they don't belong. Why should they get themselves into trouble, and then expect to get bailed out? Pull yourself up by your own bootlaces! Abolish search and rescue, and ban all that techno-gadget nonsense. The smarter yuppies can stay in the city, and natural selection will deal with the rest."
[effect]a dearth of cookie-toating hikers disappoints bears nationwide
[stats]law enforcement decreases,compassion decreases, death rate increases, inclusiveness decreases, tourism decreases, taxation decreases, environmental beauty increases

Changelog:

1) more concise title
2) Tried to reduce wordiness, etc.
3) Trying to clarify general ideological tilt of options:

• Option 1 - Law Enforcement solution
• Option 2 - Social Service/Social Equality solution
• Option 3 - Business/Industry solution
• Option 4 - That Guy Living Alone in the Woods solution

Name

Rescuers to Amateur Ramblers: "Take A Hike!"

Description

As the average price of Personal Locator Beacons -- GPS-enhanced radio devices that allow wilderness adventurers to signal for life-saving help -- falls below 100 @@CURRENCY@@s, more and more inexperienced hikers are using them in non-emergency situations. When a colleague is seriously injured while trying to locate a person who then refused assistance because "my feet aren't so sore now," search and rescue workers besiege your office and demand action.

Validity

existent law enforcement AND/OR existent military; environmentally stunning nations; greater than 0% "lost in wilderness" among leading causes of death; relatively high information technology industry

The Debate

[option]@@RANDOMNAME@@, a mountain rescue operative with the @@NAME@@ National Guard, is carried into your office on a stretcher. "This situation is becoming intolerable, @@LEADER@@. Look, in a genuine emergency, these beacons can save lives. But now that they're so cheap, more and more people are using them as a crutch to attempt dangerous hikes they're aren't prepared for. Even highly trained and experienced mountain rescuers like me take huge risks going out into the wilderness -- never mind the costs! Help promote the safety of search and rescue workers: require all beacon users to register with the government, so they can be held financially responsible for the cost of false alarms."
[effect]rescue workers are immobilizing other people's spines for a change
[stats]law enforcement increases, defense forces increases, compassion decreases, death rate decreases, tourism decreases, taxation decreases

[option]"The threat of fines and penalties will only discourage people seeking help when they really do need it," retorts National Park Ranger @@RANDOMNAME@@, while handing out flyers for tonight's campfire talk program. "And that's going to cost lives too. No, the better solution is to increase funding to our national parks, so that we can build and maintain safer trails. We can also install better concessions, ranger stations, campgrounds, and activity centers. This way, the common @@DENONYMNOUN@@ can still enjoy and learn about our natural treasures without having to be wilderness survival experts. Surely that's worth a...slight boost to the tax rate?"
[effect]wilderness rescue crews are reassigned to collecting fees at crowded campgrounds
[stats]charmlessness decreases, compassion increases, death rate decreases, inclusiveness increases, tourism increases, taxation increases

[option]"Government registration? Campgrounds? Even more flatlander garbage infesting the backcountry? Good @@ANIMAL@@, No!" says experienced backpacker @@RANDOMNAME@@ while building an emergency bivouac out of your upturned file cabinet. "People who cannot afford proper equipment and wilderness survival training have no business going where they don't belong. Why should they get themselves into trouble, and then expect the taxpayer to bail them out? Make hikers responsible for their own safety! Abolish wilderness search and rescue, and greatly increase national park entrance fees. That way, riff-raff who don't know what they're doing are kept out, natural selection deals with the rest, and I can spend my tax savings on some of the latest ultra-light gear."
[effect]a dearth of cookie-toating hikers disappoints bears nationwide
[stats]law enforcement decreases, defense forces decreases, compassion decreases, death rate increases, inclusiveness decreases, tourism decreases, taxation decreases

[A Humanist Science]

Based on a true story!

http://www.nationalparkstraveler.com/20 ... l-park4790

[Australian rePublic]

Based on a true story!

http://www.nationalparkstraveler.com/20 ... l-park4790

Yep. In at least one Australian state, New Suth Wales, we have too many idiots calling 000 (Auatralia's equivilant of 911) in order to use ambulances as taxis, so now everyone has to pay re than $300 to use an ambulance. (I don't understand why they don't punish the offenders, rather than everyone else, but that's a different story). So I don't have the slightest doubt that this is based on a true story. Excellent issue btw!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I think this is a solid premise and, of course, well-written.

To be constructively critical though, I think it could use some trimming of fat to try to transmit the same information in fewer words - maybe down to three or four lines per option. Also, it needs some element of satire or humour to lift it, as it is at present very business-like.

[Trotterdam]

Why don't you just ask people calling for help to explain over the radio what they need help with, then refuse to come if it's something dumb?

[A Humanist Science]

Why don't you just ask people calling for help to explain over the radio what they need help with, then refuse to come if it's something dumb?

Cause when that guy delerious from multiple head injuries and dehydration insists that he's OK, and then dies...

Plus, these IRL devices are meant to be able to transmit a homing beacon for at least a couple of days. This means minimum power use. Which probably means no voice.

In fact, a PLB actually contains two transmitters. One relatively powerful one which can reach an orbiting satellite to send the initial distress signal with a GPS message. But then that one stops and is replaced by a low power homing signal that only reaches a few hundred meters, to assist approaching rescuers. This is the one that can last for a couple days on the device battery.

[A Humanist Science]

There are satellite phones, of course, but those tend to be expensive and require some kind of subscription service. They're a fine choice *if* only the relatively affluent should be entitled to rescue services.

Which might be an interesting additional issue option here...

[Gnejs]

Re. title: I think just "Take A Hike" works better. Looks a nice start.

[A Humanist Science]

Re. title: I think just "Take A Hike" works better. Looks a nice start.

The current title is to clumsy, but just "take a hike" sounds to generic. I'd like to capture the anger of rescuers taking unnecessary risk. Maybe:

Searchers say "Get Lost!"

Shorter, ironic, and captures the desired effect (?)

[Australian rePublic]

My problem with "take a hike" is that they're told to do the exact opposite

[Australian rePublic]

Your title:
Rescuers to Amateur Ramblers: "Take A Hike!"

Your issue
escuers to Amateur Ramblers: "Do NOT Take A Hike!"

[A Humanist Science]

My problem with "take a hike" is that they're told to do the exact opposite

Option 1 is actually OK with people hiking as long as they don't abuse rescue services.

The "take a hike" is more of the implied angry response when they do abuse rescue services. It's meaning is more akin to "you've got to be fu*king kidding me."

[Australian rePublic]

My problem with "take a hike" is that they're told to do the exact opposite

Option 1 is actually OK with people hiking as long as they don't abuse rescue services.

The "take a hike" is more of the implied angry response when they do abuse rescue services. It's meaning is more akin to "you've got to be fu*king kidding me."

Yes, I understood the expression

[A Humanist Science]

Bump for camp two.

Also, it needs some element of satire or humour to lift it, as it is at present very business-like.

It does kinda have that feel. Unfortunately, I'm not experienced with the backpacker lingo, so no obnoxious amounts of silly puns.

I'd like to have a bear comment on how the taste of people has changed, depending on how accommodating a policy selection is to different types of people, but I need to work on being more concise. As you point out.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Absolutely, I agree, the style of issues has very much changed as you rise through the numbers. Quality control has improved, and there's a drift away from effect lines that just describe what decision has been made. The satire element has gone up, the nation simulation element has gone down.

However, this has all been done with some pretty longstanding editors present, and with the game's creator's oversight.

Best thing to do is to look at the style of the last 200 or so issues, rather than using the early issues too much as precedent.

Re: backpacker lingo, I'm not down on it either, but tend to google-research a little to find fun synonyms, technical terms that can be used for plays on words, and so on. Wordplay is fairly easy to cheat on. Harder is situational humour, where its not so much the choice of words but rather the scenario itself that raises amusement. I'm weak on that myself, and the few times I have hit the spot on that have often resulted in my submissions (which have mostly been accepted but unpublished) going through to publication quicker.

I'm very aware that, for example, Standing to Attention is a better issue than Do You Want to Build a Show, Man? because the former has a humorous and entertaining scenario, whereas the latter is a series of puns and exaggerated responses.

A funny play on words is good, but a funny situation is priceless.

Re: title, I agree that "Take A Hike" is the best one. We don't need to be too literal here in saying that its the wrong message - its relevant, has a fun double meaning, and is snappy.

[A Humanist Science]

I'm very aware that, for example, Standing to Attention is a better issue than Do You Want to Build a Show, Man? because the former has a humorous and entertaining scenario, whereas the latter is a series of puns and exaggerated responses.

A funny play on words is good, but a funny situation is priceless.

I haven't look at your examples yet, but I am thinking about changing up the scenario here a bit. Perhaps having @@LEADER@@ conduct the debate on scene, on the side of a mountain. Rather than just have a bunch of mountain folk randomly show up in an office. Especially Cabin-in-the-Woods Guy.

I'm also thinking I need one of the options to be expressed by a talking bear, preferably while snacking on a pawfull of Honey Burr-Berries. We also need to introduce a visual element to the issues screen, so I can have the same static background scroll by a hundred times.

(Cause who doesn't love obscure 1950s American pop-culture references?!?!)

Re: title, I agree that "Take A Hike" is the best one. We don't need to be too literal here in saying that its the wrong message - its relevant, has a fun double meaning, and is snappy.

Yeah, but...see, the thing is...I mean, yeah, but...

OK

[A Humanist Science]

Bump for third draft.

Reconceptualized the story to move @@LEADER@@ and the debate out into the actual wilderness. Mostly, so I can set up the option 4 joke.

Not sure if this was a good idea.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Option 4 made me literally lol. Good one.

Option 4 also has the best effect line, by far. Option 1 is just about good enough, for the pleasing use of the word "manicured". Option 2 and 3's effects, however, are somewhat prosaic.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

suggestions for effects:

option 3:
the hills are alive with the sound of satphone chatter

option 2:
the skeletons of ill-prepared hikers litter the eastern fenlands
or
vultures circle whenever city folk declare they're going for a country walk

Though the second one is a bit clunky.

[A Humanist Science]

Option 4 made me literally lol. Good one.

Besides the Yogi reference, habituated bears are still an issue in U.S. National Parks. So that seemed like a good way to tie a very silly hallucination option back into reality a bit.

Bears are very smart, and know humans gotta survive long enough to bring more Oreos.

Option 1 is just about good enough, for the pleasing use of the word "manicured".

What's pleasing about it?

Seriously, I hate all the effects lines, save option 4. If you like this one, I have literally no idea why...

[A Humanist Science]

option 3:
the hills are alive with the sound of satphone chatter

"the hills are alive with the sound of ringtones"

(!!!)

option 2:
the skeletons of ill-prepared hikers litter the eastern fenlands
or
vultures circle whenever city folk declare they're going for a country walk

Though the second one is a bit clunky.

I'm thinking about taking option 2 out completely. People dying cold and alone in the wilderness is kinda heavy in the way all the other options are not.

[A Humanist Science]

Bump for fourth draft

[Australian rePublic]

Take a Hike. Now that's a better title! Now, as for the rest of the issue, good job!

[A Humanist Science]

Take a Hike. Now that's a better title!

Re: title, I agree that "Take A Hike" is the best one. We don't need to be too literal here in saying that its the wrong message - its relevant, has a fun double meaning, and is snappy.

Re. title: I think just "Take A Hike" works better.

It is better, isn't it...

[A Humanist Science]

What's pleasing about it?

Seriously, I hate all the effects lines, save option 4. If you like this one, I have literally no idea why...

Just to be clear, I hate what I originally wrote, not your suggestions.