[SUBMITTED] Let it snow

[Australian rePublic]

SUBMITTED VERSION
Title:
Let it Snow

Description:
After a month and a half into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a severe lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various groups as to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change.

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option]"Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to our nation every year. Therefore, if we wish to sustain our industry, we need stricter pollution laws " says the manager of a ski resort, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. If we continue to allow pollution from mines and factories, climate change will take away our snow. Forever. We need to act now, @@LEADER@@, before it’s too late.
[effect] Saying the word “factory” often leads to a lifetime ban from @@NAME@@’s ski resorts
[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company, "But you're failing to see the big picture here. Manufacturing and mining are responsible for a greater proportion of direct employment. Tourists bring in new money, but so does exported goods and resources. Furthermore, whilst tourism may provide indirect jobs through the increase in demand in supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing and mining do the same, with truck driving, freight train duties, sea ports and airports"
[effect]@@NAME@@ is famous for its smog covered mountains
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"We have one snowless year, and all of a sudden, the globe is melting” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known and outspoken climate change denier “We all seem to be forgetting last year when it was snowing well into summer. SUMMER! Besides, it’s the twenty-first century. Even if pollution were stopping the production of natural snow, which it’s not, we can manufacture snow. We have snow cannons and cloud-seeding. With the addition of chemicals, we can even allow snow in temperatures above 20°C. If we invest in snow cannons and cloud-seeding, we can have both heavy industry and skiing. The environmentalists may not like the aforementioned chemicals, but if the time they wasted in protesting were filled with employment, then maybe they would be doing something productive.
[effect] Millions of @@CURRENCY@@s in taxes are spent in creating artificial snow, and even more in ploughing it
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option “Your all missing the next big opportunity” says @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a famous @@DENOYNM@@ BMX Olympic athlete, whilst polishing her gold medal “Winter sports are great, but our mountains could be used for more. Around the world, ski resorts are being used for snow sports in the colder months, and other activities, such as abseiling, mountain climbing…” she trails on “in the summer. This way, we can have year-round tourism, and not have to worry about weather, or climate, or anything. Not to mention the benefit that the sporting teams, such as mine, who represent @@NAME@@ on an international stage, will receive”
[effect] @@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s to encourage people to take ski trips in summer

Current Draft
Title:
Let it Snow, let it snow, let it…where’s the snow?

Description:
After a month and a half into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a severe lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various groups as to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change.

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option]"Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to @@NAME@@ every year, and we need stricter pollution laws if we any hope of sustaining it," says the manager of a ski resort, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. If we continue to allow factories and mines to pollute, climate change will take away our snow forever. We need stricter anti-pollution laws
[effect] Saying the word “factory” often leads to a lifetime ban from @@NAME@@’s ski resorts
[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company, "but you're failing to see the big picture here. Manufacturing and mining employ more people directly than what ski resorts can ever hope to. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand, and therefore, employment at supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not more through truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow."
[effect]@@NAME@@ is famous for its smog covered mountains
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"We have one snowless year, and all of a sudden, the globe is melting” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known and outspoken climate change denier “We all seem to be forgetting last year when it was snowing well into summer. SUMMER! Besides, it’s the twenty-first century. Even if pollution were stopping the production of natural snow (which it’s not), we can manufacture snow. We have snow cannons and cloud-seeding. With the addition of chemicals, we can even allow snow in temperatures above 20°C. If we invest in snow cannons and cloud-seeding, we can have both heavy industry and skiing. The environmentalists may not like the aforementioned chemicals, but if the time they wasted in protesting were filled with employment, then maybe they would be doing something productive.
[effect] Millions of @@CURRENCY@@s in taxes are spent in creating artificial snow, and even more in ploughing it
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option “Your all missing the next big opportunity” says @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a famous @@DENOYNM@@ BMX Olympic athlete, whilst polishing her gold medal “Winter sports are great, but our mountains could be used for more. Around the world, ski resorts are being used for snow sports in the colder months, and other activities, such as abseiling, mountain climbing…” she trails on “in the summer. This way, we can have year-round tourism, and not have to worry about weather, or climate, or anything. Not to mention the benefit that the sporting teams, such as mine, who represent @@NAME@@ on an international stage, will receive”
[effect] @@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s to encourage people to take ski trips in summer

Title:
Ski Trip! Where's the Snow?

Description:
After a month and a half into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a severe lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various groups as to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change.

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option]"Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to @@NAME@@ every year, and we need stricter pollution laws if we any hope of sustaining it," says the manager of a ski resort, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. We need to shut factories and mines down in order to save our industry."
[effect] @@NAME@@'s new anti-pollution laws have meant that millions of factory workers have been given 24 hours to find new jobs
[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company, "but you're failing to see the big picture here. Ski resorts are only directly responsible for 2% of @@NAME@@'s employment, whilst mining and manufacturing directly total 10%. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand, and therefore, employment at supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not more through truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow."
[effect]The few tourists who visit @@NAME@@ often chocke on the pollution
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You can't be serious!" says well-known, outspoken climate change denier @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Reducing anti-pollution measures in our nation will mean that factories will move overseas and continue to pollute, whilst taking jobs with them. Besides, one bad year does not mean that the globe is melting. You do know there is a difference between weather and climate, don't you? Remember last year, when the ski resorts had snow well into summer? Summer! Besides, it's the twenty-first century, where we have snow cannons and cloud-seeding. If there ever is a bad season, we could just make snow. Even if anthropogenic climate change were happening, legalising the addition of chemicals will allow snow making at temperatures well above freezing. The environmentalists may not like these chemicals, but if they spent their time getting jobs instead of protesting, then maybe they would actually be doing something productive."
[effect] @@NAME@@ is setting new world records in environmental damage
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You're all missing the next big opportunity," says @@RANDOMFEMALENANE@@, a @@DEMONYM@@ Summer Olympics athlete Female BMX, whilst polishing her gold medal. "We could convert all of our ski resorts into all seasons resorts. In winter, snow sports, in summer, abseiling, mountain climbing…" she trails off. "This may require a massive investment, but we can't put a price on the future of our spor... I mean our long term economic stability. Mountains serve many sports, not just skiing and snowboarding, you know?"
[effect] @@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s on making its mountains "more mountainous"

[spoiler=Second draft]Title:
Ski Trip! Where's the Snow?

Description:
After two weeks into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a server lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option] "Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to @@NAME@@ every year, and we need stricter pollution laws if we any hope of sustaining it” says the manager of a ski resort @@RANDOMNAME@@ These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. We need to shut factories and mines in order to save our industry
[effect]@@NAME@@'s new anti-pollution laws have meant that millions of factory workers have been 24 hours to find new jobs

[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company "But your failing to see the big picture here. Ski resorts are only directly responsible for 2% of @@NAME@@'s employment, whilst mining and manufacturing directly total 10%. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand, and therefore, employment at supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not, more through truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow"
[effect]Smog has become a tourism attraction
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You can't be serious" says well-known, outspoken climate change denier @@RANDOMNAME@@ "Reducing anti-pollution measures in our nation will mean that factories will move overseas and continue to pollute, whilst taking jobs with them. Besides, one bad year does not mean that the globe is melting. You do know there is a difference between weather and climate, don't you? Remember last year, when the ski resorts had snow well into summer. Summer! Besides, it's the twenty-first century, where we have perfected snow making machines. If there ever is a bad season, we could just make snow. Even if anthropogenic climate change were happening, legalising the addition of chemicals will allow snow making at temperatures well above freezing. The environmentalists may not like these chemicals, but if they spent their time getting jobs instead of protesting, then maybe they would actually be doing something productive
[effect] @@NAME@@ is setting new world records in environmental damage
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You're all missing the next big opportunity" says @@RANDOMFEMALENANE@@, a @@DENONYM@@ Summer Olympics athlete Female BMX, whilst polishing her gold medal "We could convert all of our ski resorts into all seasons resorts. In winter, snow sports, in summer, abseiling, mountain climbing" and trails on... "This may require a massive investment, but we can't put a price on the future of our spor... I mean our long term economic stability. Mountains serve many sports, not just skiing and snowboarding, you know?"
[effect]@@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s on making its mountains "More mountainous"

Title:
Ski Trip! Where's the Snow?

Description:
After two weeks into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a server lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and the managers of these resorts are banging down your door demanding that you do something to combat climate change and introduce stricter pollution control. Conversely, factory owners and mine operators are protesting these new anti-pollution laws

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option] "We need to introduce stricter pollution measures if tourism is to remain a viable industry in @@NAME@@" says the manager of a ski resort @@RANDOMNAME@@ "Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy tourists to @@NAME@@ every year. These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, our restaurants, our souvenir shops, our airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. Without these tourists, our economy would be servilely disadvantaged! We may need to shut down factories and mines, but it would be worth it to save ski industry. Please @@LEADER@@, do something. Our livelyhood is at risk"
[effect]@@NAME@@'s new anti-pollution laws have meant that millions of factory workers have been 24 hours to find new jobs
[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company "But your failing to see the big picture here. Ski resorts are only directly responsible for 2% of @@NAME@@'s employment, whilst mining and manufacturing directly total 10%. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand and therefore employment at supermarkets and resturants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not, more with truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow"
[effect]Smog has become a tourism attraction
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You can't be serious" says well-known, outspoken climate change denier @@RANDOMNAME@@ "You do realise that if we do introduce stricter anti-pollution measures, the amount of pollution will not decrease. The factories and mines will just pack up and move to a nation with more lenient pollution laws, and continue to pollute as much, if not, more than what they do now, leaving millions of our workers unemployed. Besides, one bad year does not mean that the globe is melting. You do know there is a difference between weather and climate, don't you? Remember last year, when the ski resorts had snow well into summer. Summer! Besides, it's the twenty-first century, where we have perfected snow making machines. If there ever is a bad season, we could just make snow. Even if anthropogenic climate change were happening, legalising the addition of chemicals will allow snow making at temperatures well above freezing. The environmentalists may not like these chemicals, but if they spent their time getting jobs instead of protesting, then maybe they would actually be helping @@NAME@@
[effect] @@NAME@@ is setting new world records in environmental damage
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You're all missing the next big oppertunity" says @@RANDOMFEMALENANE@@, a @@DENONYM@@ Summer Olympics competor in Female BMX, whilst polishing her gold medal "We could convert all of our ski resorts into all seasons resorts. In winter, skiing and snowboarding, in summer, BMX, mountain climbing" and trails on... "This may require a massive investment, but we can't put a price on the future of our spor... I mean our long term economic stability. Mountains serve many sports, not just skiing and snowboarding, you know"
[effect]@@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s on making its mountains "More mountainous"
[stats]Innovation increases, tradition decreases, don't know what else

Title:
Ski Trip! Where's the Snow?

Description:
After two weeks into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a server lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option]"Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to @@NAME@@ every year, and we need stricter pollution laws if we any hope of sustaining it" says the manager of a ski resort, @@RANDOMNAME@@, "These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. We need to shut factories and mines down in order to save our industry."
[effect] @@NAME@@'s new anti-pollution laws have meant that millions of factory workers have been 24 hours to find new jobs
[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company "But you're failing to see the big picture here. Ski resorts are only directly responsible for 2% of @@NAME@@'s employment, whilst mining and manufacturing directly total 10%. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand, and therefore, employment at supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not more through truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow."
[effect] smog has become a tourism attraction
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You can't be serious" says well-known, outspoken climate change denier @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Reducing anti-pollution measures in our nation will mean that factories will move overseas and continue to pollute, whilst taking jobs with them. Besides, one bad year does not mean that the globe is melting. You do know there is a difference between weather and climate, don't you? Remember last year, when the ski resorts had snow well into summer? Summer! Besides, it's the twenty-first century, where we have fake snow. If there ever is a bad season, we could just make snow. Even if anthropogenic climate change were happening, legalising the addition of chemicals will allow snow making at temperatures well above freezing. The environmentalists may not like these chemicals, but if they spent their time getting jobs instead of protesting, then maybe they would actually be doing something productive."
[effect] @@NAME@@ is setting new world records in environmental damage
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You're all missing the next big opportunity" says @@RANDOMFEMALENANE@@, a @@DEMONYM@@ Summer Olympics athlete Female BMX, whilst polishing her gold medal. "We could convert all of our ski resorts into all seasons resorts. In winter, snow sports, in summer, abseiling, mountain climbing…" she trails off. "This may require a massive investment, but we can't put a price on the future of our spor... I mean our long term economic stability. Mountains serve many sports, not just skiing and snowboarding, you know?"
[effect] @@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s on making its mountains "more mountainous"

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Dear lord, the typos, the horrible typos! I know fixing these things is an editors job, but this really does need a first-pass proofreading by the writer first.

The description is a little unwieldy, laying out two options before we've even begun. I think use the description just to set the scene, not present the options.

Option 1 repeats itself too much: it kind of scans as "tourist, tourist, industry, tourism, industry, industry." Though repetition can be a useful tool, I think try and avoid it unless its a conscious rhetoric tool. Otherwise, go for economy of words, and see if you can transmit the same option in about a third of the words, then use the saved space to inject humour and character.

Option 2, same again: the words pollute and pollution are repeated ad nauseam.

Option 4 isn't so bad, but we still have BMX, skiing and snowboarding twice. The speaker seems to be pointlessly gendered with no benefit to the narrative. I like the fact that you have your speaker taking an action as she speaks, but I can't see the humour or satire in that action.

Overall, I think its a promising premise, and one that could be polished into something strong, but right now it needs a good proof-read, a little story, a bit more humour and a lot of concision.

[Australian rePublic]

Dear lord, the typos, the horrible typos! I know fixing these things is an editors job, but this really does need a first-pass proofreading by the writer first.

The description is a little unwieldy, laying out two options before we've even begun. I think use the description just to set the scene, not present the options.

Option 1 repeats itself too much: it kind of scans as "tourist, tourist, industry, tourism, industry, industry." Though repetition can be a useful tool, I think try and avoid it unless its a conscious rhetoric tool. Otherwise, go for economy of words, and see if you can transmit the same option in about a third of the words, then use the saved space to inject humour and character.

Option 2, same again: the words pollute and pollution are repeated ad nauseam.

Option 4 isn't so bad, but we still have BMX, skiing and snowboarding twice. The speaker seems to be pointlessly gendered with no benefit to the narrative. I like the fact that you have your speaker taking an action as she speaks, but I can't see the humour or satire in that action.

Overall, I think its a promising premise, and one that could be polished into something strong, but right now it needs a good proof-read, a little story, a bit more humour and a lot of concision.

I don't see pollution written in Option 2. Did you mean option 3?
Also, I've condensed it a bit, but need suggestions on how to condense it further

[Australian rePublic]

Where's Leppikania when you need him/her

[Leppikania]

Where's Leppikania when you need him/her

Right here!

Current Draft
Title:
Ski Trip! Where's the Snow?

Description:
After two weeks into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a server lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option]"Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to @@NAME@@ every year, and we need stricter pollution laws if we any hope of sustaining it" says the manager of a ski resort, @@RANDOMNAME@@, "These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. We need to shut factories and mines down in order to save our industry."
[effect] @@NAME@@'s new anti-pollution laws have meant that millions of factory workers have been 24 hours to find new jobs
[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company "But you're failing to see the big picture here. Ski resorts are only directly responsible for 2% of @@NAME@@'s employment, whilst mining and manufacturing directly total 10%. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand, and therefore, employment at supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not more through truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow."
[effect] smog has become a tourism attraction
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You can't be serious" says well-known, outspoken climate change denier @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Reducing anti-pollution measures in our nation will mean that factories will move overseas and continue to pollute, whilst taking jobs with them. Besides, one bad year does not mean that the globe is melting. You do know there is a difference between weather and climate, don't you? Remember last year, when the ski resorts had snow well into summer? Summer! Besides, it's the twenty-first century, where we have fake snow. If there ever is a bad season, we could just make snow. Even if anthropogenic climate change were happening, legalising the addition of chemicals will allow snow making at temperatures well above freezing. The environmentalists may not like these chemicals, but if they spent their time getting jobs instead of protesting, then maybe they would actually be doing something productive."
[effect] @@NAME@@ is setting new world records in environmental damage
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You're all missing the next big opportunity" says @@RANDOMFEMALENANE@@, a @@DEMONYM@@ Summer Olympics athlete Female BMX, whilst polishing her gold medal. "We could convert all of our ski resorts into all seasons resorts. In winter, snow sports, in summer, abseiling, mountain climbing…" she trails off. "This may require a massive investment, but we can't put a price on the future of our spor... I mean our long term economic stability. Mountains serve many sports, not just skiing and snowboarding, you know?"
[effect] @@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s on making its mountains "more mountainous"

[Caracasus]

I kind of feel the giant weather machine solution deserves its own option in some ways... or perhaps an even crazier option? Importing snow at vast expense from abroad?

[Trotterdam]

[effect]Smog has become a tourism attraction
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

We have too many options that do the opposite of what they say already. Maybe "the few tourists who visit @@NAME@@ do so only to view the legendary smog", to make it clear that while this is what those tourists who are still coming are coming for, it's not a popular attraction.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Ok, I gotta Lepp the Lepp version, but I appreciate the first pass.

Current Draft
Title:
Ski Trip! Where's the Snow?

Description:
After two weeks into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a severe lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change.

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Options:
[option]"Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to @@NAME@@ every year, and we need stricter pollution laws if we any hope of sustaining it," says the manager of a ski resort, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. We need to shut factories and mines down in order to save our industry."
[effect] @@NAME@@'s new anti-pollution laws have meant that millions of factory workers have been 24 hours to find new jobs
[stats]pollution decreases, tourism increases, manufacturing decreases, mining decreases

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company, "but you're failing to see the big picture here. Ski resorts are only directly responsible for 2% of @@NAME@@'s employment, whilst mining and manufacturing directly total 10%. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand, and therefore, employment at supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not more through truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow."
[effect] smog has become a tourist attraction
[stats]pollution increases, tourism decreases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You can't be serious!" says well-known, outspoken climate change denier @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Reducing anti-pollution measures in our nation will mean that factories will move overseas and continue to pollute, whilst taking jobs with them. Besides, one bad year does not mean that the globe is melting. You do know there is a difference between weather and climate, don't you? Remember last year, when the ski resorts had snow well into summer? Summer! Besides, it's the twenty-first century, where we have fake snow. If there ever is a bad season, we could just make snow. Even if anthropogenic climate change were happening, legalising the addition of chemicals will allow snow making at temperatures well above freezing. The environmentalists may not like these chemicals, but if they spent their time getting jobs instead of protesting, then maybe they would actually be doing something productive."
[effect] @@NAME@@ is setting new world records in environmental damage
[stats]Environmentalism decreases to almost zero, Pollution increases 200%, tourism increases, manufacturing increases, mining increases

[option]"You're all missing the next big opportunity," says @@RANDOMFEMALENANE@@, a @@DEMONYM@@ Summer Olympics athlete Female BMX, whilst polishing her gold medal. "We could convert all of our ski resorts into all seasons resorts. In winter, snow sports, in summer, abseiling, mountain climbing…" she trails off. "This may require a massive investment, but we can't put a price on the future of our spor... I mean our long term economic stability. Mountains serve many sports, not just skiing and snowboarding, you know?"
[effect] @@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s on making its mountains "more mountainous"

I'll come back to the content later, I think, just addressing the punctuation and spelling for now.

[Kaboomlandia]

I do like the concept. In my hometown we had a very mild winter. (one golf course opened in February )

[Australian rePublic]

I kind of feel the giant weather machine solution deserves its own option in some ways... or perhaps an even crazier option? Importing snow at vast expense from abroad?

Option 3 has a giant weather machine. Snow cannons are giant machines used to create snow. Though I suppose, I could add something about cloud seeding. Importing snow won't work. It won't address the issue of heat.

[Australian rePublic]

Does anyone have an idea for a better title?

[Drasnia]

I think, perhaps, the description needs some changing. Instead of two weeks into the season, why not make it 'nearing the end of the winter season' or something like that. Two weeks can (and should) be chalked up to simple weather variations, while almost no snow during the whole winter is much more likely to be a climate issue. Overall, promising premise.

[Australian rePublic]

I think, perhaps, the description needs some changing. Instead of two weeks into the season, why not make it 'nearing the end of the winter season' or something like that. Two weeks can (and should) be chalked up to simple weather variations, while almost no snow during the whole winter is much more likely to be a climate issue. Overall, promising premise.

The whole winter is a bit far fetched and maybe too long with no complaint. Maybe a month a half?

[Australian rePublic]

Changed to a month and a half

[Northern Freikur]

I must say, props on the issue (sounds a lot like the situation here in California).

Perhaps you can make an option concerning the fear of a drought. Something to the effect of:

"We need to tighten water regulations!"

[Australian rePublic]

I must say, props on the issue (sounds a lot like the situation here in California).

Perhaps you can make an option concerning the fear of a drought. Something to the effect of:

"We need to tighten water regulations!"

Yea but we already said it's because it's too hot, not because of a lack of water, but I suppose I could find a way to incorporate it

[Australian rePublic]

Bump

[Candlewhisper Archive]

CURRENT DRAFT:
Current Draft
Title:
Ski Trip! Where's the Snow?

This title needs some work: it's too literal and lacking any wit or humour.

Description:
After a month and a half into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a severe lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various groups as to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change.

Change first "snow" into "cold" to avoid using same word twice in quick succession.

As I mentioned before, repetition of a word should generally be seen as desirable only if the repetition is being used for intentional symmetry. I can't see any function served here.

Validity:
Only valid for nations with few environmental laws

Why?

Options:
[option]"Tourism is a vital industry in @@NAME@@ and brings hundreds of wealthy people to @@NAME@@ every year, and we need stricter pollution laws if we any hope of sustaining it," says the manager of a ski resort, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These tourists spend money in our supermarkets, restaurants, souvenir shops and airports, bringing in millions of @@CURRENCY@@s and employment. We need to shut factories and mines down in order to save our industry."

The narrative here makes no sense. It's not snowing, so we need more anti-pollution laws? We're missing a step, linking lack of snow to pollution.

[effect] @@NAME@@'s new anti-pollution laws have meant that millions of factory workers have been given 24 hours to find new jobs

Too long, as effect lines go, and too much of a repetition of the decision. Make it a short humorous consequence instead.

[option]"I know that tourism is very important to @@NAME@@'s economy," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chairperson of a large manufacturing company, "but you're failing to see the big picture here. Ski resorts are only directly responsible for 2% of @@NAME@@'s employment, whilst mining and manufacturing directly total 10%. Yes, tourists may bring in new money, but so do exported goods and resources. Whilst tourism may provide additional demand, and therefore, employment at supermarkets and restaurants, manufacturing provides the same number of jobs, if not more through truck driving, freight train duties, ports and airports. I mean, we have to transport our products overseas somehow."

You can't quote percentages like that, because they'll vary for every nation. Not every nation has mining or manufacturing, some run almost all their economy off it. Reframe this.

[effect]The few tourists who visit @@NAME@@ often chocke on the pollution

Choke, not chocke. Also, again, too much of a literal and obvious consequence. Make it more interesting, if you can.

[option]"You can't be serious!" says well-known, outspoken climate change denier @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Reducing anti-pollution measures in our nation will mean that factories will move overseas and continue to pollute, whilst taking jobs with them. Besides, one bad year does not mean that the globe is melting. You do know there is a difference between weather and climate, don't you? Remember last year, when the ski resorts had snow well into summer? Summer! Besides, it's the twenty-first century, where we have snow cannons and cloud-seeding. If there ever is a bad season, we could just make snow. Even if anthropogenic climate change were happening, legalising the addition of chemicals will allow snow making at temperatures well above freezing. The environmentalists may not like these chemicals, but if they spent their time getting jobs instead of protesting, then maybe they would actually be doing something productive."

Long for no reason: think in terms of information, story and humour transmitted per line of text. This is an excerpt from an essay, not an option.

[effect] @@NAME@@ is setting new world records in environmental damage

Unlikely, unless they were already in the lowest 0.2% for ecofriendliness. You can't have statements like this when the stats will immediately prove them false.

[option]"You're all missing the next big opportunity," says @@RANDOMFEMALENANE@@, a @@DEMONYM@@ Summer Olympics athlete Female BMX, whilst polishing her gold medal. "We could convert all of our ski resorts into all seasons resorts. In winter, snow sports, in summer, abseiling, mountain climbing…" she trails off. "This may require a massive investment, but we can't put a price on the future of our spor... I mean our long term economic stability. Mountains serve many sports, not just skiing and snowboarding, you know?"

There's still narrative no reason for the speaker to be female. The concept of business subsidisation to give these ski resorts an alternate purpose is fine, but I think this can be done in a more fun way, perhaps talking more loosely about diversifying their commercial functions (not those exact words though, please). That will lead the way to a fun effect line where a resort is being used for something unexpected and funny.

[effect] @@NAME@@ is spending millions of @@CURRENCY@@s on making its mountains "more mountainous"

Probably your best effect line in terms of entertainment, but narratively disjointed from the option choice.

[Australian rePublic]

Description:
After a month and a half into @@NAME@@'s snow season, there has been a severe lack of snow. This is causing @@NAME@@'s ski resorts to suffer financially, and there are demands thrown around from various groups as to what, if anything, should be done to combat climate change.

Change first "snow" into "cold" to avoid using same word twice in quick succession.

You need to call it a snow season, because like summer and winter, the snow season has an official start and end date, the cold season could be abriterarily related to that year's weather events.

[Australian rePublic]

So I made a few major changes, including the title. I can't think of how to change further, and would love suggestions

There's still narrative no reason for the speaker to be female. The concept of business subsidisation to give these ski resorts an alternate purpose is fine, but I think this can be done in a more fun way, perhaps talking more loosely about diversifying their commercial functions (not those exact words though, please). That will lead the way to a fun effect line where a resort is being used for something unexpected and funny.

I chose to specify a sex to allow the use of the pronouns "she" and "her"

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, I've given you other feedback. Up to you whether you incorporate that in any way.

[Australian rePublic]

Well, I've given you other feedback. Up to you whether you incorporate that in any way.

What have I missed from the new feedback you have given me?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, I've given you other feedback. Up to you whether you incorporate that in any way.

What have I missed from the new feedback you have given me?

My mistake, I was just going by your responses. I see you've incorporated the other changes I suggested, good job.

Will take another look again later, see if I can think of anything else.

[Australian rePublic]

What have I missed from the new feedback you have given me?

My mistake, I was just going by your responses. I see you've incorporated the other changes I suggested, good job.

Will take another look again later, see if I can think of anything else.

Thank you very much Candlewhisper Archive, you have been very helpful)

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Option 3 is a lot of fun, but I think using brackets within spoken text often breaks the sense that you're hearing someone speak, and makes it more like you're just reading what someone has written, if you know what I mean.

Generally, I think there is a sense that all three options are spoken by the same speaker, wearing different hats. Obviously, while its true that you are the speaker putting words in the mouths of these characters, its often nice to vary the style of how each speaker puts information across.

All three come across as people who pride themselves on their scientific literacy, with a liking for long sentences, and arguments that present an initial point, provide the evidence, then reach a conclusion that echoes the initial point.

While this is a sensible debating style, it strains believability to have all three speakers speaking in a similar way.

Step back and visualise the speaker, in terms of caricature of their beliefs. Imagine how each looks and speak. Does one lose his train of thought? Does another use short, clipped sentence and short words? Is another a fan of flowery expressions? Is another a scientist?
Now bring that back to the screen, and make each individual truly individual.

This isn't an easy thing to approach. Often, a great way to study this is to look at the speech patterns of people whose own viewpoints clash with yours. I look at Donald Trump, listen to how he speaks, and recognise its not just philosophies that rub me up the wrong way, its the way he constructs sentences and arguments. He loves those big 4-5 word axiomatic statements that have no evidence base, followed by a meaningful pause, then swinging into counterattack against his opponents. That style is part of his appeal to his voterbase, just as it winds me up massively. Likewise, I can draw huge contrasts between the way Tony Blair, Obama and Hitler deliver their rhetoric. You can also see it on TV interviews of different professions. A doctor being interviewed speaks very differently to a politician, or a burger seller, or an actor, or a publicist. Everyone has their own patterns of speech, and in emulating those patterns of speech we can achieve better satire.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your issue as it stands, and its good enough to make the pool. However, to make that jump to being a great issue that oozes personality, it needs a little more life to it. Its the difference between good writing (which this is) and great writing.